Sofia know that you and I shouldn't feel like a crime. I cry everytime I listen to this song.

Enjoy this very long update. Sorry I was away for so long. I got sick after my exams, and I'm still recovering. But I finished this update, so here it is :)

..................................

"Maybe we should get a parrot?"

"For the last time, dad. No," I rub my head. "We have enough pets."

"Yes, but tboth are so docile. I need a feisty pet," my dad pouts a little. "How about a cat? A street cat with an eye slash?"

"So she can take a piss in your coffee while you're making toast? I don't think so."

My dad puts down his mug disturbed. "How was your date last night?" I ask, adding more cereal to my milk.

"Same old. I don't find anyone interesting."

I give a condescending shake of head, "That's cause you don't want to. You have to allow yourself to look and feel."

He smacks my head, "Eat your breakfast. I don't need dating advice from a teenager who can't even admit they like the person they love."

I choke on my food. "Wh-what! That has to be the most absurd thing I've heard all year. I don't like or LOVE anybody, sir. You are delusional. There is a difference between enjoying and liking. And attraction. All of these are common in this age. It has nothing to do with feelings. Besides I-" I take a deep breath. "Too much explanation?"

"Way too much," my dad mutters flipping through his newspaper. I slump into my seat. Sulkily, I stir my bowl and stab a few floating granolas. One of them flies and hits the newspaper dad was reading, soaking a big spot around it.

My dad looks at me enraged. "I will throw you out of this damn house," he thundered.

Frightened, I quickly escape to the kitchen with my bowl. I softly whistle, and Comfort comes running to me. Holding him up beside my face I go to my dad.

"Hey, lion of the house," I begin, waving Comfort in the air like a white flag. My dad glances at me stilled pissed. "The thing is, Ian won't be able to pick me up and my car is in the shop. Can I borrow y-"

"-absolutely not."

"Oh, c'mon," I whine. "Please. It's just a newspaper," I scowl. My dad kicks my shin. I wince, "Rude."

"I have a meeting this morning," he says getting up. "I need my car today. Why don't you ask your BOYFRIEND?"

I scoff, "Rude again. And I'd rather walk."

"Okay."

"Okay? Pa, do you know what a long walk it is to school? I could faint on my way."

My dad tosses me a bottle of water, "Get out now."

"I like you better in the evenings," I grumble walking towards my room. "You're grumpy in mornings."

"That's cause you're here today," he shouted back. I gasp loudly clutching my heart. It was true though. Most mornings I am at practice. 

When I come back dressed, Dad was walking around with a bunch of papers in his hand. "How about we carpool?" I try.

"Seriously, Dylan. Get out. You'll be late. And you'll get me late."

"You're right," I mumble swinging my bag. "Bye. Love you."

"I know, child," my father ruffles my hair before shutting the door at my face.

I was glad I could say love you to my father so easily. My mom had made it a habit for me when I was little. And after she left us, I made it a point to say it to dad everyday so he wouldn't feel lonely.  

On the road, I open the group chat and type: Guys, can anyone pick me up?

........................

I didn't end up walking. Alex saw my message and picked me up. Max and Luke were busy most of the morning with Coach as we were leaving tomorrow for the tournament. At lunch time we were waiting for them by our lockers. Actually, I had insisted on waiting by lockers. I hadn't seen Julian all day and I knew I'll catch him if we waited here.

Ever since dad mentioned the word boyfriend this morning, I kept turning it in my head. Not that I haven't considered it before. But when a grown-up suggests something you ponder over it more gravely. 

If Julian is to become my boyfriend, then we will be dating. I will have a boyfriend. I am a boy and I will have a boyfriend. And I will say to people I have a boyfriend. And if things kept going too well, then one day I will have a husb-

Nope. Too soon.

But I wanted to wait just a bit longer, before I made Julian my boyfriend. I don't know why, but it were my internal instincts. 

Another thought that's been roaming around my mind a lot was coming out. Not to the school. Just my friends. The problem was, I didn't understand how or when to do it. I know they will be supportive or at least act supportive but something always stopped me. And that meant I still need time. 

Out of chance I spot Lia. She was very incognito today, wearing an oversized hoodie whose hood fell till her nose. And beside her in a complete clash, Julian walked looking sharp and fresh.

