TRIGGER WARNING:
Talk of r*pe.
Please read with caution <3
If anyone wishes to skip it, feel free to message or comment if you'd like me to briefly explain what happened.

PAST
(7 years ago / Esrin is 18)

How stupid I was to believe Liam actually wanted to study right now.

After class today, he told me with worried eyes how scared he was for it and wanted me to lend him some of my smartness, suggesting that we study at his house together later.

How stupid of I that I believed him, I mean, really, Esrin? Usually, we always do things that he wants, stuff that he does and I hate myself for believing that he'd do something that I want.

We're laying on our stomachs on the bed, propped on our elbows with textbooks around us. Liam agrees to everything that I say and I realise that he's too distracted to take studying seriously but I say nothing, attempting to prevent an argument. He has to take me home, I don't want to walk and I don't have money on me either.

His hand dips under the elastic of my pants and I stopped reading. "These textbooks can't satisfy you the way I can..." he whispers, toying with the elastic. That's when I had enough and got off his bed and left him there.

I flopped down on the desk chair that he never uses and attempted to tune back into the books. "Oh, come on, Esrin! All of your friends are fucking now so why can't you?" Liam exaggerates, groaning in the complaint.

So that is what this is about?

Bold of him to assume that his friend's girlfriends were considered my friends.

"I can but not right now," I dismissed him and flicked my hand. Liam sighed and then he stands, I tried to remain focused on the words but my heart was beating too fast when I realised he was creeping behind me.

He grabs my arm over a bruise he left there earlier in the week and twists me on the chair so I had to see him. "Do this for me and I'll talk to miss B and she'll change your grades on the test," he insists.

"Fine, give me two more minutes to finish the chapter first?" I attempted to compromise. He shakes his head strictly. "No, now," he commands and grabs my arm, pulling me up and I'm forced to stand so my hand wouldn't hurt anymore.

Liam kisses me once and twice but it isn't reciprocated and he doesn't care. I squealed when he pushes me onto the bed and I land bouncing. Liam's face lights up from where he stands above me. "See? It can be fun!" He encourages, grabbing the back of his shirt and tugging it up, sliding it off him within a second.

His body slides against mine, his head dipping into my neck to plant a kiss while his hand that wasn't propping him up finds the button of my pants. "Can we stop? I really should get back to work..." I say but Liam continues to unbutton it. When he doesn't listen, I covered my hand with his to stop him.

His head snaps up and he's glaring at me with raging eyes that tell me I'm about to regret ever doing that. "Stop fussing!" He shouts and I scoot further up the bed. Liam shuts his eyes and then takes a deep breath to calm down. When his eyes open, they're calm. "Look I just want to feel how good you are, I don't even have to come okay? Just a few minutes and I'll stop," he bargains with a smile.

I can enjoy it, I can get in the mood. I sighed and dropped my hands. My pants are gone and my underwear follows. I feel him line up, slipping between my folds and he's ready but I can't look.

"I'm so ready for this, you're going to be so tight," he grins widely. "You want this right? Remember, just two minutes and then I'm out and we can study the rest of the night," he promises, pressing a quick kiss against my cheek. "Okay," I say, just wanting this to be over. Then Liam sinks in all at once.

All the lines running through my head blur into nothingness as I live through that moment. Halfway through, I smile because I think that I'm enjoying it when I realise that I'm not, that I'm just pretending that I do, and then the smile is gone.

Once again, I'm stupid to believe a word that comes out of his mouth. His deal to stop after a few minutes is long gone. His grip on me is unwavering even when I pulled and pulled away from him. Liam doesn't stop until his body halts above me and he releases inside of me.

When he slides out, Liam walks bare to and returns- I don't know how long- later. I watch through eyes that didn't feel like mine as he moves around the bedroom. He throws a half-empty box of cigarettes on my body. "Relax," he orders and then he's out of the room.

When Liam enters the room a few minutes later, I pretend to be asleep. He chuckles and joins me, throwing a blanket over the both of us and when his head hits the pillow, he takes seconds to fall asleep.

