Steph: We didn’t have Mr. Grumpy! I had Mr. Grumpy….and Mr. Grumpy is….Grumpy?

I was sitting up the back corner of my maths, sitting low in my seat basically hiding as I text Kate happily, ignoring my maths teacher as he droned on and on about something in relation to linear graphs, or some pointless maths topic.

Kate: Steph honey, that’s why he’s called Mr. Grumpy

I giggled softly, muffling it as I covered my mouth with my hands; I could just imagine Kate rolling her eyes at me and her voice being patronizing me mockingly.

Mr. Grumpy was my maths teacher, his real name Mr. Grant. He was an old man who waddled instead of walked and who spoke thickly with saliva that splattered all over your face. He graying thinning hair, wrinkling skin and he wore old clothes that smelt of an old spicy cologne. None of that made him scary or grumpy, yet it was his beady eyes that seemed narrowed always that gave him the name. He was just one of those teachers that never actually looked happy teaching or working.

Steph: Whatever….anyways, you don’t have to work on this so called art project either eh?

I replied back pointedly, I wasn’t stupid that look in Kate’s eyes and everything else was enough to tell me she had lied and I was positive I knew why too.

Kate: Well honestly…….no. Buuuuut I am busy, I’ve got to go help mum organize for the senior festival. Awesome theme!

I read the text message pursing my lips at her text that although should and would spark the interest of basically the entire female population and some of the boys who honestly just wanted to party hard. Kate’s mum was on the committee for the Senior Festival which was held every year for the seniors who were to graduate or in their final year, meaning year twelve. Some of the year elevens were allowed to go if there were extra tickets and if they were over legal age – meaning eighteen – since a bar was there. However of course each year twelve students were allowed to have a date and that could be a year below, as long as there was no greater age difference or such. At the end of the day each year had a theme and since Kate’s mum was on the school committee Kate always got the inside scoop beforehand.

I on the other hand honestly didn’t care, not only because I couldn’t go since I wasn’t in year twelve but year eleven, or that I didn’t have a date or anything else. No I honestly thought I wouldn’t even care when I was in year twelve, I just didn’t have an interest to get dressed up and go based on the theme dateless and dancing alone. Not to mention that at those events every person is there to basically judge and assess their outfit and date, it was extra unwanted attention.

Some thrive from it, others cower from the attention.

Steph: Alright than, you’re off the hook.

Kate’s was almost instant.

Kate:Pffft, as if you’d complain about having to hang out with that boy. You’d have to be freakin’ insane to deny that boy.

I rolled my eyes at that message, right now I was way too shy and unsure to chat to Kate anymore about Gavin. I didn’t know what she wanted to hear when I was just as unsure and confused as she was.

Steph: Shudup….there’s nothing there.

I replied with my lame, soft comeback and my denial over the fact that it was possible that Gavin was interested in me in the slightest. My reaction to Gavin and the havoc he created within me was enough as it was thinking and knowing he wasn’t interested, imagine how’d I’d react if I knew he was even in the slightest interested. Shoot, I’d probably jump his bones then and there. And that was saying something for little Miss Shy Girl.

Kate: Whatever helps you sleep at night honey.

I sighed heavily in defeat, Kate was right – if the bubble of excitement of seeing him after class was any proof – I had growing feelings that were growing deep and fast for Gavin and there was nothing me – the invisible girl – could do about it.

Except maybe cherish it or even loathe it.

Ƹ̵Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

As soon as the bell signaled, the small jitters into my stomach turned into large butterflies that swarmed in my stomach, jitters attacking me. Nevertheless I left my maths room rather quickly for once with a goofy smile full of utter excitement.

As soon as I stepped out and my eyes laid on Gavin who was leaning against the wall outside my maths room the desperation to see Gavin straight away hit me and my smile only grew as I let out a gush of relief.

“Hey.” I breathed as I walked towards him before stopping right before him.

Gavin smiled at me “Hey yourself.”

In sync and wordlessly we fell into step as we made our way towards the car park weaving in amongst all the people as they walked with or against us, Gavin by my side the whole time nevertheless.

“I thought we were going to meet outside the music room.” I confessed out loud, as I furrowed my brow thinking nothing of it.

“Oh.” He said an emotion in his voice I wasn’t sure of “Uh, we were.” He hesitated.

I took a side glance at him, feeling suddenly nervous “But?” I asked, my voice slightly strained as I asked myself if I honestly wanted to hear.

Sensing my discomfort Gavin shrugged sending me a reassuring glance “It’s nothing bad, it’s just someone I want to avoid.” He said lazily looking ahead as we walked in amongst the thinning students, our pace overly lazy compared to those around us.

It took me a while to understand what he meant “Oooo, Gavin’s got himself an admirer!” I cooed with a huge smile as I sent him a mocking dreamy glance.

Gavin rolled his eyes chuckling with sparkling eyes at me, he reached over to playfully shove me but I dodged it giggling making him only laugh some more as he shook his head. Reaching out his hands wrapped around my waist and pulled my body flushed in against his warm heavenly body that encased me snuggly. I struggled giggling against his hold trying to get free and I nearly did a couple times before he’d wrap his arms back around me and tug me back into his chest, his fingers making me squirm ticklish.

