I run away. I see myself slapping him. What was I suppose to feel? Anger? It's not there. It's disgust. Pure dure disgust at myself.

My head feels like a buzzing land, I only do the one thing that I feel like I can do at that moment. I go to my room and lock myself in. And then I throw up. I continously, shamelessly throw up all over the floor. I run to the bathroom and throw up again until I feel like I would choke on my own breath. I force myself to get up from the bathtub as I exhale, inhale sharply. My brain whizzes like it's squeezing up my entire nervous system, beads of sweat falling down my forehead, I stare at myself in the mirror. And a stranger stares at me with red racoon eyes, strands of hair falling in every direction.

The bedroom door shudders with loud incessant banging. I shake myself, and with fiddling steps cautiously walk out of the bathroom.

"Shanvi baby open the door." His voice cracks through the door like a faint breeze. "Please Shanvi....please." Another bang.

My body contorts like his voice is touching me, grabbing like a fist.

Just like when we were at school and I was going to biology lab for our submission of annual files.

I was standing in the queue with our friend Jessy. When he came to me with an utterly devastated face. I looked at him once and I knew something was really really wrong. I saw the teacher sitting at the teacher's table and shouting at a classmate with that angry face. I motioned Kiyasnh with my left hand towards the chemistry lab. He nodded once. And with good luck I found a way out the checking queue and with pleading eyes towards Jessy to handle if anyone asks where we are, I left the lab from the back door. Kiyansh followed soon. My heart was beating in fast staccato realising anyone could barge in any moment. So I took his hands and dragged him towards the back room of the lab which was filled with old bottles of chemicals and inventory. "What happened?" I asked him after I checked no one was in the room and locked it from inside.

"I lost my Biology File." He groaned.

"What? How? I drew 63 diagrams on it Kiyansh. Ughhhh." I whisper yelled at him.

"I know I am sorry. I was in the football practice and I was just bragging with the guys how you drew all the diagrams for me and they were never going to have someone like that, and then the coach called and in hurry I forgot it at the bleachers. In the middle of the practice I remembered but it wasn't there when I ran to check. "

I rolled my eyes at him. "You and your stupid bragging. Nandal sir is at your head and he warned you about the practicals day before. And it was when he found out WHEN YOU WERE BRAGGING ABOUT HOW STUPID AND UNPRACTICAL THESE EXPERIMENTS ARE!!"

"Will you stop throwing daggers at me what I am gonna do?" He said with those wide brown eyes. And everything, everything for me ceased to exist accept for those brown eyes.

So I did the only thing I could do. "Okay here's the thing. I am going to tear the introduction and acknowledgement part off. And you're going to Nandal Sir and show him my file. And I will say I lost mine. Atleast he will believe me. How about that? "

"No." He said with that resolute thunder voice of his.

"What? Yes you are."

"No Shanvi. I am not. You have worked hard for this and I am not gonna take that from you. So you go and show him what a rocker you are. And I will tell him the truth. Come on let's go before anyone comes in and thinks that we are making out in the middle of annual lab submission." He grinned up at me. And at that moment I realised no matter how much I tried I was bound to him. My heart, my sanity it glittered with just his one grin.

And I grinned back at him. And when together we sneaked into the class again and Nandal sir asked for my practical. I told him I lost it. Kiyansh's eyes were wide and he opened his mouth to object. And I told sir that we both lost our practical files in the football field.

The teacher looked at me with doubtful eyes because he knew Kiyansh and I was best friend but he also knew that I was with Kiyansh most of the time and I was the best student in the class. And that day we walked out of the class laughing and swearing at each other. And in the two days time we got. I made 63 diagrams in his practical file again. While he was grinning up at me and bragging in the classroom again. But this time his file tugged inside my bag.

