December 21st, 2019

"Have you told her?"

"Hmm?" Nith groaned, changing sides. His left arm was numb in its place; he could hardly feel it anymore.

Jay sighed from the other side of the line. "Did you tell Kate about the book or not?"

He sighed back, rubbing his face with his right hand, moving his hair away. The phone was stuck between his shoulder and ear, where he could hear Jay's frustration creeping through. Nith was frustrated too. At himself and the mess he had created. But the more he thought the more drained he felt. His mind raced to figure out a solution.

Obviously, he already knew the only answer that was left for him but he still chose to ignore it.

"I haven't."

"Dude!" Jay cursed lightly. "Nith, you have to tell her. And you need to hurry. I got a call from CE ... they have casted all the actors for the project. Filming will start soon. You have to tell her before she finds out."

"I know." He rub-down his eyes with his palm again. "I will ... I will," he mumbled, turning once more to his side. His leg hit the study table at the end of the room, sending one of his old pencil boxes flying to the ground. It hit the floor with a loud thud, sputtering everything inside everywhere in the room. Nith sighed. Everything he touched was becoming a mess. 

"Nith ..." 

"I know." Happy meowed, poking her head inside the door. Her sage eyes scanned the room for the cause of the commotion. Nith dropped his hand, letting her come to him. "I am just waiting for the right time."

"Beth already knows. A few days later Clide will and then the whole Vlomot. The right time is now." Behind Jay's nagging, Nith could hear Joy singing happy birthday to herself. It wasn't her birthday today. Nith smiled despite his state. "You have to tell her before that."

"I know."

"It doesn't look like it."

"I know that too," Nith confessed. "I'm afraid that she would hate me. I'm terrified that she would hate me."

"What if she doesn't?" He could hear the strain in Jay's voice. "Nith you have to stop overthinking this. The sooner you tell her the better. You know how much she hates lying, don't you?" Jay sighed loudly as he tried to calm himself down. "What would you do when she will ask you why didn't you tell her all this while? What are you gonna say then? She is going to be angry. We all hid this from her for years. Not just about the book. So the sooner you tell her, the sooner this ... whatever that's going to happen will happen and end. Maybe by this time next year, we can all laugh about it." Jay paused, "Meet Kate and tell her. Today."

"Hmm", Nith let the phone drop on the bed.

Happy meowed again. Like him, Happy was also restless. Lia's constant cooing and taking pictures had Happy hiding most of her stay. Nith rolled over, his leg hit the table once more. His hands dangled out of the bed as he petted his cat.

"What should I do Happy?"

She looked up at him, head tilted. Sage green eyes curious about what nonsense Nith was spewing.

"Should I tell her?" He knew that he should tell her. After their conversation last night, it was the right thing to do. It was the only thing to do. But ... 

There was a sense of dread that followed him every time Nith decided on telling Kate. He knew how much his feelings had grown in the last few weeks. Whenever he sees her smiling at him, his heart would burst out of its shell. 

Happy nudged her head closer to his hand. "What if she hates me? And never talks again? I think I am falling in love with her again. And this time it would crush me if I lost her," his voice cracks just a little.

She would hate him, Nith knew that. She would hate him not cause he wrote about her. Cause he lied. Cause even now he was being selfish and was only thinking about himself and his feelings. 

Happy closed her eyes, purring softly.

"I should tell her." Happy meowed, giving him an instant answer. It was one of those rare moments where Happy listened to him without walking out of the room. "You are right. I should." She licked his finger before leaving, deciding that this was enough for today's therapy session.

Nith chuckled, rolling back on his back. His legs were out of the bedside, hanging off as he lay there.

The bed was smaller than him, a third of his legs outside the frame no matter how he tried to sleep. Yet the nostalgia of sleeping in his old bedroom, surrounded by things that he grew up with made it easy. Nothing had changed ever since he started high school. The room in the attic was small, crammed with pieces of furniture. Painted in the same off-white as the rest of the house. Ann chose this color saying there was enough red, green, and yellow to brighten up the house.

