Tommy: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I eat dirt?
Phil:
Phil: why are you eating dirt?
Tommy: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question

~~~~~

Dream: a guy could smack me in the head and I wouldn't realize he was into me!
George: *smacks him*
Dream: ow, what was that for!?
George:
Sapnap: To be fair, he did specifically say that wouldn't work on him

~~~~~

Tommy: help, how can I get hundreds of wives?
Tubbo: well, what I did was—
Ranboo: don't ask him, he proposed to me using a ring pop in a McDonalds parking lot
Tommy: and yet you still said yes

~~~~~

Phil: I swear, the next one to say "weird flex, but okay" is losing their kneecap privileges
Techno: Preposterous boast, but alas
Phil:

~~~~~

Techno: am I toxic? Sure
Techno: social skills? None
Techno: but I'm loyal if you feed me and I will never leave because...
Techno: ...well...I need food

~~~~~

Connor, during the BedrockBros arc: Y'know, hostage or not, it's nice being held

~~~~~

Michael: can I have some?
Ranboo, with a mouthful of cake: it's really spicy, you wouldn't like it

~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo, can you please take care of your sword?
Tubbo: can you please take care of your mental health issues?
Ranboo:

~~~~~

Tommy: if I met me, I wouldn't like me
Ranboo: what? Don't lie!
Tommy: you're right, I'm too handsome to not like

~~~~~~

Techno: can you take off the corset? I can't fucking breathe!
Dream: well, if you just stop laughing for a second, you'll admit it looks great on me

Aren: um...who are they?
Dream: these are my friends, George and Sapnap
Aren: why are they here? I thought this was a matter just between me and you
Dream: oh, trust me love, they are very important in this matter
Aren: w-what do you mean!?
Dream yanks the end crystal hanging around his neck off, and hands it to George
Aren screams in pain
Dream: *turns to George and Sapnap* BURN THE PLACE TO THE GROUND!
Dream: *looks at the castle* I'll get the kid