Twenty-Two

During the hearing, my mother prohibited me from attending. Ang sabi niya'y hindi daw makakabuti sa akin na makita si Dad sa ganoong sitwasyon. And it would only bring back memories. Painful memories from the past dahil alam kong hahalungkatin nila ang rape case ko.

My mother sent me to Dr. Siang instead. Kahit na bukas pa ang schedule ko sa kanya ay nagpunta ako sa building nila. He invited me for another meditating session again but I just couldn't get myself to concentrate.

"Your thoughts are overwhelming you..." puna niya.

Bumagsak ang mga balikat ko. Ibinaba ko ang dalawang kamay at itinuon ang tingin sa maliliit ng isdang tahimik na lumalangoy sa pond.

"Hindi ko po maiwasang hindi mag-aalala kay Dad..." wika ko.

Tumango-tango siya. "It's okay to worry about him, Mary Grace. You have a special bond with your father. But you need to believe that everything's going to fall into place."

Nag-iba ang ekspresyon ko sa mukha.

Paano kung may makita silang ebidensiya laban sa Dad ko? Makukulong ba siya? Habambuhay? What if...

What if he really killed Uncle Thomas to avenge me?

"Mary Grace, you are ruining your balance." Kalmadong wika ni Dr. Siang. "You need to maintain your inner balance at all times. In ups and downs. I've seen you maintain it during happy times. You need to do it during horrible times as well."

"It's just... it's hard for me." nangingilid na ang mga luha ko.

"Your trust have been replaced by fear because of the betrayal you've experienced. You are afraid that some people will betray your father just like what you experienced."

Tumango ako. He's saying exactly what's running inside of my head.

"Let go of that fear, Mary Grace..." he said.

I tried to calm down. I can't lose myself again. Not right now when my mother needs me the most.

True to Dr. Siang's words, naging maganda ang kinalabasan ng hearing. Dad was proven not guilty. Masayang-masaya si mommy para sa kanya. I could almost see the longing in her eyes when she hugged my father.

Tito Alistair wouldn't speak to us. He said his lawyer will take care of everything. Hindi niya rin ako matingnan sa mga mata.

I went to college after the issue subsided. I am determined to graduate, no matter what. Pinagtitinginan ako ng mga classmates ko dahil sa kulay berde kong buhok. I ignored them all. Ang importante'y maka-graduate ako at makapagtrabaho. I need to prove myself to be worthy of Harry.

Siya naman ay mas naging busy na sa itatayong branch ng kanilang kompanya. Panakaw lang ang mga oras na nagkikita kami. Palagi akong pagod sa eskwelahan at halos hindi ko na siya nakakausap sa telepono.

Between my studies, sessions with Dr. Siang, and my mother's house renovation, naging busy ako sa buong taon. Kaya naman laking gulat ko nang tumunog ang telepono ko nang madaling araw. I just finished my homework and was planning to snatch at least three hours of sleep before I go to my class later.

I groggily got up from the bed and switched the lampshade. Kinuha ko ang phone ko at sinagot ang tawag nang hindi tinitingnan ang caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Am I disturbing you?" magiliw na bati ni Harry sa kabilang linya.

Despite my sleepiness, I managed a smile. "Hey.." kinusot-kusot ko ang mga mata ko at tumayo mula sa kama. "Pasensiya ka na kanina, nakatulog kasi ako."

Tumawa siya mula sa kabilang linya. "Mukha nga."

I padded across my room to switch on the lights.

"I want to see you." Wika niya.

"Yeah, me too. Huwag kang mag-alala, maaga naman matatapos ang klase—"

"No, I mean, right now, baby."

Napataas kaagad ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. Nakiramdam ako sa paligid. A faint sound of engine is coming from outside our house! Excited kong binuksan ang bintana ko. True to my expectation, Harry is outside the house. He is leaning on his car with his phone pressed against his ear, smiling widely at me.

I stared down at him.

I'd probably never going to get rid of the dreamy look in my eyes every time I look at Harry.

God, what did I do to deserve someone like him?

---

On the day of my 21st birthday, my parents took me to a place so dear to my heart. Nakatayo kaming lahat sa Karlo's. 

"Dad?" nilingon ko si Daddy. Nakatayo ang mga empleyado ni Karlo sa labas ng pintuan at nakangiti nang malawak sa amin.

"I know how much you love this place." Wika ni Daddy na nakangiti. I peered at my mom. She smiled encouragingly at me. "That's why I came up with this decision. I want you to be happy, Mary Grace. You deserved to be happy more than anyone else." Binalingan ni Dad ang mga empleyado sa labas. "Everyone, to Mary Grace, the new owner of the cafe and your new employer!"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa gulat. Nagpalakpakan ang mga empleyado ni Karlo. Harry patted my shoulder and grinned at me.

"Dad..." My voice was caught in a sob and before I knew it, tears are spilling from my eyes and streaming down my face. Niyakap ko nang mahigpit si Dad, trying to make up for what my words failed to say.

"You deserve this, Mary Grace." He stroked my back. When I pulled away, I wiped my tears and ran inside the cafe, crying and laughing at the same time. I scanned the area hungrily. It's just the same as I remembered it. It smells like old wood and freshly-brewed coffee. It's still the same cozy place I fist fell in love with.

Pumasok na sina Dad, Mommmy, Harry, at ang iba pang mga bisita. Everyone is congratulating me. I glanced at Karlo's portrait hung on the cream-colored wall and smiled at him.

I promise to make it up to you, Karlo....

