Chapter 21 ~ Liam

Ray looks worse than what I imagined and my chest feels oppressed, it is hard to breathe. Now I understand better why Tammy was like that last night, seeing this kid like this —probably worse— must’ve been absolutely horrible. He has many bruises and his face is swollen, and he looks so miserable in that bed, with so many machines monitoring his vital signs. Tammy is shaking, I’m not sure if she notices that, but as I take her hand, I can feel the slight tremble of her body and how tense she is, and when Ray finally opens his eyes, she jumps.

“Ray,” she calls softly, as if she were afraid to scare him. He takes a few moments to look around and takes notice of his surroundings, then he sees Tammy and seems to get anxious, so she steps back, which impresses me because my first thought is to get closer so he can see us better, but Ray relaxes a bit. “Hi. How are you feeling? Need something?” She asks and her voice is so sweet and gentle I stare at her in sheer amazement.

Tammy never shows this side of her, this sweet and tender side, the one that makes her look with such love in her eyes. It’s like everything in her softens, her aura, her boy language, everything! She looks like a complete different person! And this… this side stirs something inside of me, something that makes my heart race. I like when she is tough and I even like when she is rude, I accepted that part of her, but I also like this part, so intimate and private of her. It’s like a secret and I’ve got a glimpse of that part.

“T-tammy?” his voice is hoarse and it seems it hurts him to speak. Again, I feel like approaching more to him, but Tammy doesn’t move. “Liam?” He sounds more confused this time.

“Yes, we came to see you. You’re in the hospital, everything is fine. They are taking care of you. You’ll be fine in no time,” Tammy answers with a reassuring tone.

She only gets closer when he raises his hand, trying to reach her. She accepts his hand and then she sits next to his bed on a stool. Only then I notice that she was giving him space, to decide whether he could handle the proximity of us or not. Tammy strokes his hand carefully and smiles at him all the time, but he can’t smile. Not really, his face is too bruised up.

“Where’s Dad?” He asks and again, I see Tammy tensing up. I tense up, too. I could kill that man for what he’s done to Ray.

“He can’t hurt you again, you’re safe,” she promises him but Ray looks kind of conflicted and that impresses me.

Despite what that man did to him, Ray still calls him ‘dad’, he still asks for him and looks concerned. Despite that man’s actions, Ray is such a good boy he can’t forget about his father. And such a good kid shouldn’t have to go through this, someone like Ray only deserves good things in life. My chest feels so heavy, because I feel powerless. I can’t fix his life, I can’t take away his pain and hurtful memories. I can’t help him and if I feel like this, how does Tammy feel? I can only imagine a worse feeling for her, so I approach and stand behind her, my hands on her shoulder, massaging them softly, and she relaxes a little bit.

“What’s—What’s gonna happen to him?” He asks lowly, a mere whisper and Tammy moves uncomfortable.

“He’ll have to face justice for what he did. But you can’t care about that now, you need to get better first. That’s why you’re here and we’re with you,” Tammy answers and I smile at Ray, feeling warmer inside when she uses that pronoun.

“Thank you,” he whispers and his eyelids seem to weight a ton, because he blinks slowly. “I’m sleepy.”

“Then go to sleep again. We’ll stay here until the nurses kick us out,” Tammy tells him stroking his hair carefully.

“And then we’ll come back somehow,” I add and Ray looks at me, too, gratitude shining in his eyes.

Ray tries to smile, but falls asleep without saying a thing and when Tammy is sure he is deeply asleep, she turns around and without a word, she hugs me, with her arms tightly around my waist and her face buried in the fabric of my t-shirt. I hug her back, stroking her hair and I don’t say anything, I just let her hug me until she is ready.

Slowly, she starts to loosen up a bit and pulls back, wiping away the tears that fell silently while she was hugging me. “I’m sorry,” she says and I kneel to be at her same height, but she looks around, so I take her chin and force her, gently, too meet my stare.

“Don’t apologise. I understand this is hard for you, Tammy. I know how much you care and love Ray. It’s hard for me, and I don’t even have the bonding you two have. I can only imagine how much this hurts,” I say, my right thumb wiping a new tear away.

“Seeing him like this makes me remember…” she confesses , so low that I’m not sure if I hear right. She coughs, trying to cover up what has slipped out of her mouth and pulls back, standing up and putting some distance between us. But I heard, I heard those words and my curiosity is kicking in again. What did exactly happen to her? What memories do this situation trigger in Tammy? “I think— I think I need a coffee.”

I know what she wants and need right now. Tammy doesn’t like to seem vulnerable, and right now she is too exposed. Like an open wound. So I grant her this. “I’ll go for coffee and I’ll call the lads. We had a meeting and I have to let them know I’m not going,” I say and at this she turns to look at me. I know what she’s going to say, I see the disapproval in her eyes, so I stop her. “No, don’t say it. I’m doing this. It’s my decision and what I believe it’s the right thing to do.”