Later, his snores mixed with my sobs, the only sounds filling the room.

When I realised I was crying, I didn't understand why and neither could I stop.

My cheeks had grown so tender that they burned when I'd wipe my tears away so eventually, I just let them fall.

The open pack of cigarettes Liam so generously gave me sits on the floor and his lighter is on his desk. He probably picks that up more than any of the books he abandoned there.

Sliding off the bed, it creaks as I stood up and fixed my clothes so they were all intact on my body. Taking the pack off the floor, I leaned over the desk for the lighter. Pulling one stick out of the pack, I threw it on the empty side where I was lying.

My thumb presses down, the wheel spins and the flame sparks and it's only a matter of seconds until the cigarette is lit.

Strolling to the window, I pushed it open since it was never locked.

I'm tired of this.

Taking a lazy drag with my lips around me it, then seconds later pull away to let blow the smoke past my lips and out the window.

I have never been so tired of this in all of the months of dating Liam Payne but today- I am so tired that it makes me disgusted at myself for withstanding this broken umbrella in the gushing rain for so long.

I can't stand here and explain to someone how I feel and why I feel it. All I know is that every part of me is so tired it feels like eternal damage and the more prominent thing is that I hate Liam Payne.

I hate Liam.

I hate his friends.

I hate his family.

I hate every single thing he is.

He takes and takes until I felt worthless- I hated myself for allowing that to happen.

Watching him sleep soundly on his comfortable bed as if he hadn't robbed me several times of something that was never supposed to be his in the first place.

With each piece of me he takes, he slaps on a pretty butterfly bandaid as if that's supposed to fix everything.

How can he sleep soundlessly as if what he did won't bother me for the rest of my life?

Will I think of him every time a man touches me? Will I think of him when someone promises that they love me?

He doesn't deserve to be on my mind so much. I won't allow that to happen.

The cigarette slips out of my hand.

In slow motion, I watch it fall onto the long curtains that gathered at the ground since it was longer than the floor.

I gasped at how quickly it caught afire, a small flame becoming alive. The heat already ghosting my skin as it grows and at first, I'm still frozen there. The fire eats away, sprinting up the fabric while spreading across at the same time.

The fire seems to melt my frozen state. My right foot steps back, away from the curtain left foot follows until my back hits the wall.

Flicking my eyes across the room, Liam remains soundlessly asleep.

As if I'm compelled, my eyes dart back towards the fire. I'm almost in awe of it, how something so destructive can seem so alive by dancing and cracking.

The flame travels to Liam's wooden desk that's jammed into the wall and the other spreads on the rug that's around his bed.

You have to understand, the connection between me and my brain was turned off a long time ago tonight. So when my body turns around, in command with my mind, I'm not even invited to discuss anything that I do from then on.

So I leave. Darting towards the stairs, then running down them and I'm surprised I didn't trip and fall to injury. Or more lucky, my death.

Behind me, I hear the glass snapping as a bedroom window shatters. The bedroom door of Liam's parent's bedroom pushes open and the floor above me groans as they bolted to Liam's room.

The front door shoves open after I pushed it and my bare feet sprints across their lawn. Halfway, I spun around and begin to walk backwards, once again compelled by the fire spreading inside the Payne house.

My back hits a tree and I just stare at the menacing fire consuming the home, slowly but surely.

Shaking, my hands dialled the police as the connection between me and my brain are rewired.

What did I do?

PRESENT

Sunny sat on my shoulders, playing with my hair. A few seconds ago she had a rattle that she definitely got bored of and it's currently laying on the floor.

"Is that lipstick?" Niall notices after studying me for the first time since we came into this house. "Where?" My hand attempts to rub off wherever Rin might've kissed me this morning before sprinting off to work, briefcase in hand and a tea made by yours truly in the other.

"Esrin," Niall says her name with realization. Busted.

