So I read something that Goldendoodlegamer11 made for the The_OOTL. So my silly little mind went, "Alright duder. You should be working on that thing for your summer reading. You know Speak? The story about the girl who got raped? You need to finish that up. BUUUUUUT you could make this funny list you saw that Dawson made. But instead of a list, it's examples! You can come up with corny stuff, right? I mean there has to be s stupid child under all that sad excuse of a person with no real reason to live right? Be that child you never got to be, just for one or two hours. Okay? Can you do that for me? To make people laugh? You remember what it feels like to truly laugh... right?" Okay, that got sad, but I'm not erasing it because I'm a narcissistic- I just thought it was funny. It's also over 90 degrees in my room and my AC is leaking so I'm screwed.

How this will work is I take an example of Dawson's list, make an example then I make what would actually happen. That way you can see how badly these cliches need to DIE IN A FIRE! Keep in mind this isn't my best work and I'm not in a good mental and emotional state right now so this might be really weird to you but hilarious to me. So here are examples of Dawson's list! They will be cringy, they will be bad. I will cry because I'm forcing myself to write this. Sorry, Dawson but you did this to yourself.

~~~

1: The story has no plot and is all about shipping... for TEN OR MORE CHAPTERS

What should NOT happen:

Lukas: Oh no! How am I ever supposed to tell Jesse that I like... no... LOVE her!

Ten chapters later...

Lukas: Jesse will you marry me?

Jesse: Yes! I've only seen you as a friend before this moment in time but I suddenly like... no... LOVE you now only because you started to hang out with me more!

Lukas: Oh I'm so glad you think that babe! There was no life-threatening situation that could've cost our lives or anything interesting happening either!

Jesse: We're so lucky to live in a world where all the bad guys are already defeated!

What SHOULD happen:

Lukas: I have been feeling romantic attraction for Jesse for a while now. But that'll have to wait because BeaconTown is in danger!

Many chapters of intense plot, story, and dialogue later...

Lukas: Jesse I have to tell you something, it's been bothering me for a while.

Jesse: Sure Lukas, what is it?

Lukas: I've been feeling this way about you for a long time, and since you almost lost your life after fighting that Giant Flying Sponge Monster... I think it's time to say that, I love you, Jesse.

Jesse: Lukas...

Lukas: I thought that I should at least tell you in case another villain comes to attack BeaconTown and you don't make it.

Jesse: Lukas as long as you, Axel, Olivia, Petra, and even Ivor are by my side I promise you that I'll do my best not to die. I can't really say that I love you, you know love is a strong word. But I've grown more attached to you Lukas. Hey, I bet I can clean up more sponges than you.

Lukas: I'm not much of a competition guy, but you're on!

~~~

2: Jess is female Jesse and the Jesses are twins

What should NOT happen:

Alternate Universe Mother: Oh look I just gave birth to twins! I'm not very creative so I'll name them both Jesse!

Alternate Universe Father: But what's this? One of them is a girl! Or is that an underdeveloped penis?

Docter: That's a girl, sir.

Alternate Universe Mother: Oh good golly gosh! My plans have been foiled! I guess the girl will be named Jessica, though we shall call her Jess for short!

Alternate Universe Father: Brilliant my lovely wife!

Docter: You people should not be allowed to raise kids...

What SHOULD happen:

Docter: Congratulations, it's a girl.

Alternate Universe Mother: My beautiful daughter!

Alternate Universe Father: I've waited so long for this moment!

Docter: I'll leave you two alone to think of a name.

Alternate Universe Mother: But I already have a name for her. Jesse, my little warrior.

Alternate Universe Father: Why Jesse?

Alternate Universe Mother: It's a gender-neutral name! But I also think it suits her.

Alternate Universe Father: Yes she does look like a Jesse.