Tammy breathes in slowly and deliberately, but she nods and turns around again, giving her back on me, so I leave the room and go for coffee for Tammy and something for me, too.

+ + + + +

The call is not nice and Management yells at me for ditching them like this, plus I don’t explain much what’s happening, but I only tell them this is important. For a moment I’m scared they won’t allow me to stay, but the lads back me up and that’s great. So I have that fixed, I’ll meet them when they are in France, in one week.

Ray wakes up again, for a little while and then a nurse comes in to check everything is fine, then he falls asleep again and we have to leave before he wakes up once again. We can come back later in the afternoon, so we leave with the plan of coming back later.

“May we go to my flat?” I ask Tammy when we’re in my car and she raises an eyebrow. “I need to shower. And change clothes and maybe pick up some things to have in the car, considering we’ll spend a lot of time here in the hospital,” I explain and she smiles, a little chuckle escapes from her lips.

“Okay, let’s go to your flat, Noob.”

I smile at her and start the ignition. I’m so glad she is calling me Noob again, it means she is a bit better, a bit more composed from how I found her. I never thought I would be glad of hearing her calling me like that.

I feel bad when we get to my flat because it’s so big and ostentatious, with so many things, and when I remember her simple flat, with almost nothing, I feel like a conceited celebrity who buys everything because he can. I know Tammy is taking notice of everything as we make our way inside and I feel like apologising, although that doesn’t make any sense.

“I—um… I’ll go to shower and change. Make yourself at home. I’ll be back in fifteen,” I tell her and she turns around to give me a feeble nod and then her attention is on her right, that wall with all the platinum records and awards and many other things we’ve won. For a moment, they almost feel like the heads of animals that hunters collect to remind them of their success. And that doesn’t feel like a good analogy.

I leave, hoping Tammy won’t despise me for the way I live. I can never be sure with her and the way she’ll react so I can only pray for the best. I go to shower and I do it as quickly as possible. Then I change and I grab a bag and throw inside a few things. I think I’ll spend more nights at Tammy’s, taking care of her in case she needs me, like last night, so I have to have some important things nearby.

When I’m ready and I go back to meet Tammy, I find her hugging herself while she keeps staring at the many pictures I have of my family and friends. There are loads of pictures with the lads and many more with my mum, dad and sisters.

“Tammy,” I call cautiously because she hasn’t acknowledged my presence yet. “You okay?”

“You have a big family,” she says and I leave the bag at my side and step forwards, getting closer to her. “Many sisters. Is that nice? Having sisters.”

Her question confuses and intrigues me, and there’s something different in her voice, but I can’t put my finger on it.

“Yeah, I guess. Like any other family. We fight a lot sometimes, but I love them and I wouldn’t change them for anything,” I answer with all honesty and she hugs herself tighter, I can see that.

“I was an only child,” she says softly and I gasp, because she is sharing something even when I didn’t asked her to do it. “I guess I should be thankful for that, it’s the fair thing. But I always wondered what it felt like to have siblings.”

I don’t know how to answer to that, so I approach even closer and put my hand on her shoulder, but she shoves me off quickly, almost as if my hand would’ve just burnt her.

“Tammy—” I start, but she cuts me off.

“Does your parents treat you right? Do they call you every day?” She asks, still avoiding looking at me.

Is she asking me this for Ray or is there something else there?

“Not really, but we talk as much as we can. It’s just hard when I’m so busy all the time,” I reply and she nods, but then she turns to look at me over her shoulder, a sad smile on her lips.

“You’re so lucky to have a family like that. People who love you.” There’s so much emotion in her voice, a little tremble as she speaks and I don’t know exactly what to think of all this. I feel like I’m at the door of discovering Tammy’s secrets, but I can’t just open it. I need an invitation first, and I’m still not sure if I’m welcome. “I haven’t talked to my parents in two years. Last time I saw them it wasn’t nice.”

Shocked by her words and the story she is sharing, I step a little closer, trying to reach her but I don’t touch her. I think she may just shove me off and break everything if I touch her.

“You’re so lucky, Noob,” her voice sounds strangled, but she doesn’t cry, she is fighting the tears. But why does she feel like crying? “You’ve had it so easy in life.” She gives me a sad smile. “I wish my life had been that easy.”

“Tammy,” I call, my heart beating fast and heavy in my chest, my mind spinning so fast I should be dizzy by now. “What happened to you?” I ask and I’m not disappointed when she looks away instead of answering.

Well, at least I tried. I know it’s still not the time. I’ll wait, until she is ready to share.

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @xxhollyberryxx and I agree, the world needs a band like Prodigy.

Bel, xx

#TIAM