My hands turned cold and clammy as we entered the grounds of Holy Cross. It resembled a newer version of Harvard. Another isolated bubble with top-notch academics and kids from rich families.  

And a certain crush of mine who would remain nameless.

A wrought-iron archway proudly displayed the Jesuit symbol between twin stone pillars. It made me feel very small. Nervous tingles raked across my stomach, and I began to wonder whether this was such a great idea.

Language labs, Jess. Language labs.

Grandad pulled up to a small brick building, manned by a solitary security guard.

"What's the purpose of your visit?" the guard asked.

"An overnight tour of the campus with..." Grandad turned to face me. "What's the girl's name again?"

"Helen Delaney," I replied in a hoarse whisper.

"Ah, yes," the guard said. "Very good, sir." He gestured towards a large building. "Drive up Linden Lane until you reach O'Kane. That brick building straight ahead."

Grandad nodded. "Thank you."

Wide-eyed, I stared out the window at the patches of pristine, manicured lawns and brick buildings laced with dark green vines. The campus was gorgeous. Striking. Yet daunting.

The preppy kids wore outfits straight out of a catalogue for Gap, Abercrombie and Fitch, or Saks Fifth Avenue. Way out of my league. I stared at my pitiful clothes from the clearance section of TJMaxx and swallowed the lump in my throat.

Normally I wouldn't give a crap about fashion or even notice. But I'd entered Eric's world, an environment designed for prospective yuppies.

Not a poor kid like me.

What the hell am I doing here?

"What do you think?" Mom asked me.

"Impressive."

She smiled as Grandad pulled up and parked in front of O'Kane. "Have you got everything you need, dear?"

I grabbed my backpack and opened the car door. "Yep! Thanks for the ride."

"Got your money?" she asked.

"Yep," I replied.

"Phone?"

"Yep."

"Phone number for Helen?"

"Yep."

She gave me a stern look. "Remember, no long calls. Only three texts."

"Mom, for heaven's sake!"

"Have fun, Jess," Grandad said. "And be safe."

"I will," I said with a smile.

"Remember, you're no man's trash can," he said. Mom and I admonished him simultaneously, and he held up his hands in submission. "Just saying."

Well, that settles it. Now I know where I learned my diplomacy skills.

"For Gosh sake, Grandad. That should be the least of your worries."

"No drinking. No smoking. No partying. No staying with any boys," Mom said. "Resist peer pressure."

"Please don't worry, Mom."

As if I'm champing at the bit to hang out in big crowds, barf my guts out, get pregnant, and slowly asphyxiate myself with smoke and burning tar.

"It's my job to say that."

"I'm eighteen." I sighed. "I haven't done those things yet, and I'm not about to start."

"Just be safe," Grandad said. "And be careful."

It's Holy Cross. Not the Bronx. Jeez!

"I will," I said with a cheeky grin.

After a final wave, I raced up the stone steps to O'Kane before they changed their minds.

Whew, made it!

The interior had light linoleum and wood paneling, which gave off a pleasant musty scent. One I associated with modernized buildings from the nineteenth century.

My stomach lurched as waves of nervous energy cascaded like an icy waterfall. I was in two minds. My soul soared like an eagle, but a part of me wanted to bury my head in the sand like an ugly ostrich.

In the end, the eagle won.

Oh, my gosh! I can't believe it! I'm free!

"Can I help you, miss?" an attendant asked at the info desk.

"Oh, yes. I'm meeting Helen Delaney at ten for an overnight tour."

"Sure, she'll be here shortly."

While I waited, I pretended to stare at the paintings. But inside, my mind raced, blitzing me with every possible scenario of how things could go super right or super wrong.

Thank goodness, I didn't have long to stew. A tall girl with glossy, blonde hair and a perfect, preppy outfit approached.

"Are you Jessica Smith?" she asked in a lilting, upbeat tone.

I nodded. "Helen Delaney?" I asked as I held out my hand. 

She looked down at it, a bit incredulous, before giving it a weak shake.

Ugh, limp fish syndrome. Yuck.

"That's me," she said with a smile worthy of a toothpaste commercial. "Welcome to Holy Cross."

Her eyes twinkled as she gave me a quick look from head to toe. Probably wondering if I'd turned up in a TARDIS after trying to blend in with a '30s working-class suburb.

It made me feel even more out of place. This was Eric's friend? Oh, dang. I couldn't hold a candle to her gorgeous looks and hourglass figure.

Don't be a trash can. Thanks, Grandad. Great advice. 

More like Eric's going to think I hopped out of a trash can.

"I'm sure you're very excited," she added.

"Yes, I am."

She led me back out through the main entrance. "Well, you're lucky. Perfect weather today. Sunny and warm. Where would you like to start?"

"I'm not exactly sure how these things work," I admitted.

"Let's walk up to Hogan. The Campus Center," she said. "I can show you around. Then we can grab a coffee and discuss various options."

"That sounds awesome, thanks."

We entered yet another brick building with large glass windows and a light, airy interior. Students bustled as they carried laundry baskets, boxes from the post office, and books. I caught sight of the bookstore and broke out into a broad grin.

