Alright.

This chapter will contain themes of sex, specifically of the gay kind.

If you are uncomfortable with such a thing, please skip this chapter.

(I'm not saying that gay sex is wrong; it's just my duty to provide a disclaimer).

Chapter 13

Alright, we're in Sheila's point of view.

Interesting... but...

There's literally no reason.

Whenever you make a decision in writing, ask yourself 'why'?

If there's no good reason, I wouldn't recommend it.

The author's reason was because they wanted to.

That's... not a good reason.

Anyway, there's no denying that this chapter is filler.

All that happens is that Sheila is trying to prove that Mason is 'whipped' for Angel and does so by starting to make out with Angel.

That's it.

Chapter 14

Do you even grammar?

I think you mean:

"Now that I think about it, how does he even afford this place? I know it's not too much to afford, but I do know that he goes to school and that where he works doesn't pay him enough to keep this house."

BOOM fixed your grammar.

Also, that one paragraph at the start is all we get about the previous chapter.

It barely even effects Mason.

Chapter thirteen was utterly pointless.

So... Mason goes to Angel's house and fights David.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Uh... I meant...

Master Please...
This is Sexual Assault!

So... yeah. Mason shouldn't have let himself into Angel's house or have started a fight with David.

In reality, Mason would go to jail for trespassing and assault. Nothing would happen to David, unless Angel files an actual report on the abuse he got from David. Mason can't do it for Angel. All Mason has done is made Angel more vulnerable by doing that. Well... David is off the hook until they find out he's part of the mafia, then he's screwed.

Anyway, Mason wins and gets David to not go near Angel again. He does this by threatening David with Mason's brother, Matt. Matt is the leader of the mafia, for some reason.

By the way, the author has supposedly made a story about Matt and David. It was in an author's note they had. I assume it's another boyxboy. If it is, that's terrible unless David changes. And I mean changes from his abusing ways from actual character development instead of because 'the plot demands it.'

Chapter 15

All I'm going to say is that Angel shouldn't be excited for the date, given all the terrible things Mason has done.

...

...

I also don't see Angel being the type using 'girl' as a degrading term to describe himself-

Wait, never mind. He's not a character.

If Angel was a character - if we piece together the not unrealistic things about him -, he wouldn't be the type to use 'girl' as a degrading term to describe himself.

The rest of the chapter is basically Angel taking too long to get ready.

Chapter 16

Nothing important happens. Mason takes Angel to an ice cream parlour and they get ice cream. Angel moans at the taste of ice cream and Mason said "bet I can make you moan louder."

Master Please...
This is Sexual Assault!

Also, Angel agrees with that.

For God's sake.

Also, Mason talks about his family.

And Sheila is a fujoshi.

There's nothing wrong with being a fujoshi, unless you're a bad fujoshi.

An example of a bad fujoshi is Sheila, since she basically said she'd invade their personal privacy because 'gay sex is hot.' It isn't even a joke. If she had the chance, she would probably do that.

Chapter 17

Basically, Sheila is invading their privacy. I should get a counter for this...

Sheila Please...
Bother off!

Mason shouldn't have threatened Angel about the tracker. ANGEL SHOULDN'T BE SMILING ABOUT IT.

Master Please...
This is Sexual Assault!

For guys' night with his friend, Angel chooses the club. They comment on that.

Angel also talks about how Mason checks up on him.

Constantly.

That is more possesive and creepy than nice and adorable.

So... Angel finally submits to Mason.

This shouldn't have happened.

No where near this quickly, especially considering what Mason has done to Angel.

It's only been a week.

This process should take more time, especially considering that normal relationships start at a minimum of two weeks after meeting.

It should take even longer for Angel, since Mason sexually assaulted, harrased, stalked and was dragging Angel away from other people. It should also take longer because Angel was abused.

Don't make your character be in an abusive relationship previously, if it doesn't effect the plot.

Here, in this story, it doesn't effect the plot.

Chapter 18 pt. 1 & 2

It's just smut.

This is supposed to be a BDSM story, but all that ever happens is light bondage and blindfolding. Something goes up Angel's arse at some point, but that's about it.

It never goes further than light bondage. I think.

There is so much more to BDSM than that.

I don't think BDSM is good to include in the title, if that's all that happens.