we're back! a triple update for mom city - you're going to love it!!!

There were few people that Billie would travel to Tooting for, there were even fewer people that she would risk being a passenger in Colin's car for. But she could never say no to her little brother, Will.

The day that everyone returned to training from international duty Will had tentatively entered Billie's office, a folded piece of white card and sprig of lavender in his hand. He sat in the chair opposite Billie and began rambling about second chances before explaining how Nate had left the apologetic note after preparing the locker room to an immaculate standard.

Billie's reservations surrounding Nate weren't a result of anything he'd done or said to her. It was his actions towards the people she cared about, Colin, Will and Ted, that troubled her most. But as Will began to talk about forgiveness, she was reminded that hurt people hurt people. So she decided to listen to Will's idea before texting Colin, who had also been wounded by Nate, asking him to join them in her office to discuss the idea.

Somewhere in the six weeks that followed, Colin, Will and Billie managed to get the rest of the team on board, before running the idea past Higgins who seemed sceptical at first, before Billie reminded him that if Colin and Will were willing to forgive Nate, maybe he had it in him too.

So after a little Linkedin stalking by Jan Maas who was able to access Nate's entire career history, Billie, Colin, Will and Isaac found themselves in Tooting.

"This place used to be a Pizza Hut when I was a little kid," Billie told the boys as they wandered down Tooting High Street, "We were gutted when it got closed down."

"You know Tooting?" Will remarked.

"Dude, I grew up in South London, of course I know Tooting," Billie replied, "Then they turned it into an independent restaurant that served food far too adventurous for my borderline racist father."

"Right," Colin nodded slowly, "Well, we're here."

"Who wants to go in first?" Will asked as they hovered outside the door.

"I mean, it was your idea, mate," Isaac reminded him.

"You're not seriously arguing about who's going to open the door?" Billie frowned, "Come on," She pulled the door open, leading the boys into the restaurant that smelt intensely of cleaning products and kebabs, unsettling Billie's stomach.

"Hello," A blonde woman smiled at Billie and the boys, with a level of disdain for customers recognised by anyone who'd worked in hospitality, "We're not open for another half hour, would you care to wait not here?"

"Okay, sorry," Isaac and Will shrugged, immediately turning away.

"No, wait," Billie and Colin both stopped them.

"We're actually here to speak with Nathan Shelley," Colin told her, "He works here, yeah?"

"No such man exists," The blonde woman replied.

"We literally checked his Linkedin," Billie quipped.

"Oh my God, it's true," Will gasped as Nate came around the corner, sweeping the floor as he walked, "How did you go through your money so fast?"

"Did you get addicted to the limelight?" Isaac asked.

"What? No, no, I just like working here, I like spending time with my girlfriend," Nate turned to the spot where the blonde woman had just been standing, "She was right there, that was my girlfriend-"

"Okay," Colin nodded.

"What are you guys doing here?" Nate asked.

"We want you to come back to Richmond," Colin told him.

"You do?" Nate muttered in disbelief.

"Yeah, bruv," Isaac nodded, "'Cause this shit here is sad as fuck."

"And all of you...want me to come back?" Nate replied, wondering whether it were some sort of joke as payback for the pain he'd caused.

"Yeah, it'll be good to have you back," Will smiled, filling Billie with pride.

"The whole team talked about it and it was unanimous, except for Bumbercatch," Colin assured him, which seemed to disarm Nate.

"Who abstained because he's passionately antidemocratic," Billie explained, "Which I always wondered if it included voting for TV shows."

"Not now, Bils."

"So, Ted asked you guys to come here to get me back?" Nate asked with a slight smile.

"No, Ted doesn't know about it," Colin replied.

"Yeah, no, we wanted to ask you to see if you wanted to come back before we approached Ted," Will explained.

"Sorry guys, I don't think it's a good idea for me to come back to Richmond, so...thank you, though." Nate muttered.

"Oh, okay," Colin nodded.

"Can I have seventy five kebabs to go?" Isaac asked.

"Yeah, of course," Nate replied, "Chicken, pork or lamb?"

"Ooh."

