Last night was hard.

My heart had dropped to my stomach and my stomach had gone to my throat, ready to up heave and spray the contents all over the ground. I had felt the hair rise on the back of my skin and prickle with utter fear and tense as if someone was watching. The trouble was I didn’t know if someone honestly was looking and watching or if I was just simply paranoid with what was going on now that I had read the note.

I didn’t wait as the taxi turned up; I dove into the car with my scratched and most likely broken phone. I gave him the address with a tight and stiff voice when I felt like screaming at him to race there, to speed and to lock all the doors but I kept myself in check; I even resisted the urge to glance around crazily like a paranoid person.

My mind raced and ran frantically trying to find a reasonable explanation, like maybe it was meant for someone else or it was simply a joke, a simple innocent joke. My stomach knew otherwise, this was serious and I had no answers. Who had placed it? Was it possibly Ben? I had left my book though on the table as we had gone up to show to him that helpful book, leaving it on the table for anyone to slide in. there could have been other people in the library for all I knew….

But who?

I knew deep down this was all related to Georgie’s death but why? What was this all about? It was obviously her murderer, right? So what did I know or could possibly squeal about that could put them at risk? Had I been witness or thought of a clue that would be proof of who the killer was?

The harder it thought thought he least I knew, I knew literally nothing. Hell the only reason why I was even in this mess was because I had gone to the toilets, if I could have held my bladder or gone to another toilet none of this would have happened to me! I wouldn’t be getting threats about stuff I didn’t even know about!

By the time I had gotten home my parents were anxious and Kate was already there, her gaze worried as she took me in. I had however pulled myself together before stepping into the house, I had bit my tongue, put on a face and smile despite the part of me that just wanted to lock myself in my room and burry myself in my bed and sheets.

I was home though and with my best friend and my parents, I was literally safe and I knew it, which was reassuring. I had forced my other thoughts aside, leaving them behind in the taxi needing this girl night with Kate more than ever and I was going to enjoy it, if it wasn’t for myself it was for Kate who deserved to have some fun with her friend instead of some depressing friend instead.

I promised myself as I painted a smile on my face with Kate as we made pizza that once Kate went home tomorrow or whatever than I’d let my thoughts torment and torture myself by thinking about it. For now I was just going to rejoice for the short time I did of feeling safe, free and anxious free because I knew once the worry plagued my thoughts it wasn’t going to leave.

The night with Kate was fun, she easily distracted me from my messed up and twisted life and we had fun making pizzas, watching chick flicks and attempting sadly at making our own face masks. We instantly feel for just that night back into the usual girl fun and normal selves, as if the past few weeks hadn’t happened and I welcomed it greedily, praying it would never end.

It hadn’t been easy pretending and forgetting but the mere mention of Gavin alone had the note forgotten as I was plagued entirely with a new issues and Kate sat listening to my recount. She shook her head and admitted to me that I was a bit of moron by being so blunt and rude about it, instead of going about it a more…friendlier way and being so defensive as I threw my shield up.

The truth of her words though made it all the more harder to hear.

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“My god.” Kate groaned somewhere near my head rolling over on the floor and into a pile of chocolate wrappers and cluttered mess.

I groaned looking at the time on the clock above the wall “God, it’s two o’clock.”

Kate moaned again “We missed lunch.” She sulked.

I laughed softly, my voice hoarse from the sleep and just all of the junk food I had shoved down my throat last night “Well we did go to bed at like three in the morning.” I murmured rubbing my face as if to wake me up.

Pulling ourselves up off the floor I groaned stretching my body and bones, my body all tense and stiff needing a good stretch and I was more than excited at the idea of my soft comfortable bed upstairs calling for me for tonight.

Groaning I made my way over the clutter and mess on the floor as I walked into the kitchen still somehow hungry, craving something to wake me up. Kate followed and easily made herself a cup of coffee; how she drank that stuff I’d never know. Walking over to the fridge I pulled open the door looking inside.

“Thank you mum.” I muttered under my breath seeing a plate of sandwiches already made for us, a note on top.

“What is it?” Kate murmured her voice still full of sleep and her hair a mess.

I smiled pulling out the plate “Food!” I cheered.

Kate cracked a huge smile “Now, that’s what I’m talking about.”

Sitting down on our kitchen island surrounding the plate of sandwiches me munched on the sandwiches with drinks and ate them, savoring the nice taste of something that wasn’t all sweets and rather something somewhat healthy. We talked in amongst ourselves and I felt happy being here where I was, with my best friend with no dramas and I prayed with every inch of my body that things were still that simple, this simple.

“Oh hey girls, you guys are finally up.” Mum beamed coming into the kitchen as she put the jug on the boil.

“Thanks for the sandwiches.” Kate muffled holding up a bit.

Mum smiled “That’s alright dear; I’ve actually got a favor to ask you Steph.” Mum asked turning to look at me.

I swallowed “Yeah? What’s up?” I asked, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

Mum smiled softly “Your dad just got home and the car is utterly a disgrace, it’s so dirty. I was wondering if you could get the hose and clean the car up, if you don’t mind?” she asked.

