I blinked as my blurring vision took in the soft glow of a yellow light. Its warmth seemingly enthralled me, ensnaring me with a beauty I have never seen before, drawing me in like a moth to the flames. Then suddenly, it flickered, urging me to move to the beat in which it turns on and off.

With a deep breath, I leaned my head back and spread my arms like an angel getting ready to take flight. I willed my eyes shut as I twirled, further spreading my wings to fly and leave all my worries away.

Are you slacking? You can't be this careless, Kylie.

You've been the valedictorian in elementary and high school. You can't fail this time, Kylie.

College is the most important stage next to med school, Kylie. Don't disappoint me.

You only need to study; why can't you even do that properly?

The words of my mom's messages swirled through my head as I took flight, and I swear I could hear her voice along with the words that pierce through my heart.

I am so angry—not just because it seemed like mom cannot see the efforts I always give to please her—no, it's not entirely that. The anger felt more inward—I am so mad at myself that I spent my youth trying to please my mother, only to lose myself in the process. I only did what she told me to do. Heck, even my dreams might not even be mine. When was the last time I thought for myself? I have no idea.

So now, I want to let go. I want to free myself from these expectations that chained me since I was younger. No more Miss Goody-Two-Shoes—I am ready to experience the fun I have missed in my youth for chasing after a dream that was inculcated in me.

But my bliss was disrupted when suddenly, someone forcefully grabbed my forearms, lowered my hands, and abruptly stopped me from spinning. I opened my eyes and saw the lights swimming before me. I squinted my eyes until I could make out a brunette girl with curls flowing down her shoulders. My blurred vision still can't figure out who she is: is she a demon out to clip my wings?

I folded my arms toward my chest, but she didn't let go.

"Kylie!" she yelled, waking me up from my trance.

Her black t-shirt with shorts barely peeking through the unintentionally tucked-in ends of her shirt, strapped brown sandals, and brown sling bag made me remember who she was—she was my best friend, Chloe.

"Chloe! It's so nice to see you here! I knew you liked to party, but I didn't know you'd come here, too. Come on, let's dance," I said as I shook my hips, my voice filled with a desperate attempt to regain control while trying to free myself from her clutches.

"We won't be dancing," she said without loosening her grip despite my attempts to do so. "We're going home."

"But the party has just started!" I said while pouting my lips and still trying to free myself.

"There isn't any party here. Look around you!" she said as she immediately let go of my hand, causing me to fall on my buttocks to the ground.

Instinctively, I reached out to grab her, but my wobbling knees failed me and tripped me over. My fingers managed to slip through the loops of her knitted sling bag, though, and I used that to pull her towards me. This caught her off guard and made her tumble over me.

I felt the tip of her button nose touch mine, and I could see her almond-shaped eyes widen as I inched a bit closer, pressing my lips on hers. They felt soft and warm, but I could not feel any hint of the special feeling they describe in books when you kiss someone you love. I found that weird, because she is someone I love.

She was someone I have always felt secure and comfortable with. She was the typical cool girl in the movies, but one who genuinely befriended the nerd me, saving me from the bullies who took advantage of me. No one dared to make me do homework for them anymore again, thanks to her.

Chloe understood me, and she never judged me for who I was—an awkward doormat whose whole personality revolved around her academic achievements—despite her being the opposite of me. Chloe is the sunshine to my dark storm and is well-loved by people who seem to naturally gravitate toward her.

I was so happy to be beside her, and I never felt she treated me like a charity case, despite her jealous ex-girlfriends telling me that Chloe only stuck with me because of pity.

So, I always supported Chloe in everything she did.

I did not have qualms as she jumped from one girl to another and tried to shield her from their wrath when they tried to sabotage her reputation. I also took her side when she broke up with her latest ex, the longest one she dated, and the only guy of all her exes.

With everything we have gone through, I always knew that our bond as besties could not be broken by anyone—it was Chloe and me against the world. I always knew that I had loved her for years. I just don't know what kind of love this is.

Then I felt Chloe's fingers flick across my forehead.

"Girl, you're so drunk you even gave me your first kiss! And that's just after drinking less than two bottles of Smirnoff! I was even the one who finished your second bottle!" Chloe said while rolling her eyes. I could sense that she was flustered by what had happened.

Chloe's words did not make sense for a moment, but everything came rushing into me when I felt the hardness of cement and dust on my sweaty palms and the cool September air touched my warming skin. I looked up and saw the flickering street light surrounded by moths swarming in its dimming light.

