ESRIN
SAGE

PAST
(A month ago)

My eyes fluttered open.

Zayn was sitting on the bed beside me, refusing to leave me alone so his laptop sits on his lap, fingertips dancing around the keys with his glasses over his eyes. I stare at him longer, recollecting the pieces of my tiredness that made me fall asleep on Pierce's shoulder and resulting in sleeping on Zayn's bed.

"You're not asleep," I whispered, my voice groggy which tells me I had been asleep for a lot of hours. The sun still hasn't risen yet though. "Manikchand..." Zayn softly tells me, knowing that I'd understand him with that simple word. A client that promised us hardware for something Zayn was working for and then changed his mind last minute for a lesser amount when we needed it the most.

"Sleep with me? I'll help you with that tomorrow," I tried to persuade him. His eyes flick over to me and I know it's worked. With a sigh, Zayn puts his laptop to sleep and rests it on the small bedside table. His glasses follow, bending the hinges and resting them on top of the laptop.

Zayn adjusts himself under the thick blanket and scoots himself closer until we were basically sharing a pillow. He doesn't attempt to cuddle me, knowing that I don't like cuddling. He does but he respects my wishes not to. Cuddling doesn't seem...right to me.

Surrounded by everything Zayn- the most that I can- a smile stretches and I shut my eyes, happily returning to sleep with him.

PRESENT

Zayn gave me a single taste of love and no more than that. He snatched it away and erased all other progress we have made to get to that point.

Was it the tattoos that covered his skin? The way he looked at me as if I was more than a simple girl? What was it about Zayn Malik that my heart desired? I just needed the question answered so I'd know how to avoid it the next time.

If they'll ever be another next time. If a fling can hurt so bad, I don't want to find out about a relationship.

Why did I wake up with the thought of him on my mind? Even when I got so hurt yesterday, Zayn somehow sneaked his way to the top of my mind and he was the first thing I thought of.

To say my entire body ached was an understatement. Somehow, I felt worst than last night. Sadly, today I had things to do like visit the doctor and accompany Mr Malik for a friendly meeting. So I dragged myself out of bed and popped two painkillers down after breakfast.

Remi came in around three AM this morning. I only knew that because I woke up startled when she shut my bedroom door. She had come in to see if I was awake but I was already asleep.

When I woke up again for work today, she was still asleep gaining her much needed rest. So I made her a smoothie and a little fruit bowl with the fruits Louis bought me yesterday evening.

Am I going to work the day after I've nearly drowned several times? Yes. Last night before I fell asleep- quite easily too- I scoured the internet reading people's experiences with something that I went through. It made me feel understood and also I refused to let Harry and Mr America have this much control over me.

Maybe I'm just stubborn and stupid, putting my job over my mental health. Either way, Zayn needs me today for a few hours only, not the entire day. If I can't handle today then I'll just stay at home for a few days starting tomorrow. Sounds pretty compromising to me, right?

In the morning, I emailed Mr Malik and told him that I'd be absent for the morning portion of the day for a doctor's appointment. It's like through the screen I could picture the way his eyebrows lift in question, speculation filling his eyes. He replied for proof of my appointment and attendance to it as well as to meet him for a business lunch with a client.

When sent the details of the lunch, he requested I arrived thirty minutes earlier so he can fill me in on what I've missed yesterday. Thankfully, my appointment is at 8 am so I will be able to be there on time.

My mind is blank when it comes to anything medical and scientific even though I took a few classes from middle school straight through high school. I didn't know if it was because the doctors were slow or if the process was but the visit takes over two hours.

Now, I stand at the desk where the doctor required I paid for. "What's my amount?" I asked the middle aged woman sitting behind the desk. "Ma'am, your appointment and prescription was paid already," she politely reported.

Beyond confused, I simply stared at her until the words formed. "What? Are you sure? My appointment is under Esrin Sage," I tell her in the assumption that maybe she had it mixed up. "I am aware and yes, it was paid for," she confirms.

"By who?" I questioned, hoping that it wasn't Louis. "I'm afraid that information is confidential ma'am," she calmly says the line that annoys me. I raised my eyebrow at her. "Unless the president paid for it, I don't understand why I can't know who paid for my bill. How shall I repay them?"

"By a Harry Styles."

What the actual-

"Are you sure?" This time I think my question annoys her. She gives me the look that imitates the words 'are you being serious with me right now?' "Yes, I am sure," she sighs as if to calm herself from saying something stupid.

