CG: Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers
Little: Bucky Barnes

CW: Mentions of throwing up, SH thoughts

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They were standing in the forest. One with a plan, one lost and confused. Like their roles were reversed completely overtime. He would always be the one who stood behind him, looking to him for guidance. Looking up to him like he was God himself.
But now.. it was him who was looking at that man, the man who saved the world, the man who had stopped  Thanos, the man who was Captain American.

But he wasn't looking at him with hope, with wonder, or with idolization. This time.. it was with fear and anguish. Covering it up with nothing but a small smile. He knew where he was going.. and he couldn't feel more like an empty vessel.
He understood how much Peggy meant to Steve, and how far they went back..

But was what they had now.. nothing to him? Was he too much? Did he ruin his life, and he had to get away?

Steve looked into Bucky's blue eyes with a smile, he rested his rough hand onto Bucky's shoulder.
"Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."
He teased.

Bucky scoffed, "How can I? When you're taking all of it with you?" He tried to return the gesture of positivity, but inside he could feel his little space creeping up on him. His little side screaming, crying, begging for Steve to not go. He wasn't sure if he could hold it together for long.

Steve laughed, but his mannerisms didn't match his facial expressions at all. He was laughing, but a visible frown was on his face. A look of worry, almost.
"..I'm going to miss you, Buck."
He gave Bucky a small peck on the cheek, he was about to step on the machine Bruce had ready for him. But he was stopped by a more than familiar metal arm, he looked up into Bucky's eyes again, he was met with crystal tears instead of his beautiful sky eyes.

"P-please don't go papa.. please don't leave 'ucky..I-I swear I'll be good..! I won' get mad anymore.. I won' have nightmares anymore!"
Bucky brought Steve's arm down with him on the ground, he couldn't help but cry into his rough and ragged palm.
His voice was getting smaller by the second. What Steve wasn't looking at wasn't the winter solider, it wasn't even James Barnes, it was his baby, Bucky.

Steve's frown only grew more, he bended down towards Bucky, kneeling to his level.
He removed his hand from Bucky's face and wrapped his arms around him, letting the regressed boy cry all he needed into his chest for the last time.

"I swear papa.. I'll be good.. please don' leave me.. please don'  leave 'ucky.."
Steve gripped onto Bucky like his life depended on it, his breaths were shaky. Like he wanted to say more, but he couldn't.
All that could be said was,

"Papa.. Papa has to go, Buck. Your the best baby I could ever ask for. Please don't think you were bad boy, you never were. You are the sweetest, the most kind little boy I know. You're going to be safe with Sam and Bruce. They'll take really good care of you."

Steve hesitated his words for what seemed like an eternity, but he finally spoke,
"And..maybe papa will be able to see you again."

Bucky's head slowly perked up from those words. He wouldn't be gone forever? Bucky had a sudden change of feeling in his heart, a feeling that was willing to believe what his papa said.
Papa would never lie to him. He wouldn't do anything to hurt him.
But he still felt obligated to ask, "You promise..?"
Holding out his metal pinky, like he always did when they made promises to each other.

Steve gripped Bucky's pinky tight with his own, small tears starting to well up in his eyes,
"I-I promise. I love you Bucky, I always have, and I always will."

"I love 'ou more papa.."

~~

Another night in cold sweats.

Bucky had woken up at 2AM with hot streaks of tears down his face. His regressed mind couldn't stop replaying that whole situation over, over, and over again. He didn't know how to make it stop, but at the same time, he didn't.
Because even though that happened 8 months ago, that's all his regressed mind could remember.
He wanted to remember good times. Times were him and Steve used to have skin-to-skin cuddles, when he would make everything better with just his smile, when he used to feed him a bottle and night and hum his favorite 40's song.

But it was all beginning to be scratchy, like his memories were pure static.

Sam was in the kitchen making a bottle of milk for Bucky, he could hear the distant sniffles coming from his bedroom. Bucky has been staying at Sam's house for the past week due to his nightmares becoming more..vulgar. He wanted to make sure he didn't do anything harmful to himself while he was alone.. that was the least that he needed.

Sam screwed on the bottle cap and shook up the liquid, letting the vanilla and honey mix themselves together in the now thicker liquid.
With a small sigh, he started to walk to his bedroom. He made sure to brim down the lights before turning them on so he didn't hurt Bucky or his eyes.

His heart ached at the sight of Bucky practically shaking under the covers, his breaths were ragged, you could see how he struggled to breathe beneath the huge blanket Sam gave him.

He rested the bottle on a nearby nightstand, he then sat himself down on the bed next to Bucky.
"How you holding up, buddy?"
He asked, knowing well what the answer was. Despite knowing about his nightmares, he never knew what they were actually about. When Bucky was big, he never talked about them.
Always telling him that the information was "none of his business."

He couldn't and wouldn't deny about how much curiosity was biting at him. But he wouldn't force the answer out of Bucky, he'll talk about it when he's ready. Little or Big, he'll listen to him and respect his wishes.

"N-No good, Unca.."
He muttered, " 'ick."

Sam tensed up a little bit, "Do you mean body sick, or throw up sick?"

" 'row up.."
Just as he spoke Bucky was starting to have a coughing fit, Sam didn't wait long to pick up Bucky and rush him to the bathroom. Once there, he placed Bucky on his knees, head above the toilet, he lifted up the seat for the regressed boy.
Bucky didn't move, he kept shaking his head anxiously.

Sam kneeled down and rubbed circles on Bucky's back,
"It's okay Buck, let it out."

