~to understand better this chapter, make sure you read chater 33 of Bitter & Sassy~

Chapter 33 ~ Liam

Our break is over and no matter how much I wanted to stay at home, with Tammy, going with the to the studio, staying at her flat, visiting You Matter, I have a job and many responsibilities. So I said goodbye to her at the airport and came to Spain to carry on with the tour. So far, so great. The shows are amazing, Louis is doing great with the fans —which is a massive improvement— and Tammy and I keep in touch all the time. Always texting, joking, sending pictures or videos.

That’s why I can’t believe what happens while we’re still in Spain.

After our last show in Spain and before we leave to Poland, we were just tweeting, thanking the fans before going to bed and get a well deserved rest when I stumbled across something that caught my attention. It was a trending topic #TammyTheFameWhore. So I decided to go deeper into that and it was then when I found this article. An interview Tammy and the girls did for a magazine and in this interview they ask her about me.

I would never date a boy like him. Have you seen him? I like men.

He is great publicity. Nothing else.

Those are just some parts of the interview, of the things she says about me and I can’t believe she said that. How can this be possible? After all what we’ve been through? How much can someone twist other’s words to make this? I know there must be an explanation. Tammy can’t just go around saying these things. I just can’t believe it.

There must be a logical explanation. This… this is not what it looks like. It can’t be. It just can’t. I refuse to believe it.

I don’t care about what everyone else is saying. I don’t care about Louis and Kay fighting because what he said. I don’t care Alex trying to talk to me. Nothing of that matters to me now. I just need to make sense out of this entire article.

I feel like everything went out of focus and I feel a weight in my chest that doesn’t let me breathe. I need to understand, I need to make sense and the only one who can provide me answers is Tammy. So I leave everyone behind, the lads, Alex, Kay and Louis still fighting. I immediately FaceTime Tammy and as it’s late, she should be at home. She can pick up.

The first thing I see is her smiley face, with her green eyes screaming she is happy to see me. How can that face say that I’m only publicity? How can she be using me like this? No, there must be a logic explanation.

“Hi there,” she tells me but she notices my expression, she sees the confusion and hurt in my features. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

It’s hard to speak and my mind is a complete mess, I feel like everything is spinning around me and I’m fighting hard to stay on my feet. I feel like someone knocked the air out of me and I can’t catch my breath again. “I— I read this article.” I say and she still looks confused. Maybe she doesn’t even know what this magazine published. “An article where they ask you about me.” And that’s when her eyes show understanding and dread.

Oh shit. No, that’s expression… no… there’s guilt in her eyes. She— Oh crap, I can’t even finish that thought.

“Noob, hear me out, it’s not what you—”

“Then what it is?!” I cut her off pacing from one side to another. I’m outside while the others are still inside the tour bus, ready to depart as soon as we are all inside, but I can’t go back inside. “What is this all about, uh? A joke? Did they twist your words?”

“It’s not— I mean— I said that but that was long ago and—”

“You said it,” I cut her off again, the pain in my chest choking me. The pain is like hands around my neck, strangling me. “You said I was only good publicity. Why would you do that, Tammy? After all what we’ve been through, how can you do that? I thought you didn’t lie!” I spat, too frustrated to mind my tone.

“I don’t,” she says and it’s like a sword going through my body, ripping everything apart. “But that was long ago, before all this. Before you and I got closer. I didn’t know you that much by then and—”

“So you used me. Because you didn’t know me you used me for publicity. Are you telling me that?” I cut her off once again. I just can’t believe this.

“I didn’t care about you! I knew the magazine wanted to hear that so I gave them what they wanted it. I rather it to be my words than theirs. I said it! I never thought you and I were— I never thought I was going to care about you. I never thought—”

“What? That I was going to find out? Tammy…” my voice breaks and I look away. “Out of all people, how could you use me? You, who always said that people are mean and they only use you… how could you do exactly that?”

“I didn’t mean it I—” I see her ruffling her hair, desperate and although it’s only the screen of my phone, I see she is losing it. “I told you, I told you I was a bad person. I told you I wasn’t worth it. I told you and you didn’t believe me!”

“So you did this to make me believe you?” I shout. Nothing makes sense, everything is messed up.

“NO! This was before. I didn’t think this was going to hurt you back then because we were nothing! How was I supposed to know I was going to fall for you? Tell me! How?” She shouts and I barely register she said she’s fallen for me, I only hear the words that confirm she actually did it.

I can’t believe she used me. Even if it was at the beginning, she used me. For fame. For publicity. I thought she understood better than anyone what it feels to be used for your fame. I thought she knew… but I was wrong. She fucking used me. And that hurts more than I thought someone could hurt me. It burns inside, so painful, so heart-breaking that I don’t know how I’m still standing.

All this has been a lie to her. She only used me to bring more press to her and her band. To make Prodigy famous and all that crap. I have been nothing but good publicity.

“That was before, Liam. I’m so sorry,” she says and it makes me even angrier that she uses my name.

