Chapter 32 ~ Tammy

After a good day at the charity, Liam comes with me to the studio to see how we’re working on our new album and to show the song we wrote together. Leanne, Emma and Sky —yes, even Skyler— keep glancing at us with cheeky smiles, and I know they are fighting really hard not to tease us. There’s no denial Liam and I are together now, I guess I can even call him my boyfriend. I mean, everyone knows. The media, his friends, my band mates, all the kids at the charity… We are not exactly hiding, I don’t want to and I don’t mind the others, I really, really wanna be with him as much as I can. Bruno taught me that: the blessings in our lives are very few, but we can make them as special as we want. Make every single one count. And with Liam, Bruno’s words come back to me even more. I bet he would’ve liked Liam.

Janet loves the song and so do the girls, they think it’s amazing and Leanne asks for a moment and when I see her turning around I notice her teary eyes. The song is very emotional, I feel like breaking every time I sing it, but Liam helps me to keep myself together with his presence.

When we were on our way to the studio I called Ray so Liam could also talk to him and we received very good news.

“A family visited today,” Ray said when Liam was driving and I heard his confused tone. Liam did the same because I had set the speaker. “They were really nice to me. They say they wanna adopt a baby and asked me if I could tell them which one needed them the most.”

“And what did you say?” Liam inquired with a smile.

“I told them I didn’t know because I was new because my dad now is in jail and he can’t have me back.” His voice was so cold when he said that and I understood perfectly why. It’s just a way to deal with the pain, with the disappointment.

“And what happened then?” I asked then with a lump in my throat. Liam noticed that and took my hand, tangling our fingers together.

“They said they were sorry and the lady hugged me. She hugged me like Roxy used to hug me,” he replied and my heart ached.

That family is only looking for a baby but how I wish they were just looking for a son without minding the age. In my eyes Ray is the one who needs a family the most.

“I told you people are nice there, too,” Liam said with a smile and I tried to smile back at him, but I didn’t succeed. “You should make friends and maybe you can help a family to find their kid soon.”

Ray didn’t reply and I swear I could feel his mind struggling, his heart shattering again. “Will a family want me? Because my dad never really wanted me, why would some strangers want me?” a sob escaped my lips and Liam had to stop in that moment, just to hug me, knowing that those are my exact thoughts.

“Because you are a great guy and any family would love to have you. You just have to wait until the perfect family comes for you and until then, you have your friends. You have us,” Liam replied whilst I was grabbing his shirt, squeezing with all my strength, fighting not to cry. “Can you do that, pal? Wait and make new friends?”

“I—I guess I can,” Ray replied. “Tammy,” he then said my name but I couldn’t speak so I just made a sound to make him know I was listening. “If a family never comes for me, do you promise we’ll be together when I’m old enough to leave this place?”

“I promise,” I said without even thinking because that’s for sure.

“Okay, that’s enough for me now. Liam, take care of her while I’m not there,” he said and Liam chuckled.

“I’m taking care of our girl, Ray. Don’t worry. We’ll try to visit you soon.”

By the time we said goodbye, I could hear the smile in his voice and that only made me feel better. Now that I sing this song to my band mates and Janet all I think is that Ray will be fine. He has a family —the charity— that is not with him now, and he will always have me. He may be lucky and get another loving family. And as Liam says, he deserves that, I have to keep my hopes up for Ray. He is still young, he still has a chance.

“This songs will go in our albums yes or yes,” Emma declares, Sky and Leanne —when she comes back— agree with her. “And Liam, you’ll get credit, too.”

“Woohoo! I made it to Prodigy’s new album!” He cheers making the girls laugh and I smile like an idiot. Smiling is so easy since I’m with him.

“Oh God! Tammy is smiling! Sweetly smiling! I can’t take this. Too many emotions,” Leanne dramatises which wipes the smile off my face… until I see Liam pouting and I can’t help chuckle. Silly boy, how’s that I ended up with someone like him? Out of all the men in this world… just how?

After that I play the other songs and they also like them but only three of the five songs I wrote in my time with Liam in Italy make it to the album. Then we start working on recording some songs, Liam always there, fascinated. We leave the studio past midnight but he doesn’t complain and he insists on going with me to my flat, so of course I don’t let him go that night.

The next morning he is still sleeping when I have to wake up to go to the studio again. In the afternoon we have some interviews. Since Liam and I got together, suddenly, more TV shows want to talk to us. Yes, I’m being sarcastic.

Liam looks so peaceful so I move carefully not to wake him up and I get ready. Before leaving I write a note for him so he won’t get worried. He is in a break but I still have to work, nevertheless he is invited to join me if he wants. I want him to come with me, but he needs rest, even more if after these days he’ll go back to his tour. I know I won’t see him as much but we are busy people, I get that. We can manage this.

When I’m at the studio recording my solo, my mind keeps drifting to Liam sleeping in my bed and at the imagine of him I feel all warm inside, with a tingling sensation in my belly, like there’s something moving there. I know it’s not because I ate something funny, so I don’t really know what’s going on with me.

