Four

"IT'S JUST A family dinner, Mary Grace. All Ferguson's will be here. What the hell are you going to do?" My mother placed her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow at me.

My stomach clenched upon the mention of Ferguson's family gathering. That would mean the bastard would be there. I hate to see his grinning face, acting like the good Uncle everyone thought that he is. Hindi ko masikmurang makita si Uncle Thomas bukas ng gabi.

"Stuff," I muttered silently.

"Mary Grace," Mom's voice warned me. Mabait si Mommy, pero hindi ko sinasagad ang kaniyang pasensiya dahil alam kong hindi ko magugustuhan kapag nagalit siya. She could turn into an evil woman if she wanted to.

"Fine." My heart sank deeper inside of my chest. Hindi ko naman masabi sa kanya na dapat matagal nang ipinakulong ang hayop na yun. As much as I can't hate the bastard who assaulted me, the mere presence of him makes me want to puke. I feel like I can't breathe whenever I'm with the same room with him.

Tahimik akong lumabas ng bahay. I didn't even bid my father goodbye. Harry bumped into me into the doorway, mostly because I shoved him out of the way and threw him a spiteful look. He muttered sorry as his gaze lingered at me before stepping inside our house.

Napansin ni Jeremy na tumatamlay ako. He tried cheering me up but it wouldn't work. All I could think about is the face of that sick Australian soldier, Thomas O'Connor, showing up tomorrow evening. Matagal na ding panahon simula nang huli kaming magkita. His smile makes me sick. I wanted to punch him in the face but I know I wouldn't be able to even if I want to.

God, I'm feeling angry again.

"MARY GRACE!" MY older sister pounded the door violently. I let out an irritated sigh as I dragged myself from the bed and throw the door open. Her scowling face came into view.

"Are you going to come out or not?" dinig ko ang iritasyon sa kaniyang boses. I know she thinks I'm a spoiled little brat that she didn't want to deal with as much as she can.

"Tell them I'm sick," I faked a grumpy sound. Ate Annie just rolled her eyes.

"You're acting like an idiot. What the heck is wrong with you?"

If you only knew.

"Grandpa is waiting. He wanted to see you. Get your ass out here. Tigilan mo na ang pag-iinarte mo, Mary Grace. . ."

I didn't bother answering her as I slammed the door in her face. Scanning my room, I went straight to my closet to change into something decent. I did my best to cover myself. Oversized sweatpants, a dark hoodie and a pair of closed shoes. Hindi ko gustong mapansin o makita man lang ng Thomas na iyon.

My grandfather, parents, and Ate Annie are all gathered inside the living room as I climbed downstairs. I make as little noise as I can while walking. When my grandfather's eyes landed on me, he gave me a warm smile. I ran towards him like a little girl and throw my arms around his frail body.

"You've grown up a lot, Mary Grace." He said proudly. Nginitian ko siya, pleased to see my most favorite man in the world. Even though we've only met a few times, my grandfather is so close to my heart. I feel safe whenever I'm around with him than when I'm around with my parents.

"Thanks, Grandpa." I grinned. Unti-unti nang gumagaan ang loob ko. Hindi na ganoon kasikip ang paligid para sa akin.

We talked for awhile and fortunately, Thomas isn't here. Mom invited all of us to the table para kumain. I sat next to my older sister and joined the conversation, only speaking when necessary. My family is planning to take a short holiday to Tagaytay after Ate Annie's board exam. They are all excited because even the brothers of my father who are all busy in managing their business are willing to come.

"Hi, everyone!" I froze when I heard the familiar voice of Tito Alistair. He was greeted with a series of hi's and hello's from them. I heard him walking inside the house with a pair of footsteps trailing behind him.

"You're late," Mom frowned.

"Eh kasi, itong si Thomas dumalaw pa sa orphanage na palagi niyang binibisita bago kami makapunta dito. He said he wanted to visit the kids before his flight. Their captain assigned him to Mindanao." Came his explanation as he placed his leather messenger bag on the coffee table in front of us.