"Who?" I scrunched my nose, staring at him cluelessly. "You made me watch her for nearly a week, I saw her wearing that shade every day," Niall flatly tells me, seeing through my bullshit. As Sunny would say, Oopsie.

"She's got you hooked, huh?"

Right after Sunny strings along a random sentence and I'm thankful for the little kid. "Yeah, sunny. My hair is pretty nice," I randomly say, pretending to be in conversation with whatever she just said in her baby language.

"Harry, cut it out! I knew it anyway, giving me all that shit about watching her to get more shit to blackmail her with. You're just protecting her," he shakes his head, getting me all figured out.

"Well, I had it coming. We were friends for a long time so maybe we were inevitable to happen," I mumbled, looking at my nails. It's been a while since they were painted. I noticed Rin always have freshly painted nails, maybe I can steal one of her polishes.

"For fuck's sake, Harry! She could be the reason we're doing all of this fucked up shit!" He shouts, throwing his hands out to point towards our very pretty wall. Filled with pictures and articles, held together with thumbtacks and red string hooked across each to draw any connections that we may have.

Every corner of this place is filled with the hard work that we did to pull off this plan. For it to be as easy as it is today.

"She isn't," I disagreed because I trusted her and if she said she doesn't then I believe her. "Of course, she'd fucking tell you that! You idiot!" He nearly shouts.

"Can you stop cursing in front of Sunny?" I frowned, taking her from my shoulders and putting her on my side so she can hug me like a koala.

"Look, we needed her for the last part of the plan and that's still happening. Nothing is stopping me from that and at least now I don't have to pretend to tolerate her when that time comes," I stated firmly so he'd understand I wasn't fucking around with this.

Niall reluctantly nods, his eyes falling on his daughter and he doesn't relax, instead, he grows warier.

"Why her, Harry? I don't want you hurting each other," Niall sighs with soft eyes. "You know what they say, there's plenty of fish in the sea. She's not that special," he adds jokingly, attempting to lighten the mood. But she is that special- even more than I probably even can voice.

She's my fish- is what I wanted to say. There's something so special about her that I've always known for my entire life but now it's so much more intense and unavoidable.

The type of happiness I feel when I'm with her is something I haven't felt before despite us knowing each other when the world seemed so innocent. It's new. Us being like this and me feeling like this but I don't want it to end. I don't even understand it fully yet.

Yes, I haven't had actual sex before and no, I'm not necessarily saving it. I didn't intend to save it, I was simply waiting for the right person. I have never wanted to get rid of it and never genuinely wanted to have sex with someone either. Until Rin.

So I was simply waiting to want sex, want to fuck or whatever it is. It could've been a random person at a club or someone I'd long-term date. That doesn't mean I'm innocent, I did have two people literally teach me everything I know.

I'd gotten very close to actually fucking one of them, so I have a few pointers on it in my mind but I backed out at the last minute. Wonder why? It wasn't the right person.

I found her though- Rin. I found my right person.

"It doesn't matter, I'll figure it out and this doesn't interrupt anything," I stated while looking at Sunny, she grabs my hand and her entire hand can only wrap around two of my fingers only. My eyes dragged up to meet her father's.

"Now be fair and tell me what happened between you and Esrin," I stated, not asking because I know there's some sort of history between them. Niall stiffens visibly and that proves me correct once again.

"Hm? What?" Niall questions and his bluffing is worst than mine. The idiot doesn't even know how to act, twisting around and his eyes avoiding mine at all costs, bouncing around the paper-covered walls. "I can't force you to tell me what happened between you two however, I can highly recommend that you do," I stated.

"Let's not talk about it, yeah? You've got to get going and my lady wants to play with Sunny before her shift starts," Niall brushes off while rubbing the nape of his neck, referring to his girlfriend. I sighed, not wanting to accept that neither of them won't tell me. Usually, I'd ensure that I find out but I guess I'll just have to do the right thing and wait for Rin to tell me.