Docter: Jesse it is then.

~~~

3&4: No one uses the new S2 pastel Jesses

What should NOT happen:

Black Jesses: Hey other Jesses! We just wanted you all to know that we now have new pastel Jesses! They're fresh from the animation room so let's be respectful okay?

Hispanic Jesses: Welcome new Jesses!

Pastel Jesses: Hello!

Original 'White' Jesses: Gross, you guys look Asian.

Player: Wow Minecraft StoryMode Season TWO! Oh man, I can't wait to play it when I get home!

Black Jesses: Places people!

Pastel Jesses: What's going on?

Hispanic Jesses: One of us is about to be chosen to play the new season with the player! Good luck guys! You'll do great!

Pastel Jesses: Thanks!

Black Jesses: By the way, the Player can't hear you but we can hear them. I thought you would want to know.

Player after popping the game into their PlayStation 4: Oh wow! There are new Jesses! They look so cool!

Pastel Jesses: Thank you so much! Many people worked hard and long hours to design us! It would be really appreciated if you-

Original 'White' Jesses: HEY! PLAYER! PICK US! WE'RE ORIGINAL JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT! COME ON PICK US! THOSE GUYS ARE WEIRD! COME ON DUDE! WE KNOW YOU WANT TO!

Player: Hmm... maybe the second time around. I like the originals better. *picks the originals*

Original 'White' Jesses: HA! YES! THE REST OF YOU CAN SUCK IT-

Pastel Jesses: What... just happened?

Hispanic Jesses: This happens every time. If they spoil the game for us-

Black Jesses: I'm about to whoop their asses I swear!

What SHOULD happen:

Player: Wow new Jesses! They look so pretty! And super cool! Oh man, I'm definitely going to pick you guys!

Pastel Jesses: Yay!

Original Jesses: Congrats guys!

Black Jesses: Yeah you earned it!

Hispanic Jesses: Don't spoil the game okay?

Pastel Jesses: We won't!

Original Jesses: Good for them. They really deserve that!

~~~

5: When people make 'Ask and Dare' books the first thing some people ask is romance stuff.

What SHOULD NOT HAPPEN EVER

11-year-old kid making this book for fun: Alright guys send in your ask or dares!

Creepy Fourteen-year-old who lost their innocents too soon: Make them watch Boku no Pico!

Innocent 11-year-old: You got it!

After watching some of this anime...

11-year-old: . . . I've seen things... that I can never unsee!

What SHOULD happen

11-year-old: Alright! Start sending your ask/dares!

People who actually want answers or want to be funny: Build a sandcastle! Do you miss Ruben? You guys are awesome! Petra is your favorite food really swords?

11-year-old: :D

MudkipBrony: We need more happy eleven-year-olds. Let's keep them happy.

~~~

6: Characters yelling 'I ship it' or 'OTP' in-game (supposedly) when they shouldn't know what that stuff means!

What should NOT happen:

Jesse and Petra were just having a little race around BeaconTown until they pass Nell and she yells "I ship it! You guys are the OTP!" Then Jesse and Petra blush as if they should even know what that means. THE END!

What SHOULD happen:

Jesse and Petra were just having another one of their little races around BeaconTown, when they pass by Nell she yells "Groovy dude!" And the two friends carry on their race.

~~~

7: Makes Jesse/Petra the damsel in distress

What should NOT happen:

A villain pokes Petra and she goes unconscious. When she wakes up she's in a cage and needs her future boyfriend Jesse to come to rescue her.

What SHOULD happen:

A villain pokes Petra.

Petra: Can you not poke me?

Villian: Curses! You are stronger than I thought!

Petra: What did you expect a poke to do?

Villian: I thought you were weak and frail!

Petra: Dude, I went to the Nether multiple times. Fight bad guys daily. And I'm an adventurer! I'm not a frail little flower!

Villian: Then fight me!

Petra: Fine, you asked for it.

All Petra has to do is poke the villain with her sword and the villain instantly defeated. Wait there's more.

Petra: All I did was poke you!

Villian: I'm very frail.

Petra: Maybe I should be the one kidnapping you!

Villian: Please don't. Whatever happened to gender stereotypes?

Petra: Is that what this is about? Get out! Leave BeaconTown and never come back until you learned your lesson!

