Wilbur, at the store: excuse me? I lost my little brother, Tommy, can I please make an announcement?
Cashier: Okay
Wilbur, leaning into the mic: goodbye, you little shit

(Wilbur would do this just for shits and giggles before actually looking for the gremlin child before he wreaks havoc)

~~~~~

During the pogtopia arc (jfc, that seems so long ago-)

Phil: I'm still on Wilburs letter he sent me from exile. It's like 23 pages long
Phil: Personally, I like Tommy's letter. It's short and to the point
Phil: "hi dad, send food"

~~~~~

Tubbo: We got good news and bad news
Phil: Bad news?
Tommy: The fire we started in the kitchen is getting out of control
Phil: WHAT!?
Tubbo, holding a perfectly toasted pop tart: Wow, you don't even care about the good news!?

(My brother once almost set the kitchen on fire while making lunch)
(He learned that you need water to make a pot full of Mac and cheese)

~~~~~

Techno: My friends always accuse me of favoritism, which is wrong
Techno: I love Phil and not-Phil's equally

(I love Techno and Phil's chemistry tho)
(Like, they've been friends for less than a year, but it feels like they've been besties for so long)

~~~~~

Wilbur: Everyine in the world has one fatal flaw.
Wilbur: Except for Niki. She's perfect
Niki: False. My flaw is how badly I want to domesticate a raccoon

(And burning down the L'mantree)
(That's pretty bad)

~~~~~

Phil; What do you plan for the future?
Techno: Lunch
Phil: No, I meant long term
Techno: Dinner

(Aka, he has no plan for the future)
(He just wants to play Minecraft, dude, let him be)

~~~~~

Phil: You need to stop doing weird shit. You need to go out sometimes
Ghostbur: I saw Technoblade today :)
Phil: There you go! I hope you got something from that
Ghostbur: Yeah, this sheep! :D

~~~~~

Tubbo: Someone tell me a joke please. An innocent, stupid joke that would tickle the fancy of a ten year old
Ranboo: What do you call a dog that does magic?
Ranboo: A labracadabador!
Tubbo, cracking a smile: Okay, that was pretty good

(Dude, I love Tubbo and Ranboo interacting)
(It's like, wholesome squared)

~~~~~

Tommy, to Techno after he blew up L'manburg: You're like a fun vampire. You don't suck blood, you just suck

~~~~~

Phil: Go to your room!
Tommy: That's not fair!
Phil: Do as I say!
Tommy: You don't send Techno to his room when he's in trouble!
Phil: Techno never leaves his room! If he was in trouble, I would make him sit in the living room, or go outside and talk to other human beings!
Techno, from his room: I CAN HEAR YOU

(This would be my mom talking about me)

~~~~~

Techno: With great power comes a great need to take a nap. Wake me up later

~~~~~

And now, perhaps the only time I'd ever make an intentional dreamnoblade thing

Clay, texting: So, what would you do if you were in bed with me? ;)
Techno: Depends, is your bed comfortable?
Clay: Yeah?
Techno: I'd sleep

~~~~~

Techno: I saved your life, doesn't that mean you owe me a debt or something?
Tommy: No, I'm your problem now. God wanted me dead and now you're going to find out why

~~~~~

Tommy: I did a bad thing
Techno: Does it affect me?
Tommy: No-
Techno: Then suffer in silence

~~~~~

Dream: Hey, George screams like a girl!
George: Then how about I pound you like a boy!
Dream:
Nick:
Darryl:
Ant:
George: ...that...didn't come out right...

~~~~~~

Phil: How many popsicles have you eaten?
Tubbo, surrounded by popsicle wrappers: now is not the time to discuss my flaws

~~~~~

Tommy: Dad said that it's my turn to hand out the vague and ominous warnings
Techno: That wasn't dad...
Wilbur: Dude, he just said it was his turn!

~~~~~

Wilbur: *comes home with a crying baby Fundy*
Phil: What happened?
Wilbur: He was running on the playground and was about to his is head, so I shouted "duck" and he quacked at me
Wilbur: And then he hit his head

(Headcanon that might be actual canon: Sally left Wilbur right around the time Fundy was born, and he decided to live with Phil for help bc he has no idea how to raise a child)

~~~~~

Quackity: I'm not scared of you
Techno: You should be
Quackity: I sleep with a knife under my pillow
Techno: I sleep with a knife in my hand

~~~~~

Wilbur, bringing a baby Fundy home

Phil: What is that?
Wilbur: A baby
Phil: Is it your baby?
Wilbur: yep :)
Phil:
Phil; When?
Wilbur: Nearly a year ago
Phil: And you didn't tell me?
Wilbur: You didn't ask
Phil:

(Hey look, I made a thing, pog)

~~~~~

Tommy: Wives aren't real
Ranboo: I doubt that
Tommy: Well, I doubt you
Ranboo: I doubt me too, so at least we have something in common.

~~~~~

Wilbur: Wanna get something to eat?
Techno: Sure. Tommy coming too?
Wilbur: I actually haven't seen him in a while. I don't think he's awake right now.
Tommy, from atop the fridge: You'd be incorrect in that conjecture, William Soot
Wilbur: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST-

(This isn't Tommy)
(Tommy doesn't know big words like incorrect or conjecture)
(Who is this and what has he done to the child)

~~~~~

Tubbo: What are you doing?
Wilbur, digging through a bag of MnMs: Tommy likes the red ones, so I'm separating them
Tubbo: aw :)
Wilbur: No, you don't get it. I'm collecting them so I can eat them in front of him and not give him any
Tubbo: Oh
Tubbo: Can I help?

~~~~~

Techno: I wanna be a bartender
Techno: Guys named Bart, watch out

~~~~~

Phil: Ominous positivity, go!
Wilbur: You will be okay, you have no choice
Techno: Everything will turn out fine, you cannot stop it
Tommy: You will succeed, it is inevitable

~~~~~

Tommy: Has anyone told you today that you're really annoying?
Tubbo: No?
Tommy: Good, I'm not in the mood to murder anyone today

(Last night, I was watching non-canon Schlatt and Tubbo wholesome moments and I-)
(I get Dadschlatt now)
(Though he's more like a chill uncle)
(But I might be getting those vibes because he reminds me of my own uncle, oddly enough)