Typed On 14/10/2018- Finished Typing On 15/10/2018

Chapter 12-Nightmare

Tu safar mera (You're my journey, you're my destination)

Hai tu hi meri manzil (O my heart, it's hard to live without you)

Tere bina guzara

Ae dil hai mushkil

Tu mera khuda (You're my God, you're in every prayer of mine

Tu hi duaa mein shaamil

Tere bina guzara (O my heart, it's hard to live without you)

Ae dil hai mushkil

Mujhe aazmaati hai teri kami (Your absence is testing me)

Meri har kami ko hai tu laazmi ( You make everything in my life complete)

Junoon hai mera

Banoon main tere qaabil (It's my passion to become worthy of you.)

Tere bina guzaara (O my heart, it's hard to live without you.)

Ae Dil Hai Mushkil

Sad souls like sad songs. Aren't sad songs made for lovers? For lonely souls? Jaanvi wasn't—isn't a sad soul or a sad person in others point of view. But how would they know? They didn't experience what she did.

Sad songs were her go-to. Her everyday mood. She'd always listen to them. The depth of the lyrics, of the voice, the melody and the hidden reason behind the song being written—the visual picture—attracts her interest to them. Her father also noticed sad song lyrics in her notebook, thinking she's a little kid he never asked her about them.

Red flag number one was unnoticed by Ansh. Maybe—just maybe—if he ever questioned her, asked her the reason behind carrying a notebook with sad songs lyrics inside them, then her loneliness—her heart and soul—wouldn't be eating her alive.

It wouldn't be sucking her liveliness slowly like cancer.

Jaanvi has a separate notebook for songs, for her thoughts, for her anger, hate and love. Things that she didn't—still doesn't—have the guts to tell her father. Things she wants to look back at in future and cry in joy to see her progress.

"Stop this," She shrieks loudly unintentionally. Her voice was ignorant. Kiaan flicks her an anxious from the rear mirror, "Th-this song. S-stop it." She repeats, but this time clumsily. The song—the song she was obsessed with for over two whole years—was bringing back memories. Memories she tries every day to bury.

"What?" Dhruv asks turning his body to her, "Why?" He was enjoying the song in the long tensing silence.

His question irritates her even more. She requested something and they should gladly accept it without questioning her panic state. "Because I said so." She screams glaring at him. Her body was trembling as if she's losing blood-pressure. She feels suffocated, she felt trapped. In a box. Or worse, probably, a cage. With a leather lease around her neck.

"Hey," She hears Aditi's voice echoing in her ear. It bounces back—not a good sign considering her friend's sitting right beside her. Jaanvi looks to her left. She saw the concern in Aditi's eyes. "I-is it happening again?" Aditi asks with a shaky voice. Her fingers entwined into Jaanvi's. Aditi prays she's proven wrong.

It wasn't the song, it was the feeling she was getting—energy. The vibe it transfer to her. Everything was blacking out, her vision was disappearing. Aditi's face, the car, the roads, everything was starting to fade as if they were spirits she wasn't capable of seeing.

"I-it's c-crushing me," She cries holding the seat tightly to keep her body stable. To prevent her head from spinning. She was having a panic attack. "I-it's c-c-coming to-towards me, D-dad!" She screams shuffling and jumping around in the seat, her shaky—horrifyingly shaky hands—stretching out for her father.

Both Kiaan and Dhruv threw each other a terror-filled gaze. They weren't aware of how to react. Kiaan pulls the brakes resulting in all of them jerking forward. Jaanvi's head hits the seat and she winces.

Unfastening his seat belt he rushes out of the car and opens the backseats door to reach out to her. He leans in holding her in place firmly.

"W—what's wrong? W—who's crushing you? Jaanvi?" His voice was shaking. His palms were sweaty because of her burning body. Jaanvi was sweating, panting and moving around the seat trying to escape.

"What's wrong with her?" Dhruv asks Aditi who looked worried and freaked out.

Biting her lips she said, "I-i-it's her n-nightmare, s-she gets once a year sometimes. I-it something from her c-childhood." She quickly replies trying to hold Jaanvi in place who was crying.

"I-it'll fall! O-on me, dad, m-move it. M-m-m-move it!" She wails pushing Aditi and Kiaan's hand away from her body. The push was so strong and defensive that Kiaan falls on the floor.

Dhruv's brain finally starts adjusting itself to the scenario. He jumps out of the car and hands Aditi a water bottle hoping it'll help Jaanvi somehow.

"I—it'll kill me, i-it's c-coming cl-closer. D-dad! D-d-dad! Ahhhh" Her screams silenced everyone. The dogs barking far away—somewhere—failed to reach her piercing tone. Closing her eyes tightly wincing in pain she howls. Kiaan quickly got up from the dirty ground and runs his hand through his hair, he was never this petrified. He doesn't recall this happening to her before. Not in the fifteen years he lives close to her. He was sweating in stress to see her like this.

