Thirteen

"Nervous?" Harry asked for the nth time.

I slapped my hands on my thighs. "Oh, no. Just agitated and my heartbeat won't slow down and there are like, thousand thoughts running inside of my head, but other than that, I'm doing great." I answered sarcastically.

He sighed and slumped on his seat. "I'm just worried, Mary Grace. Kanina ka pa hindi mapakali."

"You can't blame me—" nahinto ako sa pagsasalita when a female voice announced over the intercom that all passengers should be on board by now. "Nevermind, let's go."

I dragged my suitcase as I walked towards the departure area. Harry kept on throwing glances at me as he walked next to me. I ignored him. Hanggang sa makaupo kami sa loob ng eroplano ay tahimik pa rin kaming dalawa.

"You know, you could always cancel this flight and go back. Nobody's forcing you, Mary Grace." I glared at him so he added. "Just a gentle reminder."

I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to lose myself in my thoughts. Mayamaya pa ay nilapitan kami ng isang flight attendant. She's tall and attractive and I automatically hated her when she smiled and showed a perfect row of white pearls.

"Would you like to have some drinks, Ma'am?" she politely asked.

"No." tipid kong sagot.

I scowled when she turned to smiled widely at Harry and offered some drinks.

"I'd like to have one," nginitian din siya ni Harry. Kumulo kaagad ang dugo ko.

"Actually, I'd like to have one as well." Nilakasan ko ang boses ko. Napatingin sa amin ang babae sa tapat at sinimangutan kami bago bumalik sa pagbabasa ng maliit niyang libro. "It'd be nice to have an exquisite wine with my boyfriend, isn't it?" I emphasized the word boyfriend.

The flight attendant gave me a death look before stretching a smile on her face. "Just a moment please." I could hear the restraint on her voice as she turned back on her heels.

Harry chuckled beside me. "I never knew you could be so possessive, Mary Grace."

Siniko ko siya. "Gusto mo naman. Malandi ka rin, ano?" inirapan ko siya.

"Hey, all I wanted is a good drink to calm down because I am nervous as much as you are."

"Oh, thanks for reminding. That's very encouraging."

"Sorry." He murmured and pulled me into a kiss on the temple. Sumimangot ang flight attendant nang makita niya kaming dalawa. Nawala na ang ngiti nito habang nagsi-serve ng wine.

"Thanks." Pang-aasar ko sa kanya bago siya umalis. Nagkatawanan kaming dalawa ni Harry.

I sighed. "I've never been this nervous before." I expelled a heavy breath. As soon as Mr. Sullivan showed up in Parola, Nilo helped us book a flight to Pampanga. Nag-aalala ako sa mga magulang ko. I was there when they broke down because of Ate Annie's death. I was gone for two long years. Alam kong mas masakit sa kanila ang nangyayari ngayon. I couldn't let this happen. Not my mother. She'd been strong enough for years and I can't afford to wreck her spirits again. Kailangan kong magpakita sa kanila.

I felt someone tugging on my arms. Napatingin ako kay Harry. He gave me a little smile. "Sleep." He said. "You'll need it."

And so I did. By the time I woke up and found out that we're landing in Clark International Airport, I was already freaking out more than ever.

---

Harry called someone from his phone while I frantically paced back and forth, fiddling with my fingers, biting my lower lips, and closing my eyes. After a short 'yeahs' and 'okay', ibinaba na ni Harry ang phone. Nilapitan niya ako.

"I called my driver. He should be here any moment."

I swallowed. "He's... he's alone, right?"

I don't intend to offend Harry or any of his family members but I don't think it's the time I meet with his nagging sister and hyperactive niece. I need to focus on my parents right now.

He nodded his head. "Yes, he's alone. You're a mess already, I couldn't cause you any more panic."

I glared at him. "Thank you very much, that was very helpful."

After a few minutes, we went outside of the arrival area and looked for Harry's driver in the frontway. Since he only got his averaged-size black traveling bag with him, he insisted to carry my suitcase. Hinayaan ko nalang siya. We spotted the black SUV he'd been talking about. Kaagad akong sumakay.

When he finally loaded the bags into the trunk, he joined me in the backseat.

"Do you want to eat something first?"

I hesitated for a moment, but then sighed and nodded my head. "Yeah. I think I should eat something first."

Harry nodded his head and ordered the driver to head straight to a ramen house. Tahimik lang kaming dalawa hanggang sa makarating kami doon. He even ordered for me as I pay no attention to the menu the waiter placed right in front of me.

Iginala ko ang paningin. I can't believe I'm finally back in Pampanga. I suddenly missed the beach and the lighthouse.

Harry snaked his hands on the table and he tapped me gently. Napatingin ulit ako sa kanya.

"Relax, okay? Everything's going to be alright."

Yumuko ako. "I'm scared." I admitted.

"It's okay to be scared, Mary Grace. Humans as we are, we get scared all the fucking time."

I bit my lower lips. "What if... what if they're so mad at me for leaving them? No decent child would leave her parents like that." I could feel a sob rising to my throat.

"That's why you're here, okay? That's why you've finally come back home to settle things right. I'm sure your parents will understand."

I nodded my head.

"Now eat." It's more like an order than an offer. The waiter placed down two large bowls of hot ramen. I spotted the driver smoking outside the ramen house. I took my time eating, trying to free my mind off things. And indeed, it helped me to feel a little better. Nanatili pa kami ni Harry sa ramen house until I announced I'm ready to go.

