When I enter Vic's room it feels like I traveled back in time. Because no time has passed in this room. It looks exactly the same as it did fifteen years ago, like not a day's gone by inside. It actually makes my brain hurt.

The posters on the wall are still intact. His old guitar still hangs on one of the walls. His desk is clear, though. I remember it being always cluttered with random stuff. I wonder if he still keeps things inside the drawers.

I walk towards the window next to the desk and notice a polaroid picture pasted to the glass.

"Oh God," I say getting closer to it. It's one of us, of course. A tilted selfie Vic took with my old polaroid camera one night he stayed over at my house. I don't really remember why he stayed or how we even convinced my parents to let him stay the night, but he took the picture while we laid in my bed. I'm folded like a burrito in blankets and all you can see is the half of my face because the rest of it is buried in Vic's chest. I'm smiling so big and he is too towards the camera. He looked so handsome in that one and I told him so when the photo developed and I swear it was the first time I saw him blush for real. The memory makes me smile for some reason, but I quickly let it fade.

I strum his guitar as I walk to the closet. One of the doors is open, so I take a peak inside. I can't help to laugh out loud. He still has his high school clothes here. I literally remember most of these shirts and how he used to wear them every day. I shake my head in disbelief. This is too crazy. I literally can't express it enough.

Inside I also find some notebooks stacked on a shelf and I take one at random. I open it in the middle and find Vic's messy handwriting all over the pages. It's his journal. All of these notebooks are journals. Shit. I look around the room in case I'm not alone, when I know for sure I am. I know I shouldn't read this. I should just leave the notebooks here and leave. But I mean, I have one open anyway.

I look down to the page I have open and read the date: October 2009. That was probably freshman year. Vic and I met then. I read over some more pages and it's all just random thoughts, until I find my name.

I think today I met him, journal. I met my soulmate.

The words make my heart stop.

His name is Kellin and I swear he's the most amazing person I have ever met. I really want to be his friend, but I don't know what to say to him. He's so beautiful I want to die. Yes, I know how it sounds but you have to see him to believe me.

I stop myself from reading further. This is impossible. Vic was always so cool and collected. I was the awkward and shy one. But he was nervous to talk to me? The thought makes me smile for some reason. I still remember the first time we talked was because of Jen, a common friend we had. She basically introduced us because she thought we would get along and well, everything started like that.

"Oh no, what are you doing," comes Vic's voice from the closet door. I startle and shut the notebook as fast as I can while he laughs. "Did you find my millions of poems about you?"

I turn around and see him smiling. I'm glad he's not pissed I read what his fifteen-year-old-self used to write about. But I feel like I just got caught doing something wrong.

"You were nervous to talk to me?" I play it cool, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Whatever's written there is 100% not true, just saying," he smirks, leaning against the door frame.

"Oh, so I'm not so beautiful you wanted to die?" I tease and his eyes open wide. I pick another notebook and shuffle through some pages while Vic starts chanting "not listening" to himself and covering his ears with his hands like a child. The next notebook I choose is from 2011. "Or that I'm like a breath of fresh air and, the man of your life–" I stop myself and frown.

Fuck. These are really intense for a sixteen year old to write and my laughter died down when I keep reading the pages to myself.

I swear I can see myself growing old with him. I really believe he is the one. I knew it when I first saw him at the cafeteria at school all those years ago. It's him. I don't think I'll ever be able to love someone else as much as I love Kellin. It's just something I can not explain.

I close the notebook because my heart is doing stupid things and I feel dizzy. How could he write something like that when...?

I shake my head stopping it from thinking further. I leave the notebook back on the shelf and an envelope falls to the floor. Vic doesn't notice and when I pick it up I see my name written on the cover. A letter for me? From when? I discreetly look at Vic and see he is still distracted and I quickly fold the envelope and save it in my pocket.

"Are you done?" Vic opens his eyes back again. "I was thinking I could actually sell all those books to a record company, they could really make up great songs."

I snort out loud, trying to tell my heart to calm down. "I'm sorry but I don't want pop stars singing about how dreamy I am."

He rolls his eyes, but laughs along with me. "Do you remember when we used to actually write music?"

"You mean attempt to write music," I retort. We were these wannabe rockstars and sometimes I would sing while he played the guitar and we recorded ourselves with his Blackberry phone. We were, not that good.

"Hey, we had great stuff," he chuckles. "I think I have a video actually."

