Pretending to be okay with everything is something that I had to do every day in the face of Rocco.

Why?

Fear of getting hurt again and again by love.

Dear Diary,

I don't know what to do anymore because I saw him again.

It turns out that he is going to be my colleague.

Yes, you heard it right.

He is replacing Dad as the guidance counselor in the same school that we were in.

I can't look at him without the buried feelings that I have for him starting to resurface.

I don't want to be the same girl, who was broken because of love.

The same love that I just saw in the principal's office. He wanted to talk but why?

I don't want to talk to him because when he is near I can't think or even say what I want to tell him.

He changed a lot in the past four years, physically and in many ways that I would imagine.

Why am I even thinking about that?

My stupid and weird brain stops before I go mad but in truth, he did change.

Gained a lot of muscles and.....

No, no, and no. I am not doing this.

Maya, time to let go and not go back there again.

Planning the lesson is better than thinking about him.

The only guy who made me fall in love and broke my heart.

The only guy that I might ever love with all my heart but he will never know that.

Like ever.

I love him and I will always do and that will never change no matter what I do.

I should thank him for making me believe in love and feel like again even though he didn't mean to break my heart but he did.

This is from me.

Otherwise, my students will start to notice that I am writing in this diary other than marking their essays.

Who writes five pages of the essay?

Oops, I told them to write about 5 to 6 hundred words.

Yikes, I am becoming that type of teacher.

But Love isn't for me, Rocco.

Signing off,

MayMay. {Even though I wanted to write something else}.