"Okay thank you. I appreciate it," I flashed her a smile and turned on my heel, walking straight out the door and to my Jeep. When I sat on the driver's seat with my seatbelt across me and all the doors locked, I released a strangled groan.

My fingers shoved through my hair as if that would've eased some of the chaos going on inside there. My hairstyle for today was my hair open but the front pieces of my hair were clipped back to keep them away from my face. Clearly, I'll have to do it over again.

Styles. The same last name as the man that adopted Harry all those years ago.

None of this makes any sense. How this is my life? God, when am I going to wake up from this horrible dream I'm trapped in?

Growing more frustrated because I wanted to stay here a little longer and wrap this around my mind probably, I had to leave so I wouldn't be late for Zayn.

On the drive to the location Zayn sent, I decided to call Luther. I've been meaning to all day since it happened but I'm the most okay now than since it happened. The call remained on loudspeaker so I could keep my eyes on the road while I speak. However, he doesn't answer the phone.

The thought that maybe he switched phones crosses my mind since I had this number for five years. It's still possible he hasn't so I left a voicemail. "Hey, Luther. It's Esrin...I know it's weird that I'm calling but please call me back when you get the chance. Bye," I say short and sweetly before ending it.

When I arrived, I parked my car beside Zayn's. It was relieving to know that he was already here so I wouldn't have to be waiting. Once my hair was fixed, I stepped into the restaurant, told the receptionist in uniform my name and she directs me to the table in the centre where Zayn- Mr Malik sits.

His amber eyes already burning at me, elbows on the table but his posture straightened. His neck tattoos peeked out behind the shirt of the navy blue suit he wore as usual. My heart sped up, and that volcano of anger started bubbling again after our last encounter.

"How are you feeling, Miss Sage?" Zayn asks and I guess we are skipping the greetings. "Not one hundred percent- I have a bit of a sore throat- but I hope I can get there quickly. I emailed you my doctor's appointment a few minutes ago," I answered truthfully with a tight smile.

It's the truth. The doctor confirmed that I was okay, nothing lethal or too serious and within a few days, I'll return to normal. Mentally, would I ever return to normal? Probably not.

Zayn nods," I saw it. Now take a seat." His eyes dart to the seat beside him and I grow slightly nervous but plant myself on the chair.

"If you and Mr Tomlinson plan to fall sick on the same day again, please let me know in advance," Zayn states casually, looking at me for a reaction with a lifted brow. "Louis wasn't sick. It was his personal choice to not return after lunch," I corrected him.

"I know that," he huffs, flicking his eyes away and I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. "What exactly is this meeting about, if I may ask?" It's annoying that he hasn't told me about the meeting before yet he wants me to sit here and be present at this lunch.

"It's classified but Manikchand informed me that his associate is interested in our expertise. He's a very casual man I've heard so I thought this would be better than the professional atmosphere at work," he informs me.

I remain quiet for a second because I'm shocked he's actually sharing so much. He even stole my opportunity to reply to say more. "I need to get a...vibe off him. Know if he's good enough or not. So you let me know if you sense something weird later, okay?" He adds.

Free food for me and a bit of small talk, how hard can that be?

"Okay," I agreed. "What did I miss at the office?" I asked, referring to yesterday. "Nothing I couldn't handle but you have work when you're back," he tells me and I nod in reply. Silence hovers over our table and I occupy myself with scanning the menu a dozen times while waiting for this person to show up.

Zayn checks his phone multiple times after the hour and it takes fifteen minutes after the time given for him to arrive. Stumbling into the restaurant, looking like hustling chaos- a middle aged man. The suit he wore was too big for him, his shoulders smaller than what it's meant for. Baggy sleeves pushed up his wrist away from his fingers but his pants almost swallow his shoes. I admired the way he walked in appearing so confident in himself.

Did it edge me to fix his clothes into the right size right away? yes. But lately, I've learnt that people hide their bodies for a reason. And other times, you don't need a reason.

"Zayn Malik, what an honour! I'm such a huge fan of your father's! I'm so happy to see you're following in his footsteps," this man gushes and shakes Mr Malik's hand for longer than needed. He's acting as if he's acting in a movie or something.

Mr Malik politely thanks him, offering a seat opposite him and after he gets comfortable, then his soft golden eyes land on me. "And who is this lovely lady?" He wonders out loud. How does he know he knows I'm lovely? What about me appears lovely?

