I clear my throat for what looks like for the hundredth time. He is staring at me in anticipation and even though I am drunk, I feel the clear head just like someone has wiped off all the drunkenness. And his words actually have. I can absolutely feel the staccato rhythm of my heartbeat and his.

I clear my throat again. A raging river inside my stomach.

" Okay " he says " Let's get you cleaned up first. You can tell me later it's okay. "

He starts to move up. I grab his arm, goosebumps erupting on my skin, my brain storming up with excuses but my heart, willing to fight the cyclone. " No. I have to do this right now. I would. Otherwise I would ......sit down. "

He nods his head his soft sepia tinted eyes glimmering. It's like someone has splashed red and brown in his eyes, and my stomach turn when the image of him crying because of me turns in my head. His hair is downright messy and he looks like a fallen angel with soft mouth and vulnerable eyes. I take a deep breath " Okay so I don't know how and where to start with but yeah..... Okay I will start with right now. I think you look like fallen angel. "

He looks at me amusingly his eyebrows up in that arrogant persona. " Pig." I laugh. If you can count that screechy dry throat laugh for that matter. I knew that I was feeding his ego and making myself the joke of life but I continued simply because I loved when he smiled the way he was right now." Since you came and became a knight in a shining armour " I rolled my eyes. " And you saved Charlie. You became my best friend. And whenever I had a problem big or small , I called for you, I didn't have to actually call for you. And you were just there. You consumed me up and I didn't know what I was getting into because I loved every moment of it. I love every moment of all our it's. In the third grade I started noticing how you have golden streaks in your brown hair. I became so obsessed that I searched for different types of gold to just know exactly what gold colour you have in your hair. " His mouth opened wide. Like really wide. And I grinned, because over the years I had never ever seen him this shocked.

" I decided between Vegas gold and tawny gold. But yeah. " I continued. " And then it became your eyes, then your way of walking, of smiling, of grinning, of boasting like an idiot. And it became you. All the time you. I couldn't concentrate when you were around. I was so scared, you would find out and make fun of me. Remember when you were in that play in fourth grade and you were supposed to play the role of God. And how you were dressed up in gold robes and you were jumping around claiming to be Harry Potter. And then you came up to me and said ' Hey Hermione. ' and then to that girl Amaira ' Hey Ginny'. I was absolutely jealous and it's ridiculous. "

I laughed or you could say tried to.

He opens up his mouth. " What!? " He gasps, literally gasps. It is the most dramatical thing he has ever done. " Are you insane Shanvi, I said that because Hermione was with Harry all the time. And you know how I always thought that Harry and Hermione should be together."

" Oh not that again. " I point my finger at him with all my threatning defense for Harry Potter. " You Dork! It's because you haven't read the books even though I forced it into your hands so many times. And Ginny deserves Harry okay! And Hermione and Ron, they absolutely deserve each other. Stop being so condescending. The movies are not fair to some characters. And I don't care because in the end Ginny is with Harry and you called her Ginny. So shut up. "

He backs up immediately. His eyes wide. " Okay. I...I am sorry. I will call you Ginny right now. How about that? "

" Don't you dare! " I wave my finger again and he jumps back literally five feet away from me.

" God you are scary. " He keeps his hand on his chest.

" What did you just say? "

" Nothing " he flaps his hand at me. " You can continue. "

" Yeah I would do that. Because, because of your dorkiness I thought that I was absolutely foolish to even think that you would ever like me like that. "

His mouth sets in a straight line. Then into a sad smile. " I am sorry. But wait.." his eyes turn wide. " Think like that...think like what? "

" You stupid idiotic fool. " I take out the bracelet from my hands and throw it at him.

He looks baffled. And catches it.

" That I liked you . I liked you okay. What is the other reason that I stared at your hair like a crazy person when you were sitting in front of me in classes for God's sake. And how do I know absolutely know when you enter in a room just by your smell. And yes you smell like woodpines and chocolate and cardamom and something else. How is that possible? "

He looks at me with eyes like dinner plates. Like someone has told him that his existence is a lie.

