"Wow," I say in wonder gazing up at the ceiling. "You still have the stars."

Vic had put up at least two hundred of those glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. I think they've been there since he was a kid, because when I met him those were already up. I can't believe I'm seeing them again.

"Yeah," he chuckles softly. "I don't think they're ever coming down."

"Too bad we can't see them glow right now." It's still the afternoon, after all.

"I think we can work that out."

Vic stands up from the bed and closes the curtains of the window. The shades are thick and dark so it shields most of the daylight from outside. Then he turns off the closet light and the lamp on his nightstand and there they are. All the stars shining from the ceiling. And I look at them with the biggest smile on my face.

I can't help to lay down on the bed to look at them better, seconds later I feel the weight of the bed shift as Vic lays beside me as well. He puts his hands behind his head and I keep mine folded on top of my stomach.

We lay there in silence for a while, just looking at the stars above us. I have so many things running through my head I could explode, but I keep quiet. There's so many things I want to ask, so many things I still don't know about his life after he left. I don't even know where to start. I'm dying to know what he's thinking. I haven't really said much about myself either, but I think it's better that way. It's not like we're suddenly going to be in each other's life again. I don't think I'll ever see him again after today. And I'm okay with that. How did I even end up in this position?

"We should have started a band," Vic says while we both still look up.

A laugh escapes me unavoidably at the randomness of the statement. "You're right, we could be rich and famous now."

"Touring the world, selling out venues," he continues.

"The best parties every night, free booze," I play along.

"Millions and millions of fans in every country," he's grinning like a fool now and I am too.

"We could start our band now you know, it's never too late," I joke and he snorts, shaking his head.

"Yeah, Thomas would love that."

Thomas. Is that his husband? I look at him waiting to see if he says more but he looks like he said the wrong thing. Didn't he want me to know his husband's name?

"What's he like?" I end up asking because I know he won't talk about it if I don't. And I guess I was a bit curious too. "Your husband, I mean."

"You really want to talk about that?"

I shrug my shoulders, gazing up at the stars again. "I don't know. Maybe."

I hear him sigh. "Well, his name is Thomas. He's... He's amazing." And I instantly feel it sting, but I ignore it. "We met at the agency I work at, and it all went from there. He's in the accounts department, I'm in the creatives, but you know, one thing led to another and here we are."

I nod at what he says. He's in the creative department. I actually love that for him. He always wanted to work in that field.

"We live in San Diego, also got married there, and yeah, it's been great." He says slowly, like he's afraid he's hurting me by saying all these things to me. I mean, it's not exactly pleasant, but it's not like I could do anything about it now. "But what about you?"

So I end up telling him about my job at the firm back home, where I'm involved in several architectural projects right now.

"I always knew you'd be an architect," he chimes in and I smile. I always wanted to be one, but was never really vocal about that dream. I think I only mentioned it to him.

"Yeah, well, it's what I love to do," I reply.

In a way I'm glad we're both living the life we always wanted for ourselves. Even if it's apart from each other and without the other in it. I guess it was always supposed to be like that, but who knows really?

He shifts his position and turns to his side, towards me. I turn my head and look at him.

"You don't have a ring on your finger," he says. "And I don't want to pry, but is there someone?"

"What, you afraid I'm lonely?" I smirk and he shakes his head. I know he didn't mean it like that. And my mind instantly goes to Oliver back home. He's probably walking the dogs right now, wearing his workout gear to look cool, even though he hates exercising. It brings a smile to my face.

"There is, actually." I say carefully, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. Like it even matters. "Want to know about him?"

I see Vic nod and I look back up at the stars.

"His name is Oliver, we met in college, he's very... free, and artistic and open minded." I chuckle. He's insane. Like most of the time I would love to get a glimpse of how his brain works inside his head because he always has such creative and good ideas, I really don't know where they come from. "He's the head designer for a clothing brand and he does very well."

I didn't really want to get into much detail about him with Vic either, but he didn't look like he wanted to talk about anything else. So I keep going.

"We have three dogs and a cat," at this Vic laughs and I smile. "They're literally our children, I swear. Um," I bite my lip, considering this next bit. "He doesn't believe in marriage, so that's why we haven't."