He was wearing a black short sleeved shirt buttoned up all the way to his throat like a formal wear. And as if to make up for the lack of skin, he wore a ragged jeans ripped at the knees. His eyes seemed darker and bigger until I realize he was wearing kohl. He got a haircut, cause his hair was visibly shorter.

He was busy in his mind and absently brushed against a guy who I knew was a complete dick. I flinched hard when the guy growled disgusted, "For fuck's sake. Don't get your gay germs on me."

"But those are like the best kind of germs," Julian pouted back, making Lia laugh. The guy was about to say more but Luke, who appeared out of thin air, simply pulled him back by his collar muttering, "Fuck off." The guy knew better than to mess with Luke so he scrambled away. Surprisingly, so did Lia. One moment she was there, and next she vanished, quickly mumbling something to Julian, who looked at her frustrated.

When Luke noticed Lia had slipped away his shoulders sagged miserably and he didn't even pay attention to whatever Julian was saying to him. He walked over to us and slumped into the lockers with an annoyed rattle. 

 Julian looked around searching for someone to hang out with.

Me. Me. Pick me, you idiot. ME!

His eyes eventually land on me. They widened as if startled and then he ducked his head and blended into the crowd. What the fuck? Is he avoiding me? 

Why was he acting like me?

"I'll meet you later," I say to Ian, never really listening to his babble. 

 My determination was strong enough, that I find Julian and manage to drag him away. People who took notice thought I was going to beat him up, because he looked panicked and I looked mad.

I take him up the stairs to the top floor that lead out to the terrace.

"Why are you dragging me here?" he asks, haughtily smoothing out the imaginary creases in his shirt. I could tell he was nervous because he trying to cover it with an arrogant air, combing through his hair and fixing his clothes.

"Wanted to say hello," I answer simply. "And inquire why you're avoiding me?"

"Oh, is that your favorite thing now? Confrontation?"

"Yes. So cut it out, Monkey. You don't get to ignore me. Only I have that power. Nice hair, by the way."

"Overbearing bastard," Julian scoffs under his breath. "And thank you."

"Well?" I prod. "What is it? Did you have another fruity dream about me?"

"I-" he blinked. "No. And I don't dream about you," he mumbled with a blush. Liar. 

"I just.." Then Julian started to fumble and scratch his head. Finally he sighed, "Let it go, Dylan."

"You know that's not gonna happen."

"Okay, fine. But can I get a hug before? Like, cause, I have been needing one since morning," he frowned at his shoes.

"You've been needing a hug, or my hug?" I narrow my eyes. He gave me a foolish smile that felt like a strong punch in my chest, and launched himself at me so eagerly that I staggered back one step. 

"There, there," I pat his back as he locked his arms around me, pressing himself tighter against me. Then I push down the ever-persistent voice in my head and hug him back, till I'm lifting him off the floor. Julian let out a muffled squeal in my shoulder. I inhale his lovely smell like it was free therapy.

"That was great," Julian rubbed under his nose, avoiding my eyes when I release him. He had the prettiest blush across his nose and cheeks that made me chuckle in wonder. 

"Now out with it, Monkey."

He took a deep breath. "Fine. You have to remember, I tried to keep you out of it but you insisted. You do not get to be mad."

I don't say anything. It makes Julian talk more. "The thing is that, I got a call from George last night-"

"-your ex? That shitbag?"

"Yes," he replies smiling briefly before looking embarrassed again. "And I... I may have said you are my boyfriend to show him I'm doing just as fine as him."

He chews his lip analyzing my reaction. When I don't speak, he starts rambling again, "Okay. I know! I know, I am stupid, and don't respect boundaries. I lie and all that crap. But George looked so smug when he sent me pictures of him and his boyfriend. And I tried telling him to back off by saying I too was in a relationship-"

"-Julian."

"-I was saying mind your own business, but he got me so worked up. And when he gloated how happy he was, you came to my mind-"

"-Julian-"

"-because with you I am actually happy, and your name just blurted out. And then I couldn't take it back. Then-"

I stepped into his space, "-Julian-"

"-everything just poured out. All the million things I feel about you, along with a lie that labeled you as my- Oomphh!"

My hand squish his cheeks as I press my mouth firmly over his.

"Shut up, will you?" He nods vigorously.

"First of all, I'm not mad. I get it. You want to show your ex, you moved on. You told him I'm your boyfriend."