I heard them talking just behind my back. I shiver ran down my spine when I heard him talking lightly with my family. How can he act like that? Hindi ito ang unang pagkakataon na nagkaroon kami ng family gathering na nandito si Uncle Thomas. I feel like throwing up the lasagna I am eating. Bigla akong nawalan ng gana. The fork fell from my hands and made a sharp clattering sound when it hit the plate. Everyone's eyes darted to me for a few seconds and my sister is quick to throw me a disapproving look.

"Sorry," I muttered under my breath as I started wiping my mouth using a tissue. Tito Alistair started talking again. I just wished na umalis na sila sa may likuran ko dahil ramdam na ramdam ko ang presensiya ni Uncle Thomas.

"Hey Annie, how's it going?" Tito Alistair chirped and peck a kiss on my sister's cheeks. "How's your review?"

"It's great," My sister answered enthusiastically. She's very confident that she can pass the board exam and I don't doubt her that. She is intelligent, after all.

"That's good to hear." Napaigtad ako nang biglang dumapo ang kamay ni Tito Alistair sa balikat ko. "Hi, Mary Grace. . ." He smiled genuinely at me. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," I squeaked.

"Thomas said he missed you a lot," Parang bumaliktad ang sikmura ko sa sinabi niya. Now I'm feeling really sick. Siniko ako ni ate at sinamaan ng tingin. I ignored her. "Dati-rati nakakandong ka pa sa kanya. Now, look at you. You've grown up to such a fine young lady,"

Naramdaman ko ang marahang pagsipa ni ate sa ilalim ng lamesa. Lahat sila naghihintay sa sagot ko. I forced myself to stand up without collapsing on the floor. I finally faced them. My eyes fell to Uncle Thomas' grinning face. His grin otherwise tells me something rather than a polite reaction of seeing me again. May sinasabi siyang iba.

"Thanks, Tito Alistair," I gave him a closed-mouthed smile at dumako ang tingin ko kay Uncle Thomas. "I missed you too, Uncle. . ."

He stretched his hands to my horror and his smile grew wider. "Well, why don't you give me a hug, Mary Grace?"

I felt like crying back then and there. Lahat na naman sila nakatingin sa akin. Gusto kong tumakbo nalang at magkulong sa kwarto ko. Even the thought of having his skin pressed against my skin makes me sick.

"Mary Grace?"

My sister let out an exasperated sigh and slightly shoved me to uncle Thomas' direction. He must've noticed that I was slightly trembling as he hugged me tighter. I quickly pulled myself from him after a few seconds, trying to control my body's unusual trembling.

People around me, except for my sister, must've noticed my odd behavior. Tinaasan niya lamang ako ng kilay pero wala siyang sinabi. They went on talking about stuff a 17-year old girl like me would not be interested. Tito Alistair and Uncle Thomas sat across me. Napapansin ko ang mataman niyang pagtingin sa akin. I choked on my own food and tried to ignore the nagging feeling inside of my chest.

I excuse myself and told them I am not feeling well. Mom threw me a questioning look as if asking if there's something wrong. I just shook my head and gave her a polite smile.

Umakyat kaagad ako sa kwarto ko. Nang maisarado ko na ang pinto ay dumiretso ako sa kama ko at nahiga. I curled up in my bed, fighting my tears away. I was supposed to feel empty. I am not supposed to be affected by his presence. The incident happened 9 years ago. I must've moved on by now.

Unfortunately, I didn't.

And unfortunately, he keeps on coming back to my life, peeling the wounds open again.

"Mary Grace?"

The blood drained from my face when I heard the door close and open. Heavy footsteps neared my bed. Uncle Thomas stepped into my room, and suddenly, I was back to my 8-year old self again. The helpless little girl that can't do anything against him.

So I screamed. And screamed and screamed. Because that's all I could do right now. I screamed even though it feels like the room is swallowing my cries of help once again.