I'm very impatient though. If Rin gives me another reason to worry or something else happens- I don't trust myself to be any more patient.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever," I reluctantly allowed his excuses. Niall's eyebrows lift, a genuinely surprised expression switching on his face. "So," Niall draws out the word," you're not going to torture me until I tell you?" His eyes squint suspiciously.

My eyes rolled and I huffed, replying," don't make me admit that out loud." Hopefully, I don't regret trying to be a good person in all of this.

"And what about your girlfriend?" I teased Niall, changing the subject and watching the colour appearing on his cheeks and even on the sides of his neck. She's been crashing a lot more often at Niall's. I'm sure they're both loving that. "Fantastic," he says and he means every bit of the word.

"But Harry, please be careful with Esrin. This can be dangerous- don't hurt her," the last three words he whispers and I think that's the most honest request he's ever asked me. But that can't be true right? The one thing he means the most can't be wishing that I don't hurt Rin.

He hated her as much as I did. As much as I thought I did but knowing that she had nothing to do with my father's death vanished all of that hate and rage away. It pissed me off too how she pretended to be someone she wasn't and it seemed like no one could see it but me but now I understand her.

"Yeah," I said in a random reply, still confused and he takes Sunny from my arms. Distracted, I grabbed the keys and told him," lock up." I walked out of the house with the intention of walking across to the other.

Reminding me of what she meant in our plan, was that to make me stay away from her to protect her or to protect me?

Earlier he said he didn't want us hurting each other and now he's more specific, saying he didn't want me hurting her.

He wasn't worried about me.

He was worried about her.

The weekend practically sprints away and Monday starts the stroll of weekdays working.

It's been a chilly day and after work, I find myself inside a famous cafe in the city, ordering a vanilla latte. I contemplated it but then realised that now and then, I deserve to buy myself a cup of coffee.

I sit and wait near the pickup section and when the coffee was made, the barista calls my name. My hand wraps around the cup and I take a sip as I leave the shop, already enjoying the burst of deliciousness hitting my tongue.

The door was heavy to push open and I rushed through so it doesn't close quickly and squished me. My Jeep was parked along the road, a few steps away from the cafe.

Thin pavements and a busy road are an awful combination for an evening like this. I kept skipping through people and did a great job so far of not hitting anyone for the most part.

Then there was him.

The man's head was kept down, I noticed him too late and I couldn't prevent it from walking into him. At the last second, I dodged to the side but it was a useless attempt, the man still walked into me as his head remains down, eyes glued to his phone while his thumbs flew across the screen.

"Bloody shit," the British voice curses, his head darting up and when our eyes met, the expression on his face melts off.

For a split second, my main attention was ensuring my coffee wasn't spilt and when my eyes glimpsed his face, it was like a cold bucket of water was dumped over me and I couldn't move.

My heart rate was so erratic, going from one to a hundred in a split second that it shouldn't be possible. The longer I stared at his face, the longer time stretched and the more I realised that I had to get out of here.

"Esrin," he says my name, face so bright as he studies my face, probably making sure that I was real just as I was. So I wasn't imagining it then? Liam Payne is actually here, standing in front of me?

"fuckin' miracle," Liam muttered with a ghosted look, his tattooed hand flying to cover his mouth from shock. "My God," he shakes his head. He's reacting so much meanwhile I'm here, stealing the job of a statue.

He looks so healthy. Not at all like the Liam that I pictured in my head that's been ruining my life.

His hair is shorter now, lines at the corners of his eyes from smiling so often. He's wearing leather boots but I'm sure he's still tall without them and he wears a long coat that only allows me to see the tattoos inked all over his hands.

He looks the same but so different at the same time. I can't do this. I'm not accepting this.

This isn't real.

My brain goes into immediate panic mode and I needed to get out of here. Probably find a bottle of disgusting tequila. I don't say anything, I just kept walking past him, towards my bar and keeping my head down. Liam quickly spins around to catch me before I can escape.