Julian smiles uncomfortably, "I may have been a tad dramatic, and called you the True Love Of My Existence."

"Of course you did."

"Sorry."

I breath deeply. "I guess, I'll let it slide. But only this once... You're not my boyfriend. I don't like you."

"Yeah, that makes two of us," Julian muttered under his breath. "Dylan, I promise. This won't happen again. I just wanted George to eat shit. For once. That's it. That's all I wanted-"

Julian pauses to take out his buzzing phone. "Oh, for the love of Hozier. Leave me alone," he growled at his phone. It was George. I pluck the phone out of his hand before he could pocket it. Julian tries to stop me horrified, but I answer the phone and put it on speaker signaling Julian to be quiet.

"Hello?" 

"Hello."

"Julian?"

"He's in the bathroom. Can I take a message?"

"Who's this?"

I smile, "Dylan."

"Oh."

"Yes. Oh. Why are you calling my boyfriend, sir?"

I hear a scoff. "I'm George."

"I'm gonna need more than that."

"Julian's never told you about me? I'm his ex."

"Ahh," I say slowly. "He did mention a pitiful ex, but I didn't mean to be judgemental and assume it was you only because you sound like that." Julian grinned. 

"Excuse me?!"

"Why are you calling my boyfriend?"

George cleared his throat, "Actually I was hoping to catch you. Do you a little favor."

"I'll pass."

George chuckles, "It's okay. I know I make you insecure." I look at Julian silently asking Is he really so full of shit. He nods miserably.

"Anyways, what I wanted to tell you was, leave him. I'll be honest with you. He's not worth it."

"And yet you keep calling him."

"Don't act like you know him better than I do."

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"Really? How many first cousins does he have?"

Julian holds up two fingers. "Two," I say confidently. Julian shakes his head vigorously pointing to his thumb in panic.

George laughs, "He has three. Maybe you don't know him as-"

"He doesn't consider August as his cousin. He counts him as his own brother," I intervene loudly. Julian looked surprised. Even I was surprised I remembered something he told me so long ago.

"That doesn't mean-"

"Yeah, whatever. Listen to me, you miserable piece of shit," I cut in, imitating the tone I've seen Max use in fights. It worked cause George shut right up. "Don't try me. If I hear Monkey complain about you one more time, I'll fly to where ever your scrawny little ass is hiding, and make sure they can use only pipes to feed you a meal."

I hang up, and stop myself before I dramatically smash the phone against the wall. That would have been so cool to watch..

"What was that feral voice? I have literal chills," Julian whispers. "See!" He held up his hand to show me goosebumps.

"Why would you give me wrong answer?" I ask annoyed.

"I said three!" he exclaims holding up his hand. So apparently Julian is the kind who starts counting with his thumb. 

"You count thumb first? Who does that? You are wired whole differently."

"It's more common than you know," he says flatly.

I ignore him. "Let's go for lunch. I'm hungry."

"Can I ask you something?" 

"Nope," I reply, making my way downstairs.

"Oh, shut up," Julian scolds running to keep up with me. I coolly jump across the stair railing, without any ulterior motive of impressing Julian. 

"Slow down, you arse!" Julian snapped using the all the stairs like a good boy. "Would it be so bad? Being my boyfriend?"

I look at him surprised, "You cannot just ask that!"

"Why?" 

"Because, look around," I frown, and sit in the seat beside Lia. Max was coming behind us. He stops on seeing Julian. 

"You're not going to cry are you?" 

Julian rolls his eyes. "Yesterday I was crying because Lia was chopping onions. I don't cry that much."

Lia snorts, "You cry at everything. Your comfort movie is Dead Poets Society. You must have watched it at least fifteen times and everytime you cry."

Ian intervenes impatiently, "Why were you chopping onions? What were you making? Was it Quesadillas? You promised you would call me if you made them again."

"No, Ian," Lia mutters. "I was simply marinating the chicken."

"Marinate?" Alex quizzes up. "What's that? Sounds like urinate." Julian closes his eyes.

"Google it, 'lex," Lia mumbled eating her lunch without any of her usual vigor. 

Julian clears his throat, "For the record, I don't cry at everything and my comfort movies are Avengers, and Mad Max."  

"Dead Poets Society, is a sad movie," Luke says quietly, surprising us. "It's also a beautiful book."