"This is my assistant, Miss Sage. I hope you don't mind but she has to be here," Mr Malik speaks up when he realises I don't. "Well, I'm pleased to meet you," his smile widens even more. It reminds me of a sly grin. "I am Curtis William," he returns thankfully because I hadn't known who he was.

"Thank you," I politely say because if I'm being honest, I feel so awkward during times like these. I can't see why Mr Malik would think I'd be a good person for it but still, he continues to drag me along to his meetings or consultations. So I pretend like I know what I'm doing and it works. Lucky for me, right?

Mr Malik requests drinks, I take the water which I craved. When it arrives, I take slow sips while listening to their conversation. While we wait on our meal, Curtis requests to see something and Mr Malik takes out his tablet from his leather handle bag that sat on the other side of his chair- I didn't know it was there. He came prepared.

Mr Malik hands it over to me and easily, I manoeuvred my way through it and collected exactly what Curtis needed to see. He's pleased, I can also read from Zayn that he likes the way this is going so far.

Our food arrived, I ordered a burger with a side of fries. After my first bite, I take a sip of water and my head draws up and for the first time, I daze away from the conversation in front of me. Resting the glass down, something tells me to keep my eyes there.

Those heavy, elegant doors open and steps through is someone that almost made the fork sitting in my other hand slip. Harry lifts his hands that are showing off his rings and slips into his wild but tame at the same time chocolate curls. No fucking way.

Sharp eyes with slightly furrowed brows scanned the entire restaurant. A familiar feeling sets in because that's something I do too, to make myself aware of my surroundings and take note of where most people are and where any visible exit signs are.

They land on me and Harry stops, his tense body relaxing slightly and with strong walks, he approaches in my direction. My breathing stops, remembering the feeling of his hand around my throat, the knife he had pressed between my collarbones and when he tightly held my face in his hand.

Everything that happened yesterday felt so fresh as if it happened an hour ago. I'm not ready for this. Zayn and Curtis were actually nice to be around today, Harry ruined it by gracing the restaurant with his awful presence.

A chill passes down my spine and I flicked my eyes away, settling them on Zayn to discreetly monitor his reaction to Harry's presence. When the pretty shade of his hazel eyes land on Harry, my heartbeat doubles in beats.

He doesn't have a reaction to him at all just like he had to any other random person in the restaurant. I released a silent breath of relief, relaxing and switching back into work mode. Even though I did take note of Harry choosing the table in front of ours and he sits on a chair so we could've seen each other face to face.

Did he know I was here?

Harry isn't discreet with his staring or the sly grin that mocks me on his face. Most importantly no matter how obvious he seems, Zayn remains oblivious and I hadn't ruined my meeting. Throughout the entire lunch, I felt unsettled under his pinning eyes. Every time I'd glance at him, his gaze would already be on me- before and after looking at him.

Zayn's little meeting goes by well. I'm there to confirm everything Zayn informs him about our company and gave insight on things I would know more about than Zayn. He even asks about my work, no one usually does that so I felt happy to inform him. He's nice, way nicer than Manikchand. I could tell that even Zayn was hoping he wouldn't turn out like him.

"It's okay if you'd like to leave now, Esrin. As well as, you have permission to take a few days off with pay if you need it," he surprises me by saying. "I do," I answered without thinking," thank you," I quickly added after. Zayn smiles and this whole thing seems so genuine of him.

With that, I walked past Harry's table and straight out the door, smiling at the receptionist and saying thank you to the man that held the door open for me. Approaching my vehicle that's at the side of the restaurant, I got to my door when I heard him.

"Esrin," my body freezes up when I hear Harry's voice. My eyes shut, gold painted fingernails dug into my palm as I rolled my fingers into fists. I took a deep breath, trying to control myself from screaming at him in public.

Why can't you leave me alone? Is the question I want to scream at his face. I'm never ready to see him but there he goes, popping up every time and I don't think that's going to change.

Turning around, my eyes found his chest first. The buttons at the top of his shirt remain undone. My eyes found his," I'm leaving. Save it for another time," I ordered. That doesn't stop him though but worth a shot.

"Why the fuck are you working, Esrin? I'm sure Zayn has someone to fill your place while you take a sick day or two," he fumes. If he was anyone else- preferably someone I cared about- I would've assured him that it was just a lunch. I get to go home now and return to work days later.

"Or what?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. "Take care of your fucking self, Sage. I'm not done with you yet so you cannot die, got me? You don't get to take the easy way out," Harry warns. So many waves of being confused hit me- his behaviour, paying and knowing about my appointment, and what else he had planned for me. I can't handle anymore.

