Chapter 15 ~ Liam

Leanne was right, trying to get some information out of Tammy’s lips about her past is almost impossible. I wonder what happened? Why has she buried that so deep in the darkness of her mind that she doesn’t even want to talk about? I agree that we live in the present and we should care about what already happened, but ignoring the past is not the right thing to do. It happened, we can’t change it but we can’t just ignore it. Unless you want to forget because that past hurts you too much and I’m afraid that’s what happened to her. And that’s why I don’t push. I’ve learnt that people open up when they feel comfortable and they trust and I know Tammy doesn’t trust me. In all honestly, I don’t know if she trust anyone at all, but I can wait. At least, I can get to know this Tammy, the person who she is now and maybe that will help me to understand better what happened before when she decides to tell me. Until then, I can be patient.

And then I hear her talking about charity, about helping others and she confuses me. Why someone who tries so hard to show everyone that she doesn’t care, that she is an awful person, cares so much about people she doesn’t actually know? I am indeed ashamed that we don’t help as much as we could. She is right, we have so much power but we’re always just working, making more money and by today we have so much I don’t think we will have the time to spend it, but other people don’t have a quid.

I remember my dad used to say that you would always have time if that were what you really wanted. Saying that you don’t is just an excuse because you just don’t want to try. And I know I feel more ashamed because that’s true, if we really had wanted to help, we would have found a way by now. It doesn’t have to be something big, people don’t need to know we are helping. But we don’t really try as hard as we could and that Tammy, who shows everyone she is a bad person, does this and points out how little we do… then that means something.

I want to tell her she is amazing for caring so much for people she doesn’t know, for not forgetting about those who need all the help they can get. But I know that if I compliment her in the slightest, she will react badly and I don’t want to ruin this date. It was hard enough to get her to accept, I don’t need to push her buttons. But I’m happy to see that she is not bad, she is not awful; she just acts like that although I still don’t know why.

“Why are you smiling like that?” She demands, frowning at me as she takes another sip of her tea.

“I’m just smiling, there’s nothing wrong with that,” I answer trying to fight the smile, but I can’t.

“Can you not?” I chuckle at her words but she is dead serious, which makes me laugh harder. “Stop it, Noob. Seriously, it’s not okay to be this weird.”

“You’re really a hard work, aren’t you?” I say offhandedly and her eyes narrow even more.

“I would say impossible, so you better give up now, Noob.”

I know this is dangerous, that I should keep my distance for now but you know what? I like her. I know it makes no sense, that Tammy and I are two opposites that should never get together, that she is bad for my image, that no one would approve of this… but I like her. Really like her. She is different, she intrigues me, she confuses me, she is exciting, she is complex, she makes me try harder to be the best I can do. And she makes me fight. I guess we all like a hard-to-get sometimes and I couldn’t have found a more hard to get than Tammy. I like her, with her quirky style, with her bad manners, with her rude answers, with her dark and offensive sense of humour and her arrogance. I like this different and unique girl who hides so many things from everyone. And I really want to be the one that gets to see those parts, to be the only one who really knows her. That makes everything more special, don’t you think?

So in spite of this, I lean closer and grab her hand across the table, surprising her. Tammy’s green eyes stare at me with show, about to snarl at me for touching her this way, so I speak before she can actually say something, stroking her skin with my thumb. Her fingers are so thin and long, delicate, feminine. A contrast with the image she projects.

“It would be good for you to know that I don’t give up just because someone tells me it’s impossible. I’ve been a fighter all my life, so I’m sorry for you, Tammy, but I won’t give up just yet.”  The shock in her eyes changes for annoyance and anger and three seconds slater, she snatches her hand away from me.

“You’re an idiot, Noob. You’ll only end up hurt and disappointed. You think I’m worth fighting for?” She laughs humourlessly. “You’re worse than I thought. I don’t know another way to telly you this, but it’s pointless. Just leave me alone, okay? This gig is over, we did what we promised for the kids and now I may only see you at charity and if you go there, don’t go for me and this nonsensical idea in your head. Go for the kids otherwise I’ll kick you in the balls like Mila kicked Louis. Ask him if it still hurts.”

I don’t answer because I know she will keep fighting, discouraging me of trying to get to her. And I don’t need that right now. I’m conscious that everyone will tell me I’m crazy for wanting this, that they will try to talk me out of this as much as Tammy, which sucks. When I really like someone, I know everyone doesn’t approve of her.

When Niall started to like Alex we all supported him, we stood by his side when he insisted and insisted to Management so we could bring them along in the tour. When Zayn started to like Mila, we supported him and we encouraged him. When Harry met Hannah and everything seemed so impossible for him, everyone was always supporting him. But I know I won’t have that luck because they don’t really like Tammy. I don’t even know if the girls, who like her, will approve of this. They know how different we are, and they care about me, so I can’t be sure.