"Here me out, please please!" He begs, holding onto my arm to keep me from going anywhere. I froze, my hand darts to tightly grab his fingers and pry them off my skin. "Don't touch me ever again," I spat, turning back to glare at him. It burnt through the clothes I wore. His touch burnt in the worst way. Not like the spread of fireworks scattering across my skin when Harry touches me.

Liam backs away and nods his head, at his side where his hand fell, he flexes his fingers to ease the slight pain of them being bent. "I'm sorry, just hear me out, please? You have to," he bargains with me and his soft eyes that are almost the same shade as mine pleads with me.

When I don't move, he quickly grabs the opportunity before I could've taken another one to sprint off again.

"I told her it was me," he blurts out, stating as if I'm supposed to know what that means. When he notices my furrowed eyebrows, he realises that I don't. Liam tosses his eyes behind me, glancing around our surroundings. "My mother. I told her that it was me that started the fire, confessed that it was me and she didn't believe it. Claims I'm lying to protect you because I still love you," he explains.

"Why would you do that?" I asked confused, picking up on the last thing he said and I looked down sadly. "You never loved me, Liam," I whispered, having to point that out. His eyes soften and reluctantly, he nods his head. Of course, that is all I took out of him saying that but when it took a difficult time for me to actually realise someone didn't love me when they claimed they did over and over, I can't help it.

"I know..." he sighs. "I was a stupid, stupid teenager...everything I did to you was...horrible. Didn't care to know what was right from wrong and...I'm sorry," he rambles off, apologising. Never thought I'd ever hear him say those words. When his eyes met mine, he sighs and then continues," that's why I tried to take the blame and said it was me but it was already too late."

The next day, Katherine Payne found me. She knew it was me that caused the fire. Half of their house was destroyed because of me. That's part of the reason why I left home- Katherine made sure that I stayed far away from her family.

"Sorry doesn't erase the years of pain I had to deal with," I flatly told him truthfully with narrowed eyes, easily reading the guilt mirroring on his face. "I'm sorry, Esrin. That's all I can say..." he sighs in defeat, the corners of his mouth tugging downstairs in an actual frown.

"Is your mom here?" I changed the topic, cutting straight to the more important topic. "After the fire, she turned into a completely different person. So bad that I had to run away but I think she found me. I've been getting these weird packages and I've never once told her where I'm staying. There's no way for her to find out, I was so sure but somehow she did," he explains.

I stay quiet, honestly speechless as I tried to wrap my head around everything he was saying. The coffee in my hand was going cold but that was the least of my worries now.

"Have you gotten anything?" Liam wonders, his eyes studying me. The look that tells me he knows the answer but he's waiting for me to say it. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.

I averted his questions. "What packages?" I asked him instead. His eyes flicked around, his hand lifting to gesture as he began to list," stuff like the cookies she used to make, the vape she found in my room, sometimes notes or I'd walk out of my apartment and they'd be a knife stuck in the door."

Am I really going to do this?

"Someone broke into my home, destroyed everything...wrote stuff on the walls," I revealed to him while silently begging whoever listening that I won't regret sharing this information. I'm not stupid enough to give him the entire truth. "Really? What did it say?" He peaks up attentively at the mention. "It doesn't matter but it's things that I thought only you know about," I'm brushed off.

He doesn't have the reaction that I thought he would, instead he nods his head to agree with me. "Things I thought my mother never knew about, somehow she found out," he mutters. Do I believe him?

"I thought it was you, Liam," I stated. His eyes widen and he shakes his head, denying it right away. "Oh God, I would never! Not after everything I did to you," he blurts out. "I swear it, Esrin! I didn't even know this is where you've been, I can give you proof of whatever you want to make you believe me," he rambles off," I won't do that to you."

Overwhelmed, it's hard to say anything. "I've been working so damn hard to be a better man, not to end up like my father..." his eyes even watered as he recalls the tough childhood he had with his father. He wasn't a great man, I know Liam used school and me as an escape most of the time.