This time. He clears his throat. For a long minute he continues doing that. " I didn't know you recognised my scent. " He barely says it, it's more like a whisper like he is standing in cave and saying it from the other side. He gulps, veins popping on his neck. " Do you know that you smell like cinnamon and lemon. And like that breeze when it rains. "

And it's my turn to stare at him.

We both don't say anything. And look everywhere but at each other and when our eyes can't help but meet....

" How did this happen Kiyansh? How come we both never told each other. I..I thought we both told each other everything. How both of us never talked about it? "

" You remember 9th grade? " He chokes out. Still looking at the floor. " We were supposed to do the play Romeo and Juliet. And I participated and learned every line because I heard that you were going to be in the play and I didn't want anyone else to be Romeo if you were going to be Juliet. I had thought that I would gather all my courage to tell you after the play that I ...that I loved you and not like just best friend. And then you....you said how can the teacher even ask us to kiss eachother. And you said you would kiss anyone else but me. I realised, you could not feel that way about us and I didn't want to spoil our friendship because I ...I couldn't even imagine to be without you or for things to be awkward between us so I took what I got. And I thought I would force myself to look somewhere else then. Because Shanvi ...some times my control slipped. And I barely stopped myself. So I asked the first girl that seemed interested in me. And I dated her which was a disaster. Why did you say that you would kiss anyone but me? "

" Kiyansh." I cry out. " I....I did not say it like that. Actually I didn't say that at all. I was asking you. "

" What? " Kiyansh looks at me as if he can't understand a word.

" Okay. " I take a deep breath. " I was nervous and baffled because I had to kiss you. I mean...not because I didn't want to" A wave of fire came on my face. "But...but because I really wanted to and I wanted to know how you felt about the kiss thing and so I asked you by feigning that it was the biggest Joke. And you agreed you said, I will quote you ' it's funny the teacher wants us to kiss. ' I look at him pointingly. " That's why I said that I will kiss anyone but you to make it less mortifying. So that you won't think that I was anymore interested in kissing you than you were in me."

Kiyansh shakes his head and groans.
" What the hell were we playing at Shanvi. I thought....that you didn't. " He opens his mouth. Then puts his hands on his face. And groans again.

" Hey" I say softly. And reach out to him. I clasp his hands and remove it away from his face. He wraps his hands around mine, intertwining our fingers. A rush of warmth flows straight from my hand to my toes like a living butterfly. A sigh heaves from my mouth. " What happened, happened. Because of it we are here. Okay? "

Kiyansh stares at me then one of his hands leaves mine and he so tentatively, so slowly touches my face. That it hurts deep in my gut. His fingers are like living flowers on my lips. And all the life of me is suddenly there where his fingers are, on my lips, on my hair, on my cheeks, on my nose. " You do know that you have a really straight long nose right, it looks adorable. " He touches my nose and I glare at him.

" You are so touchy. " He smiles.

I put my hands on his. " How about I tell you a truth? "

His hands still on my face. " Did you lie to me about something? "

" Yes I did. " I try to smile at him but fail when I see how seriously he is looking at me. Before he thinks of something worse, I blabber. " I lied that you weren't my first kiss. You were. That day after the play you were gloating around me that I was your first kiss. And then I saw you with Amaira. "

He opens his mouth. But I barrage. " I now know why. But I was hurt. That just after kissing me, even for a play, god this sounds so stupid. You were with other girl. I thought that...I thought that our kiss was so bad. That you just....that you decided you didn't want to do anything with me and decided to date her. So I lied when you started to irritate me again about the kiss because I was jealous and angry. And we had our first real fight because you thought that I kissed some guy in London on vacation and I was telling you on that day. " I close my eyes.

After a long moment I hear him sigh. A finger silently brushing my lips. And I shudder. " I don't know if I should be happy or angry. And that was the best kiss of my life. I wanted to grab you in the middle of the stage. It was my dream kiss Shanvi. Do you know how many times since we were kids I dreamed about kissing you. And even though our first kiss was just a touch of my lips on yours, I touched my lips for days. And if we are on this being honest arena, I will tell you a truth."

