tw: (very minimal & subtle) hints of physical abuse
word count ~ 1.2 k

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i can hear sienna cooing at rosie - my golden retriever - before she starts to make her way up the stairs. i look back down at my phone, watching a slew of texts appear on my notification center, making me bite my lower lip nervously. i shut my phone off, placing it flat down on the counter before taking a deep breath. connor could wait.

i walk out the bathroom just as sienna enters my room. she spots me walking out of the en suite and runs over to me, engulfing me in a hug. "ugh i missed you lili", she says, wrapping her arms around me tightly, making me slightly wince. she pulls back slightly, giving me a weird look, "are you okay..??" "i'm good, i think my body is just tired from the party last night", i say, shrugging my shoulders as i walk towards my bed, sitting on it.

"im so upset i couldn't go, i was stuck at home doing stupid hurricane preparations" sienna wines, falling back down dramatically on my bed. i laugh at her antics, propping my elbows back and facing her. "well hurricane preparations are really important cece, i would have gone if it wasn't for connor begging me to come with."

"i knoww i know, but it's not even like we need much help on this side of the island - it's the cut that gets absolutely torn", sienna says, as she begins to sit up. i smile sadly at her words, and the underlying concern in her voice. "i know.. it's completely unfair", i reply, grabbing my phone. i unlock it, opening the messages up and clicking on my messages with connor.

connor <33

hey baby

babe?? why aren't you answering the phone

aaliyahhh

i know you're awake

is this about last night?

babe i told you im sorry, you know how i get when i drink too much

i didn't mean it i swear, you know i love you

as i read the multiple texts, memories plague my mind, making my stomach twist. as much as i want to scream, and cry, and run away - i can't - connor is the only love i've ever known. whatever he did, he did it out of love. maybe he is a monster, or maybe i'm the monster, by forgiving and forgetting. i found myself responding to his messages, obeying my heart instead of my head.

i mean, there was no way he did it to harm me, right? however, the back and forth of my thoughts are interrupted by a sudden snapping in front of my face.

i look up from my phone to find sienna standing in front of me, looking quite confused. "earth to aaliyah!!! i've been calling your name for ages", she exclaims slightly out of breath, followed with a suite of giggles. "i think you drank wayy too much last night, you're so off today" she continues, still laughing as she changes into a new top.

i playfully roll my eyes at her, finally setting my phone down on the bed. i take one last deep breath as sienna is changing, reflecting on everything. which was pointless, because i just ended up doing what i always do. i shoved those feelings of hurt, uncertainty, and self disdain, deep into the depths of my heart. i locked them away with chains. and on the surface, resided the sunshine personality i was known for. and for as long as i could remember, it worked - for now anyways.

i got up from the bed, walking over to my closet, before turning back over to sienna. "do you think we're gonna come back here before heading to the keg tonight?" i ask, trying to figure out what the hell i was going to wear.

"hmm.. i think it'd be smarter to come back here before the keg, that way we can change into other clothes", sienna replies, making me nod my head. i decide on a simple pink cropped top, with my favorite pair of denim shorts. i hold them out to sienna for approval, smiling at her enthusiastic nod.

i walk over to my vanity, smiling at sienna who was sat in the chair. "should i do my hair now or later before the keg?" i ask her, dragging over my desk chair to sit alongside her.

"i say later.. we're probably only going to be at sarah's for like an hour tops." i nod my head, reaching over her for a moment to grab a spray bottle. i refresh my curls ever so slightly, not caring to do much else. i look over at sienna, who's currently on her phone. "what are you doing tonight.. i was thinking you could stay over after the hangout?" i ask her, raising an eyebrow at her through the mirror, as i put my everyday jewelry on.

"oohh yess, i wasn't planning on doing anything tonight", she enthusiastically replies, making my smile widen. a night with my favorite person was all i needed to feel better. "okay good, because i grabbed these brownie thingy mix a few days ago, and really want to bake them", i say, my mouth already salivating at the thought of said brownies.

once i finished, i brought my legs up on the chair, and hugged them close to my chest. i laid my head on sienna's shoulder, who was still seated in the fluffy chair beside me. just being in her presence was enough for me. enough to make me momentarily forget about the turmoil that was my mind.

we stayed there for a moment, snapping a few mirror selfies. i sprayed some light body mist on myself before moving over to grab my phone. i opted on not bringing a purse, given that we were only going to be a few minutes away. i did grab my lipgloss however, shoving it into my back-pocket before looking over at sienna. "your car right?" i asked in confirmation, nodding slightly at her sarcastic "duhh".

as we made our way out my room, i made sure to stop by my sister's room, letting her know i wouldn't be home before heading downstairs. i said goodbye to my parents as well, making sure to give rosie a bunch of kisses before finally exiting.

we walked to sienna's car, which was just in back of mine. out of absolutely nowhere, sienna dashed over to the passenger door, holding it open. "my passenger princess" she giggled, dramatically bowing as i approached. i couldn't help the laughter that escaped my lips, and i shook my head at her antics.

once she got in the car, i connected my phone to the aux per usual, opening Spotify. "taylor?" i asked, even though we both knew i was already going to play her. "duhh, play call it what you want" she replies, and i excitedly scroll down on the playlist, until i reach the song.

and as we make the quick drive over to sarah's, i can't help but be grateful for this life. sure, there were a few things that could be better.. but i was incredibly lucky. and nothing could change that. right?

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in case you were wondering what the outfit looked like:

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hi loveliess!! so this one is way longer to the first chapter i feel like, but it's mainly just a filler chapter lol

the pogues will make their first appearance in the next chapter :)) so excited

as always! if you liked this, comment and/or vote!!

love you all <3