you guys know i love music and for this chapter i recommend listening to by myself by daisy jones (it's very billie coded - especially for this chapter)

In her twenty three years of life Billie Kent had only ever pulled a sicky once, and that was in year nine when she asked out Josh Edmonson who rejected her and then told everyone the entire year group. Her parents didn't care enough to question whether or not the 'stomach bug' was legitimate or not, so she managed to get two days off of school and by the time she'd gone back it was yesterday's news and today's fish and chips wrapping.

The second time she'd pulled a sicky was the morning after she had kissed Jamie and then ran away. She couldn't face seeing him at work, wondering what he thought of her, well she knew what he thought of her because she'd woken up to several messages from the man, which she ignored. It wasn't out of spite, of course not, because she didn't resent him, she resented herself for being so thoughtless, for feeling that way for a man who she couldn't let herself have.

Tartt
Bils we're okay x
(read a day ago)

Tartt
Can you at least let me know that
you got home okay? x
(read a day ago)

Tartt
Well I know you're alive because
I can see that you've read my message x
(read 22 hours ago)

Tartt
I'm sorry if I did
something to upset you x
(read 19 hours ago)

Tartt
You weren't at work today
is everything okay? x
(read 12 hours ago)

She tossed her phone onto Alfie's bed as she lay beside him, her head resting on her best friend's chest. Her best friend who she had used as a pillow after he came home with a bottle of fresh orange juice and his mum's homemade cottage pie for his unwell best friend. She had burst into tears in front of him, crying on his shoulder as she told him everything, from kissing Jamie to realising how she really felt about him.

Madison then came home from work to find Alfie and Billie sitting on the kitchen floor, cry-laughing as they drank cups of tea.

Madison knew something was wrong, Billie Kent was drinking tea.

The three friends ended up talking about everything until the sun went down, Billie updated Madison on everything that happened with Jamie (less tears this time). Then it was Madison and Alfie's turns to distract their best friend, Madison told them both about the biology teacher at work who she'd been flirting with, Alfie told the girls about a guy he'd been out with a few times, told them he wasn't sure what would come of it, but nevertheless, he seemed happy.

That was what Billie needed, to be distracted, to not feel as though her own problems were weighing on her mind for once. All three of them then wound up in Alfie's bed, as they helped Billie message her favourite Bantr match while listening to her Amy Winehouse record as she proceeded to listen to Tears Dry On Their Own again and again, until her friends finally intervened. They ended up falling asleep in Alfie's bed, just as they did at their sleepovers as kids.

"You okay, Bils?" Alfie muttered with a husky morning voice, as the two friends realised that Madison had already left for work.

"Yeah," Billie nodded, "Felt good to sleep on it."

"Good," Alfie kissed the top of her head, "You going to work today?"

"Suppose I have to," Billie sighed as she wrapped an arm around his torso, "People'll start asking questions otherwise."

"And it wouldn't surprise me if Jamie Tartt showed up on our doorstep looking for you," Alfie told her with a reassuring smile.

"Doubt that," Billie rolled her eyes at her friend, she wouldn't blame him if he steered clear of her completely, "And can we not talk about him, I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'll have to see him at work today."

"Noted," Alfie squeezed her closer, "I can drive you to work if you want."

"You're a bloody diamond," Billie grinned, kissing his forehead before climbing out of the bed, "Ready to leave in half an hour?"

"Sounds perfect."

"How long are you planning on sitting in my car, Bils?" Alfie asked his friend who sat beside him in the passenger seat, picking at her chipped nail polish, "I've got to be in Fulham for an interview in less than an hour."

"I'm just picking my moment," Billie told him, she couldn't see Jamie's car amongst the other parked vehicles, but she also couldn't decide when to just bite the bullet and go inside.

"It'll be better if you get it over and done with," Alfie sighed, because he knew Billie and he could tell when she was stalling.

"I don't know what I'll say to him," She whispered, feeling underdressed for work compared to her usual efforts, wearing a white hoodie and blue jeans, "He probably hates me, Alf."

"Why would he hate you?" Alfie frowned.

"I kissed him and then fucking ran away," Billie reminded him, and she hated herself even more as the words passed her lips, "Wouldn't you hate me if you were him?"

"Well, knowing how much time you spend together, I'd argue that he knows you better than you realise," Alfie insisted, "And he cares about you too much to cut you off."