I’ve never felt like this before, this happy, this light. I’m normally mean to everyone, always expecting the worst so I’m ready to defend myself, but with Liam I really don’t care about anything else, it’s like they don’t even exist. I’m not waiting for the attack and for that reason, I don’t snap at everyone anymore. I’m not nice, I just ignore them, but I’m not mean. I’m not all defensive anymore.

It’s like the beast inside me, that one that was always snarling and ready to kill if someone dared to get too close is now calm and sleeping, even purring. And all because of Liam. I’m not saying that now I believe people are good or anything, I’m just saying that I don’t expect them all to attack me. I don’t feel like I showing my claws to everyone to keep them from hurting me. And it’s so good to feel like this, because it was really exhausting to always keep my guard up.

Liam is definitely the best thing that has happened to me and I definitely don’t want him to hate me. Ever. I know this can’t last forever because everything has an end, but by when we reach that moment I don’t want him to hate me. Anything else, but I couldn’t bear Liam staring at me with that disappointed and loathing look in his eyes.

“TAMMY!” Leanne yells and only then I realise I wasn’t singing and they were trying to tell me something.

“Shit, sorry, I wasn’t listening,” I say and they all roll their eyes. Emma, Leanne and Sky. Even Ryan, the sound tech who’s with us.

“No shit, Sherlock. You need to focus, Tammy. Come, get some air,” Emma instructs sternly and I nod, taking off the headphones and walking out the booth. “What’s into you today?”

“I was just thinking, okay? Loads of thing in my mind right now,” I reply defensively.

“You mean Liam?” Leanne intervenes throwing herself to the sofa after I do the same. “Because while you were in Dreamland you had this idiotic smile on your face,” the blonde teases me poking my side so I push her.

I don’t reply because it’s true, I was thinking of Liam while I was inside. It’s just that I’m overwhelmed by all these feelings I have. It’s all so new, so different, so weird. “Guys… how do you know you’re in love?” I ask in a whisper, the thought only now crossing my mind.

I hear them gasp at the same moment and when I look at them, their eyes are wide open, just like their mouths. “Holy shit,” Sky mumbles blinking quickly.

“Tammy…” Emma speaks but she can’t end up the sentence.

“Oh my God!” Leanne shrieks, fanning herself. “I never thought this moment would come. Our little Tammy is in love! And with the noob! I think I may cry.”

Sky chuckles at Leanne and I roll my eyes. I bet she is in her days because she is a bit more sensitive when this happens. “Are you in love, Tammy?” Emma asks very seriously. “With the noob?”

“I—I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you, dumbass! If I knew I wouldn’t be asking, would I?” I snap crossing my arms over my chest and Leanne squeals again.

“Do you feel like this is a better world? Do you feel all happy without a reason? Do you feel butterflies in your stomach? Do you feel like he is the light in your days? Do you feel like you can’t properly breathe if he is not around? Do you feel like he is a part of you that you didn’t know you were missing but now you can’t even imagine not having with you?” Leanne asks me with her hand on my shoulder and I mentally check the questions.

I don’t say a thing, but my expression must speak for me because her smile is condescending, almost like a teacher telling her student that she has finally got the answer right, after many, many attempts.

“My dear Tammy, oh my sweet— I mean, tough yet so innocent Tammy,” she corrects herself when I glare daggers at her. “You are in love.”

“Very much,” Emma adds and I see Sky nodding in agreement. “I didn’t think you were capable of falling in love.”

I don’t blame her for thinking that because I didn’t think it was possible either… holy shit. How and when did this happen? How did I fall in love with Liam? It just doesn’t seem possible. I’ve never felt like this, I’ve never loved someone. Yes, Bruno was important to me, but I never saw him as something else but a brother… no, like an angel sent to help me. I never felt like this, my heart never beat for someone like it beats for Liam.

Oh shit, I’m indeed in love with him.

I cover my mouth with my hands, too shocked to even say a word. But then… then I start laughing. That silly laughing fit that you can’t control, like when you’re nervous. I can’t control it.

I’m in love! I’m in love with Liam Payne. The most improbable thing has happened and it’s just… wonderful. I never thought I could feel love. I never thought someone could love me and I never imagined I could love someone, but I can… I love Liam, that’s why I want him with me all the time. That’s why I need him to feel whole. That’s why he makes me feel happy and like I don’t need to fight the world. That’s why my heart races when we’re together. That’s why I feel tingly inside, because I have those cliché butterflies fluttering in my insides.

I’m in love! I can love someone… I love someone…

“I think we lost her,” Skyler points out and I laugh even harder because they haven’t lost me. How can they lose me when I’ve finally found myself?

I can love… I’m capable of loving someone. I love Liam.

-:-:-:-

I think this is my favourite chapter... I just love this. I love that Tammy is happy <3

Dedication to @AnotherBookWorm1 Thanks! I don't know if I'll write about werewolfs, but about ghosts for sure. Thank you <3 it mean a lot to me to count on you for this.

Bel, xx

PS: AU stands for Alternative Universe, which means 1D doesn't exist as such, the boys are regular lads.
PPS: At the side there's Lullaby by Nickelback. I image the song Tammy and Liam wrote to be a lot like that, with a message like that one. Now I'll go to cry over this song.