I don’t understand why, if I know how different Tammy and I are, I like her and want her to like me back.

And what if she likes me back later? What happens then? Can we really have a relationship? Would that work out? Can a person like Tammy be with someone like me? Is that even possible?

I have no idea, but I want to try. I have to try.

“This is for your own good, Liam,” she whispers ever so lowly that I’m not sure whether I heard her or not. Then she pushes her chair back and rises, not meeting my eyes a single second.

She starts walking to the exit of the café and I follow after I throw enough pounds on the table to pay for the bill plus a good tip. I reach her when she is putting on her shades and she’s about to cross the door. I was just looking at her so I don’t notice the people outside the café, all those paparazzi with the cameras aiming at us. And that’s why the flashes blind me and I almost fall on my butt and Tammy grabs my arm and helps me to stand on my feet again instead of humiliating myself in front of the cameras.

How did the paparazzi find out we where here? How did they find us? This place is hidden enough, very low profile and I thought we were safe here. I try to get closer to Tammy and protect her from this, from all the flashes and annoying paparazzi, but I see her walking comfortably away. That’s when I remember she is famous too and way more controversial than I. She is as used to this as I am, maybe more. I don’t have to protect her from mean paparazzi; they are part of her world already. I don’t have to feel sorry for dragging her into this because her life is public already.

I never imagined the relief that would give me.

“Another date?”

“Are you together now?

“Is Tiam official?”

“Are you shagging already?”

“Is Liam good in bed?”

“When are you getting tired of him? When are you gonna dump him?”

“Why are you with him?”

“Is Tammy Rodenhizer softening?”

The questions fly and I know I’m receiving questions myself, but I ignore them as I walk behind Tammy, trying to avoid paparazzi as best as I can but it’s bloody hard.

“No, we’re not together. Seriously, me and him? Never! Have you seen him?” Then she turns around, her eyes on me and she lowers her shades to eye at me with an I-Told-You-So look in her eyes. “That would never work. He is not my type and I’m sure you know by now who’s my type and who isn’t. So stop asking these retarded questions or I’ll start questioning your IQ levels. Bloody idiots.”

Tammy puts her shades on again and turns around, resuming her walking and for a few seconds no one says a single thing. Paparazzi are silent and I can barely move. She just offended me in front of paparazzi; they will destroy me as soon as they get to their offices or whatever. They will make fun of me until the end of time for this and I’m angry now.

Why does she do this? Why does she have to be mean and rude in front of everyone? Why does she show she cares only when no one is looking? Why can’t she show the paparazzi as well that she cares about people as well? That she is not a bitch? Why does she have to humiliate me in front of the cameras?

I start breathing heavily, pissed and confused because I can’t understand her. I can’t predict her. I never know what she will do next and I don’t know how to protect myself.

She said I would only get hurt and disappointed if I kept fighting for her, but did she do this just to prove that point? Did she purposely say that to hurt me and to show me she is no good for me? Well then fuck her! If she is so determined to show me how bad she is, I’m going to show her how stupid that is. I know there are bad people in the world but not everyone is fully bad or fully good. We have choices, we have both sides and we decide to show the one we like the best. If she things she only has a bad side, then I’ll make her see how wrong she is. And if she thinks I’m only have a good side, then she is wrong, oh so wrong.

“Man, what are you doing with her?” A paparazzo asks and I turn to stare at him. I haven’t moved since Tammy said those things and just a few paparazzi followed her. “Are you mental?”

“That’s my problem and I would appreciate if you don’t pry in my business,” I answer coldly and he is surprised and right after that the flashes are back, blinding me again. Why didn’t I bring my shades with me?

“Do you fancy Tammy?”

“Are you trying to look tougher by dating her?”

“Are you trying to show you are not a boy anymore?”

“What do you want out of this?”

I stare at them in disbelief. Do they actually think I’m trying to get something out of this? That I’m just near Tammy because I think I could be benefited with that?

“What kind of man do you think I am?” The question escapes my lips and I shake my head, knowing that that query is pointless.

For them I’m not even a man, I’m just a celebrity whom if they capture in a picture will give them money. I’m nothing but their work. They dehumanised me long time ago. I’m just pictures for them, just money. So I turn on my heels and walk away in the other direction, going back to the café to call Paul so he can send someone to get me out of here. I didn’t want to come with a guard so I sneaked out of the hotel… now I regret that. I just never thought the paparazzi were going to find us here. Naïve me.

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asdfglkhjda he said he likes her! *squeals* hahaha I hope you liked the early update. 

Dedication to Writereadandlove. I'm also very happy that you started reading my stories!

Bel, xx