In under a minute Bucky started to get sick into the toilet, his insides felt like they were burning. Bucky cried between coughing and throwing up, Sam was rubbing his back through it all.
Whispering things like, "You're okay" and "Good job, baby."

Soon what was getting sick turned into dry heaves. Bucky defeatedly sat down on the cold bathroom floor, crying his heart out. Sam waited a few minutes to make sure Bucky didn't have to get sick again, then flushed the toilet.
Sam grabbed a nearby towel and wiped Bucky's mouth, he set down the towel then wrapped Bucky in a hug, "Good boy, good job for telling me you had to get sick. That was very brave of you."
He praised before picking him up in his arms, he walked back to the bedroom and rested Bucky down on the bed again along with himself.

There was a large silence in the room. Never before had the quiet sounded so loud for the both of them. The only slight sound that could be heard was Bucky's ragged breaths, trying their best to get a hold for air.

"In and out, buddy. In,"
Sam demonstrated, Bucky looked at Sam with sad eyes, but managed to intimidate what Sam was doing.

"And out."
He breathed out in a neat fashion, Bucky wasn't quite their yet. "Let's try it a few more times, Buck. You're doing great."

The both of them did this multiple times. It only took to the fifth try for Bucky's breaths to get somewhat stable. But in between them, Bucky kept scooting closer to Sam, eventually holding out his hands for him.
Sam raised his eyebrow a bit, "You okay Bucky? What do you need, bud?"

" 'uddle with 'ucky?"

Sam smiled, "Of course, little man. C'mere." Sam scooted near Bucky and pulled the blankets over them, wrapping his strong arms around Bucky's body. He started humming a song that Bucky didn't recognize, but he found it nice. It reminded him of when Steve used to sing to him to sleep.. when he used to regress somewhat younger than the current state he was in.

There was a big, yet somewhat comfortable silence between them. Bucky could feel the steady beat of Sam's heart, he cuddle deeper into it.
A sigh escaped from his lips,
"U-Unca..?"

"Yes, babe?"

Bucky looked up directly into Sam's brown eyes, "W-why did papa leave 'ucky..? H-he told 'ucky thwat he would come bwack.. b-but it's bween so long.. did he leave me? Was I..b-bad?"
His lip quivered when he was finished speaking. A new round of tears were ready to fall down onto his cheeks, but they stayed in his eyes for now.

Sam frowned, unsure of what to say. He knew he had to be delicate of what he said..he could never tell the truth to little Bucky. He was in too much of a vulnerable state to know so much. So with a little bit of thinking, he began to talk.

"You were not bad, buddy. Your Papa loved you with all of his heart, y'know what he used to tell me? He used to always tell me of how much of a good boy you were, and how much you used to brighten his day."
He chuckled, "He would always tell me about how much you loved bath time and..how much you loved to draw pictures for him when he was away."

He paused for a moment, looking back at Bucky. He could see brief streaks of tears sliding down his flushed cheeks.

"He never thought once you were a bad boy. He never thought you were, and he never would. He loved his Bucky Bear with everything he had."

Sam wasn't met with a smile, a giggle, or even a glance for that matter.
"Did he 'eave..be'cause of what I dwid?" Those were the words he was matched with.

"Papa had to swee 'ucky when he was bwad.. when the 'ad people dwid stuff to 'ucky. I-I was bad.. 'ucky hwurt Papa and 'Tasha and Unca.. 'Ucky bad.. he bad.. bad, bad, bad.."
He couldn't bare it anymore, he cried into Sam's chest. His regressed mind was starting to get fuzzier and fuzzier by the minute. He didn't want these thoughts, he didn't even want to remember what he did back when Hydra has control over him.
But he couldn't help but feel like he was the one to blame.. for everything.

"Bucky, please listen to Uncle Sam for a minute. Can you do that for me, please?"
Sam asked urgently, through sobs Bucky managed to nod his head.

"Great job. Please, please, please never think you are responsible for what happened when the mean people had you. That wasn't you, it never was you. It was the bad people taking control of your head, they did the bad things, not you Bucky. Me, Natasha, and Steve know you didn't mean any of it, and that you couldn't help it. Your Papa knew that his baby boy wouldn't hurt anybody, Natasha knew that you wouldn't do anything to hurt her or anybody you loved, and I know you didn't do any of this on purpose."

Sam kissed Bucky's cheek, "Please never think what happened back then was your fault.. because it wasn't. No matter what happened, your papa loved you. Natasha loved you, and I love you. You're safe now..don't let those bad thoughts get to that smart brain of yours, okay?"

Bucky was..speechless to say the least.
He leaned in closer to Sam's warmth, wrapped his arms around his uncle the best he could. He whimpered slightly, but was starting to become calm.
"I-I 'ove you, Unca Sammy."

"I love you more, buddy. Now,"
Sam with his free hand grabbed the bottle, which was now lukewarm, "Lets get some food in your tummy, okay? Then we can go back to sleep."

"Is Unca gonna stway with 'ucky?"

Sam readjusted Bucky's body so that his head was laying in the crook of his arm, and that his body was laying on his lap.
With a smile, he eased the bottle into Bucky's mouth,

"Of course he is, buddy..Uncle Sammy is going to be by your side.."

"Till the end of the line."

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I literally had the biggest, biggest, BIGGEST energy boost while writing this.

I swear the idea came to me in my head and I just had to start writing about it!

Tell me what you guys thought about the angst! I think I'm starting to get better are writing this type of genre lol 😭

I love you all so much! 💕
(More requests are being finished guys! There should be one published on Wednesday ^^)

Stay sweet my loves ❤️

I'll see you all next time 🫶🏽