"Or twenty five of each?"

Isaac clicked his fingers with a wide grin, "Nate the Great."

"Toss in a portion of baklava, Isaac's paying," Billie told him, earning frowns from the boys surrounding her, "I've got a press conference with my brother and my boyfriend when we get back to Nelson Road, I need the sugar."

Billie was right, she most certainly did need the sugar, because what awaited her in the press room wasn't shy of a dire car crash.

"Hi, fellas," Billie smiled at Jamie, Roy and Sam as they sat at the press desk, waiting for the press conference to begin as the journalists began to fill up the space, "You got anything you want to run past me before we start?"

"Can I talk about the restaurant?" Sam asked with an eager smile, not that he needed much extra promotion, given that he was fully booked for the next eight months.

"Sure, if it fits," Billie nodded, glancing at Roy, "Royo?"

"You just make sure none of them ask any stupid fucking questions," Roy told her, no doubt referring to the press conference the week before when someone had asked what he likes to do to prepare for a match day and he answered 'does this look like an interview for Men's Health magazine?'

"Jamie?" Billie's gaze flitted to her boyfriend, who seemed visibly withdrawn, and had done for the last few days.

"Huh?" Jamie looked up at her with a sombre gaze.

"You got anything you want to tell me before the press conference?" Billie asked him with a reassuring smile.

"Oh, erm, no, I don't think so," Jamie fiddled with the cuffs of his training jacket, "I'm alright."

Billie glanced at Roy who seemed to share her concern for Jamie who in the week leading up to a match against his old team at the stadium where he made his Premier League debut, should've been full of adrenaline, and yet he seemed to be a shell of himself.

"Okay, well, any questions you boys don't want to answer, you just give me the signal and I'll move things along, alright?" Billie told them.

"Or I'll just tell 'em to go fuck themselves," Roy replied.

"I suppose that could work," Billie nodded before turning to face the journalists, "Morning everyone, we've got our two star boys and your favourite vintage wonder for you today, so feel free to ask away," She told them before taking her seat at the side of the room.

Alfie, who was sitting next to Marcus from the Independent, raised his hand, earning a nod from Roy, "Alfie Sykes, The Guardian...Roy, Man City are arguably the strongest team in the league, do you anticipate that the Greyhounds will have to graft harder to secure a win this weekend?"

"All the teams in this league are fucking good, that's why they're in the Premier League, not the lower divisions, we're approaching this match the way we approached our other games," Roy answered, and it was true to an extent, but Richmond's style of play relied on Jamie's confidence to act as their central cog but as he glanced at the striker, he feared that he seemed less himself.

Lloyd being Lloyd took his chance to go next, "Sam, Richmond have won fifteen matches in a row, with two games left, you're four points off Manchester City for the Premier league title."

"Do you have a question?" Sam grinned.

"Yeah, am I dreaming?" Lloyd remarked as Billie's gaze remained focused on Jamie, who was still downcast as he kept his eyes on the floor, biting at his nails the way Billie did before difficult days at school.

"Well, if you are, please don't wake up," Sam told him, "And if this is the Matrix, don't unplug me."

"Yeah, better Trent," Roy nodded at Marcus.

"Marcus Adebayo, The Independent," He said as he stood up, "Jamie, on the heels of making your England debut, how does it feel to be named Premier League player of the month?"

"Er, erm, yeah," Jamie replied, keeping eye contact to a minimum, "Yeah, it feels good, I guess, but it's really the team making me look good, so I should be doing a better job of making them look good really," Billie and Roy shared a look of concern as Jamie continued to talk, aware of how out of character the whole thing was, "So, yeah, makes me feel bad."

"Jamie also led the league in assists this month, so he's done plenty to make his teammates look good," Roy told the room, hoping to provide something more quotable for the media outlets.

"Yeah, but they're the ones who took all the shots," Jamie reminded him.

"He did also score a goal," Sam added.

"That was meant to be a pass, you shouldn't count that," Jamie remarked, "That goal is a lie, it should be retracted from the records," Billie wasn't sure where to look as he rambled, she knew that something wasn't right, she knew that Jamie wasn't alright as she watched him lean forward to speak into the microphone, "I apologise to everyone, especially the kids."

