"When the sun's down,
Do you think of me?
When you're all alone,
Do you sometimes wish
That you and I were back
To our teens?

Do you remember the
Azure skies we sat under,
The warm summer we played through,
And the cold winds of the monsoon?

Does it ever feel a little lonely
That you're not with me?
Or am I the only one
Still waiting?"

⊱ ───ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ─── ⊰

"Mama, let it be. How long are you going to keep standing there?"

"Until the sky sleeps, until the sun sleeps, until I sleep."

"Mama, that man left you! He's never coming back! You can't keep sitting on that bench under that same lamppost in this chill. It'll snow tonight!"

The young maiden had grown up and while she was right that the weather was getting no better, her mother was the genetic genesis after all.

The pure old eyes of the 50 something year old woman stared at the far end of the street where the last house seemed to dissolve in the horizon.

She still remembered that face. That face which asked her to stay awake and wait for him. That only face that she cherished so much, that only face she wanted in her arms. That face.

"Mama, why do you keep coming back when he doesn't care to? The war ended decades ago. There's nobody left. There's no one fighting anymore."

"Gah! That's a lie. There's still some fighting, still some waiting. A promise made to God is your biggest responsibility. I promised God that I will wait. He will come back. He..." The woman wiped her tears. Her 28 year old daughter tried to hug her, make her warm. But the woman was adamant that the night had still some time until the sun showed up.

"Mama, I'll be going back to my college. I got a job. I'm leaving tomorrow. Would your love of life want you to not spend the rest of the night with your daughter?"

"But, what if today is the day? What if he was waiting for me to turn 50 and see his daughter be successful? What if it's all supposed to be today?"

"It'll not! It'll not be that, mama. You've known him for only 20 years of your life. You've nurtured me for 28 years! Does a coward man matter more to you?"

"Lee Ju Gyeong! Mind your language! It is your father you're talking about!"

"Father? Bullshit! Father is not a simple term. Anyone cannot be a father. Father takes responsibilities. Father becomes the backbone. What did your boyfriend do? What?! Give you some untimely sperms to produce me? Is that what you call a father?!"

"Ju Gyeong!"

"What? Why do you keep calling my name? Ju Gyeong, this. Ju Gyeong, that. Ju Gyeong, Ju Gyeong. How long?! He left you, ma! He is no more! He left you intentionally or unintentionally. But he left you! He left me!"

The older woman remained unheard, silent. Tears threatened to fall, glistening at the lower edge of her foggy eyes, old like time.

Ju Gyeong's irises had tears shedding already. Tears not of affection or exertion. But of rage. She knew her mother's pain and she could not bear to look at her suffering in the cold. She was going away. She was leaving the country. And her mother wouldn't come along. How can a daughter let the worst happen?

Ju Gyeong left running, trying to escape the pain.

"Ma, why do you do this to the poor girl?" A cold, weak hand landed on the old woman's shoulders. A man in his 70s was standing next to her, pity and compassion in his eyes.

"Hyung... She... She's..."

"She's right, Mai."

"She's not! He cannot..."

"He hasn't, bub. He hasn't. But he's not coming back as well. Listen to Ju Gyeong, apologise. Be with her, tonight. If he comes, I'll tell him about your daughter's demand. Okay?"

⊱ ───ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ─── ⊰

"Jungkook!"

"Ah? What? What?" A little startled, I looked around the room as my trance broke. Chan and Jennie were waving in front of my face, trying to get my attention. I felt a little embarrassed as I realised that they've been trying to tell me something for a long time.

"You're okay, man?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm... I'm fine."

"You're a genius, Kook. You painted these women just now?" Jennie was looking intensively at the two women I had painted on my small canvas. Standing next to my art stand, she was amazed. I don't remember when I started it.

"I guess so." I replied, trying to understand it myself. What was I drawing?"

"The eyes, of this woman. Wow! Her face is covered by the other woman but they're so engrossing. Was your focus on the eyes?" She asked again.

"Well, yeah. Yes!"

"How'd you make this, Kook? You weren't even looking at the canvas." Chan questioned.

"Talent." Laughed Jennie.

"I mean, I was looking at the colours I think. I was actually imagining how I wanted them to look like. No reference, you see." I lied. I didn't know what made me draw it. But it was the same pair of eyes I was facing a minute ago. Of the older woman. Her foggy eyes, uncannily beautiful eyes. I couldn't recall the time I drew them. I think I was playing a story while I drew them.

"Anyways, did you have something to tell me?" I changed the topic, gathering my colours into their respective containers.

"Yes, right. So, has anyone told you about the campaigns our school holds?"

"Yes, Jennie. Y/n told me about one such previously. Why do you ask?"