"He did it once."

"And I'm saying he wouldn't make that mistake again, Bils," Alfie assured her.

"Since when were you Team Jamie?" Billie frowned.

"Since he put a smile back on your face and a sparkle in your eyes," Alfie told her. He knew Billie, and he knew that she struggled to trust people, she feared vulnerability, but the woman she had become since Jamie's return was the woman he always imagined she'd be when they were kids.

"I don't think that's true," Billie huffed as she watched Jamie's car pull into the car park, "Oh fuck."

"He's got a nice car, to be fair," Alfie's voice trailed off as he looked over at Billie sliding down in her seat, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Hiding, obviously," Billie scoffed, rummaging through the glove compartment and pulling out a pair of sunglasses, slipping them on, "Do you reckon he can see me?"

"Well, he's waving at you, so..." Alfie couldn't help but smile at the way his friend was so awkward at the mention of a man, not because he wanted her to be uncomfortable, but because it meant that she cared.

"Well then go and create a distraction so I can go inside unseen." Billie hissed at her friend.

"You're ridiculous," Alfie rolled his eyes with a smile before climbing out of the car, "Jamie, you alright, mate?"

"Yeah, you?" Jamie replied as Alfie closed his car door and made his way towards him.

"Yeah, you looking forward to playing at Wembley?" Alfie asked, not entirely sure what to ask him as he heard his car door open.

"Of course," Jamie nodded, as he watched Billie slip out of the car over Alfie's shoulder, concluding that she wasn't ready to talk to him, "Is she okay? Billie, I mean."

"Yeah, she's alright, she was a bit under the weather yesterday, but she's good now," Alfie glanced over his shoulder as Billie ducked behind Roy's car before slipping through the gate that led onto the training pitch, rather than going through the main entrance.

"She told you, didn't she?" Jamie replied, knowing that Billie couldn't have kept something like that from her best friends, "About the kiss."

"Yeah," Alfie nodded, "Do you want my advice?"

"Yeah."

"Talk to her, I've known her since we were kids, when she cares about things or people she gets in her head and overthinks until she reaches the worst case scenario," Alfie insisted, "If you're cool with her, let her know you're cool with her."

"It's that simple?"

"You clearly mean a lot to her, she considers you a good friend, and to be a friend of Billie means you're in for a lifetime with her, she doesn't give up on people that easily," Alfie assured him, "Even if you think she's pushing you away, it's because she cares."

"I'll talk to her," Jamie nodded, "Cheers for the advice, mate."

"Anytime."

"Are you not doing training content today?" Keeley frowned at Billie who's eyes were trained on her computer screen.

"Thought I'd catch up with the work I missed yesterday," Billie told her, turning her gaze away from the photos of Isaac and Colin that she was editing, "I gave Will my camera for the day."

Keeley could sense that something wasn't quite right with Billie from the minute she stepped foot into the office. Billie had shown up to work while under the weather dozens of times before, so Keeley couldn't quite understand that she had taken the day off of work.

Then came her disinterest in taking photos of training, Billie loved being out on the pitch with the boys, it was easily one of her favourite parts of the job. So when Billie used the excuse of catching up on work, Keeley knew that there was more to it.

The final red flag which helped Keeley slot the pieces together was that Billie had failed to mention Jamie for the entire morning. Usually she always found a reason to mention him, whether it be a story of something funny he'd done or a content idea he could be involved in.

"Are you feeling better today, Bils?" Keeley asked.

"What?" Billie looked up at the woman, "Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

"What's wrong?" Keeley folded her arms across her chest, "And don't tell me that you're due on your period, because we're synced, and we've got about ten days left."

"I'm fine."

"Billie," Keeley huffed, deciding it was time to play the tough love card, "You're not fucking fine, so either tell me or I'll find Jamie and ask him instead."

How did you-"

"Ah! So it is a Jamie problem!" Keeley exclaimed as Billie felt grateful that their office door was shut, "Tell me or I'll tell Roy that Jamie's upset you and then all that lovely progress will be for nothing."

"I kissed Jamie and then ran away," Billie told her, "We've not spoken since, well he's messaged, but I can't face it."

"God, what is it with you Kents and running away after kisses?" Keeley sighed in disbelief as she flopped back into her chair.

"It's fucking stupid, I know that," Billie huffed.

"Why do you think you ran away?" Keeley mused, thinking of Billie like a sister.

