My anger sobers me up quickly and I realise that it's getting harder to focus on not letting the kiss get to me. I'm not drunk but the lack of food in my system had the alcohol work its way into my senses making me feel more like I have the body mass of a feather than an actual human being. Charlie's eyes are resting on mine which also makes me realise he's waiting for a response to what I can only think of as an idiotic question.

"I didn't 'run off'" I air-quote with my fingers as I push myself away from Charlie, putting a reasonable amount of space between us. I've learnt that being near him when there's even a drop of alcohol in me is a terrible idea "I removed myself from a situation that I had no business being in. If I wanted to watch people kissing I think I'd know where to go."

If Charlie knows that I'm too unadventurous to watch porn, he doesn't show it. Instead, he furrows his brows, a fascinating gleam in his eyes.

"Are you confessing to having a PornHub subscription?" He asks.

"That's not-I don't-You're missing the point." I huff, ignoring the fact that my face is starting to warm up. Charlie has a mastery for making me hot and speechless and it makes me wonder if I have the same effect on him.

His eyes stay on mine wickedly, forcing me to concentrate on the depth of the blue orbs. It's amazing how his eyes are the perfect combination of the colours of the earth. When bright enough to discern, it reminds me of where the highland hits the water, the rich chocolate brown of the soil mixed with the deep blue beauty of the water with just the right speck of golden sunshine. A glance from him makes me feel bare-to the point where it's easy for him to unearth something about me without giving anything away.

The realisation makes me angry.

"What is it that you want?" I ask gruffly not caring that my voice is rough. "Why aren't you with your girlfriend-Alexis-whoever. Why did you come here?"

Charlie shrugs "I don't know. I just want to be here."

"That's not enough of an explanation," I say. I wait for him to say something but when he doesn't I nod and take it as my cue to leave. I lean in to snatch my skittles from the counter, hating the rage that's building in the hollow of my chest and bubbling in my veins. Most especially hating that the first thing I wanted to do when I leaned in was to embrace the spicy smell of his cologne. I don't expect Charlie to stop me but it doesn't make it sting less as I walk out of what was my little sanctuary for some minutes.

I hide the pack of skittles in my purse. Thankfully, Rex is nowhere to be seen and that's a source of relief for me. I hate to think about what he's doing at the moment but when a picture of him and the blonde from earlier pops in my head, I have to blink away the sting in my eyes.

Damn the blondes.

I make my way up the stairs quickly in search of a restroom. When I find one in an empty bedroom, I storm into it and lock the door. I let out a huge sigh as I look in the mirror.

My reflection mocked me.

What am I doing? What the hell am I doing? Acting like a brat to my friend because Charlie is being Charlie and I thought things would be different because of me? A laugh simmers in my throat. I need to get over this main character syndrome I seem to have.

I have no right to demand explanations from anybody. Certainly not from Charlie. I've felt too entitled for someone who's nothing to him. I wrote an article for him, he was a douche, end of the story. That should have been it. But things got complicated with the kiss.

Starting from the first one on Russel Westbrooke Court.

I close my eyes, my breathing the only sound floating around the restroom. I need to apologise to Elle. She was only looking out for me and I took it personally. She has always been there for me-they all have. They stuck with me even with my standoffish behaviour in freshman year. And they're the only friends I have managed to have in all my years of living.

Opening my eyes, I wash my hands before exiting the bathroom and making my way down the stairs.

Two girls are standing by the stairway, both dressed as nuns, arguing over who's paying for their Uber ride back to campus tonight.

It hit me that we have to leave as early as possible in the morning if the girls want to make it for their morning classes.

"Lorraine?" The shorter one of them, who made a good choice by not painting her face white stops me as I reach the landing. I don't stop walking because I didn't think anyone other than my three friends knew my identity. But I guess a rumour would do that to you "You're Lorraine right?"

"Yeah," I answer hesitantly as I turn around to face them. No one has directly approached me about the rumour or about last night (which in some sense is the beauty of college, unlike high school where people felt the need to be in your business) but I have a feeling it's about to start with the two fake nuns in front of me "Yeah, um, that's me."

"Three girls were looking around for you. One of them was dressed as a power puff girl?" She raises her eyebrows before continuing "It seemed one of them-the black one- got in a heated argument that led to a fight."

"A fight?" My face morphed into utter shock, ignoring how she emphasises the word black like that somehow explains why the fight happened. "What-where-with who?"