"Yeah, so, our school holds it like every month. Almost every month. The aim is to build cognitive education in the students. This includes the nature science students, like the ones in botany, zoology, topography, geoscience and such; the archaeology and history students and, us, students of different art streams." Chan spoke.

"And, they do it in different troupes. This time, it's for 30 students." Jennie added.

"Yes! And I'm the host this time!" Chan bloomed with excitement.

I looked up at him and clutched the art box as I spoke,"Host? What do you do?"

"It's like I'm the incharge of choosing the students for the trip, the location, you know all those sort of stuff which the travel agency does when you visit some other country."

"I see. So..." I was somewhere between curious and confused as to why I might be required. I pretty useless in social gatherings.

"So, I mean... I'd appreciate if you'd come along."

"Where are you going this time?"

"To an orphanage in Busan. We're donating our old clothes, books, some new blankets, books and stationary, and a little food."

"That's kind of y'all. Who all are heading?"

"I invited most of our group members. And they'll all say yes." Jennie chirped.

"The options are pretty much yes or yes, as for what I saw in the group." I chuckled, swiping through the chats sent in the group.

The members were not invited but obligated to come along. No denials to be accepted.

It was not like I didn't want to go on a trip or something but I really hated people and gatherings. It makes me nervous and I always think that I'll mess up.

Not knowing how I'd reject them, I spoke,"Is there any way I can be excused this while? I still need a little courage to open up and get accustomed to meeting people. You see, they make me anxious."

The grin on Chan's face dropped and Jennie gave me a look that half accepted my rejection but partially couldn't forgive me for the rejection.

I didn't like seeing them that way but I couldn't find a way to not pass out. A person, dealing with social phobia, has a big issue concerned with meeting a crowd of people. Having social anxiety is like a slow poison death. A person who suffers from social anxiety experiences this every day.

I excused myself out of the room, running to the canteen as fast as I could. I'm so exhausted , I thought. People find us egoistic, but they never understand our behaviour. I knew that I came off as rude but that was all that I could.

"Hey, Kook!"

"Yeah?" My voice must have come off cracked and dry. That's why I don't talk!

"What you doing here?" Y/n looked at me with eyes full of bewilderment. I looked around to recognise my surroundings. I swear, I was hiding behind the vending machine.

"I... Umm..."

"Are you panicking? Hey, it's okay. The vending machine is a good companion but it barely hides your tall height, okay? Come on, I'll take you to my hiding place."

Like a lost puppy, I followed her. School for me is a living nightmare. It's where I experience the most anxiety and emotional pain of my day. It's just a bunch of running away and hiding-hoping people don't see me and make fun of me. I have this notion that everyone is against me and dislikes me as a human being-even some of my nicest friends. When I'm in here, I map out the quickest routes to my next classes. I had remembered over the first couple of days in school, where students are most scarce and where I can keep myself obscure from them.

But I had never been to this desolate sector of the whole campus. I must accept that the campus is huge enough for me to explore in a matter of months. But this place was an abode of paradise.

"During lunchtime, I go outside of the canteen and upstairs into the staircase of this shed, and eat here. I sit in the back staircase when I feel overwhelmed, here less kids come. I couldn't stay in the cafeteria because of all the eyes and noise and the very fact that every person in that room had thoughts that I could not control; thoughts that could be about me." Y/n climbed up the rusty stairs, blowing the dirt off the bamboo floor of a small tin shed, trapezoid building.

It was like the tree house in Narnia in the old professor's house.

"Come here, Kook. Take a break, sit down." She smiled and patted on a stool next to her. I trotted up the stairs and took my seat next to her. She smelt of something sweet, something aromatic. Her scent reminded me of someone, I couldn't specifically remember.

"You smell really nice." I blurted out. She turned to face me but I didn't have the face to face her. I was so embarassed to accept what I said her. Why did I say that!

"Thanks... Eh?" She looked confused at the sudden remark and that made me humiliated. Why can't my mouth control itself!

"Yeah... Umm, what scent is that?"

"It's vanilla and peonies. A little sweet and feminine scent, like a flowy satin dress on a warm summer's day."

"Right! My love used to love peonies."

"You got a girlfriend?"

"No... Do I? No. Why?"

"You're a bit confusing, are you aware of that? If you don't have a girlfriend, who's your love that loved peonies?"

"I don't know. I don't know why I said that. I just..." Y/n shrugged her shoulders, being totally unbothered about why and what I say. "I mean, I... I like peonies too. And, umm, vanilla is such a good flavour." I desperately tried to change the topic.

"So you're your own love? That's nice!"

"Eh- yeah, yeah. Yes, I am. I am." Somebody kill me please.

______________________________

Me is working VERRRRRRYYYYY hard on this book now that it's finally the time that I gather up my courage and complete it. Once and For All.