Twenty-Three

Nanginginig ang mga kamay kong isinirado kaagad ang notebook. I took a few shaky breath, trying to calm myself. Napaigtad ako nang biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng kwarto.

"Mary Grace?" my mother frowned at me. "What are you doing here?"

I bit on my lower lips and slowly shook my head. "I...I was just looking around."

She seemed unconvinced with my answer but didn't bother pressing it further. "Nag-order na ako ng pagkain, anak. Lumabas ka na riyan."

Tumango-tango ako.

She disappeared from my line of sight. I hid the notebook under my shirt and went outside, trying to finish my book review but couldn't bring myself to do it. My mind is a mess. Paulit-ulit na bumabalik sa isipan ko ang sinulat ni Ate Annie sa diary niya. Her father is Oliver? Who is he?

Habang kumakain kami ay distracted pa rin ako. Dad wasn't able to visit us because of his work. My mother is doing great on her job pero paminsan-minsan ay nago-over time siya kaya hindi na nakakaluto ng hapunan gaya ngayon.

"You're awfully quite today..." my mom said, eyeing me warily while digging into her chicken sambala.

I swallowed a little. "Mom, do you know someone named Oliver?"

Nanigas kaagad si mommy. Her fork hung in the air as she slowly lifted her gaze at me. "Oliver?" she repeated, clearly surprised.

I chewed on my bottom lips. "Yeah..."

My mother put her fork down and gazed at me cautiously. "Mary Grace, where did you heard of this man?"

Iniwas ko kaagad ang tingin ko sa kanya. I shrugged one shoulder. "Ate Annie mentioned him to me once." I lied.

"Oh..." I could see the relief washing over her face. "Well, yeah. Sort of. Oliver and Annie's mother had a thing back then. It didn't worked out."

"Because of Dad?" I pressed.

Tumango-tango siya. "You could say that."

"And? What happened to him?"

Her lips went into a thin line. "Mary Grace, Oliver is in prison. Ang pagkakaalam ko ay nakalaya na siya at may pamilya na siya but other than that, I haven't heard from him since."

Hanggang sa matapos kaming kumain ay iyon pa rin ang laman ng utak ko. Pinilit ko ang sarili kong tapusin ang book review at itinago ang notebook ni Ate Annie sa ilalim ng aking unan. Hindi ako makatulog ng gabing iyon.

Is it right to read her personal diary? I practically know next to nothing about her. She's still my sister, after all. I was too busy fixing myself I have completely forgotten about her.

Hinigit ko ang drawer upang hanapin ang isang picture naming dalawa ni Ate Annie noong mga bata pa lamang kami. I was still an infant back then. Karga-karga ako ni Ate Annie. She's grinning widely at the camera while I was sucking the tip of my thumb.

Huminga ako nang malalim at kinuhang muli ang notebook. Binuklat ko ang ikalawang pahina.

He's right. Fairytales are cruel. No one should ever believe in happy endings and fairytales. They are full of lies. In Charles Perrault's version included in his 1697 collection Stories or Fairytales From Past Times: Tales of Mother Goose, there is no such thing as an intrepid huntsman who saves the little red riding hood from the wolf. Little Red simply strips naked, gets in bed, and then dies after being devoured by the big bad wolf. Big bad wolves sneak into the young girls' beds. If you are unlucky enough, you will find him sleeping naked next to you.

I shut the notebook closed. My head is spinning. Little red riding hood? How did she know about this? I learned it first from Uncle Thomas. He said that the big bad wolf raped the little red riding hood in the original version of the story. Apparently, I was the fucking little red riding hood he was referring to.

Biglang bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko. I quickly got up from my bed and searched for the meaning of elle avoit vû le loup. It literally translates to she has seen the wolf. It's a French idiom for girls who have lost their virginity.

My mind is running wild. The thought occured at the back of my mind but I pushed it back, denying the possibility that Ate Annie...

Fuck, I couldn't even think about it. Pinagmasdan ko ulit ang notebook na nakahiga sa aking kama. What would I learn if I read all of it? Will it bring me closer to Ate Annie or will it tore us apart for good?

Nangingilid ang mga luha ko sa mga pinag-iisip. I shoved the notebook inside of my bag and tried to get some sleep but tears keep on slipping from my eyes.

Ate Annie...

---

"Are you okay?" hinaplos ni Harry ang mukha ko. He even place a strand of my hair behind my ears. "You're quiet." He muttered.

Isiniksik ko ang sarili sa mainit niyang dibdib. His strong legs wrapped aroud my waist, tugging me closer.

"I'm fine." I murmured.

Hinalikan niya ang noo ko. Ilang araw na akong hindi nakakatulog dahil sa nabasa ko sa diary ni Ate Annie. Last night I willed myself to turn a page again. It was a very disturbing poem about the fairytale that marked my childhood.

Little red riding hood, little red riding hood

Don't look into his eyes

Don't talk to thee

Don't let your skin touch his

Don't let him lure you

Listen very well little girl

Little red riding hood, little red riding hood

Oh, poor little red riding hood

The blood seeping from your skin cut into two

Matches the crimson color of your cloak!