"Could we go there first?" I asked.

"Sure, we'll see whatever you like," Helen said. "It's great that you know what you want."

"Oh?"

"Most prospective students are too shy to say."

My cheeks burned. "Oh, sorry! I hope I'm not--"

"No, no. It's great." She chuckled. "Makes it less stressful for me."

We laughed as we entered the store. In no time, I was geeking out with abandon, poring over texts on history and political science.

"Ah, you like the humanities?" she mused.

"Absolutely. And languages are my passion." I cleared my throat. "Uh, what about you?"

"Math with a double minor in Economics and Accounting," she said.

I exhaled a heavy breath. "Wow!"

"Don't worry," she said with a reassuring smile. "You don't have to go to my classes unless you want to."

My smile faded. "Oh, I want to see classes, don't worry."

"Yeah, but my friend's a language major. Romance languages, I think."

"Would she be cool with it?"

"Absolutely," she replied. "She takes my language candidates, and I take her math and science students."

"Cool! I'd love to."

When my eyes fell on the foreign language section, I almost died and went to heaven. Never had I seen so many classics in the original French, Spanish, or German.

"Grass? Brecht? Goethe? All in the original?" I exclaimed in a muted whisper. "I've been dying to find this!"

Helen chuckled. "German major, huh?"

"Among others," I replied, lovingly grazing the spines as I perused the Spanish texts. "I could spend hours here."

"You can buy some as souvenirs, you know," she said, her eyes dancing. "They're not just for students."

My heart leaped at the idea. But I quickly remembered that I had twenty bucks with me for two days. I picked up one of the smaller novels.

Eighteen bucks. Damn it!

"I think I'll wait," I said, putting it back.

She gave me an inquisitive look and shrugged. "Suit yourself. There's lots of other cool things here. Clothes. Notebooks. Coffee mugs."

"Oh, I love stationery."

"Come on, I'll show you."

I stared glossy-eyed at whole rack of fancy Holy Cross notebooks, some of which were within my budget. I chose a ringed one that was royal purple with white lettering.

"Perfect," I whispered under my breath. "My favorite color."

"Those are our colors. Good choice."

Helen showed me all around Hogan, including a small café, a pub with a dance floor, and a host of amenities. "We've got everything you want," she said. "But the best place is the coffee lounge. Cool Beans. Wanna grab a coffee?"

"I'd love to."

Armed with delicious strawberry banana smoothies, Helen and I found the last free table and gazed out the window at the sprawling campus.

"If you like books, you need to see our library," Helen said. "It's ginormous."

"I'd love that. Can we see that today?"

"Sure. Eric said he'd show you the language labs too. If you want."

"Oh, heck yeah!" I said, a bit louder than I'd intended, attracting the gaze of curious students. "Sorry."

One of the guys with a crew cut glanced at me and gave me a shy half-smile. He resembled those guys from the Gap commercials, albeit a scrawny one. My cheeks blazed red before I broke eye contact with him and stared out the window.

Helen leaned towards me. "I think he likes you," she whispered.

"Do you know him?"

"Mm-hmm," she said with a heavy sigh. "I gave him the makeover."

"Makeover?"

She chuckled. "You'll see."

Could that be...?

I stole a quick glance at him as he gathered his things.

No way. No how.

Granted, I'd only seen him once at a distance. But the Eric I knew had a mop of messy dark hair, and not in an attractive way. He wore a corduroy suit that accentuated slumped shoulders and an awkward gait. To top it off, he wore '80s glasses the size of two small moons.

No, they were no moons. They were space stations.

Eric had a brilliant mind and a great personality, but he looked like a dork in his senior photo. Not that it mattered. Dorks were kinda my type. But this kid could model if he put on twenty pounds of muscle mass.

Aesthetics don't matter. Get over it.

Yet I couldn't resist glancing back at him dumping his coffee cup in the recycling, dressed in his khakis and a bluish gray t-shirt. He turned towards us once more, and I whipped around to face Helen.

Admit nothing. What if it isn't him? They'll think I'm shallow.

Worse, I'd actually be acting shallow, and I hate that shit.

"Whoever he is," I said with a nonchalant shrug. "I'm not here for him. Uh...that. Uh...guys."

Wow, smooth.

"I'm here to see the labs and classes," I added in a resolute tone.

A bright smile spread over Helen's face. "You're a focused one."

"But I'm also cool with whatever the tour entails," I quickly added, not wanting to seem pushy.

Gosh, this is a disaster. Why do I have to deal with people?

Eric is going to see me for the geeky nut I am and run away.

Doesn't matter, I'm not here for him.

Actually, you kind of are...

Ugh...! Dude, you're an independent, rational--

"Does that sound good?" she asked, jolting me back to reality.

Oh, dang. Should I just nod and smile?

"I'm up for anything, really."

"Great. Let's go to the language labs," she said as she texted someone on her phone. "Eric will meet us there."

I almost choked on my smoothie.

Oh, crap! I wasn't prepared for that...