"Stay out of my way," I tell him and attempt to grab the handle to open my car door when Harry places his hand on my arm. It's just there, not tightly and when he sees that I return my attention to him, he drops it. Harry takes a step closer.

"No. Tell me why are you here entertaining Zayn's bullshit," Harry demands with furrowed, insisting eyebrows, jaw so prominent by the way he tightens them I wonder if he's trying to shatter his teeth. "I'll tell you when it's any of your business," I faked the confidence and strength. Harry smirks and my hand itches to slap it off his face.

"Did you pay for my appointment this morning?" I questioned him because I can't hold myself from asking any longer. It's been blaring in my mind since the moment he confronted me even though I badly wanted to drive off- maybe driving over him in the process.

For the first time, Harry's eyes flicker away from me, avoiding my eyes after asking that question. I guess that answers it. "Why did you? How did you know I'd be there?" I questioned.

Harry laughs, a small and light one- it reminds me of an evil little chuckle. I hated it."I'll tell you when it's any of your fucking business," Harry repeats my words in a casual tone, that stupid smirk playing on his face. "But it is," I stated, growing angrier and frustrated by the second.

"Zayn probably had you there as a little display, you know that right? That's all you are to him when he needs you. An object," he points out. Of course, he circles back the topic to Zayn. My eyes fall, letting him see the frown that curves my lips. Is he wrong though? When my eyes met his again, there was nothing written all over it.

I wanted to tell him off about what he was implying. I wanted to tell him that Zayn was my boss and I was going my job. Things like this were required of me. I don't because I'm afraid that Harry knows about the things Zayn and I did that weren't required. We crossed lines of professionalism and even worker-employee rules.

I wouldn't be surprised if Harry found out somehow.

"And what am I to you, Harry? It's not like you treat me any better. Zayn is horrible but I've known him for a while. You..." I paused for a moment, trying to find my words in the disorganized dictionary in my head. "What you've done is past anything anyone has ever done to me. It erases everything we had as kids," honesty rips off my chest.

"I'd be very careful with what you're saying if I were you," he warns and I rolled my eyes. Just like he always does, I don't let that stop me. "Always barking orders and threats at me. You probably wish I was an object so I would obey you all the time, don't you?" God, I hope this makes sense.

"Watch your fucking-"

"The old you would be so disappointed in you right now," I stated and surprisingly, Harry remains quiet. "Maybe Mrs Anderson was right about you..." I bitterly added, staring straight into those green eyes that were the perfect shade of royal deception.

It's utterly satisfying to see the way Harry's lips slightly part out of shock, furrowed brows over his eyes that pictured his hurt. His feet take a step backwards. I don't hate myself for saying that.

Mrs Anderson was the old nurse that was in charge of the others. She was absolutely horrible towards Harry for his entire life. They all were but she had the power to stop it but she never did. It gutted him, she'd never fail to make him cry and hate himself all over again.

It feels nice to have the last word, to feel the power while he's speechless, to get in my vehicle and leave him standing there. That just might be the highlight of my day. Harry probably approached me with the intention of breaking me even more but he failed.

Yes, I need Harry to trust me but that clearly won't be happening today.

I'm thankful that there was no way someone sitting inside the restaurant could've seen the little parking lot. If Zayn caught eyes on Harry and me, there would be some explaining to do.

I tried to fill the car with music to drown out the silence but...my hand reaches to turn it off less than a minute later. So instead, my fingers tapped against the wheel or my lap whatever chance I got.

I don't park on the ground floor, I don't think I will ever again. I parked in the lot aside from the building that was always busy and easy to catch the public eye. After getting out of the elevator, while walking down the hallway I already begin to unbutton my shirt, eager to get it off me.

Though, the clocking sound of my high heels against the floor as I walked paused the moment I was near my door. Even my fingers had frozen on the third button of my shirt.

On the ground in front of my door was a bouquet of white flowers. Confused, I inspect them, noticing the vibrancy of the tulips that are wrapped together by a satin white ribbon. Attached was a white card to match the ribbon and tulips.

Curious, I carefully picked up the bouquet, afraid to damage the flowers and opened the card. My lips parted, letting out a silent gasp when I see my entails 'E.S' scribbled across the small card.

———
AUTHOR'S
NOTE

Thank you for two thousand reads🫶 Makes me so happy you're reading. Please let me know what you think! See you next time :)