Chapter 6 ~ Tammy

I know we’ve blown their minds away when they all look at us with their mouths hanging open. What can I say? It’s a normal reaction when people see us play for the first time. Our band is called Prodigy for a reason and now they know that. So I can’t stop the smile from forming on my lips. I like the way they look at us right now and I must admit that the way Liam is watching us is pretty hilarious. It’s like he can’t believe what’s happening in front of his nose, yet at the same time I see admiration.

I love that. I love admiration. But I won’t go back to the reasons why I need to feel admired. I’ve had enough therapy already, I don’t need any more. I don’t need to go back to my past to see why things are the way they are.

I feel sorry for One Direction when they have to perform after us. I feel sorry for any band that has to perform after us, to be honest. Even if we had second-hand instruments and a drum made of boxes, we’re better than any other new band around. And One Direction sings their pop, lovesick songs that offer no hope for these kids. I look around and I see all their faces and Ray is next to me, holding my hand. These kids need so much help, they need people telling them that it can get better, that this isn’t everything they are, that they can be whatever they want. Your parents will never shape your future forever, you have the power to change it. They need to know that and a song that talks about partying all night won’t help them realise that.

These lesbians –yes, they all look like lesbians. Maybe the darker one, Zayn I believe, looks a bit manlier, but too skinny for my taste. Whatever, these lesbians have great voices, very different and let’s be honest, the curly-haired one has a raspy one that gives me chills, and Zayn hits notes that no man should hit –see? Lesbians. I believe they could be better, their voices could make great songs and if they could play instruments they wouldn’t look that much like boys, but oh well, they are a boy band, after all. Justin Timberlake wasn’t the manlier guy around when he was in *NSYNC, I mean, those blond curls were kind of creepy, but man, look at him now. I would totally have him for a couple of nights.

The kids applaud them, too, but not as loud as they clapped for us and my smile is even wider. Clever kids, they recognise talent, not only popularity. Though I don’t mind they are bigger than us now, in a couple of months I know we’ll be bigger than them. It’s inevitable.

I’m surprised that Liam approaches me with his goody smile. Honestly, does he always look like a puppy? He is not helping his image of a good lesbian –I mean, boy– with that smile and those sincere eyes. It’s like he is asking you to bully him for being so nice.

“Your performance was absolutely incredible,” he compliments and my smile grows wider.

“I’m glad you can recognise what’s good, Noob,” I tell him and he sighs deeply. Yeah, he better accept that he has only that name in my mind. I won’t call him Liam out loud. Noob suits him better. “Yours didn’t make me puke, so that’s good, I think.”

He seems to ponder my words, whether to classify them as an insult or a compliment. “Thanks,” he says. “I guess.” I chuckle, his confused expression makes his features a bit sharper, a bit manlier.

You know what’s sad? He could look like a real badass guy. He has the body and a bit of the face –give him two more years–, and the short hair and shadow of a growing beard also help him to look kind of rough, but then he smiles and it’s like he throws everything to the bin.

Man, what a waste.

“But seriously, that was epic. I can’t even imagine what you can do with your own instruments,” he adds and I wonder why he is trying to talk to me. When we met today, he looked nothing but pissed to see me here, too. But now he’s making conversation and I’m not sure what made him change.

“We’re even better,” Leanne joins the conversation in that moment, her dashing smile across her lips as she takes place next to me. “The things I can do with a real drum set.” She looks at him in that flirting way that it’s so natural in her and I know Liam is lost in her cleavage. That’s Leanne, she doesn’t mind showing what she’s got and God really blessed her with big and beautiful boobs. Meanwhile, I skipped that department when I was being made. “Maybe you should see us one day on a real stage. I’m sure Tammy would like you to be there.”

And that’s the moment my eyes shoot wide open. What did she say? I glare at her and she smiles mischievously.

“I mean, after that date you two had, the least you can do is invite him, Tammy,” she tells me this time.

Have you ever felt that urge to kill someone? Yeah, that’s how I feel right now.

“You two should play together!” Ray speaks cheerfully and I forget everything about Leanne and all the stupid things she is saying. “One Direction and Prodigy together! Nothing could be more amazing than that!” He cheers and more people hear him this time.

Like that… many join in his petition, showing their agreement and desire to see my band and Liam’s together. I don’t see how that could work, our styles are so different. We are a rock band, they are a boy band, for crying out loud! It’s like joining cupcakes and a barbeque in a bowl. Disgusting.

But then I look around, I see all these kids’ faces and no matter how atrocious the idea sounds, it’s what it would make them happy and I have to do that. For these kids, I can do anything.

“Sure,” I find myself agreeing and hearing gasps of sheer surprise from my band mates.

“What?” More than one says and I just shrug, kneeling to be at Ray’s height.