"Really?" Vic asks, I don't know if he's already judging him but there's nothing I could do about that. He claims marriage is just another societal ritual; we don't really need rings to know we love and belong to each other. I actually agree with him on that.

I nod my head and hum a little.

"So you're never getting married?"

I turn to look at him. "No, I don't think so."

"But it's like you already are, right?"

I laugh because that's exactly what I was thinking. "Minus the ceremony and the party."

"The party is the best part," he continues.

"Well, we can have parties any time."

"Yeah, guess you're right."

And then we don't say anything else. I look into his eyes and they feel so familiar yet so far away at the same time. He looks into mine and I try not to feel self-conscious about my looks. Is this wrong? Staring into your ex's eyes, lying in bed with him, alone, in his childhood bedroom? Wondering if I look good? After fifteen years of radio silence?

"Your eyes are still so blue, even with barely any light here." He says and I try really hard not to blush.

"Eyes are not supposed to change, you goof." I joke, looking away from him because I don't know what else to do.

"You know what I mean," he says. Yeah, I know what he means. My eyes used to be his favorite thing about me, he always complimented them whenever he could. I don't know if that's what he's doing now. I don't really want to know.

He shifts on the bed again so he's lying on his back once more. The air feels electric now, filled with something I don't want to put a name on at all. The stars above us are losing their glow little by little. Just like we faded away. It's really been so long and this thing forming in my stomach is definitely just weirdness about the whole situation and nothing more.

"I still can't believe you're here," he says.

"Me neither."

I shift my eyes to the side, trying to see what Vic is doing. He's closed his eyes. What are you thinking about Victor? Why haven't you said something yet? I really, really wish I could hate you.

I close my eyes too, trying to shut my head up.

And eventually all thoughts stop. 

*

When my eyes open again I am lying on my side. And my heart stops beating, because my arm is draped over Vic's middle, and my head is lying on his rising and falling chest, and his arm is around my shoulders and I feel so insanely warm I might as well pass out. It brings back every time we fell asleep like this back in high school and I don't like the way it makes me feel.

I try not to move a muscle as my eyes wander around trying to locate Vic's other arm. It's stretched behind his head. Okay. So I just need to move very, very slowly, remove his arm from around me and run. Literally. I need to get out of here. Damn it, my heart shouldn't be beating this fast. I'm so glad I was the one to wake up first. When did we fall asleep anyway?

I put my plan in action and lift my arm from his body, I take his arm very lightly and lift it too. He's so warm I'm tempted to just fall asleep again, but I shake those thoughts away as soon as they rise in my head. I can't be doing this.

I try to crawl out of the bed very slowly, trying to make as little sound as possible. When I'm on the edge of the bed I look back at Vic and see him still sleeping soundly. His chest rising and falling evenly as his soft breaths fill the room. I didn't notice before, but he looks really tired. Maybe taking care of his mom is really exhausting him. And he probably misses his husband while he's here too. But he still sounds the same when he sleeps. And his messy bed-head makes me smile to myself.

I shake my head. I shouldn't be thinking about that. I am just haunted with so many memories my brain seems to be glitching is all. There's so many times I was with him this way, the exact same position and the exact same feeling in my chest. All this love I ever felt for him which I killed and buried in the deepest hole of my memories is threatening to come back out and oh my God, I can't believe I'm even thinking about this right now. I don't have any love left for him. I possibly can't. I made sure to forget about him a long, long time ago. And I did. I hadn't thought of him until he called for me at the library.

I roll my eyes and stand up from the bed, quickly putting my shoes on, and walk out of the room where I finally feel like I can breathe again. The air is definitely less charged in the hall. I lean on the wall next to an old family portrait and sigh.

How is this happening right now? Honestly, I should just leave. Right this second. Get on my car and go back to Kay's house. Pretend none of this ever happened. Save me more trouble.

But something's keeping me here, for some reason. My own damn head, my curiosity, my stubbornness, my nostalgia-filled heart. My own sad need for some closure.

So instead of fleeing, I go downstairs.

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(A/n): sooooo, like, what are your theories of what happened so far? Thank you so much for reading and showing support to this little story!!🖤