Gavin chuckled holding me tight and it was then I knew I wasn’t getting free. Sighing dramatically in his clutches, his arms wrapped around me tight as I gave up, my smile still huge. “So how did your girlfriend know where to find you anyways? Is she stalkerish type?” I taunted him smiling impishly at him.

He shrugged as he poked me in the stomach making me squirm a little more as he chuckled “Must have been from the gossip.”

I frowned looking at him over my shoulder “Gossip?”

“Yeah,” he murmured roughly rubbing the back of his neck with one hand “well all the grape vine has heard about me giving you a lift home, others more detailed and altered than the next…..” he trailed off making me blush and yet craved those altered stories.

Gradually reality dawned all on me as I pulled away “There is no admirer is there? It’s just a bunch of people wanting to see for themselves, to ask twenty questions and talk even more gossip. Right?” I asked knowing that Gavin honestly didn’t have a stalker or anything else as such, he was solely just trying to save me from all those fawning over the gossip.

“Uh, kinda.” He said awkwardly as he scratched the back of his neck again “Look I’m not even sure if there were going to be your paparazzi friends there, I just saw people watching and stuff and I thought I’d play it safe. Besides, I know you hate it.”

I nodded my head spinning with all this news. I honestly was confused, if I hadn’t found Georgie would they even care about Gavin and I? I honestly didn’t really care though, I just wanted them to leave me only and stop openly gaping at me.

“So tell me,” I began making my way to the gate going off school property and to the car park, the place now deserted “do you even have an admirer?”

He shrugged chuckling “I don’t know.”

I looked at him calculatingly “What do you mean you don’t know? Gav do you know how many girls would die for you to even acknowledge you?” I asked incredulously. Was he honestly blinded as to how many girls would kill to be in my shoes when I’d kill to be in theirs?

He shrugged lazily “I'm no Ben.” He said simply comparing himself to Georgie’s boyfriend that was at the very top of the food chain.

I shook my head “Still, you have girls that would kill to talk to you.”

He paused, turning to look at me his eyes burning as if trying to see right through me “Everyone except you?” he asked rather than stated.

I looked away, avoiding his burning gaze as I let my hair fall in my face “I prefer to be invisible.” I shrugged sheepishly “Besides, you never saw me when I was invisible……” I trailed off a secret question there.

Gavin caught it though “What does that mean?” he asked, his voice coated with another emotion I didn’t know. Was he offended?

“Why do you talk to me now?” I asked turning to face him face on deciding then and there that this was my chance to voice all my quarrels.

“Why does it matter?” he asked defensively, his eyes honestly telling me he didn’t know why it did.

I looked at him “It does! We’ve never talked before and now I’m famous because I found some girls head in the girls toilets and now you talk.” I looked him right in the eyes, searching and so he also knew I was being honest “It kind of eats away at your thoughts.” I admitted.

He went to open his mouth, his eyes blazing with so many numerous emotions but now I could honestly see he looked offended, hurt and angry. He shut his mouth, hiding back what would be some shouting or such. His face than just fell, all the emotions just fell and he reminded me to a lost, sad puppy, making my own heart ache.

“So you don’t want a friendship with me? Or do you regret talking to me, this?” he asked, his voice soft, dull and emotionless.

My body paused, freezing “Gav I…..I didn’t mean it like that.” I murmured softly, instantly hating for how my words twisted what I was really getting at or asking. And yet wasn’t that exactly what I meant? Didn’t I want to know Gav’s intentions and for everything to go back to how it was before I found Georgie Walker’s head in the sanitation bin?

“Let’s just go.” He said crisply, brushing me and our conversation off as he walked his way through the carp park and to his Ute.

I followed slower behind him, feeling utterly dejected and awful. After all it wasn’t Gavin that had used blunt, honest and yet cruel words. It was my entire fault and yet in a way I did nothing wrong but speak honestly, didn’t I?

Reaching his Ute’s door he still opened my door for me but didn’t close it for me, he just left it opened and made his way around to the driver’s side and got in, slamming the door. I was honestly surprised he didn’t brush me off entirely and tell me to get bent, and start walking home. Yet he kept to his promise and drove me home.

Even if it was in stony silence.

Sitting in his Ute on the way home was utterly piercing, dead silence, not even the radio was going. His scent which lingered everywhere literally suffocated me with guilt making my insides squirm and feel uneasy, I felt as if I was going to be sick the guilt, regret and aggravation at myself eating away at me. Fighting back the tears or hurt and red hot rage at myself I looked stubbornly out the window.

Mutely he pulled up outside my house, choking on a ragged sigh I opened the door my limbs feeling dead when all I wanted was to just stay here and beg him to understand. Yet understand what? This was what I wanted, wasn’t it?

I whispered a soft “Bye.” Before heading up the path, not looking back.

It was in that moment that I really knew that this was goodbye.

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