Julian beams at Luke, who was looking at Lia, who in turn was eating her lunch pretending she wasn't even at the table. Luke clenches his jaw and aggressively starts pressing the buttons on his PSP. 

Max shakes his head. "Whatever, Julian. Just don't cry, okay? Or you won't like what I'll do to you."

Julian's eyes lit up, "Ooo... What is that? A pinch? On my cheek? I'll let you choose which cheek." When everybody groaned, he said, "I meant, left or right."

"I was thinking more like, evisceration of eye," Max snapped viscously. Julian squeaked, and turned in his seat beside me. 

Ian laughed at Max. "I thought, it was her third day," he said pointing at Lia. "Why are you so cranky?" Two days ago Julian had warned us that Lia was in her lady days and she was a little too emotional this time. And by emotional meaning she could stab any of us with a fork if we crossed her.

"My what did you say?" Lia sat forward. In my seat, I shift away from her till my shoulder touched Julian. 

"Umm.. Nothing. I was talking to Alex. I refer to him as her, cause he's so feminine," Ian laughed. Max guffaws, "Alex is way too disgusting to be feminine. And he smells really bad. And he is dumb. Girls are always smart." 

"You're an awful flirt, you know right?" I murmur to Julian while Alex flips off Max. "Left or right. So stupid."

Julian scowls at me, "Alright. Then for you I'll just stare at you till you get creeped out and sign the marriage pap- Guys, stop throwing food around!" he scolds Max and Ian. "If you don't want to eat, give it to me. Such children."

I was going to say something, but I get side-tracked by Julian's eyelashes. Each strand fanning out, beautifully decorating his eyes. Some of the kohl had smudged which made him look a hell lot sexier. I might sigh a chimney at this rate.

"Julian is right, Max," Ian nods. "No fries near my face. It'll lead to pimples. Right, buddy?" he winks.

Julian shrugs nonchalantly, "I'm not much into my looks."

Lia scoffs, "Says the guy who used my eyelash cur-" She yelps in pain when Julian pulls her hair from behind my chair. We watch confused. "Anyways," Julian smiles. "About tomorrow's trip?"

Hearing that Alex and Max start a heated discussion over who should bring what. 

"Are we still no on the Dylian ship?"

"Dylian?" I ask repulsed.

"I thought it's cute."

"It's weird. I'll prefer Judy." Julian's eyes widen in surprise. I clear my throat, "Do you have extra earphones? I can't find mine."

He nods, leaning his head towards me, "I'll bring it tomorrow."

"Thanks... Pack extra sweaters, okay? The sea gets chilly at night."

"Sea? I thought we were going to Blue Valley's. Do they have a sea nearby?" Julian asked excitedly.

"No. Who said anything about sea? I said, you see it gets chilly at night." Julian nods, buying my lie. 

After a moment he shifts to me, "Can I sit next to you on the bus tomorrow?"

"Sure. Won't Lia mind?"

"She has friends," Julian points his chin towards Alex and Lia snickering uncontrollably. "Okay, then," I mutter.

"It won't be so bad."

"What?"

"Being my boyfriend," Julian answered quietly.

"God, I hope I won't have such a miserable fate," I scoff under my breath, looking away. Immediately, I feel bad. Julian doesn't react for a moment. 

When I glance at him, he was opening and closing his mouth as if trying to say something. 

"I'm sorry. What did you say?" 

"Monkey, I was-"

"Never mind," he laughs bitterly. "I know what you said. Sorry, I bothered," he says stiffly. "Excuse me," he mutters getting up. He accidentally knocks off the chair, but doesn't wait and storms out of the cafeteria.

"I'll go check on him," Lia quickly runs after him. When the guys give me questioning looks, I shrug and correct the chair.

.....................................

"I'm honestly so tired of your closets. I made a rough journey out, but you keep pushing me back into them. And they are not even clean!"

"Yes. Irony. Hilarious," I smile fakely. "Julian, I was joking earlier."

He laughs, "Dylan, I have spent enough time with you to know when you're joking and when you're not."

I frown, "How are you in such a normal mood? I thought you would hurl that bucket at me, or use my head as a mop."

He punches my arm, "I had time to think. And though what you said was shitty, I was also at fault for rushing you. This is all new to you, and you are taking your time. I did enough damage, and the least I can do is not rush you. Whatever your decision, your decision."

