"At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should have happened and live in what is happening."

- Anonymous.

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C H A P T E R 32:

The other day she had gone to Iby's apartment at night- not being able to accept the fact that he was actually gone after receiving his goodbye text that same day morning. She was hoping that just maybe it was all a joke and that when she got in, she would see the glittering of his earring on his left ear, the slight burnt on his lip curving into a wide smile and his hands outstretched to welcome her into the comfort of his warmth.

But nothing of that sort happened when she got in. The room was dark. It felt weird. She'd always come to this room to meet someone inside. Someone who would always go out of his way to make her feel right. Now that someone was no where to be found yet his familiar scent lingered in the air.

Upon turning on the switch and taking a better view of his well arranged room, tears threatened to pool out of her eyes. Then, she saw it; the gown he had bought for her. The one she had refused to accept alongside the drugs and toiletries. That day she had fallen sick and all his intentions was to take good care of her. Something her husband failed to do of all these years of marriage.

Now, Iby had laid it carefully on his bed with the hope that she was going to visit his apartment sooner or later, reasons why he had given her his spare keys.

She smiled through her tears at how thoughtful he was and then, she picked up the note that was on top the black gown which read;

I had single handledly picked this dress for you. I hope you put it on to Efua's engagement party. Till I return. I love you.

On reading the short note, May felt a surge of pain shoot up her chest as that feeling of loneliness crept it's way into her uneasy stomach. After being attached to Iby-like spending so much time with him, it was difficult to confront the bizzare emptiness and loneliness that she couldn't bring herself to accept.

May looked at the dress one more time and then, pressed her palm against her mouth to stop her from releasing loud sobs and in the process, she began to hiccup uncontrollably. The thought that she wouldn't see him for an unknown amount of time, brought a sharp twist to her chest. It hurt so much that it became suffocating to breath.

Her butt took vacancy on his bed and she ran her hand on his neatly tucked bedsheet, reminiscing back to times they had spent together. All those times he had stood close to her. So close that she could feel his warm breath and his body against hers. The times he had caressed her hair freely, the day he had offered to treat her bruises and all those days all he had done was make her smile. Like it was his priority.

After sometime, she found herself searching through his bag. She curled up on his bed with his T-shirt in hand, sniffing his scent and eventually began to dwell in those days again just so she would not forget what it felt like to be close to someone until, she lost herself to sleep.

All May did after that day was sleep and think about him. She hadn't heard from him in a while after the goodbye text. She had tried calling him but it wasn't connecting. This only made her more restless. So instead of being restless when awake, she'd thought it rather good to force herself to sleep.

Now, she rolled and turned on her bed as the incessant knock on her door kept coming. She wondered why the person-who after knocking at the door for several times and no one answered it- just couldn't go away. Deciding it was best to disturb her afternoon sleep.

May stomped her fist on her bed and shook her legs in annoyance as the knock came again. This time, even louder than before. At last, she begrudgingly strode to get the door. Lazily scratching her hair as she did, that she looked like she was sleep walking.

She didn't take in the figure standing in front of her in time but when she did, she gasped with expanded eyes, "Mother?"

She didn't let the woman respond as she slammed the door shut out of shock and ran to her room. Looking at her appearance through the mirror, she cringed.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." She whispered to herself as she began to run up and down just to get her self fixed and presentable. She'd never wanted to stand in front of her mother looking so unkempt. It was going to make her mother to kind-of pity her which was the last thing she'd ever want.

Having being satisfied with the way she looked now, she scrambled out of her room. She prayed to see her mother standing outside just to be certain she wasn't seeing things.

To her least expectation, the woman was sitting on her couch in her living room, waiting patiently with leg crossed and looking around the room distastefully. She couldn't believe her daughter lived here comfortably.

"Mother.." May trailed, still surprised that her mother was actually here. She hadn't seen her for years so the surprise visit had taken her off guard.

Mrs. Felix turned her neck slowly towards her daughter whom now looked different compared to earlier when she had come to open the door. The trail of dried saliva that had escaped from May's lips and rode up to her cheeks when she was asleep, were no longer there. It had been washed off. Also, her hair that was jutting out of every corner of her head like a broom stick, had been properly oiled and brushed.

Under the scrutinizing stare of her mother, May felt uneasy. It was like she had turned back to seventeen and needed her mother's approval on anything.

Her mother looked ever beautiful and young, just like she remembered. Dressed in a simple attire-which was far from her mother's taste- that stopped right on her feet, and a piece of clothe that wrapped her hair and her shoulder with the dark shade glasses she wore making her look like an holy spy, May knew that her mother had tried so hard to disguise her identity. She had dressed this way so people wouldn't know she was the governor's wife and not attract unwanted suspicion.

Yet May couldn't help but think her mother was ashamed of her or ashamed of people knowing that the governor's wife had visited a pauper.

"How did you find me and why are you here?"

"My daughter, I've missed you." Mrs. Felix stood up with a smile, opened her arms and waited for May's embrace, "Come to mommy. Come and hug me my child."

"No." May rejected flatly. Suddenly remembering that this was the the same woman who didn't care to call her after she was thrown out by her father from the house that day. The woman who didn't try to reach her or who didn't even know the whereabouts of her daughter and didn't seem to be worried about it, "No, I won't hug you because you stopped caring about me a long time ago. Moreover, you don't miss me. Don't say you do."

