Okay so I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I just had two more friends commit suicide . . . That's five in the last three years . . . Life officially sucks and I don't know how long it's going to be until I update again. I might start updating more cause I deal with this kind of shit by writing and sleeping so it depends on which one I end up doing more of. I know most of you guys will understand and thank you for that.

*******

"Gods do you all have an entire library in your minds?"

Kyla giggles. "It's not difficult. It merely requires practice."

"Yeah I don't think I could ever remember all of that stuff even with decades of practice."

"The rune helps. Queen Syrra and I come from the same clan where knowledge is valued above everything so we both have the rune for knowledge," she tells me.

I frown. "I thought only clan leaders get the tattoo?"

"I was the clan leader for more than a year while Queen Syrra was building her throne."

My eyes go wide. "Aren't you only eleven?"

She nods. "Twelve in a few weeks," she replies.

"Okay so who's the leader now?"

"My brother. He took over so I could train under Jalen."

"Hey what's going on in here?"

My gaze snaps to my mate in the doorway. Her eyebrow is raised and there is an amused smile on her lips.

"I'm learning tons of new things, like how Kyla apparently took over as clan leader for a while when you were becoming Queen."

"She still is the clan leader, her brother just stands in her place until her training is finished," she explains.

I make a face. "Well an eleven year old girl officially has more responsibility than me."

Syrra shakes her head a little with a small laugh. "Well how is he doing Kyla?" She asks.

"Better, the venom is nearly gone now," she says.

"Finally, I'm so tired of sitting in this room," I sigh.

Kyla smiles. "If you wish to leave you may. I will tell Jalen that you are healed."

"Oh gods thank you. You're fun to talk to but there is too much blood and death in this place," I mutter with a grimace.

Syrra chews on her lip as she glances around. "Sadly it has been worse. For the first time in centuries, we have enough healers to properly care for our wounded."

"Why do you guys stay here if it's so dangerous?" I ask.

"This is where the—"

"—Kyla you may leave now," Syrra suddenly interrupts and my eyebrows furrow.

She nods and offers me a small smile before walking out, her hands folded behind her back. I turn to my mate with a questioning gaze.

"What the hell was that all about?"

"It's an extremely long story that would leave you with too many questions and I don't want to start it now. I will explain everything in the morning, I promise," she says quickly.

I frown a little but nod. "Okay?" I murmur.

"Come on, let's get you out of here."

****

I sigh as I sit down on the balcony. My legs dangle over the edge, swinging back and forth.

I have a throbbing in my head that refuses to subside but the pain in my back and neck has disappeared completely. "When will this stupid headache go away?" I growl, rubbing my temples.

Syrra sits down next to me, crossing her legs. "Jalen said it would take a few weeks at least for the venom to dissipate. I've seen it last for much longer though, and the dreams usually don't go away for months."

"Dreams, right," I mutter. Cause dreams make you terrified to fall asleep.

"Have you had any?"

I let out a heavy breath, nodding numbly. "Every night," I mumble.

"What do you see?"

"A lot of things."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks in a soft voice.

I bite my cheek until I taste blood. "No."

She hooks her arm through mine and lays her head on my shoulder. "Let me know if you change your mind."

*****

My heart pounds in my ears. Sweat covers my body but I can't stop shivering.

My shoulders shake with each shuddering breath; I can still feel her cold body lying in my arms. I can still see her lifeless eyes staring up at me. Her slashed neck grinning a bloody smile. Her gaping mouth asking why I left.

It wasn't real, Lucifer reminds me.

I know, I mutter, swallowing the thick lump in my throat. It just felt real.

"Kaine?"

I turn to see Syrra looking at me, her eyes shining with worry. "I'm sorry if I woke you," I murmur.

She shakes her head and sits up before shuffling over to my side of the bed. She settles next to me. I notice she is rubbing her arms so I grab the blanket at the end of the bed and drape it across her shoulders.

"Aren't you cold?" She asks.

I shake my head. "I'm fine."

"Have you changed your mind?"

"Yeah," I sigh, running my fingers through my hair and tugging until it hurts.

"So what did you see?"

"Maia."

"Before or after she—"

"I see her die. Over and over again. She dies right in front of me and there's nothing I can do but try to tell her how sorry I am that I wasn't there."

"Oh." I look over at my mate who watches me with a solemn gaze. She glances down at her hands, then sighs. "Come on let's go."

"What?" I ask as she stands.

She holds out her hands. "I want to show you something."

I take her hands and suddenly everything changes. Her bedroom is replaced by unfamiliar rock walls and a cold stone floor.

Syrra motions for me to follow her and I find my gaze wandering as we walk through the cavern.

She leads me through the winding tunnels, each passage darker than the last until even my dragon can't see. Her voice suddenly reaches my ears, barely above a whisper.

"Seyos nakones, kira te."

We're suddenly surrounded by a warm blue light. My eyes immediately move upwards and I gape.

The cave reaches so high that I can't see the end. Millions of tiny blue lights flash and pulse in time like a single heartbeat.

I glance at my mate and see that her eyes flash with the lights. She smiles. "Beautiful isn't it?"

"What is this place?"

"The heart of the gods."

My eyes widen further. "Seriously?"

She nods. "This is where the border to the spirit world is thinnest. Leaders can speak to the gods here."

"Does my mother come here?"

"She doesn't need to since her dragon is one of those gods," she tells me.

"What do you talk to the gods about?"

"Witches only speak to the gods for two reasons, to beg forgiveness for a sacrifice, or to pray for life. The gods allow much but they have rules we cannot break: you cannot touch time or death."

I feel my shoulders slump a little. "Honestly I was hoping there'd be some kind of spell or something that could bring her back. It wasn't her time yet, it's just not fair," I growl.

Syrra puts her hands on either side of my face and she pulls me down for a soft kiss. "We cannot raise the dead or speak to them. But if you call for them you can feel their presence, and that can be enough sometimes."

"So there really is something after death? Is it good or bad?" I ask.

She smiles. "No one knows what it is."

I glance around the cavern again and decide it must be good. It's too calm and warm to be bad.

"How do I call her?"

"Close your eyes and say her name."

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Maia?" I call out.

The silence that echoes in my ears is deafening. Even Syrra's breathing has gone quiet.

I am about to open my eyes when I feel a sudden warmth beside me. It doesn't pulse like the cavern. "What is that?"

"That's her soul."

"Oh my gods," I breathe, tears spilling onto my cheeks.

"Maia isn't gone Kaine, she's right here."

****

So like I said in the beginning, I don't know how long it will be until my next update but if you guys want to vote on the next POV you can: Angel or Jaxon?