"What do you get out of it?" I ask curious.

"Sticking with you, that's my decision," Julian shrugged. 

"So it's that simple?" I ask unsure. He nodded, "It is."

"Okay. Anyways, I'm sorry for what I said at the cafeteria."

He looks at me disgusted, "You made a mistake, and you apologized right away. What kind of a sicko are you?"

I pinch his waist. "Why were you out of class?"

"Teacher threw me out because I laughed too loud... Lia makes some very unsettling necrophilic jokes," he explained. "What about you?"

"I- Well, actually why don't you come? We were all going back to the cafeteria. Luke figured out a way to get milkshakes out of the vending machine without paying or rattling it." 

Julian grinned, "Well get out then!"

I stumble out when he shoved me. "Hey! Don't push me out of the closet." 

He looks at my smug face unamused, "Yes, yes. I am every gay person's living nightmare!"

I chuckle, "That is right. You are. And if this were a movie you will be the guy that no one forgives."

"Okay."

"The one, on whom people throw their shoes at, everytime you make an appearance on the screen."

"Okay that's hurtful."

"Boo so bad that no one even listens to what you have to say," I smirk walking backwards.

"Okay. Point proven, pollito."

"And I can't believe instead of ghosting the crap out of you like a main character, I think about dating you."

"Yeah, I kn- wait. What! Did you just-"

"I didn't say anything," I say quickly turning around, walking faster.

"You did! You just said- Dylan, wait. Dylan, watch out!" But the warning was too late. Since I was looking back at him while walking I never saw the stairs coming and rolled down it feeling every painful bump.

"Ah, mommy," I groan clutching my back. 

Julian snorts. "Mommy?"

I give him the finger. He crouches down, "Let's get you to the nurse." 

"Move," I hiss. 

"What?"

"Move your hand, Monkey," I beg. "From my thigh. Only getting a boner right now would make this situation more embarrassing."

"Alright, twinkle toes," Julian muttered. He put my hand around his shoulder and lifted me up. "Goddamn! You are very heavy," he grunts when I put my weight on him.

I limp to the nurse's office and sit on the bench in front of her station, while Julian rung the bell. Since he could never just stay still he picked up a jar of ointment which had a loose lip. It rolled away from Julian's reach and crashed down on the ground. Julian quickly took a seat beside me.

"That was a disaster."

"You are a complete disaster. Head to toe," I retort.

"Cute, but you should know, I am-"

"Hah," I say loudly. "You are not my disaster. Please."

Julian blinks, "I was gonna say, I'm a hot disaster. Like lava flow. Why do you have to make everything about yourself?"

"Like you don't," I snap flushed.

"Yes, but that's because it is."

"Why don't we just shut up?" I suggest angrily. "No talking?"

"Fine by me," Julian muttered. He stretches in his seat and bends to touch his shoe. My eyes travel to the place where his shirt hitched up. He jumps when my cold fingers brush the skin.

"What are you doing?" he gasps, sitting up quickly.

"I was touching a hot disaster," I answer innocently. "You got a problem with that?"

Sadly, we were interrupted by the nurse. After she rubbed a gel over my back, we went to the cafeteria.

"What took you so long?" Max asked the moment we stepped in.

"Julian was being idiotic," I answered, and got a shove from him. He brings an extra chair and sits beside me. 

"Huh," Max nodded. "Then where is Alex?"

"Yes, tell him," Ian groaned. "Because his boyfriend, Max, can't decide if he would like the blueberry milkshake or the chocolate milkshake or the cashew nut milkshake."

Luke's lips twitched as he quietly slurped his strawberry shake. Max glares at Ian, "I'm just trying to smooth things. He likes both the cashew and chocolate one. He would sulk and whine if he didn't get his pick."

"It means, I can take the blueberry one, right?" Julian asked. Max nods.

I roll my eyes, "Alex wouldn't like the cashew nut shit." Max tries to protest, but I snatch the bottle and straw. "Trust me, I know him," I say sweetly.

"Who knows who?" Alex asked joining us. He looks at the chocolate milkshake and grabs it eagerly.

"See?" I give a shit-eating grin. 

Max bristles jealous. "Screw you. I have walked in on him masturbating."

We all freeze. Ian giggles first, "What?"

Alex even in his dark skin, blushed furiously. Hell, we could see red spots on his cheek. "You promised," he growls viciously at Max who was biting his cheek guiltily.

