When Vic notices I'm back inside the house he looks up to me and glares.

"Why is this here?" he asks. Any trace of his million smiles gone.

For some reason I don't say anything. I just stand there. Stunned.

"Kellin," he says again. His voice strained, but loud. "Why is this open and here?"

"I-," I try to make words come out, but it's like I lost my voice. "It fell off your notebook."

"And you just took it?" he accuses, his tone really throwing me off.

"Well," I shrug. "It has my name written on it." My aim here really is to be nonchalant about it, like, why does it even matter? It's just childish stuff. But he truly seems angry for some reason and I have to admit it's freaking me out a little. "Don't you think we have other issues to talk about anyway?" I continue, referring to how we were making out less than five minutes ago.

"Other than you coming here to steal my stuff?"

I look at him like he's lost his mind. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

He shakes his head like he's in disbelief. Disbelief. "Why would you take it just like that."

"I told you, it has my name on it, I wanted to know what it said. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"Because you don't get to take it just because you want to!" He yells and I take a step back.

"Alright-"

"No! Don't you get it? This is my letter," he goes on. "It's all I have left!"

And that actually pisses me off.

"Are you fucking serious?" I frown at him. My voice feels tight, but I don't back away. "All you have left?"

"Yes, Kellin–"

"Please. Get over yourself, Vic." I scoff, feeling every ounce of bitterness I have towards him overcome me. "I didn't even read whatever you wrote in that stupid letter. Like it even matters. It's probably more bullshit just like everything you have ever written. Oh he's my soulmate, oh he's the love of my life. Give me a break."

He stares at me and shakes his head. "You know damn well everything was true."

I give him an unimpressed smile.

"Oh, you've got some nerve Vic," I chuckle and run my fingers through my head, wondering how I ended up in this position. "You really expect me to believe I ever meant something to you? It was all a fucking lie and I was stupid enough to believe you. I mean, clearly everything meant nothing to you when-"

"Stop! How can you say that, you know I loved you so much–" he tries again, but I cut him off with words I never thought I'd get to say out loud.

"You left me in the fucking hospital!"

And the silence that follows seems to go on forever.

I can feel myself trembling through my whole body as I look at Vic swallow the lump in his throat. I've never said it like this. Never acknowledged it like this. I spent years just trying to forget it ever happened. But it felt so good to finally say it to his face.

He left me in the fucking hospital.

For a moment he doesn't say anything, it's like I've punched him in the face. Somehow it must feel just like that. Words are far stronger when used right.

"How could you have possibly loved me when you just disappeared," I find my voice again. He looks away from me and I can't seem to stop my words from spilling. "I was in a comma for a month and you just took off. Was your ticket out, wasn't it? How do you think I felt when I woke up and found out you were across the country? You never even called once, Vic. What kind of person does that? What if I never woke up, huh? Why didn't you at least say goodbye? You just fucking left and-"

I choke on my words. And feel my face getting wet. I frown in confusion and wipe the teardrops running through my cheeks, but they won't stop flowing. I close my eyes, desperately holding back a sob. Why am I crying? How am I crying? It feels like back then again, when I didn't know if I could ever stop. And now everything is coming back.

"You... you just left... I needed you so much, and you weren't there. I needed my best friend, my boyfriend. You were the only one who could understand what I was going through and you were somewhere else like nothing ever happened. You have no idea how long it took me to let go of you, to forget you." I feel my chest burning and I crouch to my knees, trying to make the pain stop. I must look pathetic. I feel pathetic. And I can't stop crying.

So many years trying to forget about the accident, trying to get over my fear of driving two way roads, of big trucks on a highway, of crossing the street. Of seeing Vic everywhere I went, after. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Stop crying, Kellin. Why am I crying? I can't breathe. I'm dying again.

Then I feel him walking towards me and I cry harder as his hands start rubbing my scalp, like he used to do whenever I got too stressed out. If he says something I don't hear it. I focus on breathing, on the soothing motion of his touch. On stopping the tears.

