"Morning mum, did you get enough sleep last night? I think I heard you all over the place" I say while rummaging through the fridge for some water.

"Mh I'm fine" she replies in a muffled tone, I didn't think much about it knowing she always has her head filled with something agonizing if it wasn't Fred it was money.

And besides, I don't wanna spark up a conversation that'd remind her I did the most unusual thing by sleeping over at Eric's place without prior notice. I just wanted us to pretend like nothing happened as she did yesterday when I returned home.

My heart was racing when Eric brought me home. I didn't know what to tell mum and how she'd react but Eric assured me several times she understands, well he was right.

"Are we still going over to grandma's?...." I heard nothing, I looked over and she was lost in her thoughts playing with the bowl of cereal before her.

I move over to her and realize she's lost and in tears.

"Are you crying?!" I say aloud to cut her thoughts off, she jerks in surprise wiping her tears repeatedly.

She shakes her head in disapproval.

"Yes you are, why are you crying mum?" I sit next to her at the dinner table.

"I'm fine dear just had debris in my eyes"

"Is it Fred again?... Please just be honest with me this time around. I know you still love him so much and I can never understand how it feels to love someone who doesn't give it back"

"He... he's getting married, he wants to sign the divorce papers, says he can't be visiting us anymore because he's about to marry someone else Em," she sobs looking at me with so much pain that I feel the need to wrap her in a hug and soothe her pain, but.

"Didn't you serve him already? You told me, mum"

"I... I couldn't back then. I lost all courage. What I felt for him then was bitterness, it clouded my judgments but when I saw how volatile he was, I couldn't let him feel such pain, he begged me not to serve him the papers Em. I know you probably hate me for keeping this from you but we didn't want you to have divorced parents at such a young age, we love you Em"

I stand far from her, not wanting to feel her warmth and the lies filtering into my ear.

"Do you?_ Or you were just being selfish! You promised me in all truthfulness that it's the end, that he's finally gonna be out of our ear but... But you connived with him the second he told you those lies about loving you. Is that why he still kept coming over here like he owns this house?"

"No... No Em, it's not that simple do you under_"

"Then explain to me mum!!!!!" I yell so hard that my voice box is threatened.

"Tell me what sort of aphrodisiac dad has on you that the second he walks in you lose all brain nerves, you succumb to his authority like an enslaved woman"

"Emma stop! Don't be rude hun, one day when you fall in love you'll understand so much how I feel"

"Then I don't ever wish to feel love, I don't ever wish to be subdued by my emotions to someone else. Can't you see he's manipulating you, mum?... He doesn't want you to leave him but the minute he finds another woman he's throwing the divorce right in your face. You should have taken the last win long ago!!" I bark, walking up and down in hysteria.

"You should have....." I croak, and the tears find their way down.  "Sometimes I wish I wasn't born to you both or anyone at all cos you're both selfish weaklings who don't care about anybody but yourselves!"

"I'm so sorry honey, we didn't plan for it to be this way and that's why I'm making efforts to make our family better. We have to be united and happy, especially now I'm expecting another, your sibling Em" she smiles amidst the tears and emotions.

I look at her with so much confusion, wondering if this woman is my mother or some retard.

"You... You're_"

"I'm pregnant Em, I'm three weeks gone and I plan to tell Fred about it. He's definitely going to want us back. A new thing of joy for us all hun, told you I had a plan" she's in my face holding my palms in sheer exhilaration and expectation, it's in her voice too.

I don't know if I should laugh at how stupid and shallow she sounds now. At seventeen I know better than her, I feel weak that such a beautiful and strong-looking woman will act so foolish for love, for something so subliminal.

"You need help mum... You need therapy, you're going out of your mind if you think dad will run back to you and become the best dad ever cos of that thing in you! You're delusional and need help!!!"

She smacks me so hard on my face that I lose balance and land on my butt.

"I'm your mother Emma and you'll show some respect for me and don't call your sibling a thing, ever!!" She's yelling, pouring curses at me for badmouthing her pregnancy when I stand and zoom off. I can't stay in that goddamn house.

*****

It's the last place I wanted to be but for the sake of my mental health, my pride had to come second. I'd rather be there than return home to that selfish woman.

"Hey, are you okay?...." Eric rushes out of the door when the engine stops.