"Yeah," the taller one jumps to reply, her eyes glazing over at the remembrance of the event in a can't believe I witnessed a fighting kind of way. "With the redhead-what was her name again?" She looks to her friend for help but they both come up blank.

"Bronte?" I say more to myself than the girls in front of me.

"That's it." She nods her head excitedly before turning back to her friend who's now yelling at the Uber driver. "Tell him to tell us where he is. He is here, isn't he? He's lying because the app doesn't even say he arrived yet!"

Blinking, I realise the birds are done relaying their message and make my way hurriedly towards the living room. The crowd in the hallway has reduced abundantly confirming the aftermath of a fight. Getting to the living room, I find a few familiar faces huddled around Bronte who's sitting in between Aarti on the sofa and Charlie on the armrest. She seems to be explaining something to them, looking very pissed.

There's no sight of my friends.

I pull out my phone from my purse immediately my quick fingers dialling Elle's number. It goes straight to voicemail. "Shit," I mumble to myself when I click on the 8 missed calls and I have. 5 from Elle, 3 from Sam. "Shit," I say again. This time a little too loudly because a few pair of eyes turn to me-including Charlie's and I know without hesitation that I need to get out of there. As I turn around to leave, Charlie and I lock eyes briefly but I don't wait for one more second before turning on my heel and walking out into the corridor.

My heels are clicking on the floor hastily, sporadic breaths escaping my mouth as my shaking fingers click on the Uber app. The night air is chilly and I suppress a shiver and the stinging in my eyes. We shouldn't have come to this party. I don't know what made me think I had a shot at this. At anything. With Rex-with Charlie. And now my friends probably hate me already.

"Lorraine-" I jerk slightly at the feel of Charlie's fingers on my elbow. I want to fall into the warmth of his fingers. I want him to wrap his hands around me and tell me everything will be fine. Instead, I take a step back. I've made a fool of myself enough. It's time to get a grip and face the reality that the feeling I got when we kissed is one-sided "hey, hold up."

I don't have the time for another conversation with Charlie.

"I, um, have to find my friends." I swallow "Shadé got in a fight-"

"I know." He nods "they were looking for you but the situation was getting real heated, they had to leave. Dante left to drop them off at my dad's."

"Okay. Thanks." I mumble and for some reason, I add "I'm gonna call a Uber."

"I'll drop you." It comes out more like an open-ended suggestion than the usual assertive way he poses things most times. Charlie pauses and I realise he's waiting for me to reject his offer. He clears his throat "if you want.."

Everything in me screamed no.

"That would be great," I reply, offering him a small smile of gratitude. I accept his ride for two reasons: one, I get to save 7$ in-cab money and two, I don't want to come off as passive-aggressive. In reality, Charlie has done nothing wrong to me. I set high standards for him which he didn't reach. My bad. Not his.

"Ok." He responds, huffing out a breath as he brings out his keys from his pocket. The sleek BMW flashes with a beep beep as it unlocks and we both get in. Ignoring the cold feel of the leather seat against my skin, I click on our group chat and shoot a quick is everyone alright, heard about the fight text as Charlie pulls out of Sawyer's large compound.

I sigh when I get no reply.

"No examiner in their right mind would pass you if he or she has to remind you to put your seatbelt on."

Looking away from my phone, I furrow my brows as I stare at the side of Charlie's blue (but still weirdly beautiful in the darkness of the car) face. My eyes linger on the mop of dark brown locks on his hair and I could almost feel their softness on the tip of my finger as I remember running my hands through them. I'd give anything to be able to lean in and touch them again. And hear him moan against my mouth at the touch. "Huh?"

"Your seatbelt." He glances at the unbuckled belt sitting by my hand "that should be the first thing you're reaching for when you get in any car. Driving or not."

I feel my cheeks heat up as I pull the damn thing over to the other side. Other people got the habit of biting their nails and I got not using my seatbelt -plus overthinking every single thing that happens in my life.

"Guess that explains why I failed the first time," I murmur. Not that I didn't know that already.

"First time?" He asks "how many times did you fail your test?"

It takes me a good few seconds to answer for two reasons. It's a bit of an embarrassing subject for me and two, I'm trying to decide if Charlie is worth knowing that about me.

"I'm not gonna judge." He adds as we pull onto the street.

"Five-six?" I squint my eyes thoughtfully "Five. The 6th one doesn't count because I chickened out before the test. There was no way I could have handled another fail." I mumble remembering how awful I felt driving back home in the backseat of my mum's car. Not the best place to be at the age of 16 when everyone else was getting cars as birthday presents. I was the only one in the way of getting something everyone had and it sucked. Still sucks.