Then I felt the bile rising from my chest, and I was not able to control the projectile of chewed pork pieces, nacho chips, and other unknown food pieces mixed together in a slushy sour liquid thrown from my mouth to Chloe's face.

The mixture was too thick for me to see Chloe's face, but the distressed sound I heard from her, a sound that was in between howling and coughing, was enough for me to know that she was not too pleased with what I did.

"Let's go home," Chloe said as she tried to wipe my vomit off her face with her bare hands. I can now see her features more clearly, her bushy eyebrows meeting each other so closely that they were almost merged into a unibrow, and her eyes squinting as she coughs in between sighs.

I no longer complained as she pulled me to stand up, since I knew that the stickiness of my vomit mixed with dust from the ground made her groan even more.

"This is more disgusting than handling our lab samples in Food Microbiology. I swear I wouldn't do this if I didn't love you so much, Kylie! Hay naku ka!"

"Sorry," was all I could say, trying to suppress a smile that I feel is forming on my lips.

I love you too, Chloe.

*****

We finally made it inside my apartment, and I smiled at her goofily as we walked together, her left hand across my waist and my right hand across her shoulders.

She stopped midway through our tracks as she leaned over to pick up a face-down Polaroid photo on the floor. I followed suit and sat down as she let go of my waist to examine the photo. She scratched the double-sided tape filled with chipped paint and dirt and then showed it to me.

"Look at you; you looked so happy here," she said.

I looked at the photo and saw that it was a photo of us hugging during our high school sports fest. The numbers 2-0-1-0 were written in black marker pen in the white space below it. Our hairs were fixed into a ponytail, and our faces were painted with two strips of red paint. We wore red t-shirts with prints of the logo of that year's sports fest, with red being the color code for juniors.

"This was so fun. Our team won the softball match," Chloe told me while smiling.

"Yeah, and I was so proud of you," I answered while smiling back at her.

"I kept my copy in my wallet while you just let yours lie on the floor. I feel hurt," she said while pouting.

"Hoy! I keep all of our photos on that wall," I said while pointing to the small space between the door and my full-length mirror beside my makeshift zip-in closet with animal prints.

Polaroid photos were arranged in the space, and one can almost no longer see the bright green wall where they were stuck, except for the empty space where the fallen photo was supposed to be placed. They are mostly of Chloe and me, as well as of my cat, Meowy, which I left with my parents in QC as the landlady prohibits pets in the apartment.

"You know that already. Don't tease me," I said.

"I'm just kidding. I knew this one fell off because the sticker could no longer hold it in. Clean your apartment, will you?" Chloe said while laughing.

"I always clean my apartment!" I retorted, while suppressing a laugh.

Chloe was the first to stand up. I tried to follow suit, but my knees wobbled, and my shaky hands couldn't even help me get up, so I remained sitting on the floor, watching Chloe do her thing.

She placed the photo on my study table, which also serves as my dining table, the only bare part of my apartment. I told myself to not put anything around my table other than what was necessary to help me stay focused. Pathetic.

Then I saw her dusting and spreading my gray sofa bed to its full size, cramped in the corner across my study table. Finally, she helped me get up and laid me face up, leaving me staring at the cobwebs on the white ceiling.

"This is the first time you went wild, so I'll let this pass. But damn, I stink so bad thanks to your vomit, so the best way to thank me is to at least lend me some of your clothes," Chloe said as I heard the splashes of running water on my sink drowning her voice. The running water stopped after a few minutes, and I heard her zip open my closet and rummage through it.

"Wow, what a great find. I totally forgot about this shirt I loaned you. I'll wear this instead."

"I liked that so much, I almost thought you wouldn't remember. Bummer," I answered while laughing, not keeping my eyes off the ceiling.

"What even made you think that it would be a good idea to go to the Square and drink with strangers? Thank goodness, some of our classmates saw you being taken advantage of, so they called me," Chloe said, with a hint of concern and frustration in her voice. "I don't know what would happen to you if they didn't."

"I just wanted to have fun, like how you and our other classmates have fun," I said, not moving my eyes off the ceiling.

"Kylie, there's nothing wrong with having fun. But you're not even accustomed to doing this, and you haven't even considered telling me you have plans to do this."

"But why? Do I have to ask your permission to do this? Why can you and our classmates do this, but not me?" I snapped at her. I didn't mean to, but it was too late now for me to get that back.

"No, that's not it," I heard Chloe sigh. "I could have joined you. You know I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

I heard Chloe choke on her words, and I knew what I told her stung. I was about to say sorry, but I heard her walk out to the door.

"Good job, Kylie," I told myself in jest. "Now the only person you are friends with left you alone."