"I said, I won't say anything if I'm not provoked," Max bursts defensively. "Which Dylan totally and intentionally did." He turns to us, "It wasn't too horrifying. He was on his bed with headphones, probably to get maximum effect- Ouch!" Max whines when Alex punches him. "Take it easy, fist-humper. Go choke your chicken once more."

Everyone except me laughs. I hate Max sometimes.

Alex sulks in his chair. Max shakes his head, "I still don't understand what you were gonna do with bubble wrap that day?"

"Was it popped or not?" I ask.

"What difference would it make?" Alex asks in disbelief.

"I could think of some ways to start a bubble wrap kink," I shrug.

Ian shudders, "Shut up, you freak. But is that all? Dang it. I was hoping you and Max finally gave into some hardcore gay action, and I could finally tie a pink ribbon on your cornrows."

"No," Alex scowls.

"A red one?" Ian tries.

"I'd rather make out with Max," Alex says flatly. "And that is a pretty huge thing."

"Damn right, I have a pretty huge thing," Max smirks.

"No, bruh. Why are you always so gross," Alex grimaces. "I meant, making out with you. I plan to do that only in a life-death scenario. And even then I'll be thinking twice."

"That's so stupid," Max and Julian said at once. 

"See," Max said to us. "Even the gay community finds me attractive. I'm a catch everywhere."

Julian begins tentatively, "I don't represent the entire-"

But his voice was drowned in Max's gloating that Ian listened to with visible contempt.

"So, you've been thinking a lot about Max these days?" I ask, poorly hiding my jealous undertone. Then I coolly add, "Not that it's any of my concern."

Julian groans under his breath and wipes the water drops from his sweating drink and flicks them at me. I make a mock angry expression and shake my straw at him. He tries to duck, but I put an arm around his shoulder and squeeze him into me, poking small milkshake rings on his face.

[[A/N: Heartstopper fans, raise your hands!!]]

He finally evaded my clutches looking all red and sticky. He wipes his face with a tissue. 

"I'll have to wash my face," Julian laughed distressed, pulling off the tissue that stuck to his face. He kicked my chair making me laugh harder, and rushed to the bathroom, still trying to clean himself with the napkin. 

When I turn my attention back to the table, I find all the guys staring at me, Ian with his mouth wide open.

Max opened and closed his mouth, while Alex was blinking rapidly. "What?" I snap defensively. In a sync everyone dropped their eyes, pretending to look anywhere else.

"Nothing."

"I don't know what you meant."

"Oh look, I have a hair in my pasta. So cute," Max laughed so fakely, that I closed my eyes. No one says anything after that.

"Julian was wearing makeup today," Luke speaks finally to break the awkward silence. "We're just surprised he didn't punch you for ruining it."

"Yes! That's it," Alex agrees too quickly.

I lean back in my chair, "He won't dare to punch me. I'm his senior."

"Of course. He shouldn't," Max nodded vigorously, folding his hands so tightly like he was going to burst. I do nothing and continue drinking my drink without a straw.

"Hey, remember what Ms. Yvone was wearing today. She looked super hot," Ian said too loudly. The guys voice agreement. And then Ian shrugged, "And she looked super awesome with Mr. Nick who is also very cute... Yes, I think Mr. Nick is handsome."

Alex nods sagely, "It's cool that you think Mr. Nick is handsome."

I put down my drink, looking out the window so I don't audibly groan.

"Our Coach is also a cookie in the eye," Ian continued. "And I think lusting after Coach is something we should all support."

I look at Ian in disbelief, and find Max and Alex nodding quietly with stiff shoulders. Luke was shaking his head looking so disappointed that I thought he's going to cry.

I loudly suck my teeth. "I'm going," I get up.

"Go where ever you want, Dylan," Alex scoffed. "We don't care, sheesh. You don't have to specify to us particularly where you're going."

"He didn't," Ian quietly leaned towards Alex. Alex nervously laughed under my glare. 

"I know you don't care," I say to Alex with a fake smile. "But just for my sake let me tell you this, I'm going to my biology class because I have a quiz to give."

"Okay, buddy," Alex squeaked. "Ace it." I exhale tired and stomp out.

...................................