I shrugged “Sure, Kate and I can do it.”

Kate beamed “It is nice outside.”

I glanced outside seeing the sun high in the air and everything looking warm and bright outside “C’mon I’ll lend you some of my old swimmers.” I murmured heading upstairs to my room.

After getting changed and waking up little bit more Kate and I ran downstairs in our swimmers, the both of us in bikinis and denim shorts, Kate was wearing my old white one and I was wearing my bright red one that in all honesty was daring for me to wear since I didn’t like standing out, but we were at home where it was safe.

We began washing the car; filling buckets up and filling them up with the hose and then Kate would fill it with some carwash liquid. We worked together and sooner than later we were washing the car and laughing about like fools.

“So, are you going to Georgie’s memorial service?” Kate asked, leaning over the car and rubbing at the front of the window on the car.

“Huh?” I asked stupidly, confused as I glanced up, the hose spraying all over Kate’s feet and kicking up mud onto her legs and turning the dirt under her feet into mud.

“Yuck, it’s all through my toes!” she cried, glancing down at the mud curling in between her toes, looking all sickly.

I flicked the hose at her feet again, turning the mud into slosh “You big baby.” I laughed.

She smiled coy at me bending down behind the other side of dad’s car, going out of sight. Silence washed over me apart from the sound of the hose still going, falling to the ground as I paid no attention.

“Kate?” I asked warily, on edge.

She squealed in delight, with a battle cry as I was suddenly hit directly in the shoulder with a large glob of mud. I gasped looking down at it, shocked and startled, the mud running disgustingly down my bare skin and all into the creases of my body as Kate cackled like a witch.

“You-“ I stuttered still from shock “You jerk!” I cried.

She laughed running off as I picked up a bucket and began filling it with all the mud at my feet now from the hose I had left running. I piled the bucket up whilst every now and then aiming mud at her as she dodged and ducked on the other side of the car.

I laughed in triumph as a slab of mud hit her square in the mud, slowly running down her back making her squeal and shake like a worm, trying to get it off her skin. Fuming and now with narrowed eyes she grabbed the hose and pulled it towards the dirt as we tried to make more mud.

I gasped for breath the entire, a mix of laughter and excitement catching my breath as Kate gave out orders and rules “Okay, right now its truths. We fill a bucket here, we run off and find a spot and then we go to war.” She handed me a bucket “We get one bucket each.” She said as she stood up with her full bucket of mud “Let the games begin.” She said holding out her hand.

I reached forward shaking her hand, squeezing the mud I had secretly held in my hands into hers making her face scrunch up together and my own smile to grow smugly. “Good luck.” I taunted with a wink.

Making our ways off to our secret hiding spots with our stash of mud, I hid behind a bunch of trees in the back of our garden, knowing that mum had a heavy and dense about of plants and trees in this corner of the backyard. I kept my eyes opened, trying to still my breath as I peered around the trunk, keeping my eyes opened for any movements.

I honestly thought I was safe until two cold and hands caked in mud wrapped around my face and rubbed it into my skin and eyes, some even going into my mouth. “Now this is a face mask!” Kate sang gleefully as I spluttered the mud out of my mouth and wriggled in her clutches.

Finally yanking free I laughed shouting out threats as she ran away, I chased after her, throwing a glob of mud and hitting her in the back of the head “Ha! It’s all through your hair!” I cheered laughing.

She came to a sudden halt out by the back door that stepped onto our patio; I laughed thinking she was going to start crying and sulking. Smiling smugly I raced up to her running my hands through her hair “There you go.” I said sang, rubbing the mud more into her hair “Now isn’t that nice….”

I had trailed off at the sight of mum walking out the back door with a tray of dip and biscuits “Hey, what are you doing?” I asked still smiling.

She laughed at the sight of us, my hands still in Kate’s hair and in response I flicked her with the mud on my hands. She flicked out her hands to shake it off as she chuckled softly “Rat bag.”

My laughter finally stopped though as I finally understood why mum was carrying biscuits and dip and coming out the back with it and why Kate had stopped running. Behind mum I watched the sight of a bunch of people standing, the last two still trailing in through the back door to stand behind mum.

“Girls, you know the Bickim family yeah?” mum asked with a coy smile, her eyes flickering and resting on me “This is my daughter as you probably remember, Steph and this is her best friend or as we like to think our other daughter, Kate.” She smiled fondly at Kate.

I however stood unblinking at the sight of Gavin; his eyes had rested on me for quite some time, an unreadable look in his eyes before he looked away. It stung; it was as if he hadn’t even noticed me, as if I wasn’t even there.

“Hey,” Kate murmured breaking the stiff silence “we’re just going to go get ourselves cleaned up.” she said wrapping her hand firmly around my shoulder and practically dragging me inside.

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After having a shower each, myself in my parents bathroom and Kate in the other one which was basically mine I met Kate back in my room, now dressed in denim shorts and a simple black singlet with a spiral like print on it in silver.

