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billie_kent: thank you for having us bafta <3

COMMENTS:
colinhughes: a face men would go to war for

jamie_tartt: speechless.

maddsgreen: i adore you

alfiesykes98: a face card that never declines

will_kitman: MOTHER IS MOTHERING

keeleyjones: you're so fucking fit

"When was the last time you saw her, your mother?" Dr Sharon asked as Billie sat on Jamie's bed, on a FaceTime call with the woman who was more than just her therapist, she was someone Billie considered a friend, someone to rely on.

"Until the other day, it's been years," Billie answered honestly, wrapped up in one of Jamie's hoodies while he remained downstairs with Nelson, respecting the unspoken need for privacy during a therapy session, "It's not the time that hurts, it's the audacity she has to come back into my life as though she did nothing wrong."

"And she's leaving your father?" Sharon asked, noting down some key points in her notepad.

"So she says," Billie huffed, "Wouldn't surprise me if she goes back to him eventually, for convenience more than anything else."

Dr Sharon had a reasonable understanding of Billie's childhood, it had a big effect on her approach to falling in love with Jamie. The two women had also spoken after Billie ran into her father at West Ham, allowing Billie to fill in the blanks for Dr Sharon.

"If the burden of your parents' actions is continuing to weigh heavy on you, there is something you could do," Dr Sharon replied, although knowing Billie the way she did, she knew she'd likely object to it.

"Hire a hitman?"

"Forgive them," Dr Sharon answered and Billie was quick to laugh humorlessly.

"Oh, you were actually being serious," Billie muttered, "Yeah, I'm not giving them that."

"They don't need to know that you've forgiven them, and I'm not saying you should forget," Dr Sharon told her, "Continuing to carry the weight of your childhood struggles is only going to weigh you down, and I would hate for it to hold you back from what it is you really want."

"I have everything that I want." Billie was quick to assure her.

"And a few years down the line, when you and Jamie are thinking of starting a family, how do you think it'll affect you if you're still holding onto this?" Dr Sharon asked, not that she wanted Billie to catastrophize, but to rather consider it food for thought.

Billie's mind wandered to ten years time, she and Jamie would be in their thirties and based on the average trajectory of a footballer's career, he'd be nearing the end of his. She wondered whether they'd have children by then, she'd like them to have children by then, to raise little humans that were half her and half Jamie, well that sounded pretty perfect.

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad, they may not mean to, but they do," Dr Sharon proceeded to talk, sensing Billie's hesitation, "They fill you with the faults they had and add some extra, just for you."

"That was pretty fucking poetic, nice work, Doc," Billie smirked.

"It's by Philip Larkin," Dr Sharon told her, "And I make him right, you're a good person, Billie, and I know you'd never dream of burdening your future children this way, so why are you letting yourself become burdened by things that were out of your control?"

"I don't want my parents to think that I'm fine with it," Billie answered honestly.

"If you decide to forgive them, that doesn't mean that you have to tell them that," Dr Sharon assured her, "How about you write a letter to your parents, tell them as much or as little of what you tell me, and you can keep it in a drawer, you never have to look at it again, and maybe one day when you're ready, you send it."

"You think it'll help?"

"You won't know unless you try," Dr Sharon replied, "Forgiving your parents is for you, not for them, you have your found family now, this might just help set you free."

"I'll think about it," Billie pursed her lips hesitantly.

"Good," Dr Sharon nodded, putting her notebook away, "Now, how's it going with Jamie? Have you been coping with the public attention?"

"It's been good," Billie nodded, "I think I've been better at coping with the whole media attention thing than I thought I would."

"Because you can trust Jamie," Dr Sharon replied, reminded of all the differences between him and Brad.

"One hundred percent," Billie smiled fondly, "And one of my best friends happens to be an incredible publicist who handles all the interview requests."

"Sounds good to me, and feels like a good place to end our session," Dr Sharon told her, "You up to much today?"

"Matchday," Billie sighed with a smile.

"Have fun, and tell those boys I said hi," Dr Sharon told her.

After ending her call with Dr Sharon, Billie made her way out of the bedroom and downstairs to where Jamie would be. She strolled down the stairs and as she reached the hallway she was met with the gentle hum of Fleetwood Mac playing from the speakers in the kitchen.