"Because he makes me feel things that fucking terrify me," Billie whispered, "And if I stayed then I'd have to admit that, and if I admit it, then I'll get hurt."

"You think he's gonna hurt you?" Keeley frowned, "This is Jamie we're talking about, Jamie who acts as though there's no one else in the room when you walk in, Jamie who you watch romcoms with, Jamie who walks you home in the dark, Jamie who-" 

"I get it, Keeley," Billie sighed, "That doesn't mean anything, we're friends."

Keeley knew that the Kent siblings had a tendency to be stubborn, she knew that often skirting around the topic didn't resolve the situation, in fact it often made it worse, she had realised before that the best way to handle a stubborn Kent was a simple ultimatum.

"Right, you've got two options, and I want you to pick one of them," Keeley told her, "Either, you tell Jamie the truth about all of this, or you meet that Bantr match of yours."

Billie wondered if there existed an ideal parallel universe in which she wasn't scarred by emotional pain, in which she could trust that she would survive getting hurt.

"I'll do the Bantr date," Billie sighed, even though it wasn't what she truly wanted, "When I'm ready."

"Come with me," Keeley gestured for Billie to join her, "Rebecca can make you feel better about ghosting Bantr matches."

"You've not told her about me and Jamie, have you?" Billie frowned before the two women left their office, "It's just with what she said at the pub, I wondered if she knew."

"Bils, I promise you, I've not told anyone anything about you and Jamie," Keeley insisted, because she was a woman of principle, a woman who was loyal to girl code, "But if Rebecca and Ted are noticing, don't you think it's a bit of a sign?"

"I'm not sure I understand anything anymore." Billie sighed in defeat.

"Do you think I should dye my hair?" Billie asked, laying across Rebecca's sofa, her head in Keeley's lap as her (almost) sister in law, ran her hand through her hair, in an effort to comfort her, while Rebecca stared at her phone and Higgins focused on his cup of tea.

"What colour would you go?" Keeley hummed, knowing that a sudden hairstyle change was a key indicator of heartbreak.

"I reckon I'd make a great redhead," Billie sighed, opening her phone, and searching for photos of inspiration, holding her phone up to Keeley, "Like this."

"Oh you'd look fit with any hair colour, but colouring it would be big damage," Keeley told her "I fucking love your hair, can't imagine you with less than perfect hair."

Billie's phone buzzed and both Keeley and Billie screamed while Rebecca and Higgins looked up from their respective phones in fear.

"It's him," Billie muttered, "The guy on Bantr."

"What does it say?" Keeley asked with excitement in her voice.

"He wants to know who I am," Billie huffed, because she liked that whoever she was in conversation with didn't know her, didn't know that she was Roy Kent's sister, didn't know that she dated Brad Barker for three years, "I don't know what to say."

"Be honest with yourself," Higgins encouraged her, "You don't want to fall into the habit of being known for your name rather than your kind soul."

Billie stared at Higgins blankly, "I mean, yeah, that works."

rollwithit519
Are you gonna tell me who you are?

shesnotafraid98
I like the mystery, feel like I need
to start leaving things up to fate

rollwithit519
So you're a fan of the chase?

shesnotafraid98
As long as I'm not the
one doing the chasing

rollwithit519
You sound like quite
the heartbreaker

shesnotafraid98
Wouldn't you like to know

If Billie was being entirely honest with herself she wasn't sure that the version of herself that existed on Bantr was an accurate representation. For starters, she could be far more confident not having to look the person in the eye, nevermind having time to construct and redraft a reply that human interaction wouldn't allow for. Then there was the fact that she had never been the heartbreaker, only the heartbroken, but perhaps pretending to be something she wasn't, eliviated the stresses of online dating.

"Much better," Keeley, who had been watching the message exchange over Billie's shoulder, grinned as she kissed the top of her head.

"What about you, Rebecca?" Billie smiled at her friend who had been staring at her own phone since the two young women arrived.

"Oh my God, just answer him, it's been two days." Keeley groaned as Rebecca sat in silence.

"I don't know what to say!" Rebecca huffed.

"How about the truth?" Higgins remarked, "I'd love to meet up, but I'm worried that you can't live up to the fantasy I've created in my head, so I'm going to let my insecurities keep me from possibly finding my one true love."

"Fuck, you're good at this," Billie grinned at Higgins.