My heart was still beating loudly and was still resting on the sight of Gavin before, in my backyard. I was fretting out greatly thus my next words “Okay, so is it plan invisible?” I asked, basically begging with my eyes.

“No,” Kate said gently, shaking her head at me “I’m going down there to socialize and to convince them I’m normal.” She said smiling softly at that “You’re going to go get me a drink and meet me down there, in which you can pull yourself together.” She said softly, motherly. “We aren’t going to hide out here, especially when Gavin is down there.” A knowing look in her eyes, as if she realized what the sight alone of Gavin did to me.

Kate left down the hall and stairs to the patio out back, I spent a few more minutes in my room taking some deep calculating breaths and to my shame checking my appearance constantly to make sure I looked okay, or more than okay for Gavin’s benefit. Not that I’d ever mention that out loud.

Walking down the hall and to the kitchen my head was racing wildly for an excuse for me to hide out in my room, anything. Another part of me wanted to race out there and beg and plea for forgiveness to literally fall into his arms. I didn’t know what I wanted most, if I ran to Gavin it meant staring gazes and no more invisibility but if I kept to being invisible I lost Gavin.

What was I to do?

My feet and clouded mind of thoughts came to a halt though at that very person standing in my kitchen, leaning against the sink with his back and his eyes trained on the doorway. As if waiting for me to come in here, as if he knew I was going to be here.

I hated Kate.

“I see you’re clean. He murmured softly, his gaze wasn’t hard or stiff but it wasn’t fully friendly, he was being cautious because he simply didn’t know where he stood and that broke my heart because I realized than in that moment I wasn’t the only one that was clueless as to what was happening.

“Gav,” I began, my voice shaking and breaking on his name alone, the guilt attacking and clawing at my insides “I am so, so sorry.” I whispered pausing for air as I few small tears slid down my face, already a blubbering mess.

It didn’t ward Gavin off, no instead he was walking quickly over to me and wrapping his arms around me, pulling me in until my body collided with his and my head fell on his chest, more silent tears running down my face. I’d never felt more wretched, guilty and yet relived ever in my entire life let alone at once.

Gav held me close and tight, his arms wrapping tightly around me, one hand ran through my hair soothingly, the other on the middle of my back, pressing me tighter to him. I wondered absentmindedly if he was aware of what his touch did to me, the feel of currents and warmth spreading through me. The scent of his musky manly scent tickled my nose and had me nuzzling my face further and deeper into his clutches.

“Hey it’s okay.” He all but cooed before laughing with no humor but rather full blown relief, as if he was literally relieved to be talking to me and for my benefit I hoped he was relieved to be simply holding me. “Shhh, it’s okay. It doesn’t matter.” He murmured softly into the side of my head.

I shook my head, letting my hands greedily curl in his shirt holding him close as if I feared him running away “No, it’s not.” I murmured softly, my voice still full of emotion.I pulled back, looking him right in the eyes despite the part of me that selfishly wanted his warmth “Gav I was such a jerk to you.”

Gav shook his head, leading me over to the kitchen bench and hoisting me up onto and leaning against the bench near me, his arm resting on it touching my thigh and trailing that scattered wild heat through me. Gav watched me simply for a while, leaning to the side of me against the bench, watching me with an intense stare as if searching for something and I began to wonder, worry if he was ever going to speak and if so what would he say, what would his gaze find.

Gav sighed softly running his fingers through your hair “I acted like a jerk.” He murmured softly.

I went to deny it.

“No, let me finish.” He murmured gently, halting me “I just…..I couldn’t help but take offense that you didn’t trust me and it took me a couple days to simmer. I get it now though, really. I can’t deny that you have always hid from the spotlight your entire life and I can’t deny that me approaching you – especially with all that you’re dealing with –“ he murmured resting his hand on the back of my head, running his fingers through my hair “would be suspicious and make you hesitant, I get that, I really do.” He said seriously looking me in the eyes “But you have to believe me when I say I’m not some bad guy that’s using you or just wants to get into your pants Steph, I just want to be friends.” He murmured softly, smiling softly at the sight of me leaning into his touch resting on the back of my head, my body traitorously reacting.

I nodded resisting the urge to let my eyes slither shut “I know,” I sighed “I also know I blew it way out of proportion. I just…..with everything going, weird things and things that have been…..hard,” I couldn’t help but think of the note “I’m finding it more than ever hard to trust people without thinking they want something or something isn’t right.” I admitted softly.

Gavin nodded softly “I know,” her murmured softly “it’s been a hard week, but that’s what all of us are here for. That is, if you still don’t mind me hanging around….” He trailed off waiting for an answer.

I smiled faintly at the slight sound of….doubt in his voice, it was touching and reassuring. I boldly grabbed his hand holding it in my lap as he loomed over me protectively, my fingers toyed with his own “I don’t care when you decided to be my friend or talk to me, I really don’t.” I said softly, seriously “As long as you don’t stop talking to me.”

He smiled softly, wiping under my cheek where a tear stain was “I’m not going anywhere, not when I can finally see you.”

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