"Right, let's call it there, everyone," Roy remarked, cutting the press conference unnaturally short, given how full the room was, "That was great, thanks very much."

Billie watched as Roy stood up, patting both Sam and Jamie on the shoulder before approaching her as the journalists began to disperse out the back of the press room, he nodded towards the side door, gesturing for him to join her.

"What the fuck's going on with him?" Roy hissed as soon as they made it into his half of the coaches' office, both doors closed.

"I don't know, he's been off the last few days," Billie replied, "This is the worst that he's been."

"Have you tried talking to him?" Roy asked.

"Have I tried- Of course I've tried talking to him," Billie quipped, "He even declined a kitchen dance last night."

"And that's not normal?" Roy furrowed his eyebrows.

"For a man with a playlist especially for kitchen dancing, I'd say so," Billie sighed, "I've got this shoot later, I'll check in with him before I go, but can you just keep an eye on him for me?"

"Yeah," Roy nodded, "Of course."

"Thank you," Billie wrapped him in a hug, "I'll see you later."

"Bye."

Billie made her way out of Roy's office to see Jamie wandering along the corridor towards the locker room, his shoulders slumped, and his gaze remained fixed on his feet as he shuffled along.

"Jamie," Billie approached him tentatively, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good," He nodded half heartedly, "You alright?"

"Yeah," Billie smiled, "You know that if you need to talk about anything, I'm going to be here, yeah?"

"Erm, yeah, course," He replied, and Billie feared that he didn't entirely believe her. She knew this wasn't him, this wasn't Jamie himself, something was weighing on him, she just wanted him to know that she was there, but she also didn't want to try and pry the information out of him, that didn't feel fair.

"You wanna go out for dinner later? Roy's giving you a free pass," She told him, knowing that in such circumstances, Roy would probably agree to it.

"Yeah, erm, maybe, I mean I might be a bit tired after training," Jamie rambled, tugging on the sleeves of his tracksuit, and Billie wasn't sure she completely believed him because even on the days when he started and spent his evening training with Roy, he'd still find time to go out with Billie.

"We could always just get a takeaway?" Billie suggested.

"Maybe," Jamie nodded, not because he didn't want to, but because while he was stuck in whatever headspace he'd wound up in, he thought that it would be best to keep his distance from the people that mattered, not wanting to burden anyone, especially Billie, "I should get ready for training."

"Sure," Billie nodded as he walked past her without so much as a squeeze of her hand, "Jamie?"

"Yeah?" He turned to look back at her.

"Can I have a hug?" Billie asked in what was almost a whisper.

"Erm, yeah." Jamie replied, waiting for her to come to him, as though he were stuck to that spot.

Billie stood on her toes as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he loosely wrapped his arms around her waist. Her familiar scent brought him comfort, as did the steady beat of her heart as she held onto him, her grip was strong as though she feared he might disappear if she let go.

"I've got to go get ready now," Jamie told her as he pulled away.

"Alright," Billie nodded, "I love you."

"You too."

It wasn't much, but it was a lack of something, something that to anyone else was just a mundane thing that they'd made their own. But it was more than that to Billie and Jamie, it was the word Billie had tattooed on her skin, it was nothing and it was everything.

But Billie didn't have anytime to dwell on it as Jamie disappeared into the locker room as she was met with the hum of a joyous American accent. She turned to see Ted who was joined by a woman she'd never seen before.

"You must be Richmond's very own Sporty Spice!" The woman smiled as she and Ted reached Billie.

"I suppose that's me," Billie nodded.

"Billie, this is my Mom, Dotty Lasso, Mom, this is Billie Kent," Ted told her.

"Oh, I know who she is," Dotty told him, "She's that star who takes all the photos of all your boys."

"Well, we're going to say hi to the team, if you'll join us?" Ted asked.

"I'd love to, but I've got to get to this shoot," Billie explained, "I've left a camera with Will, so if there's anything worth capturing, he's got it covered."