Coach had called us all to the locker room to brief us for the trip next day. I was talking to few of my friends who got there early. I see Julian rummaging through his locker and excuse myself. Something falls down from his locker and I pick it up.

"Is that my name?" I ask.

Julian sees my hand, and panics. "No! Give it back."

"Is it a ring?" I prod, keeping it out of Julian's reach. 

"Yes." He scratches his neck, "I was just bored. I wrote your name because it was the only one that fit."

I inspect the paper ring that had the letters of my name drawn on them in a cursive font. It had some kind of a link so it expanded when you pulled it, adjusting it's size for different finger size.

"You're such a girl," I mumble, still not understanding how to feel about it.

"My mom used to make them," he says defensively. "And she taught me. You were not meant to see it. Give it back. You don't even have to wear it-"

"Back off," I snap threatened. "It's mine."

He scoffs, "Are you serious right now?"

I nod. "It has my name on it. So it's mine. Now, go away. I have work to do," I mumble absently, walking away from him still trying to understand how on earth he made a ring out of paper.

I show Luke. 

"See what Monkey made me?"

"Is that pride in your eyes, Smoren?" Luke asks amused.

"No but, Luke. Look! It's made out of paper," I say fascinated.

Luke coughs. "Coach will start briefing soon. And he is in a very serious mood. He's even making us sit on the ground in lines."

"For real?" Luke nods.

"Damn, I don't think I could sit down."

"Why?" Luke asks. Then he blinks. He straightens up, clearing his throat, "Never mind. Don't tell me."

"Not that, you assuming ass," I elbow his stomach. "I fell down and hurt my back. I don't want Coach to see me wincing when I try to sit or stand. He'll have my head."

"Cool. Stay here. He won't notice," Luke assures me. "Lia is to join us, since she will be coming with us. So all attention is going to be on her anyways."

"Where are your glasses?" I ask absently, slipping on the ring.

"I was actually looking for them," he answers annoyed. "For the first time in my life I have lost them. Have you seen my glasses?" Luke asks Max who looked like he was in a rush.

Max stops stunned. "You lost your glasses?! I-" His eyebrows raise further in surprise at something he saw behind us. We turn to see Julian shoving and fighting with Collin over a packet a skittles. Collin runs off with the packet, but not before Julian managed to get a handful of candy. 

And above Julian's head were perched Luke's glasses. I saw him ten seconds ago.

"Hey guys," he smiles on seeing us, seeming unaware of the glasses and the pink marshmallow that stuck to his cheek.

Max blinks disturbed, "Okay I will skip the what and straightway ask why?"

When he looked at us blankly, Luke stepped forward and plucked his glasses muttering something that made Julian touch his face and quickly eat the marshmallow.

Max sighed, "Must you always be so... you?" Julian gave a nervous smile. 

Max gave him an unpleased look and bumped his fist loudly on the lockers to get everybody attention, "Coach is here. Boys, move!"

I let everyone pass by and sit on the bench when the Coach starts talking. Halfway through I get bored and sneak to our bags to search for food. Mine was empty. Julian's bag was lying next to Alex's. The inner zip had some textbooks. I open the outer zip and find nothing but crumpled papers. Curious, I unfold one. 

[[A/N: The cursive fonts are written in plain texts at the end of the chapter for readers who can't view them.]]

𝓔𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓘'𝓶 𝓫𝓾𝓼𝔂, 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓻𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭. 𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓘 𝓭𝓸 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸 𝓺𝓾𝓲𝓮𝓽𝓵𝔂 𝓼𝓲𝓽 𝓲𝓷 𝓪 𝓬𝓸𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓻? 𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷, 𝓘 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓫𝓵𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓘𝓯 𝓘 𝓼𝓪𝔀 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓹𝓵𝔂 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓻 𝓶𝔂 𝓼𝓮𝓷𝓼𝓮𝓼, 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓘 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓮.    

I laugh quietly. What is this poetry? I pick up another piece of torn paper. 

𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓰𝓮𝓽𝓼 𝓶𝓮 𝓸𝓯𝓯 𝓪𝓽 𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽? 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓰𝓾𝔂 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓰𝓸𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓴𝓲𝓼𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓴𝓵𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓷 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭𝓮𝓻.

I pause and reconsider laughing. Is this about me? I dig out another note. 

𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓵𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓴 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓦𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓶𝓲𝓵𝓮, 𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓲𝓽. 𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀, 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸. 𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀, 𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓷𝓸 𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽. 𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓪 𝓰𝓸𝓷𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓴𝓮𝔂. 𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓘 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵 𝓘 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓫𝓮 𝓱𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻.

I stuff the note back, feeling a hot uncomfortable feeling like wearing three sweaters in the summer. My mind is relentless. My hands are shaking a little, but I can't stop them as they dig out more notes. 

𝓣𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓶𝓮 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓹𝓵𝔂 𝓘 𝓸𝓯𝓯𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓫𝓾𝓻𝔂 𝓶𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓱 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓻. 𝓡𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓶𝓮, 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓘 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽. 𝓘 𝓬𝓪𝓷'𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓹 𝓶𝔂𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯. 𝓢𝓸 𝓹𝓾𝓽 𝓶𝓮 𝓪𝓽 𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮, 𝓘 𝓫𝓮𝓰 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾.

𝓣𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓶𝓮 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓫𝓪𝓭 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮. 𝓚𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝓻𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝓮 𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓰𝓰𝓪𝓻, 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓲𝓼, 𝔀𝓸𝓷𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓹. 𝓑𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓲𝓽 𝓪𝓵𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝔂 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀𝓼 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓼 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵 𝓸𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓮. 𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓬𝓸𝓻𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓵𝔂 𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓭 𝓯𝓲𝓽𝓼 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓷𝓮𝓬𝓴. 𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝓬𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓲𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓫𝓸𝓭𝔂 𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓼 𝓾𝓹 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓼𝓶𝓲𝓵𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓼 𝓶𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓪 𝓫𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓶𝓪𝓷.  

I blush. No one has ever in their life written something for me. Not in such a adoring and maybe a little creepy way. The next note is on a grocery bill.    

𝓘 𝓼𝓵𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓿𝓲𝓼𝓲𝓽 𝓶𝔂 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶𝓼, 𝓶𝔂 𝔀𝓪𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭, 𝓶𝔂 𝓼𝓾𝓫-𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓬𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓮. 𝓘𝓽'𝓼 𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓽𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓭 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝓫𝓮𝓪𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝔂 𝓹𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽.

There's another in a furious scribble. I could see how rattled he must have been cause at some points the pen's nib tore through the paper. 

𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓹 𝓲𝓽. 𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓯𝓾𝓬𝓴'𝓼 𝓼𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓹. 𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓹, 𝓙𝓾𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓷. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓹 𝓫𝓮𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓴 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰. 

𝓢𝓽𝓪𝔂. 𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝔂. 𝓟𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓻𝓾𝓷. 𝓒𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓶𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓴𝓮𝔂 𝓸𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮. 𝓘 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓮 𝓘'𝓵𝓵 𝓫𝓮𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮. 𝓛𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓳𝓱𝓸𝓷𝓷𝔂 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂. 𝓙𝓾𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓷 𝓲𝓼 𝓭𝓾𝓶𝓫 𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓭𝓪𝔂.

Despite my pounding head, I chuckle, finally finding something that sounded like his writing. But it was too clear for me to pretend ignorance. I hold the notes in my hand, my heart beating a marathon from realization.     

Julian loves me. 

Fuck. Shit. Ass.

.........................

Hope you liked this chapter!

The lines in order:-

--1

Even when I'm busy, you rage in my mind. What should I do for you to quietly sit in a corner? But again, I don't blame you. If I saw how deeply you stir my senses, even I would seethe.

--2

What gets me off at night? The fact that I am the only guy who got to kiss those freckles on his shoulder.

--3

I constantly think of you. When you smile, I loose it. I know, I am not allowed to. I know, I have no right. But I was goner the moment you called me Monkey. With you I feel I can be home forever.

--4

Tell me how deeply I offended you, and bury me into the earth with that anger. Release me, because I can't. I can't stop myself. So put me at ease, I beg of you. 

Tell me how bad I am for anyone. Keep reminding me cause the beggar, that my heart is won't stop. Because it already knows how rough your hands feel on my face. How correctly my head fits in the crook of your neck. How every cell in my body lights up just from one smile that makes me want to become a better man.

--5

I sleep thinking of you. You visit my dreams, my waking mind, my sub-conscious state. It's inevitable because you are trapped into every beat of my pathetic heart.

--6

 Stop it. For fuck's sake. Stop, Julian. You have to stop before you wreck everything. 

Stay. Just stay. Please don't run. Call me Monkey once more. I promise I'll behave. Little jhonny wants to play. Julian is dumb night and day.

--