She headed into the kitchen, a smile on her face as she leant against the doorframe, watching Jamie as he unpacked various bags of food from the shop, while simultaneously dancing along to 'You Make Loving Fun' by Fleetwood Mac. She hadn't even heard him leave the house, but from the look on Nelson's face as he laid in his basket it was apparent that Jamie had managed the food shop and Nelson's daily walk at the same time.

He was going to be the very best dad one day.

"Oh, hi," Jamie smiled as he caught sight of Billie, "Good session?"

"Yeah," She nodded as she approached him, "It was good to talk about it."

"I'm glad, babe," Jamie wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

"We talked about forgiveness," Billie muttered as Jamie tightened his grip around her shoulders, knowing that the topic was something they both struggled with, especially when it came to parents.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to write a letter to my parents, I don't know if I'll ever send it, but Dr Sharon reckons it'll help me move forward with my life, with our life if I think about forgiving rather than trying to forget," Billie told him.

"Our life?" Jamie raised his eyebrows.

"I don't want to burden our future kids with this stuff, J," She whispered.

"That's not gonna happen, Bils," Jamie assured her, his heart skipping a beat at the mention of future children, "We might still be healing, but look at how far we've come."

"You think so?"

"They'll be the luckiest little humans to call you their mum," Jamie replied and Billie couldn't hide the smile on her face as he did.

They hadn't even been together for a year, but the concept of future children wasn't a topic either of them chose to shy away from. Their love was inexplicable and it was obvious to them both that one day there would be tiny Kent-Tartt feet pattering across the floorboards, chasing after Nelson.

"I love you, J," Billie hummed, "And you're going to be the coolest, kindest dad one day."

Without a word Jamie cupped Billie's cheeks, kissing her in a way that acted as a response to her previous statement. They both knew just how much those words meant to him, and she truly meant it. She treasured the relationship he had with her niece just as much as the relationship he had been working on with Roy. Jamie equally treasured the responsibility of being a chosen uncle, of having the role bestowed upon him by the young girl who believed that he had earned it.

They were going to be the best parents one day.

"J, this isn't your usual match day playlist," Billie muttered as she pulled back from the kiss, noticing how the song had changed to 'She's Always A Woman' by Billy Joel, she had grown used to the sound of a variation of upbeat rap and northern indie tracks, this was way more chilled, and she worried that his head wasn't where it usually was on the day of a match.

"It's a different one, I'll just put the other one on in the car later," Jamie sighed as his arms remained wrapped around her shoulders.

"Pretty boy, we need you on top form," Billie insisted, knowing that Richmond's performance had been lacking since their humiliating defeat, and she had every faith that with the right motivation, Jamie could be the one to bring the win home, "What playlist is this?"

"Babe, just wait-" Jamie replied as Billie picked up his phone, opening his music app, and as her eyes lit up, he knew that he was busted.

"My Kind of Woman," Billie grinned at the title of the playlist as she looked up at him, "Is this?"

"For you, yeah," Jamie scratched the back of his neck with an awkward grin, "It's just some songs that remind me of you, I like to listen to them when we're apart."

"God, you're so fucking cute," Billie smiled, wrapping her arms around Jamie's shoulders as she jumped into his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist as she kissed him.

"If I'd known it'd get this sort of reaction, I'd have told you about it ages ago," Jamie replied, placing her on the edge of the kitchen island.

"Can I see what other songs are on it?" Billie grinned as Jamie stood between her legs.

"Fire away, babe," Jamie nodded as she picked up his phone while he leant against her, resting his head against her shoulder as she scrolled through the songs, butterflies filling her stomach with each song title. There were a few that were included because they were Billie's favourites, like 'About You' by The 1975. But there were also some that simply reminded him of her, such as 'Kiss Me' by Ed Sheeran that reminded him of what it felt like to fall in love with her for the first time.

"Are you sure you're real?" Billie grinned.

"Huh?"

"Because everyday you do more and more to convince me you're the lead in a romcom," Billie told him, interlocking her hand with his.

"Nothing short of what you deserve, my girl," Jamie assured her, placing a kiss against her cheek.

"Now, as giddy as this sweet moment is, I want to see skills so good that the fans are singing that song during today's match," Billie smiled as she opened Jamie's pre-match playlist.

"That song?" Jamie smirked knowingly, regarding the chant that the fans debuted at the West Ham match.

"Yeah, pretty boy," Billie grinned as she pressed shuffle on the playlist, 'Rain' by Aitch playing from the speakers, "That song."