"You okay, Sporty Spice?" Ted asked, noticing the way her voice wavered and her eyes seemed to lack their usual sparkle.

"Leave her be, Teddy, she's a busy woman," Dotty told her son.

"I'm fine," Billie nodded, even though it was far from the truth, "I'll see you later."

Billie could tell that she wasn't herself, she couldn't stop worrying about Jamie despite being on another photoshoot with Leah Williamson. It was just a content shoot organised by Leah's team which meant there was less pressure than the GQ shoot, but a job's a job, and Billie still had to do her best to park her worries about Jamie so that she could put all her focus into the shoot.

The set up was simple, a red backdrop in a studio in North West London with windows that provided views of Wembley Stadium and beyond. Leah was wearing a red England shirt and black trousers, chosen by her stylist, Billie wasn't actually sure what the photos were for, she just knew they were paying well.

"You wanna do some on the floor?" Billie asked Leah as she sat on a bar stool in front of the backdrop, "I think it'll look more chilled."

"I'm happy to take your lead," Leah nodded, because as far as she was concerned, Billie was the expert in the room, "I saw that a lot's changed in your life since I last saw you."

"You mean Jamie?" Billie smiled fondly as Leah crouched on the floor.

"Yeah," Leah replied as Billie knelt down opposite her, "How's that going?"

"He's everything I've ever wanted, it's been a year since we got together," Billie smiled fondly, as she glanced down at the 'ditto' tattoo on her arm.

"You sure everything's okay?" Leah asked as Billie looked up at her, hoping that none of Leah's team had noticed her zoning out.

"Richmond's playing Man City this weekend," Billie sighed, feeling comfortable enough in Leah's presence to confide in her, knowing that as a footballer she'd probably understand, "And I'm worried about him, he's just not himself."

"Has he played against City since he left?" Leah asked.

"Twice, there was the FA Cup semi final, and then we played them at the start of the season," Billie explained, "This'll be his first time playing them at their ground."

"That'll be full of City fans who he knows will be booing his every move," Leah sighed in understanding, "We all know deep down that it's never personal, a returning player who left the team for another, especially with how well Jamie's been playing for Richmond, it's almost inevitable."

"He didn't even choose to leave, City didn't want him back after he did the TV show," Billie replied, "But it worries me what that'll do to him, I thought he'd play up to the cocky prima donna they expect him to be, but the way he's been this week, I'm worried those voices will get to him."

"All you can do is let him know that you've got him and the team's got him too," Leah assured her, "As bad as it sounds, he has to work the rest out for himself, and find something that works for him."

"I just want him to be okay," Billie smiled half heartedly.

"He will be, just give him time," Leah replied.

"We should probably crack on with these photos, otherwise we won't have much to show for a three hour studio session," Billie sighed.

"Why don't we break for lunch?" Leah suggested, "You've got a visitor."

Billie looked over her shoulder to see Roy holding a brown paper bag in one hand and a cardboard tray of coffee cups in the other, "Roy, what are you doing here?" Billie frowned as she stood up to face him.

"I need to talk," Roy told her, the sincerity in his tone surprised her, because whatever it was that he wanted to talk about, it was something that mattered.

"You want my help getting back with Keeley?" Billie guessed.

"We'll leave you to it," Leah nodded as she and her team made their way out of the studio.

"No, it's not that, no...I need your help with Jamie," Roy began to explain and Billie couldn't help but smile, because Roy cared and he was concerned about Jamie, like actually concerned, "He's all fucked in the head, and I've tried to do it myself, but it's all that emotional shit that you're good at, and you're his girlfriend so you probably know how to get through to him better than I do...And I also bought you lunch."

"You want my help with Jamie?" Billie raised her eyebrows in surprise, baffled that her brother was so intent on 'fixing' Jamie, and as much as he'd refused to admit it, he did care.

"Yeah, and I brought you this," He handed her the brown paper bag.

"Come on," Billie gestured to the table in the corner of the room, taking a seat in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs, "How was Jamie when you spoke to him?"

"All over the fucking place," Roy huffed as he began to unpack the food he'd bought, a southern friend chicken wrap for Billie and a halloumi wrap for himself as well as a salad platter for them to share, "I'm not even sure he knows what's triggering it."

