Wilbur: Why would I date a demon? Easy, the clout. Imagine walking through the gates of hell with your squad and walking straight into the arms of your demon daddy. Iconic.
Tommy: Wil, it's 3 in the morning-
Techno: Why stop at just a demon? Go right to the big man Satan. No one would fuck with you.
Phil: What the fuck-

~~~~~

Wilbur: I'm Tommy's emergency contact
Doctor: So you're here to pick him up?
Wilbur: I'm here to remove myself from Tommy's emergency contact

~~~~~

Phil: So let's start by talking about the emotions you guys are feeling right now
Techno: Stabby
Phil: Stabbing isn't really an emotion, it's more of an activity...that I really hope you don't do to me. See, an emotion is more of a feeling!
Techno: Well, maybe I feel stabby

(I can hear this in his voice, HELP)

~~~~~

Wilbur: You alright? You don't look like you slept much last night.
Techno: I got a solid 8 minutes
Techno: Not consecutively, but still, I'm fine. You're not even that blurry.

~~~~~

Tommy: Don't forget to lift with your legs!
Techno: I know how to lift, Tommy. I've been carrying this team the entire time.

~~~~~

Techno: Write "nothing is set in stone" on my grave as both a witty pun and a subtle threat that I will be back

(Hello, future me here)
(I feel like this fits with c!Wilbur now)
(Hell, there's a song dedicated to him by Amanda Fagan called "Written in Stone")
(It's really good, I recommend it!)

~~~~~

Techno: hey, do we have any more caffeine?
Wilbur: Yeah, but it's been 2 days since you last slept. Go get some rest.
Techno: Bold of you to assume it's just been 2 days.

~~~~~

Techno: Why are Tubbo and Tommy sitting with their backs against each other...?
Wilbur: They had a fight
Techno: So then why are they holding hands?
Wilbur: They get sad when they fight

(Come to think of it, I don't think I ever seen Tubbo and Tommy have an actual legitimate fight on stream or anything (that wasn't for a bit or jokingly))

~~~~~

Phil: I'm not mad
Wilbur, already tearing up: Don't say it...
Phil: I'm just disappointed
Wilbur, sobbing: *disassembling the tnt room*

~~~~~

Wilbur: Why did you give Tommy a KNIFE!?
Techno: He felt unsafe
Wilbur: Well now I feel unsafe!
Techno: I'm sorry
Techno:
Techno: Would you like a knife?

(Again, I can hear this-)

~~~~~

Wilbur: whoops
Phil: whoops? Whoops!? This is not a "whoops" situation. We are far past whoops. Whoops is a distant speck in the rearview mirror. We are solidly in "oh fuck" territory and I expect you to act like it.

(Dadza is pissed)
(Also, whoops doesn't even look like a word anymore)

~~~~~

Wilbur: What did Vincent say when he lost his car in the parking lot?
Wilbur: "where did my Van Gogh?"
Techno: The correct pronunciation is "Goff", you uncultured swine
Wilbur: Oh, fuck Goff
Tommy: Actually, both of you are wrong. Vincent Van Gogh was Dutch, so the correct pronunciation is actually "Van Khock" so suck my gogh

(Gotta love Tumblr)
(Also yes, I did purposely make Techno say the swine thing because it was a funny joke)

~~~~~

Tommy: I know we always don't see eye-to-eye on things
Wilbur: That's because you're too short

~~~~~

Techno: Just saw two elementary school kids in a fist fight, so as an adult, I had to step in
Tommy: Huh, that's very-
Techno: They never stood a chance

(Remember that one video where Techno was telling a story of how some asshole decided to push baby Techno down bc Baby Techno and some other kid were fighting over a toy)

~~~~~

Tommy: He said Tubbo was annoying!
Phil: And the most logical thing to do was burn his house down!?
Tommy: Y E S!

(I mean, he has a valid reason-)

~~~~~

Wilbur: Chill out Phil, it was just a bit
Phil, thoroughly pissed: A bit much is what it is!

~~~~~

Wilbur, when Schlatt first became president: I'm literally about to become evil, okay, so watch out

~~~~~

Tubbo: It's gonna take more than that to ruin a morning that started with a whipped cream smile on my waffle

~~~~~

Tubbo: I've decided that if the frogs want to take to their secret garden, I will go willingly
Tommy:
Tommy: What

~~~~~

Techno: My idea of flirting is being as sarcastic as possible and see if they can handle me

~~~~~

How Tommy became an official member of SleepyBoisInc

Tommy: Phil, can I-
Phil: No
Wilbur: Dad, can Tommy-
Phil: No
Techno: Dad, we want Tommy to be our younger brother
Phil:
Phil: Fine...

(I actually made an incorrect quote for once, are you proud of me?!)

~~~~~

Phil: I'm so disappointed in all of you. I-I have no words...
Tubbo, in the background: Despite being at a loss for words, Philza continued to yell at Wilbur and Techno for the next two and a half hours.

~~~~~

Phil: *joins the smp*
Everyone: Phil, can you help us build this?
Phil: Alright children, get in line

~~~~~

Tommy: How do you hold your breath for so long???
Techno: y'see, Tommy, the trick is not caring whether you live or die
Wilbur: TECHNO, NO

(Tech-no)
(Haha, I'm not funny ;-;)

~~~~~

Techno: I can't imagine the temptation of living next to a hotspot for paranormal investigators. I would be out there every night messing with them.
Tubbo, eyes sparkling: That ain't a ghost that made you pee yourself, it's me! The liche of the woods! I'm gonna lay little traps for ya! Gonna shake your tent while you're sleeping, make spooky noises, creep around in a cloak and deer skull mask. Hack up your little radios and say fucked up scary shit!
Techno, nodding: Yeah! But, it would occupy all my time, which is why I can't live near one of those places. It would be way too much fun.
Phil:
Wilbur:
Tommy:
Techno: You might be thinking that we sound like scooby doo villains, but we wouldn't do this for capitalist reasons.
Tubbo, grinning: It's just fucking hilarious.

(Honestly, Tubbo and Techno are so similar, personality wise, that it's a wonder they're not actual siblings)
(Like, they're both chaotic and love to murder their friends, it's just that Tubbo is a bit more wholesome/cute about it while Techno just murders everyone for fun)
(Plus they have their own thing for a specific Minecraft mob. Tubbo loves his innocent cute bees and Techno loves his murderous ravagers)
(It's cute)