“If that would make you happy, I’m all up for it,” I tell him and his smile is all I need to know this is a good idea. Ray hugs me and I wrap my arms around him, too, keeping him close to me.

“Oh, what the heck. Let’s do it,” Leanne says carefully not to curse in front of kids though I’m sure these poor souls have heard worse things than simple bad words.

Soon, Emma and Skyler agree, too and I’m looking at Liam now, expecting his answer. He is staring at me intently, like he is trying to get to my very core, but he won’t. No one can reach that part of my soul because it is locked under a million locks. Not even I can access it anymore.

“I think it’s a great idea,” he says and although I’m surprised he agreed, considering that it would mean to spend time with me, I’m happy that he did. These kids will have what they need.

Everyone agrees, except Louis that is nowhere to be seen, but Kay says that he would love to. I like that girl, she is funny and there’s something in the way she smiles that tells me there’s more than what you can see. She is a sassy one and I always like those, same with Alex. This girl has a lot of personality and it’s not the girly type. And that makes me wonder why she is with a boy like the blond one. Maybe he is good in bed, you can’t always judge the book by its cover, maybe there’s more than the adorable cute little face with an Irish accent.

“Okay, so give me your number. We’ll keep in touch with you,” I tell Liam because he is the closest one right now.

So I take out my mobile and save his number as Noob. He sees that and rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t even try to make me change it. Good, he is learning.

After that he doesn’t leave my side, and with him there’s a little girl called Rose that doesn’t let go of his hand, same as Ray with me. Well, if Liam wants to be around, he’ll have to accept to be the punching bag. I’m here for one reason only: to bring happiness to these kids, and I’ll do that no matter the cost. That’s why I accepted to play with One Direction, that’s why I don’t tell Liam to fuck off and leave me alone.  These kids are more important than anything else. I can even try to get along with a boy that looks like a lesbian and has puppy eyes.

“Guys, seriously, this is just a rock in your path. All of you can make it through, I know that,” I tell several kids when we’re sat in a circle on the floor, I’m with the guitar playing some songs for them. “It looks impossible, but believe me, you can achieve anything you want. Just never give up. Anyone can be successful!”

Many of them seem to shine with my words, meanwhile others look like they’ve heard this so many times already, but nothing changes. You know how the older ones have had it worse for the way my words can’t reach them.

“Whatever happened to you, that is not the end. It’s the beginning. The ones who suffer the most are the strongest of them all and the ones that can climb the highest. You have the power to be what you want to be. Tell me, do you have a dream?”

Many kids seem uncomfortable with my question, but slowly they start speaking.

“I wanna be a teacher,” says one. “I wanna be a nurse!” A little girl exclaims. “I wanna be a policeman,” a little boy says, his smile with several missing teeth. “I just wanna be a good mum,” says another girl and my heart does a flip in my chest, a lump in my throat and I fight hard to keep smiling.

“And you’ll be a great mum,” I tell her taking her hand. She smiles even brighter at me.

“I wanna be a singer like you two,” Ray says. He smiles differently from when I just met him today.

“Best choice ever,” I whisper to him bumping shoulders softly. “Whatever you wanna be, you can do it! I mean, look at the Noob here,” I say pointing at Liam who can’t stop smiling like a puppy. “He looks  like a girl,” I say and all the kids burst out laughing. “But he is famous. He gets all the girls he wants even if he smiles like a puppy.” More giggles and Liam looks at me slightly offended, but a bit amused, too. “If he, with the girly face and those falsettos when he sings, made it here, then everyone can make it!”

Between fits of laughter, I see how hope starts to shine in their eyes. But I won’t stop here, I won’t let these kids believe they are doomed because their parents don’t appreciate them, because they don’t know the beautiful creatures they have brought to this world. I won’t stop until every single kid in here knows he or she can make it, too.

“You two are funny,” Ray says looking at Liam and then at me.

“You look cute together,” a probably fifteen-year-old girl adds and that brings murmurs from everyone, but I shake my head.

“I don’t date puppies,” I say making the kids laugh again.

“But you said he can get any girl he wants!” A boy protested, almost hurt for having lied to him.

“Yeah, but Noob here doesn’t want me, so I’m safe,” I reply with a full smile. “Right, Noob? I’m too much for you,” I tell him and he doesn’t agree immediately, as I expected.

He looks at me, a little smile –a one very different from the puppy one– playing across his lips and he seems to ponder his options. What is he thinking? There’s no option here, Noob and I would never work out. I don’t like good boys and he is too good for me.

“You never know, Tammy. You never know,” he answers and I swear my jaw hits the floor.

-:-:-:-

I hope you liked it

Dedication to one of the best comments @Tonioverthetop. Don't worry, I'll never stop writing.

Bel, xx