"Mary Grace?"

I was snapped back into reality when Harry tugged my shoulder gently.

"Yeah?" I licked my lower lips and tried to calm myself.

"You're not okay." Harry said, searching for my eyes. "Please, baby. Tell me. is there a problem?"

Tuluyan nang nangilid ang mga luha ko sa mata. I pulled him closer and buried my face into his chest, crying silently.

"Ssh... Mary Grace..."

Ilang minuto akong umiyak kay Harry. He whispered sweet nothings into my ear. When I was done, I wiped the tears from my cheeks and tried to blink back the fresh new tears that are threatening to fall from my eyes again.

"Do you know the story of Little Red Riding Hood?" I asked in a broken voice.

Harry seemed confused by my question. But nevertheless, he slowly nodded his head. "Yeah. Everyone knows about it."

"Let me tell you one thing, Harry." I draw a shaky breath. "It's not a fucking fairytale..."

Hinayaan ako ni Harry na umiyak nang umiyak hanggang sa makatulog ako. When I was near to losing my consciousness, he leaned closer to me and whisper into my ears that brought a small smile into my face despite the mess that is going on inside of my head.

"I'm going to take care of you..."

---

I focused on my upcoming exams the following week. Itinuon ko din ang atensiyon ko sa pagpapatakbo ng cafe. Dad spends most of his time with me in the cafe, trying to teach me everything I need to learn. It was never easy and every now and then I would imagine Karlo pouring me a cup of latte behind the desk.

I kept the notebook with me. I tried to avoid it as much as possible. Every page of Ate Annie's entry is hurting me. And what scares me the most is that I could even hear her voice reciting the poem inside of my head na para bang binabalaan ako.

I regarded the notebook as Pandora's box. I am itching to open it again but I prohibited myself from doing so. I tried to act normal, especially when my parents are around. I don't want them to worry about me anymore.

Sinabi ko kay Dr. Siang ang tungkol sa fairy tale. He said to stop engaging myself with anything that would remind me of Little Red Riding Hood. I keep my mouth shut about the notebook. I'm going to tell them everything once I fully understand it myself. Sa ngayon ay gulong-gulo pa ang utak ko.

Mr. Sullivan called me that night to inform me that my second book is in the process of publishing. I couldn't share my enthusiasm with him. Ang sabi niya'y may nag-aalok na daw ng mga interviews sa kanya but he politely declined it all unless I give him the signal to proceed.

"The second book is quite... peculiar." wika niya. "Does it have to do with you returning to your real family?" tanong niya.

I pursed my lips and gripped the phone tighter against my ears. "Yeah, something like that."

"Oh, before I forget. The exec pointed out the Little Red Riding Hood folktale you mentioned in the second book. Ang sabi niya'y magandang ideya daw iyon."

I froze upon hearing the Little Red Riding Hood from him. Bumuntong-hininga ako at hinayaan ko siyang magsalita sa kabilang linya.

"So... are you okay with it?"

"I..I don't know." Biglang nanginig ang mga labi ko. "I hate that fairy tale, actually."

Mr. Sullivan snorted on the other line. "Who hates fairy tales, Mary Grace? Every child grew up being told of fairy tales and all that happy endings!"

Not me.

"I'll just get in touch with you, Mr. Sullivan. Thank you so much." Before he could even answer, I ended the call and switch my phone off. Binalingan kong muli ang unan kung saan ko itinago ang notebook.

I slowly got up from my chair and padded towards my bed. I grabbed the small notebook and traced the rough edges before I opened it again.

Third page.

What am I going to discover now, Ate Annie?

Little Red Riding Hood has a grandmother who lives in the middle of the woods. Her mother sent her to the forest in order to visit her sick grandmother. Apparently, it's where the story took place. Travel east, my dear voyager, and you shall find the answers that you are looking for. A wooden house sits on the edge of a calm lake. Do not be fooled. It might look like a normal rest house to you but it will unfold a sickening fairytale of a young girl who was tore apart.

And on your way to the forest, please beware of the big bad wolf lurking around.

Saglit akong napatigil sa nabasa ko. Wooden house? Lake?

"Shit." Napatayo ako at kaagad na nagtungo sa sala kung saan nakadisplay ang litrato naming pamilya sa lake house nila Tito Alistair at Uncle Thomas sa Davao Oriental.

I grabbed the picture frame and stared at the wooden house in the background, squinting my eyes. Ate Annie isn't smiling on the picture. It was the night before it happened.

Bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko.

Travel east, my dear voyager, and you shall find the answers that you are looking for.

I swore to myself that I will never set foot in that damned lakehouse again after what happened. But after reading the third entry of Ate Annie's diary, everything is like an avalanche hitting up on me in just a second. The night of pain, the cries of help, the sound of belt unbuckling, the smell of sweat and semen...

Ate Annie, are you telling me to go back to that lakehouse?

---

Little Red Riding Hood, illustrated in a 1927 story anthology:

  The big bad wolf: 

Feel free to comment your theories but please don't spoil other readers who are still on the previous chapter. Thank you.