Then realization downs on me and I can't believe I said all this out loud. I've had these thoughts bottled up inside me for fifteen years and now this grudge I've held for so long is his. I should feel lighter, but all I feel is pain.

We stay like that for a while. He keeps massaging my head and I keep leaking like a broken sink until it eventually, finally, dies down.

I shake my head once Vic stops. Now I only feel embarrassed and stupid. He crouches down to where I'm now sitting and I avoid looking at him. I just want to go home.

"I was a shit person," Vic's voice breaks and I finally look at him. His face wet with tears as well. "Probably still am."

He puts his hands on my face, wiping my tears. "I understand you hate me, but know that I hate myself more."

"I don't hate you..." I whisper. "That's the worst part."

He shakes his head and looks down.

"The second I woke up in that hospital with only a fractured arm while you were..." A few tears fall through his cheeks. He takes my hands in his and squeezes so hard it makes me start crying again. "The guilt I felt, the fact that it was my fault, it killed me. Every day you laid unconscious on that bed I was dying more and more inside. I couldn't see you without breaking down. I couldn't face your parents or your sister because I was so ashamed. My mom tried to make me feel better but seeing you in that room just,"

I hold on tighter to his hand.

"I had so much guilt eating me up and in my stupid teenage brain I knew the second you woke up you were going to hate me too, and I couldn't bare that. Your whole family and friends hated me already and I was a fucking idiot so I took the first opportunity to leave. I was setting you free of me. So I chose college. But I know it was the biggest mistake of my life and I regret it every single day."

He breaks down crying and I'm, I'm at a loss for words. I thought he left because he didn't care about me anymore and our accident was just an excuse to finally do it. I spent years thinking he never loved me. That I was just someone to pass the time.

"How could you think I would hate you?" My voice strains. The second I woke up from my comma I asked for Vic. Because I feared he was dead. Turns out him being away was worse.

"Because it's my fault we crashed," he looks at me and I shake my head.

"It was a drunk driver's fault."

"It wouldn't have happened if I never insisted on going to that stupid party."

I keep shaking my head over and over. Yes, we went to that party and we left a bit too late in the night, but we were not doing anything wrong. Vic didn't drink or take anything. We stayed singing karaoke songs with our friends and lost track of time. Then on our way home a truck lost control and hit us. The last thing I remember about that was taking Vic's hand over the console and telling him I had the best night. Funny how it quickly turned out to be the worst of my life. But it wasn't his fault.

"Vic, I don't blame you for the accident."

He cries a bit more and I let go of his hands to wipe his tears.

"I just don't understand why you never ever called," I whisper.

"I couldn't do it," he sighs bitterly. "I didn't want to hurt you more than I already did."

I chuckle sadly at that. "You literally broke my heart, Vic. Nothing was going to hurt me more than that."

It feels freeing saying it out loud to him. For him to finally know how I've felt all these years. I never thought I would get to do this, let alone so randomly. And now I know he wasn't alright either. I always thought he was an asshole for doing this to me, the worst kind of human being. But we were just kids. He ran away from his guilt, took the easy way out that wasn't at all easy and I get that now. Doesn't lessen the pain I endured all those years, but I like to believe I've mostly healed from that wound. Maybe he hasn't. And yet here we are. Like we were meant to find each other again in a bookstore fifteen years later, and spend a day together to finally come clean about our mistakes.

When he doesn't say anything I sigh and pull him into me, hugging him to my chest and we cry a bit more.

"But hey," I say and he looks up at me. I brush the hair out his face. "That's already in the past."

He's been carrying his guilt for fifteen years, just like I've held my grudge for that long. That's no way of living. And maybe we're both free of each other for real now. Maybe he can heal for real now.

"I'm so sorry Kellin, I'm sorry," he whispers and I nod, rubbing his back slowly.

"I know," I whisper back. "I'm sorry too."

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(A/n): HEY, I'm sorry this took so long I literally thought I had updated this week but turns out I never published the thing lmao. Anyway thank you for reading and if you've enjoyed this so far ily
The ending is coming soon!