If there was one thing that Billie Kent and Keeley Jones agreed on, it was that their friendship shouldn't have to be affected by Keeley and Roy's breakup. The two girls were good friends before the relationship started, so why not remain friends after it had ended?

"The media are obsessed with you and Jamie," Keeley told her best friend as the two of them sat in her office, sipping on berry smoothies ahead of Richmond's match later that day, "In a good way."

"Is there such a thing as being obsessed in a good way?" Billie frowned sceptically.

"You're obsessed with One Direction," Keeley replied.

"Passionate, I'm passionate about One Direction," Billie corrected her friend with a fond smile. 

"Look," Keeley flicked through a magazine that was laid on her desk, showing Billie a double page spread covered in various red carpet photos of multiple celebrities, including a photo of her and Jamie on the recent BAFTA red carpet, "Grazia loved your looks from last weekend, they said you were the best dressed couple of the night."

"Is this you doing the bit where you play my publicist?" Billie smirked, eyeing the photo in which she and Jamie were standing side by side on the red carpet, his hand resting on the small of her back.

She and Jamie had received the invite about two weeks ago, which was enough of a surprise, because neither of them had any involvement with the film industry, the most relevant link was Billie's media degree. But it wasn't BAFTA who invited them, it was Fendi, who offered to dress them both for the event, and provided them with the tickets.

It was one of those many moments of imposter syndrome she'd experienced since acquiring the job at Richmond. It was easy to be daunted by it, sitting in a room of talent she'd looked up to for years, feeling like a tiny fish in a massive pond. But having Jamie by her side was a great relief, and insistently helped her squash her nerves.

Meeting Theo James and Benedict Cumberbatch was quite the fever dream for both Billie and Jamie, nevermind discovering that they were both AFC Richmond fans.

"All I'll say is, I had a shit tonne of emails waiting in my inbox the next day," Keeley told her, "That was your red carpet debut as a couple, and it got people talking, and the brands were most certainly listening."

"Like who?" Billie asked, not that she intended taking Keeley up on the offers, but enquiring out of nothing except intrigue.

"The usual ones they send to anyone with more than a hundred thousand followers, but I also had a request from the people at Spotify who wanted to do a pre-match playlist feature with you both," Keeley told her, choosing to filter out the topics she knew wouldn't appeal to Billie or Jamie.

"I'll be sure to run it by Jamie," Billie hummed with a smile.

"You've also been ranked as Cosmopolitan magazine's third favourite WAG," Keeley told her as though it were some sort of world renowned privilege.

"Who's left to beat?" Billie joked.

"Victoria Beckham and Coleen Rooney," Keeley replied.

"I'll take that," Billie smirked, "Still feels weird being followed by paps, they used to do it when I was with Brad, but they'd shout questions at me about Brad's infidelity, whereas now they just hang back and take photos, probably because Jamie's with me most of the time."

"Yeah," Keeley nodded

"It's quitting time," Billie looked over her shoulder to see one of Keeley's employees standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Dan," Keeley smiled reassuringly.

"No, I quit," The man reiterated, and Billie assumed it was some sort of reference to Shandy's dramatic departure, "I'm only joking, unless you want me to quit?"

"No, I'd love to see you tomorrow, Dan," Keeley insisted, "Night."

"Night, thank you," He awkwardly hurried out of the office as Barbara appeared in the doorway.

"Good night, Ms Jones," Barbara smiled at the two women.

"Night, Barbara," Keeley replied.

"Barbara-"

"Ooh!" Keeley exclaimed as Jack joined the women, "Do you wanna go see the Richmond match tonight? Either of you?"

"Will it be as violent as last time?" Barbara asked.

"I doubt it," Billie told her, "Those boys are on their best behaviour."

"Then no."

"I'll tag along," Jack smiled, turning to Barbara, "Can I borrow your office to make some calls?"

"Yes, of course, yes," Barbara smiled graciously, "Just don't look in my desk drawer."

The three other women laughed awkwardly.

"Don't," Barbara added firmly before leaving the office.

"Well, I'm definitely going to look in those drawers," Jack told Keeley and Billie.

"Can't be any worse than mine," Billie smirked.

"Now I'm intrigued," Jack folded her arms across her chest.

"She works with her boyfriend, use your imagination," Keeley teased.

"Mind out of the gutter, Jones," Billie tossed a stress ball at her, "That was one time."

"Storeroom sex," Keeley coughed with a mischievous grin.

