The paradox of our minds

When you first saw Maven, you were a servant in the Norta castle. That's when everything was fine, the silvers led and the reds were tools. It was normal. It was decent.

You look at where you are now and look back at the past, wondering why Mare Barrow made everything so wrong.

You never fell for Maven's charm, not as king, not as your enemy. But it was something else about him that made you fall so hard.

Was it his seductive smile? The way the corners of his lips always turn upwards, revealing daggers for teeth? 

Was it his eyes? The icy blue needles that dilate whenever he sees you?

Was it his skin? The hallow, milk-like texture that gave you the warmth you've never felt before.

Too much to believe, too much to deny

At first, you knew loving the monster on the throne was bad. You hated it. But time went by, he grew up and got married, and you left and joined the Scarlet Guard. You hide your obsession - and an obsession it did grow into. You longed for the sight of his smile - eyes - and skin. Whenever you see a pair of icy blue eyes like him, you attack with all you have just to keep the pearls of their faces. You have a collection of eyes of different shades in your dorms, tucked away for nobody to see. Nobody except Maven. When the time comes.

You fool me again to quiet my pride

You are a magnetron Newblood, something you keep solely to yourself. You can produce metal out of absolutely nowhere, and you love your ability. It's the border between monster and human.

Nobody knows you have this ability. Nobody except Farley. Nobody else can know, or they will put you on the frontlines with all of your friends. All of your dead friends. 

"(Y/N)," Farley's voice echoes throughout the broadcast room. You stare at the video Maven made months ago, when Mare was still a captive. The live announcement he made, declaring unions between him and Newbloods. The way he leans his body in his chair was addicting, and you've been staring at it for hours. Literally.

"I can't believe she was locked up for six months," you turn around to look at Farley. Your face was puffy, you had tears rolling down. Tears you never knew you could shed.

"I know," Farley whispers, remembering when she first saw the look on your face during the Scarlet Guard attack, the first one on the castle. The bombs, the silver blood spraying. 

She took your hand that day, trying to lead you out when she saw you fighting with them. That's how she knows about your ability. She wanted you to join them. But you refused. 

Every day Farley gets closer and closer to unraveling why you chose to stay. 

Was it the fear of going against silvers?

Was it the nervousness of being free?

Did you enjoy being a slave, a worker?

She didn't know. Now she feels like she does. Because now that you are one of the top members of the Scarlet Guard, and she feels like she knows you more than anybody else.

But I'm a human, I come with knives

"I'm not going back to Norta," you cross your hands, sitting at the dinner table with all of the problematic warfighters. There's a plate of bison in front of you. 

"I trust you more than anybody else to keep an eye on Maven. You won't fall for his tricks, and I doubt he even notices you were gone." Mare says between bites. You tilt your head, a reaction you wish you could take back. Did he... notice? It never struck you that he didn't. The earrings Evangeline wear start to rattle, and she's not the one doing it. 

"I think you of all people know what's it's like to be under Maven's control, and I don't think we should send our most dangerous Red out to play with that brat." Anabel soothes her words as cutting as knives.

"Our most dangerous Red? What makes me dangerous?" You repeat, leaning forth in your seat to look at her. She has a smirk. Farley gulps down a glass of wine, refusing to look at you. Anabel lifts up a knife with her wrinkles fingers, examining it. Iron. 

"If we were the send this Red off to capture Maven, I say we set up training sections with Evangeline, show them what a real weapon is." And then she threw the knife in your direction. Evangeline tenses, lifting her hand. But you grab it before she can. The knife appears hits an invisible barrier as it collapses within itself, turning into a sheet before melting into a liquid and landing on the table. 

Everybody is shocked, surprised at the sudden action. Everybody except Farley and your interrogator, who have smiles on their lips.

"Rise red as dawn," Farley whispers under her breathe, turning to you with a smile. For a second you forgot about her betrayal of your secret. All you saw was your sister, a friend you've had for a year. You smile back, not realizing what that means for you and her. 

