**not edited**

Enjoy~~♡♡♡

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When they were all finally gone, I tiredly went to my room, bringing a bottle of water and two more aspirins. Playing nice and interested for such a long time, especially considering the headache and the number of words Barbara could say in a ten seconds span, tended to tire me. I realised that unfortunately I had to listen to everything she said because if I missed even a word I was screwed in my act.

Falling face first on the bed, I was too tired to actually remove the stuff that was on it. Darkness surrounded me and for a moment, I thanked those morons who interrupted my free time.

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I woke up with a sharp pain in my right arm and looking there, I saw that it rested on the headphones. Even when I pulled it to my chest, it ached. Beautiful.
Getting up, I saw nothing but neon numbers on the bedside clock. 5:03. I looked at it for a moment, not believing my eyes in this dark. This was over the average of five hours that I usually slept,  without using sleeping drugs, which I only did once. They kept away the nightmares but turned my brain numb the whole following day, and I needed my mind awake if anything was to happen.

I took the untouched pills and water bottle and headed downstairs. I haven't been here for long, but I remembered what stood where per coeur,as they would say.

Leaving what I was holding on the kitchen counter, I went to the bathroom. To say I smelled would be an understatement as the parfume wore off during my sleep and revealed the alcohol on me, mixing with the unwashed sweat from the play.

The warm water relaxed my muscles,  tense from the realness of the nightmare,  and eased the itching in my arm. I let it pour down my head and turn it into a soft brown waterfall. I loved showers. They were a gift from God.

I swung the bathrobe around me and heated my head with the hairdryer until it completely dried. I hated leaving it wet.

Around half past six I was comfortably seated on the armchair, my stomach full of delicious omelette I made myself. A bell ringing popped my bubble made me shot up in my seat in alarm. Who the hell came before seven in the morning?

Tiptoeing to the door barefoot, I peeked through the peephole. I chocked on my own intake of breath but opened it.

"Andrew Moore. What brings you here?"

"I am sorry to come in this early hour, but I need to see your parents immediately. It's a matter of great importance." I raised my eyebrows at his clear British accent,  but then replaced it with a smile and moved from the door so he could come in.

"May I offer you some tea? Or perhaps coffee?"

"Tea is fine."

I smiled again but dropped it as soon as I turned around. I guessed this was his third face. A I-will- be-a-normal-random-guy -you-will-so-want-to-bang with dareful and flirtatious eyes, a sad and lonely, maybe mad also, guy who ran of his house as soon as he legally got a chance, and a rich,stuck up British kid.

I made the tea and handed it to him, going upstairs and loudly knocking on my mother's door.

I heard a chain of muffled curses and the door swung open, my eyes meeting with Derek's angry ones.

I barred my teeth at him, but sweetly said: "Father." I hated him a hundred times more than mother, and that said a lot.

"Maria. What the hell do you want?"

"What happened?" My mother came rushing beside Derek. I heard a slight concern color her tone. Sometimes, almost never,she sounded like a person I used to know. Those rare rare times were mostly when I was near Derek, like she was afraid for me in her subconscious,  even though she married him. And like always, it lasted for a second before her eyes turned indifferent again.

"Andrew Moore wants to speak to you. He stated that it was an emergency or something."

I left them to get ready and informed the guest they would be there soon then went back to my room. I tidied it up a little before walking over to the wardrobe in the corner of the room. Pulling out a white school backpack with purple flowers printed on it, I went back to the bed and emptied it there. Various pretty notebooks and new still whole textbooks filled the bed, but I ignored them all as I lifted a pink photo frame. A small ten year old blonde with wild curls and shining brown eyes smiled at me happily, and I couldn't help but return it.

It slumped easily when my mind quickly caught up with the fact she wasn't here anymore. The words my grandma told me that day still lingered in my head whenever I thought of her.

"You know, Marry, our Lexie had to leave. She was young and we will all miss her greatly, but she will always stay right here." Then she touched the place where my heart resided . "She may have left, but she'll always always be with you, even if you don't know it. Continue living and cherishing your memories,  but don't let it stop you and trap you in the past. Be strong for one day you will realise that the pain faded away."

Tears burned my eyes but I held them back stubbornly. Not crying was a part of my way to survive. Sorry Grandma, I thought but I still can't get rid of past. More than that,I can't settle with it peacefully. Not just yet.

I knew that was the reason my heart still ached whenever I thought of it, and I didn't dare to selfishly ask for the pain to leave.

Carefully putting the photo on bedside table, I gazed for a moment into hazel eyes identical to mine. Identical to what my own used to look like, at least.

Making a neat pile out of my school stuff, I returned it to the left side of the wardrobe, only one space empty. Every other inch of the enormous space was filled with books, most of them crime ones. I moved my finger along the wood from which the shelves were made. I could almost feel the files burning my fingers, so I closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed.