"My wife likes to listen to agony aunt podcasts while she cooks," Higgins explained.

"Figures."

"His favourite film is Ratatouille, that's worrying, right?" Rebecca frowned.

"Meet him," Keeley told her friend firmly, the same advice she would offer Billie when she knew she was ready, "Who fucking cares what his favourite movie is?"

"Also, Ratatouille is a goddamn masterpiece, ironically, it's about snobbery and how good art can come from anywhere, stop your dithering and go fuck your cartoon rat," Billie was quick to tell the women, who stared at her in awe, "I wrote my dissertation on Disney Pixar movies, big whoop."

"Alright, well, what if we meet up and it all goes wrong?" Rebecca hesitated, "I mean, everything always goes wrong, all relationships are a nightmare."

"My relationship is the oxygen that gives me life." Higgins smiled fondly.

"Apart from Leslie's marriage, which is a bloody greeting card of some kind," Rebecca remarked, and although an outsider may think she sounded bitter, she was truly delighted for her friends.

"Maybe we should be safety wives," Billie suggested, "If I'm not married by thirty five, I'm all yours."

"Oh, Billie," Rebecca chuckled at the young woman's remark, looking at Keeley, "You and Roy, you're just aggravatingly perfect in every way."

"Thank you...I don't know, it was definitely easier when we didn't work together," Keeley sighed, and Billie could sense that it was time for Keeley to off load something that had been weighing her down, "I just feel like we're around each other all the time, wherever I go, he's my shadow, my adorably hairy shadow, but-"

Higgins, who had a sixth sense for light footed approaches (father of five sons - what do we expect?) promptly began to hum an improvised jazz piece as he laid eyes on Roy approaching the open doorway.

Billie and Rebecca shot him a look of confusion before following his eyeline to the open door where the heavy eyebrowed topic of conversation stood, causing the two women to join Higgins' improvised performance.

"What's going on?" Roy frowned as the room fell quiet, "Why are you jazz scatting?"

"That's a bit of a personal question," Billie remarked.

"Were you talking about me?" Roy frowned again.

"No." Billie, Higgins and Rebecca were quick to reply.

"Yeah we were talking about you." Keeley nodded.

"Big whoop, you ready to go?" Roy asked his girlfriend.

"Yeah," Keeley smiled, turning to Rebecca as she climbed off the sofa, "Answer him."

"No love for your little sister?" Billie raised her eyebrows at Roy.

Wordlessly he stuck up his middle finger before leading Keeley out of the room.

"Yeah, normal service has resumed," Billie sighed.

"Bye." Roy nodded over his shoulder at Higgins.

Higgins reciprocated the farewell before glancing at both Billie and Rebecca, an unspoken decision to resume their vocal jazz performance, "One, two, three, four..."

A good twenty minutes of jazz scatting later, Billie made her way back downstairs to head home for the evening. She'd grab her bag from her office, say goodbye to any stragglers and then walk home listening to whichever podcast her phone recommended.

As she wandered down the corridor towards her office, she noticed that it was quiet, which suggested that the coaches and players had finished up and gone home. It was odd being in the clubhouse after hours, a building that was often filled with vibrancy and laughter, felt hollow without its players.

Billie rounded the corner, passing the boot room, her office door just a few paces away as Jamie walked out of the locker room.

In a state of panicked bewilderment, Billie quickly turned on her heel, hoping to disappear to literally anywhere else except that hallway.

"Billie?" She heard Jamie's voice behind her, stopping her in her path as heart began to thump against her chest. She could've just walked away, pretended she hadn't heard him, continued to bury her head in the sand, lost a friendship that she had tried so desperately to protect, "Billie, wait."

With bated breath, Billie turned around to see Jamie dressed in his own clothes, his hair still damp from showering.

"Hi," She smiled as she awkwardly rocked back and forth on her feet.

"Can we talk?" Jamie asked, with solemn empathy in his eyes.

He had been working on himself, and he was trying to be the man that Billie had always known he could be. When Billie had taken him to meet Dr Sharon he hadn't realised just how impactful and cathartic it could be to talk about himself, so he booked another session, and then another, and another, until it became a weekly occurrence.

Jamie Tartt was a better man, a good man, the kind of man his mother knew he could be, the kind of man Billie Kent deserved.

"We can talk," Billie nodded, her voice soft as it wobbled.

"Shall we just go in there?" Jamie gestured to the boot room they were standing beside.