I never promised you an open heart or a charity

Evangeline lifts her hands, sending her metal uniform off of her body to reveal a battle suit. Classic. You think about doing the same once you meet with Maven. You love him with all of your heart, but the thought of seeing him again feels like poison to your skin. He won't be the same. He won't love you. 

"I won't go easy on you, and I know he won't either." Yes, he will. 

You smirk, mimicking her actions. Metal form at your fingertips and forms like daggers, twisting and turning to your might.

"I'll put up a fight," you coo. She turns her head, a smirk on her lips. 

With the starting clap of Farley, the battle begins. 

You take the first step in, twisting metal into multiple needles and sending it her way. She quickly makes a shield as she morphs her materials. You just feed her. She throws knives at you in ways you haven't learned to. Unlike you, she knows the feeling of metal from every form. It's a talent you have to be taught, not born with. Your weak point is behind you, where she finds out immediately. Your back gets clawed up in a second before you find the strength to grab ahold of all of her metal. All of it, even the remaining in her hair. Everything freezes, shaking violently. And then it disappeared, letting her hair down as she looks around. She feels nothing, she can't find metal anywhere around her. 

And then it appears again, storming around her like a hurricane. She tries to grab onto it but the motions are too fast. 

Soon, the metal turns from sheets to knives as they cut along her skin. 

I never wanted to abuse your imagination

For a second, you see Maven in the mess, looking at your with his icy eyes.

You stop, only for a second. 

"I'm done with training." You say quietly, dropping all the metal. She's torn up, her hair missing clunks, her clothes practically off of her body. She's shocked, not able to take anything in. 

Farley claps, happy that a Red managed to throw off somebody like Evangeline. 

Nobody cares to stop you when you walk out. Nobody can stop you. 

You step outside, the cold air taking you in its grasp. You can feel the gods looking at you, and you exhale. 

There's no metal in the forest, it's a relief.

You love the sight of the flowers and how they got brighter and brighter as you get deeper. Relax, you tell yourself. Just look at the flowers. Everything will be okay. Maven will be fine. You'll just pretend to kill him and hold him in your own little metal cage for him. A cage that will help you see those icy eyes every day. A cage covered in the eyes of the dead. 

"It's almost like you knew I was out here," the familiar voice breathes with the wind. 

I come with knives

You hold your fingers up, turning around with daggers flying against the current. Jon doesn't dodge. They stop right in front of him. He was a smile on his face. Old friends. 

"You knew." Is all you can say.

"I did."

"What you did was nothing."

You step closer to him, seeing the flower between his fingers. 

"They are lovely aren't they, Norta can never produce such beauties." He twirls the piece of nature, looking down at it. It's a red bloom. You take offense.

"Don't change the subject, Jon." You want to sound strong, but it comes out desperate.

You walk closer to him, closer than he'd want. 

"Tell me what happens or it's your life," your fingers dance around his neck. It tenses you but eases him.

"Or maybe yours." He teases, putting the flower behind your ear. You blink. You can feel the rage seeping into your heart. Your hands grab his throat, wrapping around it easily.

I come with knives

"Give me an answer Jon."

"You can't kill me." He stifles a chuckle, his fingers wrapping around your arm. If he's nervous, you can't tell. He hides it well. You wish you could, too.

You don't respond, only tightening your grasp. His eyes gaze out for a while before returning to their vibrant colors. He knows you'll kill him. He knows what path to take. He doesn't immediately, it's the moment your other hand lifts up that he gives in. He has other things to attend to, he can't die now. 

"Kill the lightning girl if she gets too close," he says softly. You let him go, and he catches his breath.

"Why even talk to me if you knew I was going to do that?" You ask, taking a step back. Giving your old friend a break.

"She's a threat to your Maven. But play nice. They are suspicious." He smirks, his red eyes piercing through you. You rest yourself on your knees, running a hand through your hair.

"Jon." You let out, weak yet defensive.

"I have to go." He turns around.

"Jon, I swear to God if you take another step I will cut your feet off." You don't even look up to see if he stopped or not.

"No, you won't."