I got up almost instantly and changed from my shorts to knee length pants whose name I could never remember. Picking up my small heart shaped purse , I left the room with a new resolution.

Rushing down the stairs, I heard talking from the living room but ignored it as I opened the front door and walked out. If there wasn't any shouting, it apparently wasn't anything that important. But embarrassing oneself with a wrongly applied make up could also be considered an emergency. The stupidest things could be enough of a reason to wake somebody up before seven on a Wednesday morning, but only in the world of rich.

The sun burned me already and I refused to think what would happen around noon. It would become like hell itself.

There were very few people on the streets as everyone preferred to drive with air conditioning rather than to walk. I pitied poor business people who had to wear full suit equipment for I was already sweating in much less clothing.

I arrived before an old locked building. Ignoring the 'opening time: 9 am' , I knocked on the glass doors and waited until a woman with red hair tied in a happy bouncing ponytail unlocked and opened them, her body freezing in shock for a moment before she moved to let me in. I entered and inhaled the calming scent of old and new books mixed together then proceeded to the bookshelvels that were at least a meter taller than me. I turned to look at her.

"Maria. I didn't expect you'd come here." 

"I didn't either, but I had to apologise once for acting like that that day."

"I never was mad at you. We all lost her and weren't exactly calm and in our right minds. She was the closest to you and normally it hurt you the most." She looked at me with smart, knowing and kind green eyes. "I am going to take my guess and say it still does."

I nodded. "Yeah, but I was supposed to be able to control myself, like you did. And I don't know how to ever make up for not visiting you for over two years."

She smiled, her arms pulling me into a tight hug. Instead of pulling away like I did with every other person that tried to touch me more than for a handshake , I wrapped my arms around her. "It's fine, Maria. You already showed you cared enough by coming here. Now let me look at you." She pulled me away from her, her arms still on my shoulders as she looked me from head to toe.

I laughed,  a sound I found strange coming from my mouth. "Aunt Nadia, you sound old."

"What can I do when I am surrounded by old people? I see you have grown up since then, but you are too skinny. And you have dark shadows under your eyes. "

"Rather than that, you seem to have more books that before. Care to introduce me?"

We walked around the spacey library, my eyes taking in the heaven I was in. Books were like pieces of people's soul, irreplaceable and beautiful, every one in its own way. I didn't even notice the time fly by like a hurried energetic bird as we talked, read quotes and random pages of books we have and haven't read, gossiped about the familiar faces we knew as they entered the library, and created stories for those unfamiliar. All in all, I had fun. I laughed like I haven't since I was a child and did things normal for teenagers I thought I would never want to do. I also ate like a pig before Christmas when we ordered launch from a nearby restaurant.

We said our goodbyes and I promised to stop by soon. Happy like I hadn't felt in so long that the time I last experienced this feeling felt like a distant dream, I walked home and watched as sun slowly fell behind the buildings. I stopped on a bench and enjoyed the view, peace settling inside me. I wondeted why I didn't do this earlier,  why was I always feeling uneasy whenever I thought of making up with aunt Nadia?

The street lamps turned on and I got up again, casually jumping around on now almost empty street. My eyes fell on a fat black cat lazily going into the narrower street. Deciding to follow him (I guessed by the arrogance in the cats walk that it was a he), I made a mental map of where I should go to come to my house. It was not too far away, only a ten minute walk from here.

A scream pierced my ears and everything in my body awaken as ny legs automatically started running in the direction of the sound. My blood froze in my body as I ran and ran, my skin occasionally ripping on dark walls. Why was there no light?

I muffled my own scream with my hand when something sharp stabbed my left arm, making hot blood pour down it. I staggered to the right and felt the sharp thing leave my arm. It hurt even more, but I made myself continue running.

I turned the corner and saw two dark silhouettes, one of them dropping to the floor. Frozen and unable to move, I watched as the enormous shadow ran away. He was illuminated for only a second and in my numb state I noted his hair was blonde. 

Adrenaline and fear flowing in my veins, I made my way to the fallen person, falling on my knees beside it. Her. It was a her.

I reached her neck with my hands, desperately trying to feel the beating, even a small one. Nothing. With the last light of the day, I looked at her from head to toe. There was a dark mark on her white shirt and I knew immediately it was blood. I concentrated my mind and pulled her up, putting her over my shoulder. I had no phone, and my guess was that whoever...killed her will come back to clean up. I couldn't just leave her here.

I walked in a daze, my body swaying every now and then. When I reached the main street again, I started running, tears streaming down my face as a proof of silent pain that pierced through me every time my hand moved or the corpse touched the wound.

This was insane. I was insane. What will I do with her? They'll think I murdered her. I stopped in the middle of the deserted street, looking around. Nothing here felt familiar.

I couldn't concentrate my mind on anything.

Instead, I blindly continued towards my house, the girl's body slowing me down.