A/N: Please be sure to read Chapter 33 first, or this chapter won't make sense. Thanks, dear readers! 💜

Fair warning: Just in this chapter, there's lots of swearing because of all the pent-up emotion. Especially from Jack. Only in this one, though.

___

The heavens had opened on my way to Care's house. That didn't bother me. Rain or shine, I needed to get away from my fuckwit family. 

Care opened her front door before I'd reached the top step and hurried me inside. She handed me a towel after I'd taken off my shoes and socks, both of which were sopping wet. 

"Holy Trinity!" said Care in a hushed whisper. "What the hell is going down at your place?"

"Did Mom call?" I growled under my breath.

"Yaya is roasting her like a stuck pig!"

I balked. "What?"

"Oh, yeah. Her and Pappous are telling your grandmother off something fierce," she said, her eyes twinkling with delight. 

Care rarely made callous grammatical errors, much less together with New England slang. 

Jesus, she must be really out of it.

"Eric came over," I said with a dismal expression.

Her face fell. "Oh, shit."

"No, you don't understand," I said, tears trickling down my cheeks. "This is freaking Ben and Jerry's ice cream territory."

Care escorted me to her room and handed me a hair dryer. She found me a fresh change of clothes from the spare bedroom, which belonged to me except when the Stavros family had company. The pants hung precariously on my hips thanks to all my unexpected weight loss. 

"All right, take a deep breath and tell me what happened," she said.

"Okay, you know how I misinterpret things all the damn time, and it gets me into trouble?" I asked.

"Yeaaaah," she said in a wary tone.

"Well, this was so freaking bad it made Eric mad," I said. "Angry enough to leave as soon as it was politely possible. So this time, it's not just me."

Her eyes widened. "Jesus, are you for real?"

"Yeah..."

She sat beside me and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. I sat there shaking as I relayed the story. Mostly from anger and adrenaline. Care rubbed my back to comfort me while my voice trembled with anger and fear.

"Oh, man! That's so messed up!" exclaimed Care once I'd finished. 

"What the hell is her problem?" I demanded, stifling choked sobs. "Everything was going so well until Mom screwed it up."

"Why is she worrying about something that far in the future?" asked Care. "Don't scare a guy away because of what might or might not happen in five years."

"I know, right?" I shook my head. "She made a pass-fail test for him on day one. And then she wonders why I hide guys from her."

"Probably the first test Eric ever failed."

"It wasn't even his fault."

"And it concerned the two of the things that mean the most to him."

"Two?"

"Atheism and you."

That made me fall silent. 

Of course! He wouldn't have gotten upset because of Grace alone, annoying though that was. By forcing him to accept the prayer before meals, Mom had told him that he'd never be good enough for me. That he'd have to choose between me and his beliefs. 

He'd made his decision. 

To my chagrin, I realized he'd chosen wisely. If Eric's family had forced me to prioritize him above my faith--even one I didn't believe in full--I'd probably leave as well.

Because who the hell did that?

Still, the situation filled me with confusion and doubt as my mind reeled.

"Do you think Catholicism would have broken us up eventually?" I asked.

"No, Jess! Don't let her brainwash you."

"I don't care about his faith," I insisted, puzzling the situation aloud. "That never mattered to me. Hell, half the time I'm not even sure if I believe it anymore."

"Right, so don't take the easy way out," insisted Care. "Christianity is about love and respect. As soon as we push people away because of religion, that isn't God. Or Jesus. It's human ego."

"Right?"

"Right!"

"I'm afraid it's too late, though." I bit my lower lip. "Eric's gone for good."

Care shook her head. "No, Jess. I don't believe that. Not for a second."

"You should have seen his face."

"He was angry, Jess." She sighed. "There's a difference between leaving in anger and hating someone for good."

I flopped onto her bed with a frustrated huff as she lay beside me. 

"You're pissed at your grandparents," she said. "I get it. But you'll never feel about them the way you feel about your mother. The same is true with Eric."

She was right. I'd vowed never to speak to my mother again for my own sanity. Whereas if Mom and Grandad showed up--genuinely contrite about their major league fuck-up--I could forgive them.

You don't get humans without some level of ass-hattery.

"You're right."

"Eric left because he was angry," she insisted. "He wanted to impress your family. To make them appreciate him the way he appreciates you."

I closed my eyes and exhaled a heavy breath to calm my nerves. 

"Appreciated," I said. "Past tense."

"Bullshit!" 

"Eric told me and I quote, I won't make you choose." I rubbed my face in my hands. "He chose for me. It's permanent."

Care shook her head and pressed her lips into a thin line. "Don't believe it until I see it with my own eyes."

A trill came from her computer. Care jumped up and chuckled once she moved her mouse and saw the incoming message. 

"Appreciated, huh?" said Care in a wry voice. "Then tell me why his first question says: Is Jess there?"

"It does?" I asked, bolting upright.

"Yep. Truth or dare?" 

"Dude, you gotta tell him the truth."

"Jess...is...here," she muttered under her breath. A trill announced his reply. "He says: Oh."

Hot damn, that one word speaks volumes. 

But which ones?

