After a long question and answer session, the psychiatrist tell me to wait outside as he needs to have a word with Arnav, but I'm too curious, I want to know what is it that's happening with me.

Although I walk outside, I leave the door a bit open and stick my ears to it, I want to know and I'd do anything to listen to their conversation.

"Arnav her condition isn't much serious but with time it would get more serious if we don't stop it, she needs our help and we need to help her."

"But what has happened to her doctor? I mean what's the problem?"

"She's suffering from depression, I'm sure she knows it maybe she doesn't just know its depression. Although after talking to her I feel that somewhere she doesn't know the reason behind her sadness, it might be that she also knows and just because she doesn't want to accept it she doesn't take it as a reason."

"How is that possible?" I can hear Arnav's surprised tone.

"You see Arnav our mind is one funny thing, I mean you can know something yet not know it, I don't have better words to explain.

Keeping that aside, the way she's been behaving and everything she's been doing, like for example trying to commit suicide, wanting to be alone, oversleeping and loss of appetite and everything else, these are clear signs of depression.

You know in this kind of a situation you can't really know how the person's mind works, they can be so happy and then the next moment they'd start feeling sad for no reason or for so many reasons and it's terrible to feel that way...

It's terrible to feel sad for no reason or to feel sad for too long, it makes you feel as if happiness would never return...

There's a lot to it but for now I just want you to help her, where she is... it's terrible. I'll subscribe some medications and please help her as much as you can, talk to her, listen to all the things she says even if she thinks they are stupid, one of those stupid things might be the reason that's actually making her feel so.

If she doesn't share her problems ask her once more and keep on asking until she opens up, take her out and just try keeping her happy and most importantly, try to find out the reason why she's feeling depressed. Once we find out why it's all happening, we would have more chances of treating her better.

Right now neither you nor me can get the idea what she's going through but just know it's really worse, being depressed is the worst a human can feel... with your whole body functioning well, there would be that unseen pain and it hurts too deep."

"I'll try all I can to help her" Arnav says as he stands up.

I move to the nearest bench and take a seat pretending I never heard a thing, Arnav walks towards me as hugs me, I feel so bad that he's feeling this way because of me.

"You'll be okay Khushi.. We have some medicines for you and you have to do as I say, it will take time but I promise you'll be okay"

"With you Arnav, I'm sure I'll be okay" I say as I hold him tighter.

We walk into the apartment and find Lavanya waiting for us, she rushes towards me and hugs me as she breaks down into tears.

"What happened? I am the one who's sick and you're crying" I ask trying to act normal, but it's hard.

"I just feel bad for you, I wish I could do anything for you, anything to make you feel better, and anything to get the old Khushi back"

"Trust me, I'd also do anything to be like before" I smile as I break the hug.

"Why don't we go out for dinner tonight?" Arnav asks

"That's not a bad idea, I'll call Ishaana and Rehan and tell them to join us too"

"Yeah it's going to be fun" Lavanya says.

I head to my room leaving Lavanya and Arnav behind, I know they want to discuss about my health and so I give them the space, they can do anything they want to as long as I get back to feel happy and excited about everything as I used to be.

I jump on my bed and think of what I heard the doctor say...

Am I really depressed? But if it is so why don't I know the reason? Or maybe like he said I don't want to accept it.

I try to think harder about what it could be that might be making me feel this way but there's nothing that seems as a legit reason, and I keep on asking myself, if there's no reason, why do I feel sad?

I feel angry and frustrated, it's so hard to deal with all this.

I walk outside and find Arnav sited with Lavanya, they are busy having their own talks not even realizing I'm standing right behind them, I don't quite understand what happens in my mind suddenly but I don't like this, I don't know why but I just don't like seeing him spend time with anyone else but me, and I know it's stupid, I'm acting as if I own him and that makes me sad again.

I rush back to my room and slam the door as I jump on the bed again, no matter how much I try I can't stop my tears, I know why I am crying but at the same time I don't know, or maybe like the doctor said I don't want to accept it.

I feel so lonely, there's this need of support that I feel, the need of someone who would understand why I'm feeling like this and I know somewhere Arnav does but maybe it isn't enough.

There's a lot going on in my mind and I don't want to think about any of that, I wish there was a way of stopping the useless thoughts flooding me, I would definitely do it, whatever it takes to stop feeling this pain, to stop feeling this lonely and to stop being as stupid I am.

I cover my mouth with my hands so that I don't make any noise, if this is what depression is like, I wish nobody ever goes through it.

It's painful, it destroys the mind, it destroys you and your self-confidence and everything, it makes you feel worthless and that's what's happening to me right now and I really wish it dint happen, I wish there was something I could do about it, because it's terrible, it's worse than dying, at least when you die it's for once, depression is dying slowly by slowly from the inside and there's nothing you can do about it.

You can't even show the world because you know they aren't going to understand you anyway, they aren't going to understand the pain you feel, the heaviness in your mind when you overthink things, and slowly everything just eats you up.