And without a moment I yank the bedroom door open. He looks up at me, his face drenched in tears . He looks so sad, that my chest aches like someone is mowing with a machine over it. And then to my dreadful horror he starts bawling, bawling like a kid. I have never never seen him cry like that. Not even when.... I shake that thought away from me, now is not the time. This time it's because of me and my gut twists with that thought as I wrench myself away from the door and without a second thought, I jump at him. I yank his arms towards me and I hug him. I hug with my everything.

And he shakes under me as I shake under him. We are like two boulders holding the mountain together. The mountain of life for me. And the storm it just passes away, bit by bit, I am hoping it passes away as we hold onto each other. For minutes we just stand and cry and hold and just hold each other. With every bit of cry. With every bit of pain. And love. I love him and I realise I don't care if he thinks I am dumb or submissive or whatever. I just can't ever see him cry like this. And I ....I can never for the life of me hit him again.

I shudder with dread thinking about the way I slapped him. And he wraps his arm tightly around me as if he knows. He knows, always knows.

"I am so sorry." I whisper the words like broken shards of glass.

He shakes in my arm again.

Tears splatter on my face. I have hurt him. I don't deserve him. I.... How can I ever slap my best friend. I never hurt him. I am supposed to always protect him.

I try to back away from him but his arms bind me so tight around him that I can't even feel myself move. "No. No. No. Don't go away. Don't, don't say sorry. I deserved that. But please don't don't ever go away from me. I can't take that. You want to slap me. Slap me. Just.....just don't go away. "

"No Kiyansh" I say into his chest, and into his thumping heartbeat. I just know that this time it's not just me who is baring my soul. "I shouldn't have slapped you. I can't ever ever hurt you physically or emotionally. And....and" the words are so hard to say, they stick like pebbles in my throat. "And.....no matter if you think I am dumb or if you love her." I choke the words out. " I will....you will always be my best friend. And I will always...."

Before I could say anything more he stops me mid-sentence by putting his fingers on my lips. He shakes up my whole world when he puts his forehead on mine and whispers, "I LOVE YOU."

I still. My breath stops. My whole world stops. And I am swirled around in some other dimension. And this time when I pull back he lets me, but he still holds me at arm's length gripping my arms tight as if I would run away.

And I look into his eyes and I disintegrate.

His eyes suddenly lite up like the chocolate factory I know. But the red remains, making it look like the shade of Dahila rusty petals. Even when he's in pain, he is the most beautiful person in the world. He holds onto me as he takes a shuddering breath, looking at me as if he is frightened. And it unnerves me, because the Kiyansh I know is never frightened.

"I love you." He gulps. "And loved you for so many years Shanvi. I...." he closes his eyes as if he is collecting his strength or praying to God. "I love you so much it hurts." He takes a deep breath. "I....I have craved every second of my life for you. Since the...since the first time I saw you in that pink dress covered in mud. And I
.... Even when I didn't know the word love. I have loved you. "

I open my mouth to say I don't know what he is talking about, but it's as if he knows what I am thinking. He opens his eyes and shakes his head. "Let me. Let me say this. For god's sake." He curses.
"I definitely didn't want to say this when you were drunk" His eyes gets incensed, like the burning kind which moves through people like waves and staggers their foot. The eyes that make people think ten times before they talk to him. "I definitely didn't want to say this when you were drunk." He repeats. "But I love you. And I know I am just your best friend and you don't think about me like that. But it scared the shit out of me whenever anyone even tried to name us as siblings. Do you know why every Rakshabandhan I said I had to go to my relatives and I couldn't be there for you even when you were sad for not having a brother to tie the band on. I was shit scared that maybe one day you would ask me to tie the band on and I would become your brother." He says with a shudder. "And that is the reason that for years, I ignored you on that day. Tieing the band myself on my own hands just so I could show you that there was some sister of mine who was waiting for me on Rakshabandhan.

"I even made my parents lie Shanvi." He looks at me. "I was so whipped on you." He shakes his head. "I am so whipped on you that I would do it again and again if I have to."