"She draws hearts like you," I blurted out. Liam had such a unique way of drawing his hearts, he'd draw them on my notebooks while bored in class and even on my skin. He sighs and shakes his head," my mom taught me to draw hearts, Esrin. Learnt that before any numbers or letters." The look worn on his face is as if he's replaying a bittersweet memory.

Liam glances at the watch in his hand, a simple modern-style face with a black leather band. "Shit..." he mutters to himself and when his eyes flash back to mine, he looks slightly panicked.

"I have an online interview in thirty minutes," he groans. "I'd do anything to make you believe that it isn't me. That's the last thing I'd want, can we meet up and talk about this more?" Quickly saying, now in a hurry. Continuing before I can reply," I'd like for all of this to stop, I want my life back. Since she's targeting you too then maybe you can help me stop this."

"Okay," I say. Liam smiles and it looks like a genuine one. "Can I give you my number and we can schedule something?" He suggests and without thinking about it, I hand him my phone. He inputs his number, says goodbye and then he's walking away.

I basically finished my coffee in under three seconds and dumped it in a bin before rushing into my Jeep, eager to get out of there.

I wanted Harry. He's been my escape lately and right now, I needed to feel safe again.

When I'm at his house, I park next to his car and the space Remi's car usually occupies is empty once again. We're alone.

The warmth of relief in Harry's eyes when he sees me walking through that door made me realise one thing- how badly I craved to be in his arms right now.

"Hi," I breathed out the word, weakly smiling at him. "Hi? Where were you? It's late. Really late," Harry blurts out, his hands rushing through his hair and the strands almost got caught on the rings covering almost all his fingers.

"It is? I didn't realise that," I genuinely say, leaving my bags on the little table next to the door. It's a new addition Harry added to the house after realizing I like to get my stuff off my hands as soon as possible when I'm home from work.

Truthfully, I hadn't realised how much time had flown by.

"So you're going to be like that?" He concludes and I don't reply. "Where were you?" Harry wonders again, a bit of interrogation caught in his tone.

I glanced up at him and then proceeded to slowly remove my shoes, saying nothing to his repeated question. "Another flat tire?" He wonders, taking a jab at me to be spiteful.

"No," I answered. He looks so guarded but not even that is enough from stopping me. I walked to him and at the same time, Harry drops his arms so I easily wrapped my arms around his waist, snuggling my face into his chest.

"I stopped for coffee," I finally say, listening to the drums in his chest beating fast. I expected that to fix everything but it doesn't. "Coffee takes so long? Did you have to grow the coffee beans yourself? That's not it, is it?" He assumes, correctly so. "It is!" I shouted, letting go of him. Harry shakes his head, looking down at me," you're a little liar, babe."

I'm not surprised, Harry has been able to tell when I was lying in the past and truthfully, it's annoying that he can.

"Can we just forget about this, Harry? I'm tired," I mumbled, my mind feeling exhausted and it was not even about work.

"I can't! You've got the worst look on your face than the night you came home and your Jeep was trashed!" He shouts. Oh.

"I'm not letting someone else mess with you again so you're not getting out of this one, fucking tell me because you won't like what will happen if I find out for myself," he threatens.

"You don't scare me," I shrugged my shoulders and walked to the kitchen for a glass of juice. Harry's steps are hot on my trail and he snatches the glass out of my hand and doesn't keep his grip on it.

It crashes to the floor a few steps away from where it landed. Thankfully, it's not close enough for me to get cut but it still makes a mess.

I flinched when it happened and Harry's so driven by determination and anger that he doesn't care.

His hand falls on my waist and he pushes me against the edge of the kitchen island. His body against mine to keep me there and if we weren't in this discussion right now, I probably would love every minute of this.

"We're you with someone, then? Is that it? Who was it?" He slowly speaks the new question, his voice authoritative and demanding an answer. "No one! Get out of my face!" I shouted, shoving his chest but it was no use.

"Who are you protecting?" His eyes narrowed as if he'd find the answer written across my face. "No one," I insisted, emphasizing both words. Harry's eyes soften, softly asking again," did I do something?"