"Yeah, alright," Billie replied, assuming that perhaps a neutral space (not in smell) would make the conversation easier, rather than the two of them sitting in her office or Jamie's car.

Jamie entered the boot room, holding the door open for Billie before letting it close as they took a seat on the benches that lined the left side of the small room, Billie leaning her back against the towering shelves, as Jamie sat beside her. She wondered if it would make the conversation easier, that they wouldn't be facing each other and she could avoid eye contact. Because being a subject of Jamie's gaze never failed to put her under a spell.

"So...you been okay?" Jamie tapped his fingers against his knees, "Keeley said you weren't feeling well, that's why you weren't in yesterday."

"Mmhmm," Billie hummed, staring down at her chipped blue nails.

"Do you wanna talk about what happened?" Jamie asked, "Because I've been playing it over and over in me head, worrying that I did something wrong."

Billie felt a pang in her chest as she glanced at Jamie, muttering, "You did nothing wrong, it was all me."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bils," Jamie assured her, because he meant it, they were both drunk, and they both wanted each other at that moment, he thought better than to suggest that drunk actions were sober thoughts.

"I did," Billie whispered, not wanting to lose the man she considered to be one of her closest friends, "I shouldn't have kissed you, not when I was the one who asked to be just friends, and I shouldn't have run away, I just...I shouldn't have done any of it and I'm sorry."

"Bils, I promise you it's cool, it was fine, well it was great," Jamie began to ramble, as his words ran away with themselves, "But we're cool, we're great."

"I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want anything to do with me after all of this," Billie sighed, because she missed him, but she knew that she couldn't be selfish, she couldn't ask him to stay if he didn't want to.

"Why would you say that, eh?" Jamie smiled, because he really didn't want to lose her, "We're mates, great fucking mates, and I'm not gonna lose you over something that I was fine with."

"You were fine with it?" Billie frowned, not quite believing his words.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jamie smiled reassuringly, "It's not like we ain't done it before."

"Yeah, but we're just friends now, doesn't that make it different?" Billie frowned, her ever anxious mind running away with itself.

"Bils, it's fine," Jamie stood up, holding a hand out and pulling her up off of the bench so that they stood opposite each other.

"I wasn't ill, I was just scared that I'd ruined us," Billie whispered.

"I kind of guessed, and then figured that you'd appreciate the space, if you were actually ill, I would've come over to check on you," Jamie assured her (because he cared about her more than he'd cared for anyone since...well ever) "And that's what friends do, innit?"

"Yeah," Billie nodded with a smile, "So we're okay?"

"We're okay, Bils," Jamie smiled, "Come here."

Before Billie could object, Jamie had wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her the way he had countless times as Billie wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She wasn't sure she had ever felt that safe in someone's embrace, knowing that no matter what she did or the mistakes she made, Jamie didn't judge her, and she never judged him.

As Billie held onto Jamie, the pair were startled by the sound of something hitting the floor on the other side of the room. The pair pulled apart, looking through the cubby holes to see Will holding a singular boot.

"Will?"

"Hi," Will waved awkwardly, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I just froze when you came in, I assumed that you were just looking for boots, then you started talking and I realised it wasn't about boots."

"How much did you hear?" Billie asked, glancing at Jamie and then back at Will.

"Erm, everything," Will scratched the back of his neck, "But if you want me to sign an NDA, or anything like that, that's completely fine."

"Will, I trust you, so Jamie trusts you," Billie looked at the man who stood beside her, "Don't you?" She elbowed him.

"Yeah," Jamie nodded, "This stays between us though, yeah?"

"Your secret's safe with me," Will assured them as he mimed zipping his mouth, "The word's mum, or rather Jamie, or Billie, depending which way you look at it, or Jillie, or Bamie," The kitman rambled nervously as the two people he admired stared blankly at him, "Right, I'll stop."

"It's okay, Will." Billie smiled, resonating with his overly anxious disposition.

"But for the record, I think you'd be great together," Will told them, promptly picking up his backpack, pacing towards the door, fearing he had only made the situation more awkward, "I'm gonna go home, lovely chatting with you, have a lovely evening, bye!"

As the door closed behind Will, Billie and Jamie looked at each other with small smiles, knowing that Will was harmless, and could be trusted with a secret.

"Well that was fucking weird."

author's note: will knows!!! tehehe