I stand frozen as he says, "I... I saw your blue eyes and I thought of ocean. You know I didn't even know I loved ocean until it reminded me of your eyes. When you were in London I ..." He gulped as if in pain. The veins in his neck popping up and down like my heartbeat. "I used to go to beaches for weeks, the Sri Lanka trip, the Bali trip, I took it up because I was missing you so much and you were away in London and I couldn't find anymore reasons to visit you. And you were there with your goddamn boyfriend Nishkarsh, and I hated seeing you with him." His veins pop, pop, pop. "I wanted to tear him apart for even being near you. And I...I couldn't do anything about it because you looked so extremely happy. "

I shake my head and tears splatter on my face. Unstoppable tears. My heart aches but this time it's like something has lifted from it. Something rotting and burning which was sitting on top of it for years, something that burned my chest every time I tried to breathe.

And now it's aching but it's like those cool winds are passing over it, it's his smell of chocolates and woodpines and cardamom and something extremely him. And I don't stop him because I want it to stop burning. It can hurt, I know it's always going to hurt to love him so much. But I just want it to stop burning.

"And I forced myself, told myself I will get over you." He says looking down at me shaking his head, as another set of tears rolls down on his cheek.

I wanted to reach out and touch the pearls, but I was so scared that maybe it was going to vanish, maybe it would all be just a dream, that I didn't dare to. "But I couldn't Shanvi." He says, "I tried I promise. But I didn't." He exhales a long breath. "Do you know I didn't even felt any single amount of dread when I found out she was cheating on me?"

I flinched. I don't want to talk about her. I don't want to talk about her. I wanted to say. But I knew I couldn't take it anymore if there was going to be any more secrets between us.

"Shanvi," he says voice pained. "Please listen to me. I didn't even feel any amount of dread because I was already cheating on her."

My face whips up to him. My heart dismounts when it hears his next words. "I was already cheating on her because everytime I looked at you. I realised that I felt nothing for her. Everytime you were in a room I couldn't look away. And she knew. It was not just her fault maybe, she knew. And when one day she asked I couldn't deny it. I didn't. She tried to stick to me. I pushed her back. And it killed me every time you came home. To see you in front of my eyes. To love you and not being able to tell you. To touch you but not really touch you. You you were so scared when you broke up with him and said that you weren't going to be ever involved with someone, I thought I would wait. I thought maybe one day, you were going to realise that I was always there in front of you. I was so ridiculous that I was ready to be with you for life even when I got to to do it by being near you as your best friend.

"And then that happened, she did that. And I got a reason. I planned everything like a crazy person. I knew I was doing it wrong, maybe I should have told you the truth but I....I just couldn't stay away, couldn't take the risk. And I knew that you were only going to say yes if it came to me. To really me. And you did and I was so happy. I am so happy even if you don't love me. And I know it's so pathetic to say it like that. But nothing can make me more happier than that."

I try to take a step away and his head bend down as he leaves my arm. "I understand." He whispers. "I understand if you don't want to do anything with me. I just-"

"I am not going anywhere. Just let me. Let me sit." I manage as his desperately move over my face as if to check I am telling him the truth. I am angry at him, and I am sad. But all of this, we need to talk.

He loves you. A voice says inside of me. Oh god, he loves you. What did we do to ourselves?

Whatever he sees on my face, he nods his head carefully. Softly his arms come back on mine as he steers us towards his bedroom. "No. I can't go in there. Not yet."

He nods his head and takes us towards the room which I stayed in. He opens the door carefully and waves his arm, as automatic lights fills up the room giving it a flourescent glow, making his hair look almost golden, his eyes naples gold and his lips so pink and fluff as if he was biting on it for a long time. The way he stood was too careful as if he was preparing himself for a blow, yet he whispered his eyes carefully gauging my reaction, "This is my favourite room."

I gulped and didn't reply. My throat felt too dry, my lips chapped. I sat on the floor not trusting myself with bed. He tentatively looked at me as he sat in front of me. His hands still holding mine like an anchor to a boat. His posture soft and vulnerable.