"But-"

"Mother! You haven't answered my question." May half yelled, startling her mom.

They stared at each other for a while with May expecting an answer to the question her mother had ignored and her mother, not believing the fact that her daughter was talking to her in this manner. The daughter she had missed for all these years. All the sleepless nights and praying that her pet be well. All the worries and this is what she gains in return for finally setting eyes on her daughter?

As the stare prolonged, they didn't miss the fact they shared something in common; the fact that they were trying hard to hide their true emotions.

Mama May finally found her voice, "Your sister told me she met you. Although, she didn't tell me where you guys met, she only gave me your home address. And.."

"And?"

"And I decided to come see you."

"Why?"

"Why else?! You're my daughter for crying out loud, May. I am your mother and I have every right to love and miss you." Mrs. Felix broke down now in front of her daughter which was something she was doing for the first time in the history of their family. May had never seen her mother cry. "I know you think I didn't.. I didn't look for you when you were sent out. You're wrong, I did. I did everything in my power to find you but your father had the upper hand. He permitted his anger to get the best of him, making sure no one had anything to do with you. If you think I'm lying then ask Mr. David. I called him so many times but he wouldn't give me his address to come see you with an excuse that your father would kill him if he ever did. I was down, May, for years. Trust me, I have never been in that kind of state before until the day you left. I begged. I cried. I prayed. But when it seemed like nothing was going to happen, I had to accept the fact that my daughter was gone. The one I carried and cherished for seventeen years gone just like that because of one silly mistake."

Removing the shade, she dabbed the under of her eyes with her folded handkerchief, "It is unfair that after all these years of hoping and having the feeling that I was going to see you again, you treat your mother in such a way."

"No, mother." May rushed to her side and held her, "Forgive me. I was just shocked from seeing you and I thought..." She blew her nose, "Anyway, it doesn't matter what I thought. You're here now and that's what matters mommy. I love you."

Mother and daughter hugged each other passionately.

"I love you too my daughter. I am so happy to see you again. In fact, my joy knows no bound. I just want you to forgive me."

"For what?" asked, May, pulling away from the hug.

"For not finding you and letting you live this way." Mrs. Felix looked around the house again, disliking the fact that her daughters house had cobwebs up at the far end of the ceiling.

May only smiled and then offered her mother to seat. They both sat side by side on the couch.

"Mother, I am used to it now. There is nothing here.. It just feels normal." May assured her.

"Hm."

"So mother what would you like to be offered? Juice or water?" May asked already standing up so she would go out and get her mother something to drink.

"No. No. I don't want to be offered anything, I am full." Mama May declined, "Come seat. I want to tell you something."

Interested, May sat back down, "What's it?"

"Err.." Mama May shifted uncomfortably, not sure of how May would react to what she was about to say, "Your father sent me to pass a message to you."

May said nothing and her expression remained neutral. So Mama May took it to be a good sign.

She continued, "He said I should ask you to forgive him. That if you're willing to do so and come back to the family, he would accept you wholeheartedly. Also, to make up for his wrong, he would buy you a mansion, a car and start up a business for you. He'll treat you like his own and give you the life you deserve."

Taking May's silence for agreement, she brought out a cheque from her purse, "Here. He said I should give you this cheque as an apology."

"Why didn't he come by himself to apologize if he so meant it?"

"Your father is a busy man. You should've known by now.."

Not making a move to collect the cheque from her, May said, "Tell father that his apology has been accepted but I won't accept the cheque. I've lived almost seven years of my life without his money. I have starved, I have felt pain, I have smelt poverty and I have seen death but I survived it. I will continue to survive without him."

"But May.."

May shook her head sideways in disapproval, "No. Mother, you have delivered the message you were sent to pass to me. Now, you're to please return the same favour to me. Tell father that I would not receive his cheque but I would come to him whenever I am in need of help."

Mama May looked down, not happy with her daughters decision but then what was she to do anyway? It was May's choice.

"Okay. I'm just happy that you still consider us your parents." Mrs. Felix said.

May smiled genuinely, rested her head on her mother's shoulder she told her that, "I don't think that has ever changed. I don't think the fact that you guys are my parents can ever change because even if I was thrown out, the blood of the Felix's family still runs in me."

Mrs. Felix patted May's supple cheeks happily, "Now, that's my girl."

They both chuckled. When it died down- curious to know if Esther had enclosed May's marital issues with their mother, May asked, "Mom, aside from telling you that we met and giving you my home address, did Esther discuss anything else with you?"

Her mother thought for a while, "Hmm.. Nope."

Relief surged through May.

"Is there anything she should have told me or you think I should know?"

"No." May said rather hastily.

Squinting her eyes like she was sure her daughter was hiding something away from her, she asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay. By the way, where is your daughter and your husband?"

"Maryam is with her grandmother and my err.." Not sure if to call him husband. "He travelled to calabar."

"That's nice.." Mrs. Felix smiled, not sensing anything off, "Hope he is treating you well?"

She nodded, having in mind not to drag her mother into this especially since she wasn't aware of it.

"I'll leave soon. But please don't forget to tell Maryam the next time you see her that she has another grandmother who would love to spend some time with her as well."

"I will."

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Better I stop this chapter here. Next would be Efua's engagement party.

*A little spoiler* We are about to have another character whom is going to play a big role in May's life.

See you when I've gathered enough strength and I've updated.

Bye! 👋