"Standing at the banks
Of love and venom;
I think of you,
O' hey Anam Cara.
At the end of the disparities,
Over the translucent horizon;
You're the hole in my heart.

Anxiety is pretty different
Than my trepidation,
It feels empty
When you're my hollow melody.
I am incomplete,
Not because you ain't holding me,
But because I can't touch you
Anymore. No more.

You watch the fire that
You started in me,
And I bonded with that burn,
Because the fire that
You started in me
Was never thought of,
Never put off."

⊱ ───ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ─── ⊰

"What's it love?" A mother's dedication and love is immeasurable in words. Carrying her child around and building it bit by bit, block by block; She creates a whole new entity, a whole new life.

Not just a human but all the females, all the producers on our earth work day and night and produce a new little one.

And a single scratch on her creation aches her like her own burn. But what burns a mother more is her child regretting to be born. Sometimes, maybe it is for the mother that the offspring dies but when it ain't the case, it kills the mother before the offspring can even imagine to continue.

It was the same for the petite woman in her early thirties that held a youthful maiden in her arms. She knew the reason of her darling dreamer's tears. But how may she tell her that she's still waiting for the person to return and believes he will come back?

"Eomma..." The maiden's blooming face always sketched a beautiful portrait of her mother's love, a sketch that she drew day and night past.

"Neh? Did they hurt you?" Kissing the pain away, she pulled her daughter closer to her heart and contemplated the long lost hug she wished she could have again.

"Eomma, I don't like Appa!"

"Hush! Don't say that." Laying her slender finger on her daughter's lip, she felt the large cavity, her sempiternal lacuna howling inside her.

"Why doesn't he come back?" She brushed her daughter's hair with the tip of her finger and lowly murmured a year long promise she had been keeping even when it was already past a few years. Her eyes scanned the maiden's sculpture just how she would look at him and then she finally uttered another fake assurance, she didn't believe herself.

"Didn't I tell you Appa is a warrior? He's in the military front, keeping an eye on the border lines for you and me, and also your friends. Tell them how brave your Appa is." She whispered in the child's ears.

"You always tell that." The child complained.

"Don't cry, love. Aren't you my Anam Cara?" She hugged her 6 year old again.

"Okay... If you say."

"Yes, yes my love."

"But even Somin's dad works in the military. He always comes home once a year. Why can't Appa do it too? Does he not love me?"

"He loves you, dear. He loves you. He cherishes you more than you know. He just can't come home. He's very busy."

"Why is he so busy?"

"Bub, it's Christmas next week. Won't you shop for our huge family?" The child in her arms, soft and innocent like she should be, giggled as her mother brushed her nose against her. Christmas was a week away and all the happiness and joy had accumulated in the society with everyone. Everyone but her love. Where was he?

She didn't know an answer to her daughter's doubts. She didn't know where he was. But whatever she knew was that he was somewhere in this horrendously greedy and lustful world. But where was he?

She hated the fabulist she had become. She hated the burn she had bottled up. But no ointment can soothe an injury that never existed.

⊱ ───ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ─── ⊰

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Stop! Jimin-ah, Stop!" I felt a ragged pull on my hoodie and saw a black layer of carbon monoxide enveloping us and blinding my sight.

"Stop what? You can not just change the gear of my car at the turning!"

"It's okay, It's okay. Please, keep it low. He messed it up. It won't happen again, my promise. Jk, it won't, would it?"

A cloud of arbitrary emotions and thoughts filled my head and the only roar of light in the mist was a hand of a maiden and that constant chant of a children's rhyme.

"Y/n, how could you ask me to stop? We could have burnt and died right now! He's not a child!"

"Hey, hey! It's fine. It's fine. Please understand. He's... He's not in his cautious mind."

"What the heck has it got to do with this?!"

Nearly everyone zones out from time to time. It might happen more frequently when you feel bored or stressed, or when you'd rather be doing something else.

But the presence of an unknown lady in them made situations irrational and a dissociation of variables ruled my senses.

"Jungkook!"

"Uhuh! Yes, yes it will not. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I fell onto my knees, apologizing for everything I don't remember about. I couldn't recall anything. I don't remember what happened.

All that I knew was I messed up something. I did something grave to produce smoke everywhere around me. All that I understand is that I could have ended up causing a massacre.

"Ju-Jungkook, it's okay. It's okay. You don't have to fall at my feet. Get up, boy, please!"

A sensation of intense fear triggered severe physical reactions in me when there is no real danger or apparent cause. I felt an impending doom around myself. I felt like being pulled into a void of darkness and my heart kicked inside my chest.