My heart clenched, as I realised he was looking like a younger version of himself. Not the hardened jaw Kiyansh, but the soft teenager who looked up at me after he made every goal in the football field.

He cleared his throat. "You heard it wrong."

"What?"

"What you heard today, you heard it wrong."

My brows cinched.

"How can you ever think I will call you all those things?" He asked in a soft sad voice. "You are magic Shanvi. And god help me, you are not dumb or submissive. I mean it would have been a bit easy if you were.." he says suggestively wiggling his brows.

I smack his wrist.

"See that's what I am saying." He says smiling a bit, but then his expression changes as he takes a deep breath. "What you heard was, her assuming that I married to you because you were such and such. It was her words.

He smiles sardonically. "You missed the, you think part I was saying to her. You think that I married to her... because... "

"You think I married her because she is dumb, because she is submissive? Because she was just available, and she doesn't nag me or ask me questions or ask me questions like you do." I complete his sentence in a brittle voice. "You were also saying then you are.....Oh my god." I gasp. "Oh my god Kiyansh. Oh my god. You were, you were defending me and I ........" I look up at him and he is smiling a sad smile.

I yank my hand away from the space between us. "I... I slapped you." I say in horror. "And here I was making you the villian and I am. I am....."

"Hey. Hey. Hey. No. Shanvi. Shanvi." He takes my hand and places it gently between us. "I can take a slap from you." I shake my head. "Look at me." He grasps my chin and makes me look at him. "I can take a slap from you" he repeats, "But I can't take that look from you like you hate me. I can't see you drinking because of me."

"No. Kiyansh" I breathe and I choke on my own words. And then I start bawling, "I shouldn't have. I am supposed to protect you. You are my best friend. And ..."

"And husband," he interrupts in a gentle tone. "I really like that word by the way." He smiles like a blooming garden in a barren field. Dimples plops on his face when he says "And you are my wife, and my best friend. And we are supposed to tell each other stuff and we will get there, I promise." And then he smiles. "And let me inform you my darling, my pancakes and your Papa's chocolate cake has made you really powerful considering the fact that you slap real hard. I am proud of you."

My mouth wide opens. "Are you crazy? "

"I am crazy about you." He winks. He looks so damn beautiful that if I capture his face and click a picture I am sure thousand of billboards would fight for that smile. "And I have a complaint." He says.grimacing, "From which angle do you think you are dumb considering the fact that you are one of the most brilliant director of this era. And submissive?" He pretends to think for a moment then huffs "Hell no woman! I ain't gotta a submissive woman, she asks me questions and irritates the hell out of me. Sometimes I think that she would bite mah head off ya mate" He enacts in that Kanye West voice and a bubble of snort laughter erupts out of me.

He points his finger at my nose and laughs "You just snorted." And that makes me snort again. And he laughs. Which makes me more laugh.

And then we are just there. Laughing. Laughing. And more laughing. And then I am thinking, he loves me. He loves me. He loves me.

His eyes turns serious. "And baby you were not available." He says shaking his head, "Considering the fact that I was in love with you since I was like four I shouldn't have let you go ever. But I did, I am sorry. And now you are stuck with me forever." And then he does the most childish thing ever he sticks his toung out at me. "And you ask a lots of questions. So I don't even know how you possibly believed anything you heard. "

And at that moment. At that very moment. I realise all of the things, everything he has ever said or ever done whenever I was there or not, he has done for me. And I had a lot of things to correct for. To take care of. And when I look up at him this time, I smile. I smile with the deepest part of my heart, I take a breath and I say. "I have a lot of things to tell you too."

Hello dear readers, this chapter was a magical one to right. And I still have so many things to write. I am so excited!!! Tell me if you liked it??

And if you want me to upload fast. I have a task for you. You are going to do that one thing that you have wanted to for a very long time and it scares the hell out of you. You do it and tell me in the comment or inbox and I promise I will right an additional chapter for you guys wink wink ;)

Love you guys❤️

And above all I want to thank my family for everything I am, I am everything because of them.