---

"And your sister?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Dr. Siang. I found myself in his little garden once again. We just finished meditating and we're trying to relax. Half a year ago when I started my therapy session with him, this is the first time he brought up the topic of my sister Annie.

"Yeah?"

"Don't you think about her sometimes?"

I shrugged. "I do. She's still my sister and my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend." Hilaw akong humalakhak. My shoulders slumped down. "But I can't remember her face anymore. Even Karlo's face is starting to fade inside of my mind." Malungkot kong wika. "It's like when someone is gone forever from my life, their face will started to fade as well."

Tumango-tango si Dr. Siang. "That's normal, Mary Grace."

I tried to think back of any happy memory I shared with Ate Annie but could hardly determine one. "I just realized that when someone dies from suicide, they do not take away the sadness. They simply pass it to someone else." Nangilid na ang mga luha ko. "Ate Annie passed her sadness to me..."

Tahimik na si Dr. Siang at hinayaan niya akong tahimik na umiyak habang ikinukuwento ko si Ate Annie sa kanya. I stared at the Koi fishes swimming in peace at the pond as tears fall one after another.

"You know what? The best thing that you can do is to honor the memory of your dead sister." Mahinanong wika ni Dr. Siang. "You will find yourself in the process, trust me."

---

The following year went well for me. I proceeded to my second year in college and every chance I get I visit the cafe in order to manage things. Inaalalayan pa rin ako ni Dad sa pagpapatakbo ng cafe dahil wala pa akong masyadong alam bukod sa pagtitimpla ng kape at pagsi-serve sa mga customer.

Harry on the other hand was sent to Cebu for a project that lasted for three months. The experience was unpleasant. Palagi kaming nag-aaway sa telepono. He calls when I'm tired or irritated or simply busy. Kapag ako naman ang tumatawag ay palagi siyang may kausap o ginagawa kaya nawawalan ako ng gana at ibinababa kaagad ang telepono.

Good thing his damn project is finally over and he went back to Pampanga. We were fools for fighting. I know we just missed each other kaya kami nagkaganun. Harry asked for forgiveness and so did I. I can't imagine myself losing this man.

"Oh, nandito ka na pala..." my mother removed her heels and went straight into the kitchen. Nakaupo ako sa couch at tinatapos ang book review na ipa-pass namin bukas.

I stretched my sore legs and got up from my seat. I lazily padded towards the kitchen but came to a halt when I passed Ate Annie's room.

I stared at the door. I haven't gone inside since I came back here. My mother is talking about ordering food for dinner or something. Something tugged inside of me. Dahan-dahan kong pinihit ang pintuan at pumasok sa loob.

The room is quiet. It looks like the cheapest room in a luxury hotel that no one wants to avail with a sad-looking abstract painting hanging on the bare walls.

Isinarado ko ang pintuan at nagtungo sa kama ni Ate Annie. It still smelled of fresh laundry and lavender, the same smell I remembered of her. Umupo ako at pinagmasdan ang paligid.

"Ate Annie, how are you?" I mused out loud, as if she's going to answer me. Ibinagsak ko ang tingin ko sa mga kamay ko. "I'm sorry for dating your boyfriend, you must've hated me by now..." I murmured. "Nagmahal lang ako, Ate Annie. Harry offered his hand when I was drowning in my own sea of demons. He... I can't imagine not having him by my side."

Pinunasan ko kaagad ang tumulong luha sa aking mga mata. Ate Annie hates it when I cry in front of her. She thinks I'm just crying so that she'll admit defeat or she'll look like the bad guy. Little did she konw that I'm just as vulnerable as her.

"Mary Grace!"

Narinig ko ang tawag ni mommy mula sa labas. Kaagad akong tumayo mula sa kama ni Ate Annie. I took a step and my feet immediately hit a loose board below. Napatingin ako sa baba. Idiniin kong muli ang paa ko at gumalaw nang kaunti ang floorboard.

I frowned and crouched, examining the loose floorboard. My fingers trailed the edges of the wood until I pulled it out. Nang matanggal ko ito ay isang maliit na notebook ang bumungad sa akin.

"A diary?" I wondered out loud.

Inilagay ko sa tabi ang natanggal na floorboard at kinuha ang maliit na notebook. It has an old smell on it and it looks as if it had been abandoned here for a long time. Nagsimulang manginig ang mga kamay ko. Something tells me that I shouldn't open this diary but the urgeis more powerful.

Binuklat ko ang unang pahina.

elle avoit vû le loup

I scowled at the phrase. What does it means? It looks like a French word to me.

I turned to the next page. I immediately recognized Ate Annie's clean and small handwriting. The edges of the paper are starting to turn brown. Lumang-luma na siguro ang notebook na ito.

I was still 13 years old when my life changed. And the next few years after that was spent in a hell of a make-believe family. The feeling of not having a place in this family is overwhelming. Perhaps what the man said was true. Maybe I'm just denying the fact even if it's right in my face, clawing at me, begging to be heard. Humans only feed themselves of the lies they want to hear in hopes of being happy. Maybe I was a fool for trying to be happy when I shouldn't be.

It was one rainy afternoon when I sneaked out of the house because I can't stand my stepmother's sweet facade and the fool man who claimed to be my father. I went to my real mother's thombstone only to find a man who was always visiting her grave as if he still has unfinished business to do with her. We didn't talked a lot but when he finally opened his mouth, his words blown me to pieces.

I will never forget the same exact words that spilled from his mouth.

"I am Oliver, Annie. You may not believe me but I am your real father."

---

I'm sorry for the long wait haha your girl just graduated senior high T^T

Down to last 8 chapters! Comments are greatly appreciated :)