I blush. I want to tell him me too. But the last line gets me. I open my eyes.

His brown chocolate eyes are somewhat bewildered when he says. " I told every guy in our class." He gulps. "I blackmailed every guy in our class to stay away from you. Except that douchebag Nishkarsh didn't listen. " He scowls at the last sentence..

" What the hell!! " I swat away his fingers. " Excuse me Kiyansh Singhania! You are done for! I am telling you, you're done for. "

" Hey! I am not the only one who lied. We are even. " He tries to blackmail me and grin at me at the same time.

" Oh no, no, no. Don't go there. That is absolutely different! You, you asked, you blackmailed every guy in our class to stay away from me. "

" So what " he is mortified enough to look somewhat ashamed but it's just somewhat. " They were all douchebags."

I scoff. " Oh except for you!?"

" Hey! I am different, you know for you I am different. "

I shake my head at him my eyes narrowing on their own accord. " I thought no one liked me. And I had to shamefully wait for days thinking that no one was interested enough in me to ask for that Rodeo Gala. While you were stuffing your face with that Amaira. Do you even had any ounce of shame left? How could you see me like that? Letting me think that no one liked me. "

" Believe me you were better without them. " He says with so much confidence that it's like a business deal he is talking about and he exactly knows how to convince the client.

" Oh! This is absolutely ridiculous. If you cared that much about me you could have asked me. "

" I could have. I would have. But those days the urge to ....the urge to kiss you was more than... And I didn't think I could have handle myself if you went as my date all dressed up. Specially where most people sneak out with their partners out in the middle of dance to make out. "

My whole face turns red. I feel the blush form on my face like an evil traitor. He looks up at me and I guess a similar red flips up on his face.

He clears his throat. " So we both made mistakes. We both were clearly idiots. But I just want to ask one thing. Why all of a sudden you decided to go to London for college. I mean you didn't tell me when you filled up the form and our parents definitely thought that we were going to the same college. I definitely thought that we would go to the same college and all of a sudden London? And how did that crackhead Nishkarsh landed up there? " A wave of sadness passes up on his face.

And I feel my gut fill with dread. I have hurt him. We both unknowingly hurt each other so much. We can make this better. We are going to make this better. We just have to be honest with eachother.

" Okay. I...I know I hurt you even at that time when I was going to London. But all those years with you. Loving you and everywhere it was you. I thought that....maybe if I stayed away from you. I would...I would be able to get over you. Because ofcourse I never wanted to spoil our friendship and we were drifting apart because you were with girls all the time. " My throat gets clogged up. A painful wave of memories. " You were with girls and I couldn't handle it. I wanted to do something really really bad when I saw you holding there hands or even being in their vicinity. "

His visage turns all painful. I clasp his hand tightly. " I know it's difficult but it's good that we are talking about this. I feel so relieved that I can say this out loud. " He squeezes my hand and nods his head for me continue.

" So I filled up the application for King's College. And I didn't tell you because I couldn't be near you. I wanted to get away. I needed to. And believe me it was torturous and horrible. I felt so alone. " A memory of a single bedroom apartment and stacks of books on the tables and me missing him with physical pain plays inside my head. " I wanted to leave London. " I gulp. " I felt like video calling you all the time or worse just leave London and come to India. But then whenever I video called you I remembered why I left in the first place. So I forced myself. And it was surprise, complete surprise I won't lie to you that Nishkarsh was there. I didn't know he was going to be until he came in the fall semester. But yeah he knew, he knew that I loved you and one day when I told him that I was finally thinking to leave London. He told me that I was an idiot and that's what I kept doing wrong. Depending on you. He said that I should be involved with other guys. That was the only way to move on. And he told me that he liked me. Since school. So....so I gave him a chance. I thought if I can't get someone I love since so long maybe atleast I can give someone else that. I was wrong obviously. I was so.. so wrong " I whisper.

Kiyansh jaws clenches so hard it looks as if he would straight away bite his own tounge. " That Fucker. " He says in a voice like a cadaver. " I will kill him. I will him asunder him to pieces and I will feed him to animals. " He grits his teeth so hard I fear he is going to break them. His hands painfully tight on mine. " That fucker. " He says in such an ineluctable tone that I know he is not joking and he will definitely, definitely do that if Nishkarsh ever crossed his path or worse my eyes widen.

