For the love of God, why do I write a blog?

The comment section made me want to hurl my monitor out the window.

When I'd started writing The Celibate Life, I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences and foster constructive discussion with others. Together, we could explore important questions on sexuality and how that related to identity and relationships.

That was my vision.

I didn't do it so that a bunch of foolish strangers could pick up chicks, tease me about my orientation, and criticize me for being too vocal. And the critique came from a devout Christian no less.

Guess trolls come in all shapes and sizes.

Ugh, I need a break from this crap.

I signed on to AOL and opened AIM. No one was available, and my heart sank a bit. I'd needed Eric's calm, rational view to put things in perspective.

Nervous energy twisted my gut into knots, and the little devil on my shoulder told me that Christian4Jesus was right. Why the hell was I talking about such personal things?

Should I delete the whole blog?

No, Jess. Remember why you started it. No one ever said it'd be easy.

While I waited for Eric to sign on, I played a bit of Everquest with my guild, BadassBeasts. But my heart and mind kept rereading and analyzing my failed blog post and the readers' comments.

To my chagrin, we got our asses handed to us.

ElvenPrincess27: What the hell, dude! Focus!
DwarvishWarrior: Sorry, I've had a rough day.
ElvenPrincess27: Screw you and your rough day.
ElvenPrincess27: We lost that raid because of you, dumbass1
ElvenPrincess27 is now known as PissedOffElf.
HalfOrcBadass has left the channel.
DwarvishWarrior: You're not acting like much of a princess with all that cursing.
PissedOffElf: Go to hell, you dumb-asstard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DwarvishWarrior: My, how PC of you. *rolls eyes*
BardicBeast17: Elven, just give Jess a break.

**DwarvishWarrior has been kicked from the channel.**

"Jerk!" I slammed my mouse on the desk and growled in frustration. "Et tu, Elven?"

After a few minutes of moping, the door open sound effect ushered in Eric's arrival. Oh my gosh, he's here! Before I could open a window and send him an IM, he messaged me.

My heart leaped into my throat. Should I even say anything? What if it weirds him out and he decides not to talk to me anymore? This day has been sucky enough already.

Aww, come on, Jess. Take a chance.

I wracked my brain one more time to figure it out. There were several possibilities: school, church, neighbor, online gamer, or a family friend. I hoped it wasn't school...

Out of nowhere, the answer hit me like a bolt of lightning. My brain had finally rattled enough drawers until the answer popped up--just like that time I remembered what 'ineffable' meant for a vocabulary pop quiz.

Of course!

Eric was the kid who'd received half of the academic awards at last year's graduation ceremony. I'd been there to support Nicky's sister and kept hearing that name over and over again.

Only a vague image of him had imprinted on my memory. A mop of shaggy, dark hair. A very tall, lanky body. Like all super-nerds--Nicky's not-so-endearing term for overachievers like Eric and me--he wore glasses.

My brain had filed him away--deep, deep down. But just then memories from that day returned in a flash.

"Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Math, highest GPA, highest SAT score," Nicky muttered in a derisive sing-song. "Is there anything that kid hasn't won? Eric Stevens! Ha! What a nerd!"

"I'm actually pretty envious," I said. "I'd love to be that talented."

"Pfft! Whatever, dude. At least you're a language nerd and can talk to people." She nodded towards the stage. "There he goes again. Staring at his feet. Not talking to anyone." Her face contorted into a grimace. "And what the hell is he wearing? Is that a corduroy suit? Ugh!"

"He's probably just shy. Give him a break."

"Dude, it's just like--give someone else a chance..."

What had those rumor-spreading fuckwits said now? Maybe Brian had been pissed that I hadn't put out and spread stupid lies about us. Or maybe Nicky had spread rumors about me behind my back.

What in the actual hell? Bryan had been my best friend for years. It had to be a lie.

Did Eric think I'd been born yesterday? Dude! He didn't need to consult with Albert Einstein or Sherlock Holmes to realize that they'd meant me.

Why couldn't Eric have just thrown it out at home? He could have burned it for all I cared! Anything but searching for my blog, reading it on the sly, and talking about it with God knows whom...

"Until I had proof," I mocked him under my breath in a derisive sing-song that put Nicky to shame. "For the love of God, man!"

A pang of guilt twisted my gut. I needed to stop before I let my frustration over my day ruin a perfectly good internet friendship. Acquaintanceship. Whatever.

It wasn't Eric's fault that I'd had a day from hell. I shouldn't take it out on him, but I had to do something.

I logged out before I said anything else I'd regret.

What in the hell hamster had hopped up my backside? The squeaky little devil must have planted his spinning wheel in my brain.

I was just shy of my eighteenth birthday and should have known better than to fly off the handle. But questioning my sexuality had rubbed my soul raw. Exposed parts of myself that I'd always kept hidden.

Now every little thing bugged me.

To heck with the blog. Eric was right. I needed a break.

I'll binge-watch my VHS copy of the remastered Star Wars trilogy.

And damn your stupid Cantina changes, George Lucas. Solo shot first.