The villain runs away. They never learn their lesson.

~~~

8: Jesse being too confident/Love-struck over Lukas/Petra

What should NOT happen:

Jesse: I'm so in love with Lukas/Petra! I'm so confident I might as well ask them to marry me right now! What could possibly go wrong!

What SHOULD happen:

Jesse: Lukas/Petra are my good buddies and they can talk to me about their problem! I don't know if I'll always say the right thing but they know I'm only trying to help. Sure I'm awkward sometimes and I was shy when I first met Gabriel. I also got jealous when Jack and Petra were going to do cool things without me. But that's okay! I still love adventure and my friends!

~~~

9: Randomly Start signing. 10: High School Au. 13: Love Triangle. and 17: Making Aiden THE WORST HUMAN BEING EVER AND HE HAS TO DIE (Although I think he's misunderstood)

What should NOT HAPPEN EVER! IF IT DOES YOU ARE DEAD TO ME:

Aiden sings 'Meant to be Yours' from Heathers the musical. Then he kidnaps Jesse to forcefully make her love him over Lukas. All so that he could be Prom King.

MudkipBrony: I'm sorry I can't stop laughing this is so dumb-

THIS is what should happen:

Aiden can relate to JD on a personal level because he grew up in an abusive household and only wants someone to love him. Though he doesn't want the person he loves (Jesse) to be taken away from him. He isn't a stable guy so he's all over the place but he means well, besides the fact that he's in High School Aiden is just a really scared kid who doesn't feel safe at home and feels like he should make everyone pay for the happiness he can never have. Or at least he thinks he can never have happiness. Because it's sort of like the Joker and Harley Quinn situation because Maya always liked Aiden but he's too unstable to realize that some loves him for HIM has been right next to him the whole time.

MudkipBrony: THAT is how you make a High School AU right! I should know because... to be honest, I'm also mentally unstable. Like, have you read Werewolf? I clearly lost all of my creativity. My co-writer for the series clearly did more work than me. Come on. The second book is full of memes and jokes... I just don't see a purpose in doing anything anymore. Writing used to be so fun to do but now it seems like a chore and if I don't do it, if I don't do what people expect me to do then no one will listen to me anymore. I'm a depressed, unstable, narcissistic, Sunny if you get the reference. I think I need to go see a doctor or a therapist. This is a pain in my side to do but I do it anyway because I think people will like my jokes. But really my jokes are so sick and twisted you'll have to be a maniac like Aiden in all those stories that talk shit about him to understand. Kids, this is why you should have healthy relationships with your parents. Don't end up like me, it's the least you can do. Okay, this is getting too long. Let's move on before someone calls a doctor because I think I might have Depression.

~~~

11: Not using the Portal Hallway to make New Worlds.

What should NOT happen:

An Author: Okay guys this is a MCSM AU that takes place in (insert Minecraft world here that could easily just be summed up as using the portal hallway but they don't use it)

Dawson: JUST USE THE PORTAL HALLWAY! YOU'RE DESCRIBING A MINECRAFT WORLD-

What SHOULD happen:

An Author: Okay guys so this story takes place in one of the worlds in the portal hallway! (insert description here)

Dawson: *pleased*

~~~

12: No Descriptive Descriptions

What should NOT happen (if this happens then you need to go back to 3rd-grade dude):

Writer: They walk into a pretty garden.

Writer: They pass by giants cliffs that overlook the sea.

Writer: The clouds. Are. Pretty.

What SHOULD happen (Watch as MudkipBrony makes those sentences beautiful):

MudkipBrony: Jesse and Petra wander into a beautiful garden of color. Sunflowers border the garden, facing where the sun would soon rise. Poppies and Tulips are lined up one after the other next to the stone walkways. A few Azure Bluets can be seen amongst the giant circle of dandelions in the middle of the garden.

MudkipBrony: As the adventures rowed their boats over the great blue ocean they saw humungous cliffs that almost drooped down into the sea. It would be unimaginable to think that any life could live there. But if not for the waves and the boats moving so quickly the adventurers would've heard a quiet 'moo'ing coming from the great cliffs.