Care scowled at the screen. "Give me a second. Time to put out some forest fires."

When I got up to see what she was typing, she backspaced and covered the screen with her body. A dismissive sound fell from her lips, telling me not to look.

"Are you serious?" I asked, incredulous. "You're gonna do this while I'm here and not let me see?"

"Girl, do you want me to fix this or not?" she growled, not giving me the chance to answer. "Alrighty then. Park your butt on my bed and stay there unless you have to pee or poop."

Well, that told me, I guess.

Her fingers flew across the keys with that rapid-fire messaging of hers. Trills kept coming left, right and center as Eric said God only knew what about me and my family. 

Care chuckled.

"What?" I demanded.

"Hush, I'm concentrating."

"You're so annoying!"

Care gestured in the air. "Pot, meet Kettle."

For what seemed like hours, I lay there on the bed as Care's fingertips worked to fix wounds that I couldn't hope to heal. My agony lasted only thirty minutes in reality, though.

She closed the chat box and shut off her monitor with a heavy sigh. "Well, shit!"

"What?"

"You're right," she said with an incredulous look. "He needs a break."

That made the dam burst. Tears trickled down my cheeks like a damned lovesick fourteen year old.

What in the hell?

It wasn't solely about his rejection, though. This conflict had released a deep-seated, irrational fear that I wasn't worthy of love and my grandparents were the only ones who would ever care about me. Apart from Care and her family, of course. One created long ago by a woman who had wished I'd never been born.

Eric didn't need a break from me to process what had happened or to consider whether I was worth all the bullshit with Mom. To my mind, he'd run for the hills just like my father had done with my crazy-ass mother.

You're no better than her, hissed a cruel demon inside me.

Perhaps Father Bagley was right all along. Hell wasn't a place--it was a state of being that dwelled inside me right now.

Care reached over and grabbed a handful of Kleenex. I blew my nose like a New England foghorn while she handed me even more tissues along with the wastepaper basket. 

"I'm sorry, hon." Tears had welled up in her eyes. "It shocked me too."

"Why are you surprised?" I hiccupped. "Mom treated him like an idiot."

"Just this morning he said--"

"What?"

"Nothing..."

"Care." I glared at her with the anger of a thousand suns. "What? Did? He? Say?"

"That he loved you," she murmured under her breath. 

"Goddamn it, Care!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say."

"Not you! Is this what it's gonna be?" I growled. "My whole life a man will love me until he meets my shitty-ass family? And then they push him away? Even when he's perfect?"

"Oh, Jess!"

"I'm serious," I cried. "I loved him too."

Care gasped. 

"What? Is it such a damn shock?" I growled. "I love him. Even though he hates me. I love every damn thing about him. His intellect, his voice, the way he quirks his fucking brow. Goddamn it!"

I threw my used tissues in the wastepaper basket with the fury of a Valkyrie.

"Never heard such an angry declaration of love before," said Care with a bemused expression. "I'm kinda out of my depth here."

"Yeah, well!" I blew my nose again and clutched my knees. "It's me. Expect weirdness."

"Maybe he does need some time to think it over."

"You don't seriously think that?"

"He's gotta be angry," she murmured. "No one changes their mind that fast about true love. That's gotta be it, right?"

"Who the hell knows?"

No man will ever love you, sneered the demon. Your own mother didn't. That's how messed up you are.

Shut up! I am worthy of love. Even though I'm not perfect.

Yaya knocked on the door before she came in, her kindly eyes taking me in. She sat on the other side of me, the bed creaking due to her portly figure. 

"Awww, Jess." She patted my back. "There, there."

"I can't believe she did that," I shouted. "No real Christian behaves like that. Ugh!"

"I can't believe she did either," admitted Yaya in her faint Greek accent. "In fact, I told her to apologize to that young man this instant. She had no right."

"So, it's not just me this time?"

"Hell, no!" Yaya furrowed her brow. "You're eighteen. You're an adult. It's your choice to make, and she must accept."

"I told her that," I said. "Or I'd go to school in California."

"What?" Care gasped. "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack."

Yaya gaped at me. "Ayyy, an ultimatum?"

"You heard what she did."

"Your yaya loves you very much," said Yaya. "She doesn't always get it right. She's very...stubborn. Like a mule. Faith is meant to free us, not chain us up like donkeys."

"She is an ass," I growled.

Yaya chuckled and gave me a shrug. "Well, this is family."

"Right?"

"All a bunch of jackasses," she added as she exchanged a meaningful look with Care. "But...we all love each other anyway and learn to forgive. Because...this is also family."

I chuckled weakly for the first time that day. Yaya gave me a strong hug that rivalled that of Grandad while Care squeezed my shoulder. 

Yaya pulled back, keeping her firm hands on my upper arms. "Your yaya is wrong..."

"But?"

"But she loves you very much," said Yaya. "Her intentions are good. Her actions...not always perfect."

"I can't go back tonight, Yaya." I hiccupped. "I just can't face her right now."

"I know, sweetheart." She sighed. "You stay here. Our home is your home. You have your place in the guest bedroom as always. Fresh linen. Fresh PJs. Relax for tonight."

I gave a weak smile. "Thanks, Yaya."