"I failed mine twice before nailing it the 3rd time." He admits causing me to stare at him in subtle shock. Am I surprised that Charlie Murtaugh failed his driving test? Yes because he doesn't seem like he fails at anything in life. However, I'm more surprised that he told me about it.

I didn't expect the honesty.

"How come?" I find myself asking.

"I had problems with authoritative figures back in high school. Didn't listen to my driving instructor when he told me not to drink or smoke before my test." He murmurs, a small scoff-like laugh following his words. Charlie stares at the road ahead of us long and hard and I can't help but picture a younger Charlie being defiant. The ultimate high school delinquent. Any curiosity I have about his childhood is killed by his question "what's your excuse?"

I clear my throat as I remember my first test "after weeks of practising I was confident about taking my test. However, when the day came I was so nervous that I forgot to use my indicators. When the examiner told me to 'stop right there' I stopped in the middle of the road instead of pulling up. To top it all off, I wasn't even using my belt." There's a short pause as Charlie waits for me to continue "The more I did it, the less I knew what I was doing, you know, and the more I hated it. I haven't driven a car in 2 years."

"Damn." He glances at me "do you know how to swim at all?"

My cheeks heat over again at the mention of yet another thing I managed to fail at and the remembrance of him getting me out of the water "I do but only in the shallow end," I tell him "my mum, um, she pushed me in the deep end-when I was 6-" I swallow, the sordid memory making my heart thump faster "I'll never forget hitting the water and thinking this is it. I'm going to die. I've had a fear ever since. It's stupid, I know-"

"It's not stupid." Charlie disagrees, shaking his head "That's a perfectly reasonable fear." In the wake of controlling my insides from melting, he adds in a lighter tone "what crime did you commit that made your mum want to off you."

I can't help the small laugh that escapes my throat. Although I'm glad that Charlie is making this out to be a joke, I'm relieved that he's not being judgemental. I'm used to getting the typical 'swimming's so easy, why can't you do it' reaction from people.

"It was a mistake," I say. If my mum could apologise every day for being the cause of one of my childhood traumas she would.

"You mean that's what she told you to cover up her assassination attempt?"

"Funny." I deadpan but there's a small smile on my face. "If my mum wanted to kill me, I think she would have done it in a more Jef Costello type of way. She is obsessed with the guy."

Charlie arches an eyebrow. "Your mum's watched Le Samouraï?"

I nod, my eyes darting towards my phone screen when the screen lit up.

headache
@ Charlie's.
WHERE R U?!!

"By any chance, is she open to a second marriage?"

"She might be-" I say absentmindedly. My fingers whip up a quick reply to Elle's text informing her that I'm only two or three minutes away. When the message sends, I look back up "-but I doubt my dad is. He's not a big fan. Actually, on second thought, my mum doesn't like you either."

"Why?" I want to tell him that's a stupid question to ask but it seems like he figures it out himself when he twitches uncomfortably in his seat. When the car stops I realise we've pulled into Charlie's compound. A part of me wants to apologise for bringing it up but I know I shouldn't. 10 seconds of uncomfortableness is nothing compared to the weeks I spent feeling sh*t about myself for his actions. Charlie turns to face me after turning off the ignition, his dark eyes locked in mine. Although the length of his thick lashes is casting a beautiful shadow over his eyes, for the first time tonight, I notice the bags under them. I can't help but wonder if I'm the reason he didn't get a good nights sleep. "I'm sorry sophomore. Truly."

The sincerity in his voice sends a shiver down my back and I have to force myself to keep eye contact. I want to ask him about Alexis. I want to ask him if he felt the same way about our kiss. I want to ask him if he still thinks about how I taste and how I smell. But I'm terrified of the answer.

So instead I say "Thanks for the ride." I unbelt myself.

"Tonight-" My hand drop from the door handle and I turn back to face him expectantly. He continues hesitantly "-we should talk about it."

"What part?" I blurt, then clear my throat to calm my insides "The part where you invited me out as friends, ignored me the whole ride to the party or, the part where you kissed your ex-girlfriend in my face and then asked me why I didn't stay to watch?" My stomach twists into knots as the words pile out of my mouth.

"She kissed me."

"You kissed her back." I whisper. I hate that my voice is thick with emotion. I hate that after everything, this seem to hurt me the most.

After everything, I seem to have caught feelings for the one person I shouldn't.