MudkipBrony: It seemed like such a long time ago that the events of the murder mansion happened. Stampy was sitting on his roof watching the fluffy clouds roll past a baby blue sky. They were so fluffy and white, the cat man started to wonder what the clouds might taste like. Though he secretly hoped that they tasted like cake.

~~~

14: "Carried her bridal style"

What shouldn't even be happening:

Lukas panicked as the diamond armored Zombies, who have a speed boost on their boots, approached. His only goal is to protect Jesse, so he picked her up and carried her bridal style to safety.

What you should do instead:

Petra felt cornered, ever since she lost Ms. Butter none of the other swords she used seemed to stay long enough to kill one of the charged creepers. In a moment of quick thinking, Petra let Jesse hop on her back and started to make a break for an exit to escape from the changed creepers. At least Jesse could hit the monsters with her sword.

~~~

16: Endless Blushing

NO!

Ivor said a pickup line, everybody blushed. THE END.

YES!

Magnus said a pretty cheesy pickup line to Ellegaard. She was amused but still rolled her eyes at the man to tease him.

~~~

18: Characters childhood friends comes back to town and turns out to be evil

Stop:

It's been almost a decade since Olivia has seen her childhood friend, Victor. Axel was jealous of the guy because he just didn't like him for no reason. Turns out Axel had the right to be mad because Victor is bad and wants to turn Olivia into a mind slave.

This is more bearable:

Victor was Olivia's longtime engineering friend. Axel is being jealous because he isn't good with technology and Victor is so he assumed that Victor was trying to take Olivia away from him. But Victor just want's to see his childhood engineering friend.

~~~

19: Episode 6 is one giant TorqueDawg x Sparkles or Dan x Stampy fan fic.

Not good:

Basically shipping and forgetting about the murder. That's not how this works. You have to choose to kill Dan or Lizzie, you can't save both and you can't kill both. Pick one.

Good:

It was hard to believe that Cassie Rose was the murderer. Though while everyone mourned TorqueDawg, Sparklez, and Dan's death the rest of the YouTubers were glad to just be alive. Lizzie seemed to just stay silent for a while and didn't talk to the other two members of the trio. Though Stampy and Stacy gave each other relives smiles knowing that they were safe from Cassie Clutches.

Stacy: I always knew it wasn't you Stampy

Stampy: I know. I just feel bad, all of this could've been prevented if I just-

Stacy: You didn't know, you have to stop blaming yourself Stampy. Lizzie, it wasn't your fault either if you're even listening.

Lizzie: I'm listening, I just didn't think it was my fault. It was Stampys.

Stacy: Okay, that's a bit harsh.

Lizzie: He killed Dan!

Stacy: And what about TorqueDawg and Sparklez? Did he 'kill' them too? No! It was Cassie! You never know, she might've killed everyone if Stampy gave her the flint and steel.

Stampy: Please don't put that thought into my head...

Lizzie: Yeah, I'd prefer not to think about that either.

Stacy: Exactly, at least we're still alive. Yes, I know you both miss Dan and Sparkles.

Stampy: And TorqueDawg!

Stacy: . . . sure. But we can't keep dwelling on the past, move forward. Maybe there's another portal out here? If push comes to shove, we'll just live here for a while!

Lizzie: I guess you're right, Stacy.

Stampy: I agree. Well, I think that if we get the ingredients for a cake it'll make us all feel better!

Stacy: I say we make pumpkin pie.

Lizzie: Not again...

~~~

20: OCs in Stories.

Look if you're not going to make the OC an important character then don't add them. Or at least if you're going to add your OC don't instantly make them friends with the main characters. I don't have much else to say to that.

~~~

21: LESS ROMANCE MORE PUNCHY! STABBY STABBY!

That's all I have to say.

~~~

Alright, I did it. I'm tired, I'm hungry. I'm probably going to edit stuff tomorrow, I don't know. I might just go to sleep. So Goodnight.