" Kiyansh. Kiyansh" I force him to look towards me. His face filled with exemplar temperament. Fear recoils in my gut. " You are not going to do anything. Promise me. "

Kiyansh shakes his head. " That shitbag tried to touch on your birthday you made me promise that I don't do anything to him. That fucker had a plan. Ofcourse that bastard. He knew I loved you. He knew you loved me, he knew you were mine, he knew and even then and that bastard touched you and you are telling me you were with him because you thought that he needed you. Because that fucker manipulated you. " Kiyansh said with venom in his voice. Voice that could kill. " I am going to kill him. I swear. "

" Shut up Kiyansh. Shut up. You're not going to do anything. "

" Ofcourse I am " he cursed again.

" Kiyansh No. "

" Shanvi I listen to everything you say. Even on that fucking day you didn't let me do anything. Not again. "

" Oh really? " My voice pitches high. " You didn't do anything? You punched him so hard he fell on the floor splithead. You would have killed him if I didn't stop you that day. And ....and I am not yours. I am not a thing!!! "

" You are" he says in a dead serious tone and angers boil up inside my head. " You are mine. And don't you dare think Shanvi" he says with lethal calm in his tone. " Don't you dare think that I wouldn't do it again if that fucker even tries to ever come near you again. "

" What do you mean? Are you crazy? " My breaths falls in heavy staccato.

" You just answer me one thing. And don't you dare lie to me Shanvi. That day at your birthday did he hit you because of me. "

I flinch. All my body freezes up and goes to that dark place. A stone gets stuck inside my throat. And I choke.

Kiyansh flinches too. I don't need to answer him. A wave of pain falls on his face. " I am sorry. " He whispers. " I am so sorry. " He whispers again .

I stop him with my hands. Air. I need air. I get up and look right and left.

Kiyansh gets up too. He softly speaks up my name. " Shanvi. "

I shudder.

" Baby please. " His voice is filled with so much pain that my eyes instantly move towards his. " Come here. " He whispers.

I shake my head. Tears falling on my face.

" Please" his voice cracks. And I throw myself at him. And he picks me up midstream, picking me up on his arms. My legs get wrapped around his waist. For moments we just stay wrapped in each other, then the realisation of how impossibly close we are gets in my head. A wave of hot fire passes inside my body and my chest feels tight. I feel his hard length pushing up on his trousers and a gasp falls out of my mouth. My nipples tighten through the soft fabric of my dress touching his rugged chest.

He shudders under me. " I.... I am letting you get down. " He says with impeccable calm tone for a stranger but I can hear the unwavering desire in his words. Then without a word, he unwraps my leg from his waist. His hot callouses fingers burning me with his touch. He puts me on the floor. His whole face red. " I am sorry. It.. it just happened. We were on a serious topic. "

I shake my head and move towards him. He backs up as if I am burning. " You are drunk.....not now. "

I cringe. He hates alcohol. Ofcourse he will not touch me when I am drunk.

"I don't want our first time to be when you are drunk. " He looks at me straight in the eye. " And we were talking about something. " His eyes turns soft. " I know it's difficult to talk about and you want to run away from the topic but it's me Shanvi. "

" That's what scares me " I shake my head. " Last time you split open his head. I don't want you to do anything with him Kiyansh. He doesn't deserve you, he doesn't deserve us. Promise me. Promise me you won't do anything. You do that , I will tell you everything. "

His jaw hardens, like he is swallowing something painful. " Okay. I promise not to kill him. "

I take a heap of breath " Let's sit up first" He nods and settles himself beside me. " So what happened is...."

Good God Gracious! This was fun.
Pat on our shoulders !!!! Like always I want to thank my crazy beautiful family for handling me in my crazy times. And making everything magical. ❤️

This and all the chapters are dedicated to them😘

Guys, if I get 4 reviews by tomorrow, I am going to update two chapters in a day. So it's up to you now huh?😜