He nodded his head and paid before pulling himself up. Naglakad kami palabas at bumalik sa sasakyan. Harry instructed the driver of my address, assuming both my parents are home today.

After a few minutes, I spotted the familiar gate of our subdivision but it was coated with black paint already instead of the chipped red paint I used to see back then. We entered the subdivision and rows and rows of familiar houses welcomed us. I even saw Karlo's coffee shop around the corner of our street and smiled despite of myself, knowing that in two years, Karlo managed to run his business even with his retiring health.

When we entered our street, I immediately spotted our house two blocks away. It's the same two-storey house with dead flowers lingering in our backyard and a gate. The front porch is empty except for a lonely wooden rocking chair that sits in the corner. The curtains are pulled in. There are no noise. The SUV stopped right in front of the house.

Pinagmasdan ko ito. I used to lived here. But something feels wrong about the house. There is no nostalgic feeling that washes over me as I continued to stare at it. It's the house I used to lived and battle with my depression back then. Now I'm back.

I climbed out of the car and ran into the front porch, heart thrumming inside of my head. Every time my feet hit the wooden floor, Harry's face, my Dad's face, my mother's worried look would flash inside of my mind. Even Jeremy's face appeared as well when my Dad punched him in this very front porch trying to protect me. My fingers trembled as I reach for the doorknob. I twisted it open without even knocking. I opened the door and the moment I stepped inside, a musky scent entered my nostrils. Iginala ko ang paningin.

The house does not only feel empty but it's really empty. Literally. The couch is gone from our living room. The poster pasted on Ate Annie's door is gone as well. There are no family pictures hanging at the walls and no TV pushed against the window. I spotted a pair of black heels scattered in our corner before the kitchen. But that was it. Nothing.

"Mom?" I croaked. "Dad?"

I tooked another scent and desperately look for them. Tinanaw ko ang hagdan patungo sa mga kwarto na nasa taas. Even the staircase is dusty.

"Mom?"

Something shuffled from the kitchen. I snapped my head towards the direction and after a few muffling sounds, someone emerged. There she is. My mother. She's gone so pale and thin. A high bun is sitting on top of her head as she clutched on tightly to the neck of the bottle she's holding. She's dressed in what I assume is an office uniform. And it looks like she didn't bother taking it off yesterday before she went to bed.

For a moment, I just watched her furrowed her eyebrows, obviously looking for something in the kitchen. Then her gaze traveled to the center of the living room where I was standing. We locked eyes for a moment.

Then a grin appeared on her face. Napailing siya na para bang sinisita ang sarili. "Not again. My mind is playing dumb tricks with me again." She muttered to herself before she returned on searching for whatever it was that she is looking for in the kitchen.

"Mom," I took another step towards the kitchen. My voice trembled. "Mom, it's me. Mary Grace."

This time, she finally stopped. Inilapag niya ang bote sa lamesa. She studied me cautiously. Hot tears started rolling down my cheeks as I ran to her. Then her eyes widen.

"Oh my God." She exclaimed and gasped when I threw my arms over her and hugged her tightly. "Oh my goodness!"

"Mommy..." I cried silently, my shoulder rising up and down.

It took her a few seconds to hug me back, her nails digging at the skin on my back because of the tightness of her hug as if she's afraid I'm going to vanish any second.

"Mary Grace.... Mary Grace...." paulit-ulit niyang wika.

I sobbed. "I'm sorry, mommy. I'm really really sorry..."

We stayed like that for a while, crying and hugging each other. Nang mahimashimasan na ako ay kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap. I've grown an inch taller than my mother. I no longer lift my head when I'm talking to her back then.

She wiped the tears rolling down my cheeks, ignoring her own tears. "You're real..." she said in a hoarse voice.

I nodded my head. "Yes, mommy. I'm real. I'm not dead." I cupped her hand resting on my cheeks and cried harder.

My mother gaped at me for a long time before she started crying again.

"I never thought I'm going to see my baby again..." she said between sobs. "I was right all along. You were never dead. You were never burn or murdered. You're just somewhere, lost and alone. And now you've come back."

"I'm so sorry..." I hugged her again, missing the warmth her body radiates whenever she just pulls me into random hugs back then.

"No, honey. I am so sorry. Kasalanan ko ang lahat." She croaked.

It took us a long time before we had the chance to recover from our sudden outburst. Harry is leaning at the doorway, watching us silently.

My mother sniffed as she gaze to Harry. She gave me a questioning look.

"It's a long story. He was the one who helped me. I'll explain everything to you later." I gave her a reassuring nod.

She nodded her head again and wiped her tears away. "I still can't believe you're alive, Mary Grace." Her lips trembled. I wanted to punch myself. I did this to my own mother. I've caused her so much misery.

"Who is it?" I asked. "The burned girl in the picture." I added when she gave me a confused look.

"We thought it was you." She cried again."The DNA test says so. I didn't know what to feel back then when I saw the results of the test. I didn't know how it happened but it matched with your DNA we've obtained from your comb and toothbrush."

My shoulders slumped. Iginala ko ulit ang paningin ko sa paligid. Everything seems dead to me.

"Where's Dad?" I echoed.

"Mary Grace," my mother placed a hand on my shoulder. I immediately felt horrified. I know this is not going to be a good news. "Hiwalay na kami ng Daddy mo."

Of course, it isn't a good news. I'm a little too late, aren't I?