And agony

"I want to go to Norta." You approach Farley, who turns around with the ghost of Clara in her hands.

"(Y/N)," she sounds defenseless. 

"I need to go, I want to kill him," you take both of her hands, putting them to your heart, "with my bare fucking hands." She smiles, suddenly looking behind you. Your heart races. You feel fear, you feel scared. You turn around. Mare Barrow is standing at the door, a smile on her face. Your blood runs cold.

I want to kill her

To love you

Before your take off, you look at the countless jars of eyes pilled under your bed. They are so beautiful. You pick out four of your favorites; the ones closest to Maven's color are the ones you take with you. You need to prepare yourself. No more useless training. No more stretches or immature banter. You need to prepare yourself. Mentally. This is either the death of Maven - or you. 

And you don't know which one you'd prefer.

Kinder und Sterne küssen und verlieren sich

You hate the feeling of Norta compared to Monfort. Norta is dry, empty, covered in trees and pain. 

You lose yourself when you step onto the ground. This is it. This is the end. You almost want to jump back into the dropjet and go back home. 

They are suspicious. 

Jon's words echo in your head, making the metal in your hair tingle against your ear. You are laced with hidden materials. It's in your hair, ears, laced in your teeth and under your fingertips. Places they will never find it. 

You look up at the stars. The night is peaceful. Please, don't let this be your last.

Greifen leise meine Hand und führen mich

Two Reds working with you grab your hand, leading you into the night. They lead you to the castle, the number of steps you take reach the thousands. You have your bag over your shoulders, the jars of eyes making noise. You want to cry, each step reaching your soul and releasing you slowly. They've done this before, maybe countless of times before. You don't know. And you don't want to know. How can they do this so easily? Knowing that if they get caught, it's their lives? Again, they are just worthless Reds, unnoticeable.

You don't have to listen to the Scarlet Guard. They are unnoticeable. 

You are everything.

You are everything to Maven.

And you know you are.

You remember something you always tried not to. Honestly, Mare was wrong - Maven did realize you left. You were always noticed within the castle. Maven teased you with his crown until you could practically feel it on your own head. You felt powerful with him as he eyed you ever time you passed him. You were noticed, and you didn't tell anybody. Because you always knew you'd come back like this, a weapon. And you know whose side you are on. 

And it's not the Scarlet Guards.

Die Traumgötter brachten mich in eine Landschaft

This isn't life and death, so why are you making it so?

"Thank you guys so much," you touch the shoulders of the Reds who walked with you. It's the night. You're all alone. They trust you. Their mistake.

The metal under your fingernails slips easily away from you and through their necks. The back of the castle is right in front of you. You don't bother looking at the worthless Reds as the slump down next to you. It's time. 

In der Mitternacht

You make your way inside of the castle, metal lacing above your uniform. It curls around your thighs and arms, holding you tightly. Your waist gets squeezed until you cannot breathe. You gear up. You will do anything to get to Maven. 

And you do.

You leave sentinels on their knees, trying to reach to you. 

The metal on your body gets left behind around necks and inside of eye sockets. 

By the time you reach Maven's doors, you are scared to even open it. All of the metal left your body. All of it. And you're scared. 

Even though you can produce metal, you feel empty. What if Iris is in there?

Your face flushes, turning a bright red.

You almost contemplate leaving in that instant. 

Marital tendencies.

Jesus Christ.

Through the pain and awkwardness, you open the door slowly.

The Monotony

Maven sleeps with a silent snooze, sleeping calmly on his back. He doesn't move. It shivers you cold. Your breath gets caught in your throat. This is unbelievable. 

You step closer to Maven, feeling your pulse surging through the metals in the room. None on his body, gladly. You put your bag on the floor with a quick clink.

You think about all of the things you can do with a sleeping Maven.

The door closes from behind you, the metal doorknobs your advantage. Nobody can get in if you desire. 

Kill the lightning girl if she get's too close. As long as you are with Maven, there's no closer that Red rat can get. 

