He's waiting for me to say something but I don't know where to start. I've been thinking about it for two days and I still have nothing.

"Do you want me to talk first?" He asks gently.

I shake my head. "No." I clench my jaw and unclasp my necklace and drop it into his outstretched palm before moving to sit in front of the fireplace. I pull my knees up my chin and stare into the flames.

"Syrra what is this?"

"A soul," I mutter.

"Whose?"

I clench my jaw tighter. "Peter's."

He doesn't say anything and when I glance over at him he is staring at the glowing blue vial in his hand.

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry. I know I should have talked to you first but I didn't know what to do," I whisper, my voice cracking. "I didn't expect to find my mate so soon and I wasn't ever planning on having a child and I don't know if I can handle all of this."

He looks up at me. But there is no anger in his eyes, only pain. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not good at talking to people—about myself anyway. We've been together for quite a while now but you know nothing about me," I sigh.

"I know plenty about you—"

"No you don't Kaine. And that's not your fault," I added with a tiny half-smile. "There are a lot of things I can't tell you about me or my past."

"Why though? We're mates we don't need to keep secrets. Why can't you tell me?" He asks.

I shake my head. "I just can't Kaine. Please understand that," I murmur.

He slides off the bed and crouches down in front of me. His golden gaze is fixed on mine. "Syrra if you can't tell me then just tell me why at least," he pleads and I shake my head again.

"Please Syrra I love you."

My lip trembles and I feel a tear slip down my cheek. "Gods why did you have to say that?" I whisper, burying my face in my hands.

"I don't understand. You're making it sound like that's a bad thing. Why?"

My stomach twists deep in my gut and my chest tightens. I shake my head as the tears stream down my face. "Because you won't love me after I tell you."

He puts his hands on either side of my face and kisses my forehead, wiping away the tear with his thumb. "Nothing you say will stop me from loving you. I promise," he says firmly, pulling me into his chest.

I close my eyes, sucking in a harsh breath to stop the sobs. It takes me several minutes to calm my heart and slow my breathing. My forehead rests against his shoulder and my fingers are curled into his shirt.

"Do you know how many people I've killed?" I murmur.

"No," he replies, his voice quiet and confused.

I let out a shaky breath. "My father was the clan leader for centuries and his title was supposed to go to my cousin after he died. Everyone knew she was next in line; she had nearly a hundred years on me as far as knowledge and experience. It made sense for him to choose her.

"When they disappeared I just couldn't stand having my cousin as the clan leader so I made her step down. She refused. She said by challenging her position I made myself an enemy of the clan. The warriors tried to capture me for execution but they couldn't. I killed nearly a hundred witches in a single day and almost killed my own cousin just so I could be clan leader.

"I exiled my cousin. I told her if she returned I would kill her myself. Then I turned my attention to the other clans. Their leaders were upset at how I claimed my title so I took theirs as well. I killed hundreds more people including the clan leaders before declaring myself the queen."

Kaine sighs. "Now why would that make me stop loving you?" He asks, tilting my head up.

I can feel my eyes turn glassy again. "Because I enjoy it. I like it when people are afraid of me. I killed hundreds of people—innocent people—and didn't even think twice about it. As soon as you left I killed a woman and put her body on display in front of my own home so no one would try to take my throne while I was away."

He doesn't speak but I can just see him slipping away from me. He stares blankly at me, deep creases forming in his forehead when he frowns.

"Please say something," I croak out after several minutes of silence.

"What do you want me to say?" he asks. His voice is completely void of emotion. He sounds empty.

"I don't care―yell at me, call me a murderer―just say something, please," I plead.

"I need some time alone."

I can feel relief sweep over me. Letting him think about it will probably end worse for me but at least he'll be able to figure out what is best for him. "Okay," I whisper, my voice cracking. I stand up and move to the bed to take the necklace back.

"Leave it."

I glance back at him but he is only looking at the glowing vial. I nod and head out into the hall. I close the door behind me and manage to make it down the stairs before collapsing.

I blink hard and I'm in my bedroom. Exhaustion sweeps over me instantly; every part of my body aches and throbs.

I try to stand but end up crumpling to the floor with a shuddering breath. I feel drained and weak as I curl in on myself.

"Are you okay?"

I look up, my eyes burning with tears. Rexall creeps closer, his head bowed as he picks his way across my bedroom.

"Bring me the bottle of dormiens." I tell him.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

I bite my cheek, hard enough to make myself bleed. Then I let out a shaky breath. "Yes."

He chirps a little and snatches the bottle out of my bag. I take it from his talons.

"So it didn't go well?"

The laugh that escapes my lips is sardonic and cold. "It went as expected," I drawl, pulling the stopper from the bottle. "He reacted the same way the others did."

I put it to my lips and let the bitter liquid trickle down my throat. I drink every last drop before throwing the empty bottle at the wall.

It shatters and sends shards flying around my room.

I lay on my back, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and wait for my heartbeat to slow before opening them again. I twirl my fingers and the ceiling fades until there is nothing between me and the sky.

There are thousands of white specks against the black abyss. Clouds of green and purple bloom across the sky, almost appearing to move across the sea of stars.

"So you're really going to do this?" Rexall asks gently.

I nod, swallowing hard. He settles beside me, tucking his wings close to his body. My fingers trail over his feathered head as I let my gaze wander across the night sky. "It's time to move on."

******

So I know this chapter is super short but I had a painful day so I wrote a painful chapter and I felt the need to end it here (cause I'm a little bitch).

What POV do you guys want for the next chapter? (And you're not allowed to pick Kaine or Syrra)