I groaned, realizing that he isn't going to quit and I wasn't going to either.

"This has nothing to do about you so stop minding my business! If I feel like telling you then I will," I flatly said and finally managed to free myself of his trap. Not pleased with my reply, his walls fly back up and anger storms through his eyes.

"Feel like? You're funny if you think you've got a choice here, sweetheart," his hands are heavier now, a bitter laugh following.

Screw this. I just want to be left alone at this point. I grabbed a random knife from the set Harry has and I pointed it at his throat. His eyes darken and in the flash of a second, he rips it out of my hand and throws it straight behind him.

The knife digs into the wall.

"You're acting like a fucking brat, Esrin. Might have to teach you a lesson," Harry darkly hints, standing tall with his voice low and his eyes narrowed on me.

On second thought, that doesn't sound too bad. Shut up. Your filthy mind, Esrin.

"Not my fault you can't take a hint and drop it," I snapped. Harry groans, shoving his fingers through his hair and he tugs at the roots in frustration.

"You're fucking ruining everything! I don't want to go back to the way we were, don't you get that?" He shouts. "I'm not trying to!" I defended, shouting back but of course, he doesn't believe me.

"What can I do to make you trust me?" The hurt reeks off him as he asked it. "I do trust you! This has nothing to do about you!" I shouted back.

I expected Harry to take some books off my breaking shelf not dump more on them.

If Harry is going to be like this all night then I can find somewhere else to be.

"Screw this," I say and then I'm walking to the same door I came through, ready to put on my shoes and get out of here. Once again, Harry is hot on my trail storming behind me.

"Where the fuck do you think you're doing, Esrin?" Harry demands and pushes me against the wall before I could've made it anywhere close to the door.

"I've got a girl waiting for me that wants me way more than you do," I spat with a fake, bitter smile on my face. Did I say that on purpose because I know it would've only angered him more? Yes, yes I did.

Jealousy and rage swim in his eyes, more clearly than before. "You're going to fuck her?" He bluntly questions, his storming green eyes narrowing on me.

"Maybe I will."

Harry huffs, the muscle in his jaw straining. He shoved his knee between my legs and at the same time, he grabs both of my wrists and held them above my head. "Hey!" I shouted, pulling my hand away. "What the fuck are you doing?" I cursed, my heart racing now.

He won't hurt me, right?

Grabbing the top of my shirt, he tugs down and rips the material down the middle, revealing my bra to him. I tossed and turned, trying to put up a fight while attempting to tear my hand away from his heavy grip.

This doesn't bring back great memories.

When he grabs the knife- I don't know what to think. This just can't happen, not Harry- not after everything. He won't. He won't. He's not like that. Did I let another man lie to me? No, Harry's not like that.

Using the tip of the blade, Harry presses it past the top layer of skin and begins to drag it down, slicing my skin as he did.

The first one consisted of two strokes and then another line across. I think that's the end and then Harry goes on to continue right next to that- when it felt very much like the letter 'S' I realised what he had done.

Harry carves his initials 'H.S' in my skin right below my bra.

When he's done, the knife carelessly drops to the floor and Harry's grip on my arm is gone as he steps back.

"Go fuck her now," he mutters with a sadistic laugh and a pleased smile. "With my initials on your body, go see if anyone would want you." I looked down, seeing the blood smeared across my skin, feeling the burn of the cut.

Snapping my head up, I glared at him, my hands rolled into fists at my sides.

"I hate you."

Harry laughs and shakes his head. "You fucking wish, darling," he muses. He's right.

The fact is, even driven at this moment I don't blame him for reacting like this. If I had just told him what happened this evening it wouldn't have happened.

I had the need to submit and confess everything, including what Liam did to me and everything today but I wasn't ready.

So I leave.

He lets me.

While getting into my jeep again, I quickly dialled Lennie's and from the moment I ask if I can crash at her place tonight, she sends me her location.

**Ri (writer) runs away**