You're happy the Scarlet Guard isn't here. He's so vulnerable, so quiet. So peaceful. No monster is inside of this shell. Nobody incapable of love. 

"I'm sorry, Farley," you whisper as you brush your fingers against his cheek. His cheeks are hallowed yet pointy and high. He has such an angled face. It's absolutely to die for. He is so addicting, how can anybody hate him?

And the rising tide

"How can Iris be so clueless about what she is devoted to? So distasteful, so disgraceful." You say quietly, stroking his cheeks. Once you start, you can't stop. The feeling of his skin from under you is so beautiful, so astonishing. You want to feel more. You need to feel more.

As slick as a fox, he grabs your wrist. His icy blue eyes stare at you in rage... and then surprise. He can't hide his emotions from you, his only true love. No, no, no. Never.

Is under my skin, is crawling inside

You're embarrassed about how you reacted. Honestly, it was so horribly thought out and disgusting.

You pinned him down to the bed, climbing on top of him with anger in your eyes. You acted like a wild animal; terrifying. Metal slipped from your fingers as you wrapped it around his waist and eventually feet, keeping him tied. 

You shush him as you cover his mouth with thick metal. 

You laugh.

You laughed in his face.

And he almost enjoyed it. 

Adrenaline to rewire my mind

"You're so beautiful, and those eyes..." You coo, stroking his face. He looks up at you with his piercing winter eyes. His entire body is tense under you, ready to strike at any moment of weakness. You're lucky he doesn't sleep with his bracelets on. 

"Oh, I have a present for you. But you'll have to stand up." You exclaim with a proud smile. You get off of him and walk your way to your bag. With your back turned, you create a chair made of pure metal that you make fresh from your fingertips. Maven watches, wondering how the beautiful Red could be so dangerous and lived right under his nose. 

"No, this chair should be a throne shouldn't it? Pretend the metal is silent stone." You laugh. The chair grows into a familiar structure you've been staring at since you were practically a child. And next to it, you make a small table. This will be a fun night. 

You put your bag on the table before walking up to Maven's still laying form. The metal around his arms and legs wrapped tightly around the rest of his limbs and then reaching his waist. You lift him up, carrying him to the chair with your powers. There, he sits uncomfortably as the metal on his body combines into the chair, leaving him connected to it. You stand on the other side of the table, facing him with proud eyes. 

I'm only human, I come with knives

"Your present is ready~ I got you a few little trophies that I've collected over time without you. These are my favorites, of course. I have way more." You saw as you pick up the jars, slamming each one individually onto the table. You think about what would have happened if you had bought all of them; clink clink clink clink clink clink clink...

His eyes widen wider than they ever had. He wiggles against his restraints, unable to put on any mask for you. When you were a servant, he desired you greatly. You were a queen - a goddess in your eyes. Now, seeing how powerful and insane you are, he's indifferent about his feelings. He has no idea how he feels or what you're going to do to him. 

All of the eyes looked like him, and it was a great discomfort. He imagines what will happen if his eyes end up in there.

Slowly, you step up to Maven with your arms wide. He expected his life to flash before his eyes. He thought about his mother, Thomas, and Mare. He expected his death. He expected everything except the embrace that you gave him.

"I'll save you."

I come with knives

And agony

To love you

"Maven is missing?" Farley repeats another member of the Scarlet Guards' words. Her face flushes a hot red. Her suspicions were correct. How could you betray her? She loved you like a sister, trusted you like she never thought she could trust anybody. 

She clenches her fists, not knowing if she'll ever unclench them again. 

All she can do is grind her teeth in pure rage, wondering if she should have killed you all of the nights she trusted you to share a bed. 

Schmetterlinge flatterten durch meine Seele

"Now, we are alone. Nobody can touch us, not Jon, not nobody." You whisper into Maven's ear. In the middle of the darkest forest, you stand in a metal box, one bigger than any bedroom you've ever been in. And you're the only one who can get in or out.

Die Traumgötter brachten mich in eine Landschaft

And that's the way you want it, Maven only to your access for the rest of your life.