Wilbur: Are you seeing any girls?
Techno: nah, I'm not into that
Wilbur: what, girls?
Techno: no, people

~~~~~

Dream: what pleases you in bed?
Techno: sleep

(Same)
~~~~~

Techno: you know what's really sexy?
Techno: not being betrayed and/or people wanting my head on their wall for once

~~~~~

Phil: you look tired
Techno: Phil, you should know that asexuals are always tired

(As an asexual, I can confirm)
~~~~~

Dream: marry me
Techno: for the love of god, please leave me alone
Dream, laughing: I'll get you one of these days
Techno: bold of you to assume I'll ever fall in love

~~~~~

Techno: sex? Romance? Haha, why don't you just fucking die?

~~~~~

Ranboo: how's the whole aro/ace thing going?
Techno, not looking up from his book: better than your marriage
Ranboo:
Ranboo: okay, ouch

~~~~~

Techno: I mean, who needs a soulmate, anyway? My soulmate is books.

(My soulmate is fanfiction, ngl—)
~~~~~

Techno, talking about the Syndicate: I tried forming a gang, but it kinda ended up as a book club

~~~~~

Phil: I CANT DO IT
Phil: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Tubbo: WELL ILL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT, BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CANT DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND YOU CERTAINLY CANT DO IT WITHOUT US
Phil:
Phil: aw, thanks mate
Phil: BUT LOOK WHAT WERE DEALING WITH
Techno: Phil—
Phil: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE
Ranboo: Phil, we gotta—
Phil: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE IN THE SAND. YOU HAVE TO MAKE A STATEMENT
Phil: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY "what am I willing to deal with?"
Phil, motioning to Wilbur's and Quackitys "friendly competition": NOT FUCKING THIS

~~~~~

Wilbur: Tommy, I need you to reintroduce me into the server
Tommy: Gotcha
Tommy: the crow father (tm)
Phil: for the last time—
Tommy: anarchist potato
Techno: *shrugs* fair
Tommy: looks harmless, could actually kill you
Niki: hi!
Tommy: Oreo boy with memory loss
Ranboo: I mean...yeah...
Tommy: looks harmless, could actually kill you, part two, but with nukes this time
Tubbo: hi
Tommy: sexual tension
Quackity: um—
Tommy: slimy boi
Charlie: I WILL GUNK YOU UP
Wilbur: ...noted
Tommy: furry
Fundy:
Tommy: shark totem of undying thing that likes to build
Foolish: *waves*
Tommy: motherfucker
Sam:
Tommy: homeless green teletubbie that has mentally scarred children
Dream: 😘✌️
Tommy: and colorblind mushroom boy that likes to sleep
George: *currently snoring*

~~~~~

Tubbo: my armkle hurts :(
Techno: I'm sorry, your what?
Ranboo, sighing: he means wrist

~~~~~

Phil: yeah, that sword looked cool, but my god, it costs an arm and a leg
Later
Techno, holding a bloody cardboard box: remember that sword you wanted?

~~~~~

Tommy: I thought you hated me?
Techno: oh, I try, but you're actually really quite endearing sometimes. I hate you for that, too. It's maddening.

(Seriously tho, how tf does Tommy do it?)
(Like, he's annoying, but in an entertaining sort of way, if that makes any sense?)
(Like, you know on how the enemies to lovers trope goes from them despising each other to enjoying each other's company?)
(I had my own weird enemies to lovers thing with his channel and content)
(I went from refusing to watch anything with him, to watching him in others peoples content but not his own, to watching clips from his streams but not his VODS or videos, to watching only his mod videos, to me being kinda excited whenever he uploads?)
(Idk how he did it, but he managed to make me somehow enjoy his content after nearly a year of refusing to watch it)
(I—)
(It's really fascinating)
(AND THATS JUST HIS CONTENT)
(DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE CC HIMSELF BECAUSE WE WILL BE HERE ALL DAY)

~~~~~

Ghostbur, floating to Technos house: Hey, Technoblade! I learned something new today!
Techno, reading The Art Of War for the millionth time: Oh yeah? And what would that be, Ghostbur?
Ghostbur: the ocean is a soup!
Techno:
Ghostbur:
Techno: ...can you, um, e-elaborate on that?
Ghostbur: well, what do you put in a soup?
Techno: water, salt, usually some form of vegetation, and sometimes a...type of...meat...
Ghostbur:
Techno: ...my god, the ocean is a soup...
Ghostbur: the ocean is a soup!

~~~~~

In prison
Dream, internally: He's having a good time in here right now, there is something truly wrong with his brain
Techno, with his bell echoing off the walls: This is a lovely room with wonderful acoustics

~~~~~

Tommy, in the distance: TECHNOOOOOOO
Techno, groaning: it's way too early for this shit
Wilbur: It's 1 in the afternoon????

~~~~~

I just wanna say thank you for 62k reads on this book! Like honestly! I know that I don't always respond to comments, but just know that I read just about every single one, and I appreciate them all! You guys honestly make my day!

And, hey, if y'all wanna see more from me, I have several actual books that you can read if you want! They're not the greatest, I don't think so anyway, but I have them! My main ones are my SBI book, "A Dysfunctionally Functional Family" (or something along those lines), and my mostly SBI book at this point, "A Tale Of Two Kings" (the newer one specifically)!

The SBI book is a modern AU where Phil is a fallen Angel for like a 1/4 of the book, Wilbur, Techno, and Tommy are all adopted, Kristin is the goddess of death for like 5 chapters, hybrids exist, and Techno and Fundy are just giant moods tbh. There's some angst, but it's mostly happy fluffy times I think (also Softnoblade for the win).

Now ATOTK is a Royal AU that was initially gonna be DNF before I was like "nah" and changed it to SBI with hints of DNF. If you've read the original, just know that the new one is NOT like that AT ALL. It's a different timeline, and it follows Techno more than it does Dream, and Dream is actually kinda the villain this time. I don't wanna spoil it bc I'm still writing it and I have people here that I know are currently reading ATOTK when new chapters are posted, and I don't wanna spoil some of the bigger twists in the book, but just know that there are several plot twists, turns, and a shitload of angst. It's more lighthearted at first as I'm setting the stage for the characters, but just know that shit really starts to go down at about chapter 18 and then it doesn't come up (and I have a feeling that chapter 18 and onwards is when the Passerine inspiration REALLY comes into play).

Anyway, shameless self promo aside, thank you again for all the love and support this shitpost of a book has gotten. I really do mean it <3