"Oh no, no, no please I'd rather watch paint dry, I swear." I do not want to see me as a teen trying to be a cool band member and singing like shit. No thanks.

But he still sets up his old laptop (can't believe that still works) and plays a video he looks up from a folder. It wasn't one of our originals at least. I never want to see those again.

To say the least, it was mortifying.

We were in this very room, dressed in our "best" rock outfits which were basically the tightest pants one could ever find and black shirts, I was wearing sunglasses indoors and Vic had his cap backwards, his guitar resting against his chest.

The second on-screen Vic starts playing my head fills up with memories of the million times he played me his favorite songs and showed me the stuff he used to write. I lied before, we weren't that bad. He played extremely well, actually. But his dream wasn't being a musician, or so he claimed whenever I brought it up. I knew my dream was not, but with him I was never a hundred percent sure. He certainly had it in him to be one.

As we sit on his bed watching our younger selves cover the Goo Goo Dolls in 320fps quality it occurrs to me again how this didn't feel weird at all, it warms me from the inside more than anything.

I glance at Vic watching the screen with this look on his face I can't quite figure out. I can't really tell what he's thinking anymore, which completely makes sense and it's no surprise at all. Instead, that's what makes me feel strange.

When young Vic and Kellin finish their cover, on-screen Vic says goodbye to the camera as if we'd been playing for an audience and on-screen me also waves, smiling proudly at our performance. We were such dorks it's actually adorable.

"You know, you actually have a pretty great voice," Vic turns to me and I snort.

"Yeah, right." I retort. I sing way too high pitched and basically like a woman. I don't think anyone would want to hear songs with this voice.

"I'm serious," Vic throws a pillow at me. "Sing something right now."

I throw the pillow back at him. "Hell no."

"Come on," he insists just as I hear on-screen us laughing. The video is still playing apparently and, oh. Okay.

"Stop it, Vic is that thing still recording?"

"I don't know, I just want to kiss my boyfriend."

"Vic!"

On-screen Vic starts tickling on-screen me and they fall back on the bed and then, yep. They're making out.

We're speechless as we watch our younger selves kiss (rather passionately) on this very bed. It's all a mess of hands and lips and smacking sounds until on-screen Vic stands up, stares at the camera and says "I love you forever Kellin Quinn, never forget that" and my loud laugh in the background, and then the video cuts to black.

It's like getting slapped in the face, to put it lightly. And we don't say anything for what feels like an eternity.

"That was..." Vic says slowly, closing the laptop and putting it away.

"... truly educational," I manage to continue.

I can tell he's feeling awkward. I mean, he's married and here we are watching videos of us making out and saying I love you forever. It was a lifetime ago, yes, but it must feel weird to him, right?

He looks at me for a bit and I am desperate to say something else, but instead I look back to him and I try so hard to figure out what's on his mind. His eyes are a little glossy and my stomach drops. He blinks quickly and shakes his head, chuckling to himself.

"Sorry," he sighs, rubbing at his eyes. "Ever since we found out about my mom I just cry over anything."

"That's alright," I say, desperately wanting to reach for his hand for some reason. "At least you can cry."

It slips out of me so suddenly I even shock myself. I've never told that about me to anyone. Maybe he didn't hear me?

"What do you mean?" He questions and it's my turn to sigh.

"I didn't mean to say that," I trail down. He doesn't say anything else so I guess he still wants me to explain. "I used to take antidepressants almost every day is all. They've kept me from crying for like five years." I shrug. I don't really like talking about it. "Guess they worked because I never cry." I smile sadly at him.

"But you're better now?" He asks, not once taking his eyes off me.

I nod slowly. "Yeah, I'd like to think so." I close my eyes to avoid thinking about that time of my life when I had very active depression. I don't know if it got better or I just got used to living with it. Either way, right now at least it's not acting up. And I haven't taken pills since I turned 28.

When I open back my eyes Vic is still looking at me. "Are you alright?" I decide to ask.

"I'll be okay," he nods slowly. "There's just a lot going on right now, is all."

I wonder if he means something beyond his mom being sick, but who am I to ask about that anyway.

I nod too and look around the room, not wanting to deal with his eyes anymore. And that's when I notice them.

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(A/n): hey! Kind of another cliffhanger, but I don't want to burden everyone with long chapters ya know😅  What do you think so far?? Feel free to let me know through comments or voting or however you'd like 💞