"Starts with Man, ends with City?" Billie remarked, "He's not heard from his dad since Wembley, and it's pretty likely he'll be there this weekend, he'll spend the entire ninety minutes mouthing off and it'll fuck with Jamie's head more than this week already has."

"Fuck," Roy sighed, having failed to acknowledge how heavy the Man City match must've been weighing on Jamie's mind.

"I'll ask him if he wants me to come over tonight," Billie sighed, "But I'm not going to push it if he wants space."

"Since when did you get all emotionally fucking mature?" Roy remarked.

"Since I started therapy," Billie replied, "You thought about it yet?"

"Fuck no," Roy huffed as he watched his sister dip a carrot stick into the open jar of Biscoff spread on the table before eating it in two mouthfuls, "The fuck are you doing?"

"I don't know," Billie shrugged, "I just fancied it."

"Anyway, just do whatever it is you need to do to get Jamie back to normal soon," Roy told her, "We need him creating chances and scoring goals."

"You know, I don't even think he knows how important he is to this team," Billie whispered, because he was a shadow of the man he was when they first met, when he used 'confidence' and his talent as a mask for what he was really feeling, because that was all he knew, "And if he does know, he definitely doesn't believe it."

Billie had spent what remained of the day wondering whether what Jamie wanted was the same thing that Jamie needed. She'd spent an hour laying in her bed beside Nelson, knowing that the man she loved was just a ten minute drive away. She wanted him to be okay, no, she wanted him to be happy, but her anxious brain had her worrying that she wouldn't be able to find the words to make him feel better.

All she could do was try, she could let him know how loved he was, how much he mattered to her, how she would stay up talking till sunrise if it'd help. She grabbed her phone from her bedside table, smiling at the photo of her, Jamie and Nelson on their New Year's Day walk with Billie's family, taken on Richmond Hill. As she clicked Jamie's contact she wasn't even sure he'd answer, she could convince herself that he'd fallen asleep or his phone was out of battery, because the thought of him avoiding her wasn't something she wanted to contemplate.

And then came his answerphone message, "Hi, it's Jamie, except it's not me, 'cause I'm not here, and if you're a fan or from the Daily Mail, then it's definitely not me, 'cause I'll be changing me number anyway, you can leave your message now, beep."

Billie couldn't help but smile at him doing his own beep, despite her glossy eyes, as she plucked up the courage to leave her message, "Hey, lovely boy, it's me, I just wanted to check in and make sure you're okay," She said as she wiped away the dampness under her eyes, "I just called to tell you how much I love you, and remind you that you'll always have me by your side, okay?"

She paused, glancing at the photo of them that had been taken by Hannah at Winter Wonderland just a few months ago. Phoebe had asked for Jamie to join their annual family outing, and of course he was delighted by the idea. He and Roy let their competitiveness get the better of them on every activity, meaning that the Kent women had ended up with a surplus supply of teddies - a few of which they ended up regifting to other children at Winter Wonderland who weren't so fortunate.

"I know you're one of eleven when you're on the pitch, but that doesn't mean you aren't one in a million to me," Billie continued, "And whenever you need me, I'm always going to be there, I love you so much, Jamie fucking Tartt."

Billie ended her voicemail and shoved her phone into her pocket, she looked at Nelson who lay beside her, deciding she could do with a drink and he could probably do with a walk. She slipped on one of Jamie's hoodies and gestured for Nelson to jump off the bed, heading out into the living room.

"Hey, you okay?" Alfie asked as he lay on the sofa with his arm around Colin.

"Yeah, I'm just taking Nelson for a walk," Billie told him.

"Alright," Alfie nodded, "Where's loverboy?"

"Resting," Billie answered, hoping that after that morning's press conference he'd put two and two together and see that Jamie wasn't his usual self.

"You think he'll give me an exclusive ahead of this weekend's Man City match?" Alfie asked.

"He barely gave you anything quotable in that press conference," Billie sighed, "I doubt you'll get much else from him."