I called him a few minutes after running off on the streets and he promised to send Douglas to get me, I waited at a stop and waved him down when I saw the familiar black Honda.

"I'm fine" I whisper as he cups my face, we're outside and I don't wanna break down in the public eye, not that anyone was present.

"You sure?... You look like you're gonna explode soon and you sounded emotional on the phone. You can talk to me Em"

"I... I'm just, I'm so tired of everything Eric. I don't wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna bear the consequences of other people's mistakes anymore it's weighing on me, and_" My eyes land on Cheryl as she walks through the mansion door.

"She's here with you?" I ask Eric to be aware of her presence.

"Yeah, she came to hangout nothing much"

"Hey Emma, heard you were coming around, are you okay?"

I nod in response, I didn't feel like sharing my feelings with someone who left me stranded at a party we attended together and had no conscience to check up on me.

"Let's go inside, girls. Cheryl, Emma and I need a moment together just wait for us in the living room" he says while snatching my cold hand in his, leading us through the same fleets of stairs that led to his room, I didn't feel the need to stop him, I trust Eric.

After minutes of telling Eric about mummy Joana and Fred, he's so sweet about everything, I wasn't wrong to be furious and act out.

"You know my dad left as well while we were in junior high school. He didn't even give us a good reason and he's not married again. Just living a single life alone in some stupid state. But the best part is mum was cool with it, she didn't go berserk like yours" we laugh so hard.

"I wish my mum was as strong as yours. At least I won't have to suffer so much let down from people I trust."

"Yeah... You can trust me Em, I'll always be here if you want someone to talk to you know. That's why I didn't want to leave home as my brother did. Mum needs someone to talk to when she starts feeling his absence when she feels like she made a bad choice by letting him leave without a fight but I'm there to reassure her. He wanted it and there was nothing she could do to make him stay"

"Exactly!!!" I joined. "I've been trying to tell mummy Joana the same thing for God knows how long! I'm exhausted as it is, I wish I could run off somewhere amazing and forget she ever existed."

Eric gives a warm smile before letting me know I can count on him.

"Oh yeah, I was thinking since home is the last place you wanna be at, we can go watch some game tonight. It's some exclusive night event but with my connections, I can get us in" he boasts.

"Mh, so you're clearly not a humble guy as you portrayed?" I tease.

"Sometimes" he shrugs, and a knock comes on the door interrupting us.

Cheryl walks in and that's when I notice she's in an unusual style, shorts, and a hoodie.

She was often meticulous with how people perceived her. It bordered on timidity to me but this?!... I observe her with scrutiny.

"What happened to you, Cheryl? Did you fall off a planet in these clothes?" I ask.

Eric chuckles.  "It's as surprising as seeing a bird fly on a rainy day, to think she's a church girl" he confronts.

Cheryl seems threatened, she does her usual thing, keep mute.

She sat beside me on his bed while he was on the couch facing me pretending she wasn't hurt by the fact that her secret crush just crushed her poor heart.

At this point, I don't care for people's feelings anymore, I need to care about how I feel and at the moment Eric makes me feel safe and happy.

He's the only friend I can trust with my secrets so I don't care if being with Eric makes her uncomfortable besides she's denied ever feeling a thing for him severally.

"Em is coming with us to the game tonight," he tells Cheryl.

"Really?... You think you can make it?" She's asking me.

I look at her with bad eyes.  "Why the heck not?!" It comes out harsher than I expected, surprising everyone.

"I was just making sure, you seemed out of it when you arrived earlier," she says innocently.

"I'm fine"

"You didn't even call or text me when you woke the next day" Cheryl began.

And I'm like wtf?!!!, Did she just blame me?.

"I should be asking you, Cheryl, you left me! You left me at the party. I searched the whole place for you and nothing!" I whisper yell.

"I didn't know_"

"Yeah exactly! How would you know when you only cared about yourself"

"No Emma, I didn't mean to ditch you besides I helped Eric take you home that night"

"Yeah, she was the one who got your mom on the phone to let her know you were crashing at her place" Eric supports, they make me feel stupid.

"Wh... What? She thinks I crashed at Cheryl's?" I groan.

"Yeah, that's what I told her" Cheryl backs.

At this point, I feel stupider and cornered, like they were waiting for me to make a fool outta myself. I walk out of the premises because that's what I know best.