“Don’t. Don’t apologise for using me. You got what you wanted, didn’t you? You’re more famous. Now everyone wants to interview you, right?” I spat so angry I think I’ll break my mobile.

In my mind all I hear is how she used me. And I remember those first dates, those disastrous dates when all paparazzi were around us, when they found us although I even lied to distract them… all those times.

Oh no… Please no.

“You called them,” I say and she looks confused. “You called the paparazzi when we went out. You told them where we were, that’s why they could find us.” Oh no, please, Tammy, please deny it.

But she doesn’t. She looks away and if I thought it hurt before, that was nothing compared to the pain I’m feeling right now. To this paralysing agony breaking my very soul. There’s no denial, she used me. She brought the paparazzi to ruin our dates. She sold me. She used me.

“I’m sorry,” she says with her own voice breaking but I don’t feel a thing anymore. “I knew I was going to make you hate me. I always do that…”

“I don’t hate you,” I say and she looks at me, hope in her eyes, but I’m cold. I’m dead cold. “I’m disappointed in you. I can’t believe you used me like that. You didn't know me yet you used me. You didn’t even give me a chance. You judged me and took what you could get from me not caring about anything. Fuck the interview, I could look over that… but you used me, Tammy. You told the paps just so you could get more famous. You didn't care I’m just a normal boy, for you I was just a famous guy who could give you something. That hurts me. What you did, even before the interview. I can’t look over that.”

“Liam, please. Don’t do this,” she begs but I shake my head.

“It’s over, Tammy. I— I can’t be with you after knowing this,” I say and with every word my heart and soul break because I do love her, I love her how I’ve never loved someone before and it hurts me that she did this, that she betrayed me like this.

“Liam!” She calls me but I hang up. I hang up and turn off my phone.

They were right. Mum was right when she told me Tammy was awful. Louis was right when he shouted before telling that Tammy was only using me. They were right for not trusting her. She only used me. And I fell for her, so hard that I don’t know what to do now.

I can’t stop saying that. I can’t stop repeating that she used me. I don’t know how long that magazine did the interview. Last week? When we were on break? When I was in France? When? Why did she say that? Why couldn’t she just say she just didn’t like me? Why did she have to say she used me?

Why the fuck did she use me like that? Why when we didn’t know each other? She deals with the media all the time, she knows how they are and she was famous already. Why did she have to do that to me?

I’m so confused, so hurt, so shocked, I can’t even think straight. I don’t know what will happen now. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go inside that bus now and carry on with the tour when I feel my soul has been crushed.

I turn around when I hear the door slamming and I see Kay storming out, wiping her face with her hands as she runs to the other bus. I bet things didn’t go well for her either. Then the door opens again and I see Alex running after Kay, calling her. They don’t notice I’m standing here, like a ghost, like a lost soul trying to make sense out of everything.

I don’t move and when the door opens again I see Zayn and he is not running after anyone, he walks towards me and I see worry in his eyes, but I still don’t move.

“Mate, you okay?” He asks when he gets next to me, his hand on my shoulder, but I don’t really feel his hand, I just know it’s there. “Liam?”

I look at him and I don’t know what to say. I have a lump in my throat and I’m choking, but I can’t speak. Zayn shakes me but I can’t wake up.

Maybe it’s that! Maybe it’s just an awful nightmare and when I wake up, this never happened. Tammy never called the paparazzi, I never broke up with her on the phone, she never betrayed me. Yeah, this has to be a nightmare. This didn’t happen.

“Liam!” Zayn shouts and I blink and this time I feel his fingers burying in my flesh, hurting.

It’s not a dream. I’m awake. I’m fucking awake. Tammy did use me. Tammy and I are over.

“Tammy used me. The magazine was right, she used me. She called the paparazzi when we went out. She only agreed to go out with me because I was good publicity,” I blurt out and I see how Zayn’s eyes widen as his grip loosens on my shoulders.

“There must be an explanation,” he urges but I shake my head vigorously.

“She told me herself. She confirmed it.” It hurts so much, it hurts so much I don’t think I can’ survive this. Why am I still breathing if it hurts like this?! Why?!

“Liam,”

“WHY?! Zayn, why did she use me like that?!” I shout freaking out. Nothing makes sense. I thought I meant something to her. I thought it was real. “WHY?!”

Zayn hugs me tightly as if like that the pieces of my soul won’t touch the ground, but it’s too late. I’m broken already. She killed that part of me when she confessed she called the paparazzi.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers and his hug hurts… but nothing compares to the pain in my chest.

“It’s over, it’s over, it’s over, it’s over,” I repeat and every time I do it I feel emptier. “Tammy and I are over.” And with that, the last piece of my soul hits the ground and shatters.

-:-:-:-

And the climax is here. You were right, it was too perfect and something had to happen. I'm sorry, but you know me, I love to leave the climax to the very end of the story. Teehee

Dedication to @charliestar112. I'll miss this story too when I finish posting it. It feels weird already not writing it anymore.

Bel, xx