Tris' POV

The symptoms of pregnancy have hit me and they hit me hard. I've spent the past few mornings hunched over the toilet. Tobias always comes in and holds my hair and rubs my back. The nightmares still plague me. Vicious images of Peter beating me, of the day my child died. Tobias has been here all along. He's been so supportive this whole process.

Today Christina and I are planning the baby nursery. Tobias is visiting with Zeke and Uriah. We've been planning this nursery for a while. The walls will be gray, so it's gender neutral. I'm going to paint a white tree on one wall with green leaves. White furniture, and other decorations line the wall. The girls are insisting on throwing a baby shower for me, but I really don't like that kind of attention.

I am still trying to accept the reality that we are going to bring a life into this world. It worries me. I'm afraid that I will mess up at parenting, what if the kid doesn't like me? What if they get hurt? They tell me not to worry, that it's not good for me or the baby but the baby is the reason I'm worried. When it isn't the nightmares keeping me up at night it is these thoughts, that I won't be a good mother or that things will go wrong some how, they always do. Tobias to is always there to reassure me that we will do fine and that everything will turn out okay, sometimes it is just hard to believe that.

Tomorrow we all are taking a trip to the beach house that we own. We thought it would be nice to get away from everything for awhile as a group of friends. Looking at we all are more of our own family. Our own dysfunctional little family and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Tobias is back and we are going to have a movie night just the two (three) of us. He's making the popcorn while I pick the movie. I decide on the 1st Harry Potter movie. I loved the books when I was a child and still do. The movies are almost just as good.
Tobias comes in with the popcorn and sits down.
" What movie are we watching?" He asks me through a mouthful of popcorn.
"The first Harry Potter. And do not talk with your mouth full!" I reprimand.
"Ok, I'm sorry. How's bean?" He asks.
"I don't know a bean." I reply.
"That's what I'm calling the baby, we don't know if it is a he or she nor do we have a name so I gave it a temporary name. It's nicer than called it 'it' and easier than saying the baby 24/7." He explains.
Bean...I play with the way it sounds in my mind and I like it. It's kind of cute. We decide to just watch the whole series for the rest of the night. I think we went through at least 6 bowls of popcorn which can't be healthy. We go to bed at 4 or 5 that morning. We then wake a few hours later to get ready to leave for the beach.
-----------------------------------------------------
Hello lovelies!!
Im sorry that it has taken me this long to update but honestly, I had lost the passion for writing and still am trying to find it again. I thought you guys at least deserved an update... I'll be back soon with more, I promise!
Be brave and stay alive, my dears.
JanieGray