"Hey," He takes her hand and guides her out of the car with a gentle hand on her back. Jaanvi flinches and her legs raise to defend herself but he was quick. He moves to her side to block the kick and quickly pulls her out harshly because his carefulness would make no difference rather than waste time.

Her eyes were open but she is behaving like nobody was in front of her. She sees a huge ball-shaped white and black—something she can't describe till this date—was crushing her body down, even though nothing was on top of her she feels the unbearable pain. She feels her bones crumbling underneath the ball-like object.

"D-d-dad." She sobs holding Kiaan's hand tightly. She can't see him but the touch—gripping his hand—assures her she'll be rescued. She'll live. All she could see are weirdly shaped objects coming towards her.

Then she saw a fan. That fan.

"It's ok," Kiaan whispers pulling her into a warm hug. He figures she's inviting him to hold her. To support her so he does. She was about to push him away realising it's not her hero's voice but he abruptly tightens his hold on her back to keep her still. In position.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm here. Aditi and Dhruv both are here. You are safe, th—there's nothing that can harm you. Close your eyes, smell the fresh air, feel the cold breeze touching your face and your arms. Take a deep breath in. In and out." He recommends fondly and thoughtfully as if speaking to a child. He runs his hand up and down her back trying to calm her down.

"I-It's crush--"

He interrupts her. "Jaave" He mimicked her father. He's observed she keeps on repeating her father's name. He reckons that'll help.

"D-dad." She cries closing her eyes. "i-i-it's h-here." She sobs wrapping her arms tightly around Kiaan. Her hold was so tight and strong for a women like her. He could feel her hold burning and pushing his bones together.

They were too close. They've never been this close before.

"Sh, Jaave." He repeats getting an encouraging nod from Aditi when he makes eye-contact with her to silently ask, 'will this help?' One nod had him breathe out in satisfaction. Aditi wipes her tears away. "B-brth" He winces hating to mimic his father-in-law. It was utterly disrespectful according to him.

'Breathe' she follows her father's commanding voice. Closing her eyes she took a deep breathe in. He is right, she could feel the cold air, and she certainly can smell the fresh air. Opening her heavy eyes she notes it's someone else, not her father.

Unwrapping the hands from his body she pulls herself away from him and wipes her tears. Her red teary eyes were holding his gaze. She takes in the softness of his eyes, they weren't dark like before when he was angry but soothing to bore at.

"What was that?" Dhruv break the silence walking to Jaanvi who looks embarrassed. She flicks an alarming gaze at Aditi for help.

"Hh, it's getting late." Aditi speaks scratching her neck, "Let's go?" Her request sounds more like a question.

"No," Kiaan was back to his usual self. His voice was thunderous causing both the ladies to shudder in chill. "What was that?" He interrogates. Hard eyes on Jaanvi.

A few seconds before she felt thankful to him but hearing his words she felt anger. Can't he understand that she didn't want to talk about it? Didn't he understand that she was embarrassed and uncomfortable?

"I was possessed by a ghost. Happy?" Comes Jaanvi's sarcastic angry reply. She didn't feel the need to tell him anything related to her panic attack or behaviour. Only a few people know about this, her family and two friends, including Aditi.

Two friends. Now one. Only Aditi.

"Why do you have to be so rude and bitchy all the time?" His voice was cold, she felt his breath on her face once he stood in front of her, towering her body. "I need to know what was going on. I'm getting married to some psychopath, lord." He drags the last word painfully from his dry and scratchy throat.

Wrong word.

He used the wrong word and that is enough to trigger her.

"Then DON'T marry me. I'm not begging you to." Jaanvi's eyes gaze up at him. "You don't know how to talk to someone, do you? You don't know why I was behaving like that, you don't know the reason behind it yet you are calling me a psychopath? Kiaan?" She is beyond furious and offended by his choice of words.

He is making fun of me. Jaanvi hates this.

Sensing the tension between the two Aditi places her hands on Jaanvi's shoulder and squeezes,

"Kiaan please drop us to your farmhouse. It's getting very late." Her voice isn't as cheerful as always. It was tired. Aditi was afraid of Kiaan's anger and judging by Jaanvi's equally outrages body language she knew they both wouldn't stop arguing. He looks murderous to Aditi and her best friend looks foolish to irritate and play with a lion.

He hates Jaanvi's attitude. This was no way to thank or behave with someone who just saved her in his eyes. And she hates him for ordering her to confess something private to her.

"Right, let's go," Dhruv breaks the icy silence. Instead of sitting on the passenger seat, he chose the driver's seat. "I'm driving, you need to rest." He tells his brother who looks worn out.