She was wrong.

They needed her light to keep the house bright. 

The shelves were mostly empty apart from the bookshelf that was topped with textbooks and old magazines. Nith had taken most of his stuff from here to his own house in Westport. But the school prizes were still on the shelf along with his old treasure chest filled with nicknacks he had gathered throughout his childhood. Most being from Kate: a piece of paper with a doodle, a flower from the back garden, or the ticket stubs from their visit to the museum. And Kate's letters that he never replied to.

His eyes moved on to the wall next to his study table, filled with notes Kate had written on them. Lines from her favorite movies, poems, and even cartoons were cramped onto the wall next to his desk.

If Nith closed his eyes he could picture her there. Sitting on his chair, hair all over her face, legs up to her chest as she wrote whatever quote that had fancied her that day. Days of them sitting on the roof looking at the stars and arguing about which one shone the brightest. Or Nith reading out loud his favorite books to her or watching Kate practice her lines the night before the school festival. Even the time when Kate dated Riley - though they were hard - was good.

There was a sense of peace here.

But now he felt restless. Nith didn't want to make the same mistake again. He didn't want to lose Kate or their friendship like before because he couldn't keep his feelings in check.

She would find out. So the logical thing was to tell her. Nith knew that. Yet ... his heart was being a coward.

His phone rang, and Kate's name flashed on the screen in bold.

For a second, he hesitated to pick up the call as his mind wandered. It rang again.

"Hey-"

"Come outside right now." She hung up immediately.

Nith shook his head as he got up, running down the stairs.

"Kate's outside," Lia said from her seat in the living room. The TV was on but she was busy looking out the window.

"I know." Nith opened the door.

The first thing he noticed as he walked down the stairs was her. Leaning against her old black truck parked in the curve of the street. Black shirt with dark pants, a jacket. A tiny black bag dropped over her shoulder. Giant sunglasses to hide her ocean blue eyes and a baseball cap for her strawberry hair. A 180 from her usual pastel dresses and high heels. Or how she used to dress when they were kids - Converse and skirts.

Yet she radiated the same glow. Looked exactly how she used to look years ago.

His heart fluttered as she smiled at him. He felt exactly how he used to feel back then.

In love.

And Nith didn't want to make the same mistake once more.

"What are you doing here?" Nith walked down the porch stairs to her car.

"Ready?" she asked instead of answering.

"For what?" 

Kate walked toward him, a smirk on her red lips. "I mean ... you look good. I have no problem." She slid her glasses on the bridge of her nose, giving him a once-over. "Just not sure if you would be comfortable walking all over town dressed like this. They say it might snow later."

"What?"

Kate hinted at him to look down.

Nith reluctantly looked down. He was still in his night clothes, an old white t-shirt, and his two-year-old gray sweatpants that had a paw-shaped curry stain under the left knee - courtesy of Happy - and his home flip flops. His hair was all over his head, messy curls and all. He hadn't even wasted his face after walking up. 

He probably looked like hell.

Might even stink with the morning breath.

Nith pressed a hand over his mouth.

"You look cute," Kate answered as if she heard his thoughts.

Nith raked his hand through his hair.

Kate smiled, taking a step toward him. Her boots gave her the extra few inches she needed to touch his hair. Kate picked one of the curls away from his eyes, twisting it in her finger. "You should keep your hair like this."

Nith had his father's hair. Thick messy curls that had a mind of their own. Though his hair wasn't brown like his father's but a rust copper color, the texture was similar.

Nith's hands automatically went through his hair again.

Kate laughed, her hand on his forearm to balance herself. He loved how every time she laughed she would always lean toward him.

"Cute," she mumbled, walking past him, shaking her head. "I will give you fifteen minutes to get ready. Then we leave."

He followed behind her. "Where are we going though?"

"Holiday carnival."