"He looked fucking good, he'd just been in the gym and we both needed to let off steam," Billie insisted, "And as much as I'd love to discuss my sex life, I've got to get to work."

"Enjoy the storeroom, babe," Keeley called out.

"Fuck off."

"Love you too!" Keeley replied.

"Peel 'em, slice 'em, cut 'em, mash 'em," Roy made his way around the locker room, fist bumping the boys one by one ahead of the Manchester City match.

"I'm not playing," Colin was quick to interject as Roy reached him.

"Cheer until your voice bleeds," Roy simply replied, turning to Isaac, "Eat 'em."

"Boss." Isaac nodded.

"Outclass 'em, Sam," Roy shook the young man's hand.

"Thank you, Coach," Sam smiled.

Roy turned to the corner of the room that had been dedicated to Zava, noticing that the diva striker was nowhere to be seen, despite the looming kick off, "Oi, where's Zava?"

Right on cue, Billie strolled into the room, camera hanging from her neck, "What's going on?"

"Zava's not here," Roy told her.

"But the match is starting in like twenty minutes," Billie replied out of pure concern, looking around the room at the team who didn't exactly seem as though they were ready to go up against Man City "Has anyone actually seen him today?"

The team stared back at her blankly, dumbfounded by Zava's absence, Jamie's expression remained neutral, which wasn't a surprise to anyone, he'd more than vocal about how the team didn't need Zava, he'd just hadn't had an opportunity to prove that yet.

Billie turned to her brother with an empathetic smile, "I'll make some calls."

"Hey, any news?" Ted asked as Billie, Beard and Roy returned to the dugout just as the first whistle blew and play began.

"Nobody knows where he is," Beard answered, sitting slumped in his seat.

"Fucking prick's not answering his phone," Roy added.

"I called several times," Billie told the coach as she noticed Colin had returned to his rightful position in the team's starting lineup, "He didn't answer once, so we widened our net."

"Nothing from his agent, his manager, his publicist, his trainer, his acupuncturist, his acupressurist, his fecalist, his avocado whisperer, not even his barber," Beard told them.

"Maybe he's dead," Ted suggested.

"Fucking better be," Roy muttered with clenched fists.

"I hope for his sake he's found himself in witness protection," Billie huffed, watching the boys pass the ball in an incredibly pedestrian manner, until Man City gained possession with ease.

City had obliterated Richmond, that was the most polite way to put it. The absence of Zava on Richmond's team was evident, the team had grown accustomed to setting up play for their prolific striker, it was as though they'd forgotten how to play without him.

The mood in the locker room was simply a reflection of the almighty defeat, Billie sat on the bench behind Jamie as he sat in between her feet, his head resting against her knees. She was unsure of what exactly to say, because perhaps this was the answer to his prayers, no more Zava. But Jamie wasn't a cruel person, he might not have liked Zava, but that didn't mean he wanted his team to suffer such a defeat in place of losing the egocentric player.

"Hey, guys," Higgins smiled solemnly as he entered the locker room, "Good effort today."

"Mr Higgins, Is it true about Zava?" Colin asked.

"I'm afraid so," Higgins nodded as Dani promptly burst into tears and the rest of the team remained quiet.

"Hey, hey, guys," Sam spoke up, "Zava just posted a video."

The team crowded around Sam as the video began to play, in which Zava was talking to the camera. Billie and Jamie remained where they were, content enough with just listening to the video's audio.

"Hello, how are you? I have to share something with you, my friends, you are not my followers, you are my believers, so I have to tell you, Zava has played his last match, I will now dedicate all of my time and my energy to my family and my avocado farm, if you put your energy into the things you truly love, the universe puts its thing back into you, you're welcome."

As the video ended, the team dispersed, sharing looks of confusion, Roy shot Billie a knowing nod, Jamie's hunger to be great wasn't going to subside just because Zava was gone. Zava was simply an extra catalyst, Jamie wanted to win the league, he wanted a spot on the England football team, representing his nation at international tournaments, so he needed to be better than great, he needed to be the greatest.

"Gentlemen, hey," Ted entered the locker room as the team sat in their respective seats across the benches, "That was a tough one tonight, okay? Man City has still got our number, but we're gonna get another crack at them later in the season."

Billie knew what that meant, a match against Manchester City at the Etihad meant that Jamie would have to play with his father in the crowd. She hoped that Jamie wasn't thinking about it, because she knew how heavy the burden of being James Tartt's son weighed on him.