He is beyond pissed to even argue further on. Nodding—eyes still slicing Jaanvi—he sits inside the car not before stepping closer to her to intimate her. Kid. Immature. She tells herself. Jaanvi thinks he thought this was funny. To randomly decrease the gap between them and stare her down like she's worthless. This isn't his intention but a silent way to say 'I'm still mad.' Aditi beside her draws Jaanvi back thinking both these adults would start pulling each other's hair.

"You know that you're wrong, right?" Comes Aditi's voice making Jaanvi look at her with a grim expression. "He'll be your husband soon. One day or another, you need to tell him. He needs to be prepared for this. Anyone will behave this way if you'll hide the truth."

"I'll tell him once he becomes my husband." She responds with chin high despite her throat bubbling on to rip a sob out of her. He'll call me mental. And it will hurt her broken heart.

The whole ride to their farmhouse Jaanvi sits in silence like others. The car journey was cold and unbearable. Aditi was rethinking of her decision to stay over at Jaanvi's house because she hates sitting in a car with three other people but have no one talking. Jaanvi feels all the emotions running down her body. Anger, embarrassment, frustration and confused burning her body temperature.

It's only been eight months since I last had the attack, how can I get it before twelve months? She thought closing her eyes, head on the window.

He is angry for sure but at the same time, he is worried too. Something is wrong with her. The whole scenario seems very strange to him.

He remembers how she behaved a few minutes ago. Jaanvi's eyes were open, yet she was acting as if she didn't see anyone. She was calling her dad every second. Her face was sweating. She was touching body as if it was getting crushed and her hand was the bandage or shield.

Somethings wrong. I need to find out what's wrong. Kiaan thought, turning around and saw her eyes closed.

Once they reached Aditi was about to wake Jaanvi when Kiaan stops her. "Let her sleep, if she wakes up she might not be able to sleep again. She's exhausted." His sympathetic eyes linger on her uncomfortable sleeping position.

"Then how will I—" Kiaan interrupts her by opening the door to Jaanvi's side. He quickly balances her head on his shoulder. He scoops her in his hand like a protective and fragile butterfly. Jaanvi automatically wraps her hands around his neck leaning closer to his chest. Dhruv hurriedly gets the house key and opens the door.

"Wow it's—" Dhruv cut Aditi off.

"Dirty." He mumbles feeling embarrassed. Their parents once came to India five years ago alone. He's not sure if they visited this place or not because the spider-webs, white clothes covering the furniture looks horrible. He wonders why they didn't put this place up for rent.

She chuckles mildly before saying, "It's beautiful. I like the paintings, vases and the colour of the walls. But it is dirty."

"We're coming here after so long," Dhruv smiles remembering the past. "Ten years. It's been ten whole years since we last saw his house." His voice was getting sentimental.

"Will you please open the goddamn door?" They turn from their chit-chat to find an infuriated Kiaan holding Jaanvi, struggling to open the bedroom door.

"Oh, yeah sorry." Aditi quickly mumbles, cheeks red. Running to the door she opens the door and runs to lift the while cloth from the bed. "Thank you, guys." She smiles appreciating their help once Jaanvi's curled up on the bed.

She does look miserable. As if she's been out fighting in world war.

"Life would have been so much easier if she was like you," Kiaan mutters rolling his eyes and wipes a cluster of sweat from his hairline. The whole time his eyes on his fiancé. Aditi gives him a puzzled look to which he adds, "Jaanvi. If she was like you, my life would be easy."

Aditi giggles before replying, "If you get to know her, I'm sure you'll love the Jaanvi she is and not the one she was." Her smile disappears saying the last few words. It was as if she remembers something.

Judging by the drastic change in her expressions both the brothers look at each other. "Why did she act like this?" Dhruv asks walking a bit closer to Aditi.

"All I can say is, she's scared of fans." Aditi's eyes stare up at the ceiling seeing a fan. "Not all fans. I-it's just, she had this f-fan in her room which was loose. Every time somebody would turn on the switch it'll shake. See, I know I'm not making sense because I don't know exactly what she feels or sees. It's her story to tell, not mine. All I can say is she sees things, fans, clowns, darkness. It just really scares her." She finishes nervously biting her lips.

She was hiding something, and the brothers knew it. "Why was she calling for uncle only?" Kiaan questions. He wants to know every single small detail so he can help her in future.

"Because he's the only person she loves. The only one she trusts with her life. Whenever we're worried, scared or panicking we often want that one person by your side." She sadly smiles looking at Jaanvi, "For her it's uncle."

Married My Enemy

Edited On – 29/04/2020 (4:37 p.m.)

Ps; this phobia/nightmare thing is real. Someone I know gets it and so do I. I did not just make it up. I'm sorry if you couldn't understand what I wrote about her phobia.