Words: 1077

Summary: Y/n cannot stand the thought that Loki is gone or is he?

Additional info: a little bit (a lot?) of sadness, fem! reader, platonic/romantic relationship 

[English is not my first language, so if you see any error please inform me about it. The quick draft cuz I have a tendency to overthink grammar and then everything goes shit]

She wakes up sweating and breathing heavily, almost falling out of a chair. Every night the same nightmare more so after she wakes up this horror continues. Y/n studies alchemy and had been since she was a child, but what a useless thing she is if she can't even help her best friend.

She glances at a small dagger with a transmutation circle. The tears again in her eyes. She swears again under her breath. L/n was exhausted but she can't rest with the thought that she can do something about this trashy situation. She owes that to Loki, to Thor.

***

Thor and Y/n are teary-eyed. They are unable to move because of Mad Titan. In their eyes, you can see sorrow, rage and helplessness. Thor pushes again the metal to break free and Y/n tries with her limited movement to smudge her blood on that and make a circle.

"The sun will shine for us again," he says with a gentle smile. "I promise that to both of you."

After that everything goes shit. Loki lies on the floor, Thor is crying and panicking. His heart just broke. Y/n feels that Loki is still somehow alive and uses alchemy to bind his soul and then a huge explosion divides them in near space.

***

Y/n stands up and takes the dagger in her palms.

"I'm going to help you hold on to that word, Loki."

One more time, she is determined to do it. She isn't sleeping barely eating. Half of the Avengers who weren't blipped stopped checking on her after a while and she is okay with that. She doesn't need any distractions.

Again she manages to prepare the required components.

Thirty-five litres of water.

Twenty kilograms of carbon.

Four litres of ammonia.

One and a half kilogram of lime.

Eight hundred grams of phosphorus.

Two hundred fifty grams of salt.

One hundred grams of potassium nitrate.

Eighty grams of sulfur.

Seven and a half grams of fluorine.

Five grams of iron.

Three grams of silicon and trace amounts of fifteen other elements.

(Who got that reference?)

"This time it has to work," she mumbles to herself.

Once again she makes a huge transmutation circle and measures every ingredient due to everything needing to be perfect. She may not take another heartbreaking disappointment.

A few minutes later everything is already organised. She decides to write letters if something goes wrong. L/n knows the risk but she is willing to take it for him.

For each person there is a short letter except for Loki, this one is a little bit longer:

Hi Lokes,

If it goes well then you are reading it probably or more likely without me. I knew the risk so don't blame yourself. That was my conscious decision.

I couldn't stand that life. Not without my best friend whom I love with my whole heart. Thor is taking your "death" pretty badly. I can't blame him for that. He's always drunk. He thinks he failed. I think of myself like that too. I could do better. I could help you on this stupid spaceship, but... I wasn't able. It hurts me. It hurts me so bad that even alcohol or other things can't help with that pain. Don't worry right now when I'm writing this I'm sober as fuck.

I know that you're probably standing here totally disorientated and thinking "What the fuck happened?". Long story short, a lot. This stupid Titan held on to his promise so you need to. I, with all my power, will help you. Thor needs you more than ever. I know it's probably terrifying but the sun will shine for both of you again. Take care of your brother for me, because I couldn't. The brothers' bond is so strong and I know that everything will be alright. Finally, you will have time for yourselves as brothers. Do not worry about living on Earth, in the last two years, there was so much shit that governments won't give a fuck about that and probably due to New Asgard there you will have immunity.

One more time, please.. don't be hard on yourself and blame yourself. It is NOT your fault. I owed you, both of you. You deserve your happy ever after.

If you will try to recreate this on me, just don't. It won't work. You may be mad right now and screaming "Why? If it works for me, why it won't work for you?''. Simple as that, I bonded your spirit to the dagger you gave me once. Do you have my soul? Yeah, I think so. Sorry, I should not be aggressive to you like that. My apologies.

I have one small request.

After you recover and manage to get yourself together, could you take the rest of the letters and gave them to others? They have every right to know about it.

Love you.

Always yours,

Y/n.

She puts every letter on a table and comes to a ring. She takes this lovely dagger and cut her palm a little, just to have a few drops of blood. Then she puts her hands on the transmutation circle and started alchemy.

Unexpectedly, the flashes of lightning and fog rock up. The ring starts to shine so brightly that it is almost blinding. A massive eye opens in the middle and as she prefigured she starts to fade away, piece by piece. The wind manages to throw around some things.

She isn't scared, she is totally calm and fine with what is happening. Y/n heard a lot about this type of alchemy, and few daredevils tried to recreate this.

After a while, there is no track of her. Only her clothes were all over the floor.

Silence is overfilling this room.

A second later there is a loud groan. A green-eyed person looked over the whole place. He doesn't recognise it at all and also he is naked. He starts to panic. He tries to stand up but almost falls on his face. He takes it at ease and crawls to a table. Immediately, he sees a letter addressed to him. To say that he is confused is an understatement. He gently opens this particular letter and begins to read. The overwhelming feeling fills him up. It triggers him to cry his eyes out. He sinks to his knees and hugs one sheet of paper, which was the last thing that he has of his dearest Y/n.