"You cool down," she said. "Have a nice breakfast. Go to school. All will be better in the morning."

"Mom knows I'm here?"

"She knows you're safe with us," she replied with a nod, giving me a friendly tap on the knee. "You can eat here. Your grandmother said you haven't eaten all day."

"Thanks, Yaya."

"Sleep well, sweetheart."

After giving Care a hug goodnight, she left us in peace. Something Mom could never understand. That was how I knew it wasn't a generational problem. 

It was a Mom thing. Or an I-grew-up-in-Crazy-Town thing.

"You wanna sleep in here?" asked Care. "We can drag the mattress if you'd rather not be alone."

"Nah, that's fine," I said. "I need some quiet anyway."

"Okay, sis." She hugged me, and I was grateful for her warm embrace. "Try and get some sleep."

I didn't sleep a wink.

***

The following morning Yaya took us to school. When Jack the Jock gave Care a friendly hug, she whispered something in his ear. He backed off and gave me a pitiful look.

Oh, fuck! No, don't do that.

Jack came over to me. "Jess, I'm sorry. Really."

"It's no big deal," I said with a shrug.

"Tell that to your red eyes."

"That obvious, huh?"

"Eric is a fucking prick," he snarled. "He doesn't know what the hell he lost."

"He had every reason to leave."

"Why?" He furrowed his brow in confusion. "Were you the prick?"

I cupped my neck. "Not exactly."

"Then he didn't have every reason to leave," Jack retorted.

"My family drove him away."

"Girl, unless your family was a bunch of cannibals," he said with a wry smile, "they wouldn't drive me away. Or any decent man with integrity or strength of will."

Not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.

"No," I said with a wry chuckle, "I'm not related to Hannibal Lecter."

"Well, there ya go." He lifted my chin. "Fuck him. Got it? Either he takes you--warts and all--or fuck him."

I cradled my arms like I was giving myself a pained hug.

"Hey, I'd give you a squeeze," he said, shrugging a single shoulder, "but a little birdie told me that's not your thing."

"I could use one, I guess."

"Yeah?"

I nodded. 

That was all the invitation he needed. Jack swooped down and embraced me with a firm but kind hug. The scent of pine filled my nostrils as he gave me a firm pat on the back. 

"I know it feels like the end of the world," whispered Jack near my ear, "but there are so many good guys out there."

I scoffed. "How many would put up with my bullshit, though?"

Jack pulled back from the hug and clasped my shoulders. "Plenty, trust me."

I shook my head.

"You've got this, hon. You're strong."

"I'm not so sure," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat as I stared at the grass.

"You never gave a shit about a boy before," he said in a firm tone, giving my shoulders a gentle squeeze. "Where's that kick-ass girl now?"

"On vacation?"

"Bullshit!" He glared at me. "I wanna see that fearsome femme right now. Right here. On this fucking playground. Or whatever the hell you call a lame-ass patch of lawn in front of a school."

I scoffed. "Are you serious?"

"On the count of three, you growl like the warrior princess you are." He paused. "Ready? One, two, three."

He gestured at me to growl.

"Grr?"

"That was goddamn pitiful." He rolled his eyes. "I ain't letting you go in there until I see a warrior princess."

"Dude..."

"I'm serious...there'd better be some Xena-level shit going down, or your ass is gonna be late."

"What the heck, Jack?"

I tried to get past him, but each time he blocked my way. This way, that way. Well, the dude was a freaking quarterback. What did I expect?

"Goddamn it, Perez!" he shouted like a football coach. "Where is your fucking warrior princess?"

"Let me pass, ass-hat!"

"Better! Now tell me: Where is she?" he roared at me.

"Why are you being such a prick like you used to be?" I shouted. "Goddamn it, I'm not going to be tardy because your stupid ass is crazy!"

"Yeahhhhhhh," he yelled, "that's what I'm talking about, bitch!"

Jack gave me the weirdest high-five ever. Sort of. More like he held up his hand before I held up mine, after which he smacked mine so hard that it stung. I laughed like a crazed hyena as a well of pent-up emotion seeped from my pores. 

Shit! We're a pair of dorks.

Aww, but he did it to cheer me up.

The thought warmed my heart, so his crazy plan seemed to actually work.

"Now I want you to walk into that school with your head held high," growled Jack, pointing at the building, "because fuck that little punk."

"Yeahhhhh!" I roared at the top of my lungs. "Fuck that little--!"

"Perez, inside! Now!" shouted Principal O'Leary behind me. 

His bark made me jump out of my skin. I leaped back in an effort to put some distance between me and the furious principal. I pressed myself up against Jack, who placed a steadying hand on my shoulder. 

No principal had yelled at me. Ever. 

"Kowalski, that's a detention!" he added, shifting his focus to the massive jock behind me. 

"Are you serious, man?" Jack knitted his brows and gestured at me. "Perez shouts fuck, and I get a detention?"

"Don't make it into a suspension," warned the principal before he directed his steely gaze at me. "Move your backside now, Perez. Before I write you up for tardiness."

I'd never run so fast in my entire life, crashing into my first-period English class just in the nick of time.