"Right," Alfie nodded slowly, glancing at his boyfriend who shared a similar look of concern.

"See you boys later," Billie replied before heading downstairs, "Come on, Nelson."

Billie and Nelson had walked a good lap of Richmond Green before they wound up at the Crown and Anchor. There was a part of Billie that wanted to avoid familiar faces and difficult questions, but for the most part she found comfort in the idea of distracting herself in the company of the punters she once served, and the hope that Ted and Beard might be found in a corner booth nursing a pint of beer.

And she was right.

"Well, well, well, if it ain't Sporty Spice and Richmond's most distinguished gentleman, Sir Nelson," Ted remarked as he made his way over from the pinball machine, crouching to give the dog a quick bit of fuss, "You joining us for a drink?"

"Yeah," Billie nodded, her lack of expression and enthusiasm seemed out of character to Ted who hadn't seen anything except her upbeat sunny disposition for some time.

"Mae," Ted approached the bar, "The usual for our Sporty Spice please."

"Of course," Mae smiled fondly at her former barmaid, "How've you been, love?"

"Not too bad," Billie nodded, glancing over at the booth where Beard was sitting with Ted's mother, along with Baz, Jeremy and Paul.

"You just make sure that lovely boyfriend of yours scores us a winner this weekend, alright?" Mae smiled, unaware of the weight that an innocently lighthearted statement held.

"Yeah," Billie nodded, turning to Ted, "I'll join the others."

"Hey," Beard nodded as Billie slipped into the seat beside him, "You good?"

"Fantastic," Billie replied, laced with sarcasm.

"Now who is this little beauty?" Dotty beamed as she laid eyes on Nelson who had found himself a spot at the foot of the table.

"Nelson," Billie answered, "He's mine and Jamie's...he's our dog."

"He is just the sweetest thing," Dotty smiled, "Nelson as in Nelson Road, I assume?"

"Yeah, he's a Richmond boy," Billie smiled as Baz crouched down at the end of the table to give Nelson a fuss.

"Billie, you should bring him to training next week," Paul suggested with a wide smile as he admired the dog.

"And have him running off with all the footballs?" Billie smiled.

"Would be funny though, right?"

"There you go, lovely," Mae smiled as she placed a strawberry cider on the table in front of Billie, before placing a dog biscuit on the floor for Nelson, and batting the three boys away as a gesture to leave Billie and the Americans to it.

"So, how come you're here and not at home with Jamie?" Beard asked as Baz, Paul and Jeremy returned to the bar.

"I just fancied a drink, Jamie's resting ahead of the weekend and I assumed you'd be here," Billie answered, and Beard was pretty sure she was being rather economical with the truth, but he knew better than to push her for an answer, "So, Dotty, how are you finding London?"

"Oh, it's just delightful," Dotty smiled, "I was staying in this hostel with some sex hungry Australians, but now Teddy's put me up at his place."

"So I hear," Billie nodded.

"How's that lovely boyfriend of yours?" Dotty asked, "He looked oh so glum earlier before your big brother summoned him from the locker room, I mean I'm not sure what these soccer players have to be miserable about, seeing as they get paid more than my yearly wages in a week."

"He's just been tired," Billie muttered as Ted mouthed 'I'm sorry about her,' knowing that his mother had a tendency to be pretty straight to the point in conversations, "Ted, have you chosen our Manchester movie night film, yet?"

"That responsibility falls to Coach Beard," Ted told her as Beard mimed zipping his mouth.

"You'll love it," Beard assured her.

"I look forward to it," Billie smiled as she glanced down from her phone to see just one message from Jamie, a message that she didn't believe but she was sure that he was trying, and she knew that if he wanted her there he'd ask her to come over.

JAMIE

I'm okay x

If Billie was entirely honest it hurt to feel so far from a man who lived just ten minutes from her house, a man who she basically lived with, a man who knew every inch of her body and every crevice of her heart. She knew he was overwhelmed, and she knew that if she made the Man City match feel like a big deal, Jamie would catastrophize more than he already had. She needed to take things one step at a time, to think of the Jamie she knew and loved as well as the young boy from the council estate in North Manchester.