Jamie hadn't had any contact from his father since that fateful night at Wembley, and he preferred it that way, he knew how his father could be, he knew that he would make snide remarks every chance he got. He'd find a way to belittle Jamie's relationship with Billie, and he'd get into his son's head, undoing all the progress the footballer had made since returning to Richmond.

"Coach, no practice tomorrow, yeah?" Ted glanced at Beard, and Billie's mind instantly wandered to what she and Jamie could do with their day off.

"That's right."

"Okay, well, see y'all on Monday," Ted told them before heading back towards his office.

"Hey, Coach," Sam called out, "What about Zava? He quit the team."

"I mean, technically, he retired from the whole sport which makes it feel a little less personal, yeah?" Ted reminded the group, "You know, like if your girlfriend runs off with some dude and it turns out they were soulmates."

"Gina fucking Gershon," Beard muttered.

"But, look, I hear you, okay?" Ted assured them, "Zava is gone, and you know what? I think it's a good thing."

"What?" The team hummed as Billie squeezed Jamie's shoulder, knowing that he shared Ted's sentiment.

"Look, do I wanna win? Heck yeah, but I also wanna do it with folks that wanna be here," Ted told them, "It's not like we could handcuff him to his locker and make him love us."

"We could have tried," Dani sighed.

"There's a One Direction song for that," Billie muttered, feeling Jamie laugh quietly as he rested against her legs.

"Hey, guys, look, we got a good thing going here, alright?" Ted reminded them, "We didn't need Zava, yeah?" He glanced at Jamie, who offered him a small nod, "All we need to win are the fellas in this room right now, and all you fellas need to do is believe it."

As if on cue, like the stone table cracking beneath Aslan, one half of the Believe poster that clung together with pieces of the tape, fell from its place on the wall, causing the team to gasp in fear.

"It's a sign!" Bumbercatch exclaimed.

"That's it, we're doomed," Colin added as the team began rambling worried affirmations.

"Now, hold on, we're not doomed," Ted silenced the team, "But, Bumbercatch? yes, you're right, it is a sign, I agree," He sighed as he collected the two halves of the yellow paper, "In fact, it's just a sign."

Ted ripped the two pieces of paper in half again, causing the team to explode into gasps of terror, having held the sign so close to their hearts since Ted's arrival in Richmond.

"Alright, guys, listen to me," Ted hushed them yet again, "Belief doesn't just happen because you hang something up on a wall, it comes from in here," He placed his hand against his chest, before tapping the side of his head, "And up here, only problem is, we all got so much junk flowing through us, a lot of times we end up getting in our own way."

Ted was right, in fact there weren't many occasions where he was wrong.

"You know, crap like envy or fear, shame," Ted paused, "I don't wanna mess around with that shit anymore, you know? Do you?"

"No, coach."

"Well, you know what I wanna mess around with?" Ted asked, "The belief that I matter, regardless of what I do or don't achieve, or the belief that we all deserve to be loved, whether we've been hurt or maybe we've hurt somebody else, or what about the belief of hope? That's what I wanna mess with, believing that things can get better, that I can get better, that we will get better."

"To believe in yourself, to believe in one another, that's the fundamental to being alive, and if you can do that, if each of you can truly do that..." Ted told them, tearing the poster into smaller pieces, "Can't nobody rip that apart."

He placed the pieces on the platform in the centre of the silent room, "See y'all Monday?"

"Yes, Coach."

Ted made his way into the office as Jamie stood up, pulling Billie up from the bench, and before either of them could utter a word, Roy had approached them.

"Tomorrow at 4AM?" Jamie asked.

"Damn fucking right," Roy nodded before walking out of the locker room, his dedication to training Jamie continued to leave Billie speechless.

"You okay, pretty boy?" Billie nudged her boyfriend.

"I am," He nodded, glancing at his solemn looking teammates, "Not sure about them."

"They will be," She replied in complete confidence, she wanted to tell him that it was because they had him, because she could see that he was destined to become the central cog in their system. But Billie knew Jamie and she had enough of an understanding of football to know that he would thrive best in that role as long as he had the opportunity to discover that purpose himself.

Jamie Tartt was more than just Richmond's golden boy, he just didn't believe it yet.

author's note: i've missed you all (even though it's only been two weeks)
i've been busy at work and seeing people on my days off so i've had less time to write but ill be back to more regular updates from september hopefully!

hope you enjoyed the chapter...next stop: amsterdam