"Y/n, he's shaking, he's having a panic surge. Get me some water. Quick!" My veins felt like being pulled into a taut inside my arms and my throat dried up into a barren desert. I felt out of breath.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Jk... Man, it's okay. Please, look at me. Look at me. It's okay, it's all okay. We're safe. No one's hurt. It's okay." A soft touch of a hand rubbed against my back. The gesture tried to instill my breath back but it hurted. I was trying to reach for a support but my eyes fell a victim of anxiety.

The signs and symptoms of several hundred mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder and schizophrenia; tormented me together. I was worthless!

"I'm..."

How do I explain to people that my head feels like exploding sometimes? That I haven't slept without medication for the last ten years? That my neurons keep pulsating and I feel sudden surges of anger and hopelessness at the most sane times.

How do I explain people what I am seeing? How do you I explain that what I see is not a lie but a thing driving me crazy?

"Lavender's Blue Dilly Dilly..."

"Lavender's green..."

"Y/n, call Antonella. Call Antonella!"

"Antonella's not picking up!"

Often times, I feel numb. The only things that can make me comforted... I don't know. I don't remember. I don't know anything.

I sometimes feel completely numb, I feel nothing at all, but at other times everything is so overwhelming that I just break down and cry. The thing with mental health is that it's different for every person. And I sing and repeat my lines over and again.

"When I am Queen..."

"Argh! I'm... I'm..."

"You shall be king."

I was riding a bike of dilemma in the rain and the bike was on fire and I was on fire and everything was burning. Everything was burning in the rain and the rain was helping nothing. I was burning, my bike was burning. Everything was burning!

"I'm Sorry, I'm..."

"Jk, my boy, it's okay. It's okay. I accept your apology. I'm not angry. Look I'm smiling. Please, Jungkook, look at me."

"Call up your men dilly..."

"Y/n, call someone!"

"I'm trying!"

Horrendous! Extremely horrendous! I inflated balloons for a party but the party never came and I stood there in the party but what a party when it never came!

"Set them to work."

"Some to the hay dilly, dilly..."

"Nobody is picking up!"

"I'm..."

"Son, brother, child, friend... Please, look at me. Look at me, Jungkook. I'm a psychiatrist. Look at me. Tell me!"

These fears are irrational but I can't seem to make them stop. I just wish that they'd leave and my heart rate would drop. I can't catch my breath. Oh how would I? My heart's running a race against my emotions and I'm struggling to keep the pace.

I struggle to breathe but each sound makes it worse. Hell lord, my world seems so dark. Can't you please try to reverse that which ain't mine?

Surrounded by people yet all alone, why am I trapped within this solitary zone. In a world where chaos and hate overtake, every bit of happiness that may try to escape in laughter and smiles, vanish time to time.

Because I am haunted by the memories of my past, even running the distance with nowhere to go, looks no better than a Broadway show. Hundreds and Thousands and Millions people watch me screaming for help, but does anyone hear them?

The demons of death are coming so near. I hear echoes in my head tormenting me all day long. The woman who was once very strong, oh hey maiden of pain and joy, why have you trapped me within your song?

What does serenity mean anyway, is it just the words I say to the deep rooted evil with no time for a soulmate? I wonder why joy is always a day late and suicide is the easy answer many try.

Is it fictional to dream of a day when I will not be a problem? When I'll not cause people to tear? When I'll be like a human?

Hope is an illusion, an optimist's prediction. But am I even worth it? What will it take to get me right? Will it cost a fortune or a plight? Will it be a visit from the devil on a lonely night when no angels prepare to battle and take my side? What does it really mean? Life is an illusion a constant mind trick on me. Who knows what my fate will be, surrounded by people yet all alone.

"Jungkook, please. Give me a chance." I could, I can. I can hear you all. But I can't. I can't respond.

"Antonella's not picking!"

"Call anyone!"

"Call... Call anyone... Call whom? Call, call..."

"What's wrong with you, Y/n! Call anyone! Anyone who can help! Call my hospital."

"I tried. The hospital isn't responding as well!"

"Call Chan! Call that boy. He stays near by. Call him!"

ˑ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹▫◃ ۪۪۫۫ ༄ؘ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹▫◃ ۪۪۫۫ ༄ؘ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹▫◃ ۪۪۫۫ ༄ؘ ˑ

Hey Rosairises!
So this is the last chapter for a week. My finals end the next week and until then, I want to complete Tesser with one remaining chapter.

I hope you all can understand JK's character edge in this book.

I'm sorry if you wanted to see him as a strong hero but no! He'll indeed be a Powerful Character but not a typical hero.

There are reasons to that and you shall know it soon!

Also, I apologize for late update because this Chapter did me a hard time bringing out the panic surge.

I think I was able to make you feel that. If I wasn't, you can tell me! I'll try my best to improve.

Kay Bye!!♥️