Sixteen

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" my Dad asked once again, his hands impatiently tapping the steering wheel.

"I'm fine, Daddy." I said, giving him a reassuring smile. I glanced at the two-storey building painted white from the roof to the ground with succulent and shrubs dotted near the dirt path. "I'm going to be okay. It's just a session with Dr. Siang."

"Well, I don't like him." He grunted under his breath.

Tumawa ako nang mahina. "You're just jealous because mom is talking to him and laughing."

"Just finish your session with him and call me when you're done." He said quickly. Tumawa ulit ako bago lumabas ng kotse at naglakad papunta sa building. My hands darted towards the establishment nearby. There is a secondhand bookstore located next to it. I think I'm going to drop there on my way home later.

I took in a deep breath and pressed the buzzer. A female voice from the intercom cleared her throat and said, "Hello?"

"Hi. I'm Mary Grace Ferguson. I'm here for my... session with Dr. Siang."

"Wonderful. He's been expecting you. Come in." She replied in a chirpy voice.

I pushed open the two large white doors and was greeted by a small lobby where a woman is sitting behind her desk. She smiled at me as soon as I closed the door.

"Hello, there, Mary Grace."

I waved a little. "Um, hi."

"Dr. Siang's office is the first door to the left." She pointed to a narrow hallway. "But first, since you are new here, you need to fill up this form." She placed a white sheet of form in front of me. As soon as I finished filling out the information they needed, she gestured towards the hallway.

"You may go, dear."

"Thanks."

I walked slowly towards the door she's been referring to. Huminto ako sa pinakaunang pintuan na nakita ko. A sign says Dr. Somerset Siang. I knocked twice and waited for a response.

"Come in!"

I twisted the doorknob open and was greeted by an enormous fish tank. It's a large aquarium filled with different colors of small fishes swimming around peacefully and a couple of seaweeds and some rocks.

On one corner of the room, certifications are lined neatly next to each other to prove the expertise of Dr. Siang. I found him sitting behind his huge desk, reading something on the table. He removed his glasses and place it atop of the pile of papers, then he smiled at me.

"It's nice to see you again."

Lumapit ako sa kanya. "Yeah, me too."

Tumayo siya mula sa kinauupuan. He gestured to the large upholstered couch in the center of the room near the aquarium. "Sit down, sit down."

Naupo ako kagaya nang sinabi niya. My eyes immediately darted again towards the fishes swimming around in harmony I didn't noticed Dr. Siang settled himself across me.

"Well," he cleared his throat, trying to get my attention. "Do you like it?"

"Um, are you referring to the fish?" I said, pointing towards the fish tank because I'm confused if he's asking me if I like that I'm here or if I like his room or just his floral-printed polo that almost matches the wallpaper that surrounds us.

Tumawa siya nang bahagya. "The fishes, dear."

Tumango-tango ako. "Yeah, yeah." Ibinalik ko ulit ang tingin ko sa kanya. "I like it."

"That's good to hear." He placed his palms on his lap and stared at them as well. "I intentionally placed a huge fish tank here because it helps make my patients at ease. The peaceful swimming of the fishes helps to slow down things that are going inside of your brain."

"Yeah, I think it's working." I nodded in agreement.

He smiled warmly at me. "That sounds wonderful."

"But..." I dragged my gaze away from the tank and looked at him. "We're not here to talk about the fish, right?"

A small smile tugged on his lips. "You're a strong young lady, I can see that. And a frank one, too."

I nibbled on my lower lips.

"So, what's in your mind?" he asked encouragingly.

"Well..." I fidgeted with my fingers. "I really don't know where to start."

"Why don't we start with your father shooting daggers at me all night?" he laughed a little.

I laughed as well. "I'm sorry, Dr. Siang. My Dad is probably just jealous."

"He has every right to. Athena is a beautiful woman of compassion and wit."

My shoulders slumped. "No, he doesn't. He lost that right the moment he handed my mother the annulment papers."

"You're going through a tough time." He rested his chin on his fingers and gaze lovingly at the fishes. "Broken marriage is always a traumatizing experience for the kids."

"I guess..." I shrugged.

"And I can see that your parents still love each other." Hindi pa rin niya inaalis ang tingin sa aquarium.

"Yeah," I nodded my head. "That's why I don't get why they decided to throw their marriage like that."

"Relationships are complex things, my dear." He said, finally gazing at me. "It's like a tangled thread. No matter how you try to fix it, it's always there. There are times when it seems like you can't find your way out and the only thing that could help you is to cut the tangled knots."

I stared at the red carpet on the floor. "Do you think that's the reason they decided to call it quits?"

He shook his head. "That, I do not know. Your parents will not decide a decision that big based on their emotions, I believe."

"And what do I do? Just let them drift farther and farther away from each other?" I asked desperately.

"No." he shook his head gently again. "All you need to do is live. That may sound absurd, but it's the only way to get throughout this mess."

I hung my head in disapointment. "You're saying there's no chance of them getting together again?"

"I'm saying," he stood up from his seat and approached the aquarium. "You need to continue your life no matter how hard it may seem. That's the only key."

Then he glanced at me and gave me his friendly smile again. "Seeing that fishes can help you calm down, why don't you think of having one in your own house?"

"An aquarium?" my eyebrows shot up.

"Yes." He said, smiling widely. "Start with just two fishes. Place it inside your room or anywhere inside your house that you can see them all the time. Whenever you get panic attacks, approach the aquarium and think of yourself like a fish."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Why would I think of myself like a fish? That's weird."

He laughed heartily. "What I'm saying sweetheart, is that you need to loosen up a bit. You're too stressed out with what's going on around you that you haven't noticed you've enclosed yourself in this tight bottle." He made a gesture between his pointing and thumb finger, then continued. "You need to learn to pace around. Be in peace. Just like a fish. Otherwise, you'll explode."

I nodded my head, the thought sinking inside my brain.

"There's a pet shop a couple of blocks away from my office." he said, "You can drop by and get yourself new pets. It will help you a lot."

"I guess I'll just do that."

"Good." Then he glanced at the wall clock sitting just behind the large fish tank. "Ah, it's over. Time flies fast isn't it?"

I glanced at the wall clock as well, realizing that our one-hour session is really  over. Dr. Siang is great, contrary to my initial misconception. I still wanted to talk to him some more but realized I would save my other stories for our next meeting.

"I have to go." I stood up from my chair.

Dr. Siang nodded his head. "Mag-iingat ka sa pag-uwi, Mary Grace. I'll see you this Friday."

"Yeah, thanks." I chirped before I headed out of the door. Once I'm out of the building, I pulled out my phone to call my Dad. But when I glance at the secondhand bookstore nearby and the pet store just down the street, I shoved the phone back into my pocket and walked inside the bookstore instead.

The smell of old books and coffee immediately filled my nostrils. I realized it's also a cafe that offers secondhand books neatly arranged in shelves. There are few people exploring around, some are sitting by the shelves and reading some books.

Iginala ko ang paningin sa paligid. This will do great. Aside from the fact that I'm looking forward to my next session with Dr. Siang, I'll also look forward to this newfound paradise.

I thumbed throughout different books on the shelves, randomly pulling out one and reading the synopsis at the back of the book and admiring the cover page.

"Sparkles," I said out loud, staring at an elegant woman's image on the cover page, adorning herself with diamonds and jewels. The book is pretty thick, and I wonder if I could borrow or buy it from the shop. Nagpalinga-linga ako, looking for a staff or someone I could inquire about this book.

But what I saw is none of the staff of the secondhand bookshop. Instead, it was Mariah and she is carrying a baby.